Playing Dirty (A Bad Boy Sports Romance) (15 page)

The world was still as we lay there on the bed, his skin against mine. My heartbeat and our mingled breaths rasped in my ears, and only then did I finally close my eyes to savor the moment that I knew must end—in less than two days, I’d be back home on the other side of the world, and I had no idea when I’d ever feel such contentment again.

Jay seemed to know what I was thinking; perhaps he was thinking the same thing. “I wish you didn’t have to go back,” he murmured.

“Me too,” I whispered, too scared to say the three words I really wanted to tell him in this moment. I knew he cared deeply for me, but surely it was far too early for me to be declaring the L word to him.

I felt the warmth of his chest against mine, and comforted myself in the rhythmic rising and falling of his lungs. Nestling closer to him, I nuzzled my face into his neck and finally slipped into sleep.

***

When I woke up, I felt like crap. The sex last night had been a successful distraction from reality, but it had taken a long and exhausting amount of time, and Jay was up at six as per usual, needing to be at practice soon. He looked at me after he’d climbed out bed and gotten dressed.

“You want me to take you back to Lizzy’s so you can pack?”

I nodded. “Yes, please. I want to see her before I go, and I’d hate to be alone on my last day.”

Jay relaxed into a smile. “Like I’d let you be alone on your last day here,” he said. “Come on, after practice, I’m taking you out to the Peak District, while Lizzy has that class of hers. It’s beautiful there, it’s like…um,
Pride & Prejudice
.”

I laughed. The idea of a big beefy guy like Jay curled up in a chair with a Jane Austen book was too much, but I had to admit, the idea of exploring another park was appealing. After all, maybe I’d spent too much time in the city. Maybe what I really needed to get myself together was some fresh air.

I took a quick shower in Jay’s magnificent bathroom—it beat Lizzy’s by at least a mile—and then got dressed. As we climbed in his Mercedes, I strapped myself in and marveled at how far I’d come. The first time I’d ridden in Jay’s car, I’d been absolutely terrified. I didn’t even think I was going to survive. And now?

I had to laugh. I wasn’t exactly a pro, but I was no longer clinging onto the door handle every time I realized we were driving on the left. And that was progress, right?

“Whoa, there,” I heard Jay say, snapping me out of my thoughts. “What’s all this?”

As we pulled out of his parking lot, reporters and photographers mobbed the car. Instinctively, I reached down and pulled an atlas on the floor up to cover my face. Jay had to slam on the brakes so he wouldn’t hit any of the paparazzi, and I felt my stomach clench into knots.
Not now,
I thought desperately.
Not now. Any time but now, please
.

But for once, the reporters weren’t clamoring for stories about me, or any other girl. One of them was holding up a newspaper with a headline that read: ‘
Jay Walsh on Drugs
!’ with a blurry photo of him standing outside a white stucco building with another man.

“Jay! Jay! How long have you been using?” One of the photographers yelled at the car as we slowed to a crawl. “I think it’s great you want to get clean!”

“I’m not on fucking drugs!” Jay called through the open window.

“Jay, this photo was leaked by a certain reporter who knows you all too well,” the reporter called back. He tossed a printout of the photo into the car, and I saw Jay and another man standing in front of a building. The sign read ‘Promising Light Rehab Facility’. There was a caption at the bottom of the photo that read ‘Hannah Joyce’.

Of course.

I’d honestly thought she might’ve given up on harassing Jay after he’d threatened her with the recording of her admitting to breaking into Lizzy’s apartment, but I guess she hadn’t learned at all. Either that or she was willing to risk her job to slam Jay’s reputation.

My stomach curdled as Jay ripped the photo out of my hands and tossed it out the window. “You morons have no idea what you’re messing with here!” he shouted at the photographers. “Leave us alone!”

Jay sped up, making the photographers scramble out of the way and over the curb, and then he pressed his foot on the gas until they were safely in the distance. With a heavy sigh, he looked over at me.

“Sorry about that.”

I was too shocked to speak for a moment. “Jay, that can’t be true,” I finally managed to get out. “I know it’s not true.”

After all we’d been through already, I knew better than to put any stock in photos that were being bandied about. I trusted Jay, and I knew he wasn’t a drug addict. However, there still had to be a reason he’d been at a rehab facility.

