Platonic (13 page)

“We should—” he begins to say, only for the guy at the bar—he doesn’t even know his name—to call out to him again, this time holding up both the pink drink and something that looks far too blue to taste like anything but food dye.

“Hang on,” he yells, waving him away and grabbing Daniel’s hand by the wrist before it falls. He navigates a path out of the celebration, leading Daniel out the back through an open double door and into the muffled quiet of an empty courtyard. “There,” he says, dropping Daniel’s hand. “Now we can say hello properly.”

Daniel stares back as Mark looks him up and down, head to toe, still smiling. He reaches out to pet the arm of Daniel’s blazer because it looks so soft. He knows this might be out of line if he were sober, but he’s not, and Daniel doesn’t even flinch. The fabric is soft, almost like suede.

Without really thinking about it, he lets his hand encircle Daniel’s wrist and squeeze. He slips his hand down and their fingers interlace as he takes another gulp of his drink. He’s completely out of line, but Patrick would be so damned pleased with him. “I really do want to catch up,” he says quickly. “Do you want to catch up?”

Daniel swallows, visibly. “Of course, but—”

Mark fishes in his pocket and pulls out his wallet, offering Daniel a business card.

“Not now, I have to—” he gesticulates toward the noise. “Email me, okay?” He stares, blinks slowly and says, “I miss you.”

His hand is still holding onto the business card, Daniel grasping the opposite corner in thumb and forefinger. Somehow Mark uses it to tug him in and press their lips together. Daniel is stunned, but he does not hesitate for a second to let Mark lean into his body and kiss his bottom lip. Then Daniel kisses him back. It’s so gentle and so incredibly sweet, just warmth and breath, the taste and smell and feel of something not so long forgotten.

The moment freezes and then jolts back to life as Mark realizes in a rush that Patrick
made
him do that and that he is drunk and has no idea what he is doing but whatever it is—
Daniel—
he doesn’t want to fuck it up. So he steps back hurriedly, choking on a laugh. “Sorry… wow. I didn’t mean that… I did.”
Fuck.
He rakes a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to mean it, I really do just want to catch up—”

“That’s good, because—”

“You’re probably very much taken.”

“I’m not.” There’s another stalled moment between them and then Daniel pushes on, “I’m just insanely busy right now with work. I’m kind of all over the place in more ways than one, but—” he takes a deep breath. “Yes, I would love to catch up. For old times’ sake. Just as friends—”

“I really didn’t mean to kiss you.”

“I know.”

“Muscle memory or something. That blazer.”

Daniel grins, pleased by the compliment, and Mark wonders if it’s one of his designs, but then Daniel waves the conversation to a close. His cheeks are just a little pink, and Mark doesn’t push for more.

“Okay,” Mark’s smile turns lopsided, self-deprecating, and he offers Daniel his hand. “It really was fantastic to run into you again.”

Daniel smiles and shakes his hand, squeezing tight.

“And you are gonna email me, right?”

Daniel continues to stare, and Mark can feel their palms sweating against each other because he can’t let go. He stares back at Daniel, his eyes imploring and hopeful.

Finally, Daniel says, “Yeah, of course.”

***

When Mark gets home he collapses on his bed fully clothed. It’s already the early hours of the morning and he has certainly had too much to drink; but more than that, he has given months of unending, unwavering dedication to that case. He falls asleep and doesn’t wake up until eight the next morning. He’ll be late for work, but no one will care.

He checks his emails before he’s even rolled out of bed and finds nothing of interest, suffering through the warm twist of his belly at the prospect of an email from Daniel and the pang of sadness when there isn’t one.

Between his morning shower and the wait for his coffee to brew he flicks through his last correspondence with Patrick, the one from months and months ago about Ben and Daniel.

He toys with the idea of emailing Patrick to tell him he met Daniel and then he realizes he’ll have to admit he kissed him and swipes his phone back to sleep.

***

An email from Daniel is in his inbox when he checks his computer just after lunch. It’s wedged between an email containing routine paperwork and another listing ongoing cases within his department. He doesn’t read Daniel’s email until he has time for coffee a few hours later, declining Emma’s offer to go out for Starbucks and staying in with a mug of the terrible office brew and his laptop instead.

Hi! How are you? It was so good to run into you! I wouldn’t even have been in that bar if it wasn’t for the weather, but I work best out of the office and I thought it looked like a fine day so I went to the park and then rain happened and I just dashed into the closest bar! What a coincidence!

I’m in fashion now, which I guess you know, designing mostly my own stuff, opening my own stores, working for other labels sometimes but much more invested in my own designs. It’s hard work but exhilarating. FIT was such a good fit for me. Art was too abstract, I just didn’t get it, which is funny, remembering how dedicated to that idea of myself I was. But anyway. Here I am. And you’re doing law! That was a bunch of lawyers, right? You’re at the D.A.’s office? You know that’s the very thing you said you didn’t want to do!

I’m trying to think of the things you will want to know and I have no idea what you do know and what we should do is catch up, but I suspect Rita has told you some stuff?

Has she mentioned Max? I have a dog called Max, he’s wonderful, I took him for a walk last night when I got home, all the way into Central Park—I live on the Upper West Side (what a dream!)—and then back and then failed at cooking and failed at sketching anything inspired. But it was a nice night. Made better by running into you!

I do want to catch up with you. It feels like it’s been forever. I guess it has.

Anyhow, how are you enjoying New York? What are your favorite places? What is work like? Are you enjoying it as much as you seemed to be last night?

There’s another page of questions in no logical order about New York and Mark’s work and little snippets hinting as to what Daniel’s life is like now. Then it’s every question imaginable about family and friends.

How are your parents? Been back to Illinois lately? I know you used to have dinner every week with Rita, is that still a thing you’re doing? She hasn’t mentioned it for a while but I know you were hanging out a lot when you first arrived in the city. Did you hear about Leah’s second wedding? And what about Jeff? I’ve heard a few of the rumors! What do you know?

It’s a two-page, rambling, jumbled email; and it leaves Mark sitting there with cold coffee and the biggest grin on his face. Daniel is happy and settled and absolutely, clearly wants to meet, despite how drunk Mark was last night.

The email doesn’t mention their past; just little throwbacks to what Daniel was like, a couple of lines that reference teenaged Mark, but no talk of
them
and that’s definitely for the best. Mark doesn’t want anything more than to catch up with his best friend from high school. It doesn’t have to be complicated, and ignoring their past relationship and the breakup will make things easy.

It was good to see you,Daniel.

Mark starts to write a response, but is interrupted by one of the new interns with case questions and then distracted by Emma with real work and new depositions. He ends up staying well after everyone else has left, even though today is one of the few days in his many months at the D.A.’s office when he could easily have packed up and gone. He settles at his desk, this time with a real coffee, and types out all his answers and just as many questions of his own—resulting in four pages of text that he thinks about editing down and then doesn’t. He throws caution to the wind and sends it straight on to Daniel without thinking too much. He signs off easily, honestly, and hopes Daniel will email him back straightaway.

It was good to see you, too,Mark.

***

And so it goes. They email daily. Daniel finds out all about Mark’s job at the D.A.’s office and his steady and impressive rise in the estimations of his coworkers, the insane hours he’s working and the big case he got the credit for breaking open (hence the celebration). Mark learns all the details of Daniel’s schism from art for the sake of art and his transfer to FIT. He learns about his semester in Italy and his first job working as a designer in a small fashion house.

He also finds out that when several choice celebrities took a liking to a few of Daniel’s pieces, his whole world changed and suddenly he was in demand and designing what he liked and starting his own clothing line. Daniel now has two stores in Manhattan and more money than he thought possible. He has made
Page Six
twice, both times in connection with Rita, but it’s still pretty cool.