He nodded. “It’s not true,” he replied, confirming my words. “That’s where I was yesterday. My best mate, Connor, was picked up for narcotics possession. I had to go to the police station and pick him up. He had a huge bail, and they only let him out when I said I was taking him right to rehab afterwards.” He let out a long sigh. “I didn’t want to tell you yesterday because of everything that was going on, but that’s what that phone call was about.”

I was silent for another moment. Jay was truly a good person, a great person even. Part of me had already known this fact, but this most recent event had proved it beyond a shadow of doubt. He wasn’t like the media and tabloids painted him to be at all. He cared about his best friend, who was obviously from a different walk of life—someone who wasn’t famous, someone who wasn’t going to pay him just to hang out. I bit my lip as I thought back to when I first met Jay, and how I’d had the impression he was just an asshole playboy, and guilt seeped down my throat.

I swallowed hard. “That’s really good of you, Jay,” I said softly. “You’re a really good friend.”

He didn’t say anything. He was staring straight ahead. I could tell he was angry, and I couldn’t blame him. I couldn’t imagine how difficult it would be to live in a world that demonized my every move, and if I were in Jay’s shoes, I couldn’t begin to think how pissed off I’d be.

“I try,” he finally said. His lips were set in a thin line. “But Hannah makes it damn hard sometimes. Honestly, I thought we were done with her.”

“So did I, but I guess not.”

He sighed. “I feel like such a jerk, like such a shit friend. If I’d paid more attention to Connor, I would have seen the signs so much sooner. But I didn’t, and it took him getting arrested for me to finally see what was going on.”

“Jay, don’t say that,” I said. “You had no way of knowing. Abusers are often really good at hiding their drugs from their friends. Trust me, I know this. I did research for a show about people who were secretly addicted. A lot of the time, their family had no idea.”

Jay shook his head. “That’s nice of you to say, Kate, but this is on me, all right? I fucked up.”

His tone let me know that he was done with the conversation, and we pulled up in front of Lizzy’s.

“Want to come in?” I asked.

Jay shook his head. “Can’t, or I’ll be late. But I’ll pick you up after practice,” he said. “See you then.”

“I can’t wait.”

A ghost of a smile finally crossed his face, and he squeezed my hand. “I can’t wait either.”

Chapter Nineteen

Kate

I was surprised to see Lizzy in the kitchen when I got home; she usually had an early lecture at this time of the day. She was gnawing on one of the scones that I’d brought the day before, and she flicked her eyes over me with interest.

“So….are you gonna tell me what happened with the whole Josh and Jay thing?” she asked.

“Josh was just here to be a dick,” I said with a sigh as I slid down into one of the chairs. “Those photos were fake, and then he told me he slept with my secretary while we were still dating. Oh, and he thought I was still interested in him, even after I told him we weren’t going on a date like fifteen times.”

Lizzy rolled her eyes. “He’s such a loser,” she said, finishing the scone. “And then what happened?”

I let out another sigh. “Well, he also told me that the head showrunner might want to cancel my show. So I’m going home tomorrow to sort that out. I have to pack, that’s why I’m here so early. I’m surprised you’re here, by the way. Don’t you have a lecture?”

Lizzy pouted. “I hate morning classes,” she said, kicking her backpack with a toe. “But I had to get ready anyway, I have a study group session with some friends soon.”

I nodded. “Damn. I wish you could stick around a bit longer,” I said. “And I wish I didn’t have to go home.”

“Well, why do you?” Lizzy asked, frowning at me. “Maybe Josh was lying about whatever the showrunner said, too. You know, since he lied about the pictures…god, I can’t believe he did that! I mean, I totally knew the whole time that they were fake, but what a sleazeball!”

“He told me the producers wanted to wait until the last episode had aired to check the ratings and then make a decision based on that,” I said. “And the ratings weren’t great for the last few episodes—which I saw myself in my emails—so they might want to kill the show. I have to go and see them in person, because if I look like I don’t care about this, then no one will listen to me.”

Lizzy nodded and gave me a sympathetic look. “So, how did Jay take the news?”

I pouted. “It’s the middle of the season, so he can’t come with me, if that’s what you’re asking,” I replied. “And by the way, why did you tell him I was on a
date
with Josh? You know I’m done with him.”

Lizzy shrugged and gave me a sneaky little smile. “I had to get him moving,” she said casually. “I wanted him to rescue you, so I told him I thought you and Josh were going on a date. So did he?”

“Did he what?”

She rolled her eyes. “Rescue you!”