Mark realizes that they have really missed each other; for almost a decade, they missed these easy conversations, the mutual respect and attention, and when he hints at this Daniel seems to agree.

They keep talking about meeting for a proper drink, but the emailing is too easy. Mark spends two weeks in Toronto for work, and then Daniel has a show to plan. They exchange numbers and start texting and plan a half-dozen almost-meetings.

I’m in a bar waiting for Liv on the corner of 20th and Park. Come by if you’re close.

Mark gets the text just before he goes back into the courtroom and quickly types a reply.

Would love to but have court for another four hours.

A week after that, Mark sees his chance and doesn’t care so much that he sounds desperate:

I can be anywhere south of 40th for a coffee in the next three hours. Just tell me where.

The response he gets makes him grin even if it is a no.

Can’t. Tilda Martin’s second cousin wants me to design her a custom party dress by tonight.

Even Mark knows who Tilda Martin is: the Hollywood sweetheart who is slowly turning more punk rock and rebellious but is still able to guarantee box office success. He messages back asking if Daniel is serious and laughs out loud at his response.

Absolutely! Today Tilda Martin’s second cousin, tomorrow the president and queens and maybe even Tilda Martin herself!

***

Daniel finally asks Mark about Ben, but doesn’t push when Mark sends an email that is too short and probably sounds sad and lonely. This does give Mark the perfect opportunity to follow up with the conversation a few days later and nonchalantly ask Daniel about his last romance.

Daniel’s response rambles for several paragraphs about other things: his day at work, Max, Rita’s latest book dramas, and then he asks:

Would you judge me terribly if I told you I’ve been pretty casual with sex for the last however many years? There hasn’t really been anything serious. There hasn’t even been anything not-serious for several months. Work is… work.

He signs off after this and Mark ponders the potential discussion to follow, rationalizes that Daniel is now his friend, his good friend again already, and talking about these kinds of things makes a lot of sense. He also checks himself, tries to sense jealousy, arousal, anything, and can’t. Curiosity more than anything makes him keep going.

Oh, “work is work” I get! No room for anything serious, I have no idea how Ben and I would have coped with him doing almost nothing here in New York and me working sixteen-hour days. Another reason ending that was for the best. But casual I also get.

Then he spills the story about Patrick, about how he was an instructor, kind of a professor, and complicated; how Patrick wouldn’t date him but was happy to fuck him and be his friend. Mark knows how good Patrick was for him and tries to explain to Daniel how much he changed during study for his law degree—and how much of that was catalyzed by the casual sex he had with Patrick. All he’d wanted was love and romance and Patrick was too good at everything except that to say no to. It’s a good story, he realizes, even devoid of all the intimate sexual details and the way Patrick would often make it about Daniel; it still describes a lot about how he matured.

After Ben it’s just been a couple of casual things. Friends more than anything. I still don’t quite get the one-night stand thing.

When Daniel emails back he writes a much longer response, delving into their relationship more than he ever has, but still so analytically, as though it isn’t really about them.

I still think true love is out there and I’m sure it involves very good sex but Jesus Christ do I not have time for it. And good, no strings sex is better than no sex, right? I am so happy you get that. I wondered if you were still hung up on that idealized kind of love we had in high school.

Mark blinks and thinks on that longer than he usually would, taking a full day to type a long response that gets sidetracked when he explains a current office politics debacle. Then he tells Daniel all about his three ill-fated love affairs after high school.

I really am so happy like this, though.

In the next email that particular topic is dropped. Instead, Daniel sends him a dozen new blazer designs, all with tight waists, long torsos and broad shoulders, in bright colors to combat the current cold of winter.

***

Months after bumping into each other in October, and after the craziness of Christmas when Mark goes home but Daniel doesn’t, they finally manage to lock in a day to have coffee. They book it with each other a week in advance. Daniel carefully schedules a half-dozen important meetings around it and Mark writes the date and time in his diary in red pen and circles it vigorously.