I couldn’t help but smile. “He punched Josh right in the face,” I said with a grin. “Normally I wouldn’t condone violence, but Josh tried to grab me. It was pretty awesome when Jay defended me. Josh didn’t even try to fight him. I think he just knew that Jay would win.”

“Jay would win against almost anyone,” Lizzy said with a grin. She looked at her watch and then groaned. “Shit, I have to get going to meet my friends,” she mumbled. “Will you be around later?”

I bit my lip. “I think Jay is taking me to the Peak District,” I said. “He even knew that it was from
Pride & Prejudice.
Isn’t that adorable?”

Lizzy laughed. “You are so in love with him,” she said, sticking her tongue out. “I still can’t believe you’re dating a footballer!”

“I don’t know exactly what we’re doing,” I said. “I mean, we’ve never talked about it. He said he hasn’t been seeing anyone else since we met, and he’s so good to me, but on the other hand….I live halfway across the world.”

Lizzy raised her eyebrows. “Come on, Kate, you sound like one of the clueless women who watch your show,” she said. “You know he’s into you. Just trust your gut and go with it.”

When I didn’t respond, she ran across the kitchen and threw her arms around me. “You should spend your last night here with Jay. So I’ll say goodbye now,” she said into my hair. “I’ll miss you. But you’ll come back, right?”

I bit my lip as she broke away. “I want to,” I said slowly. “But I don’t know if I can anytime soon. I mean, if they want me to stay and work on the show….”

Lizzy gave me a serious look. “You’ll make the right choice, Kate,” she said. “I trust you will.”

My stomach churned as Lizzy let herself out the front door with a cheerful wave. Even though her good mood had been infectious, I found myself feeling a little down again as soon as she left. My stuff was all over the apartment, and half of it was at Jay’s. It looked like I’d been here for months, not mere weeks, and I didn’t want to go home, but I felt like I didn’t have a choice. After all, three weeks was enough time for a sabbatical. Now it was time to return to Real Life, to get things back on track and settled and keep them that way.

I changed into boyfriend jeans and a fitted white blouse with espadrilles and a bandanna around my neck.
Don’t think about leaving
, I ordered myself.
Just have fun with Jay
. Thinking about him made my body start pulsing with desire, and I wondered how tonight was going to go. Sex with Jay was alternately fun and breathtaking, and I didn’t know if he would ravish me until I couldn’t breathe or exhaust me tonight. I shivered thinking about it. Smiling to myself, I walked back into the bedroom and changed my lingerie to a matching set of pink and blue lace.

Three hours later, Jay pulled up in front of Lizzy’s flat, and rushing down the stairs, I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. I was excited to see him—I was
always
excited to see him—but this time meant something special.

“You look gorgeous,” he said as I slid into the front seat of the Mercedes. “Who are you waiting for?”

His bad mood from earlier had all but evaporated, and he was wearing a teasing smile on his face. Leaning across the seat, I plastered my body against his and gave him a passionate kiss. “Just this guy I know,” I said. “This handsome footballer stud I happen to date sometimes…”

Jay grinned and we took off. He drove at an easy pace, meandering through the streets of Manchester and heading out of the city at a rate that made my anxious heart stay calm.

“How was practice?” I swiveled in the seat and looked at him. “I missed you.”
Crap, Kate, you sound like a Stage Five Clinger. Do not say you missed him, do not say that!

“I missed you, too,” Jay replied, and he looked over at me and grinned before taking my hand in his. A deep blush rose over my cheeks and I had to look out the window and pretend like I didn’t want to jump for joy.

About an hour later, Jay was parking the car. I was amazed at the way the park looked, even on a grey, cloudy day like this; the sky was gigantic and swirling, above a vast stretch of plain and hills. It was incredible, like something from the movies. I couldn’t believe it was real, and I couldn’t believe that I was here, that
we
were here.

“This is amazing,” I said as I stretched my legs and wandered off, away from the car. “Do you come here often? I’d probably live here if I was in Manchester year round.”

Jay laughed, catching up with me and keeping pace, and I appreciated that he didn’t make me run to keep up with him. In the past, when I’d dated very tall men, I’d always had to trot to keep up with them, and I wasn’t even short. But Jay was respectful. He was a gentleman.

He was basically everything that I thought a famous footballer could never be.

“That’s an image,” Jay said with a smirk. “I imagine the bobbies would show up and pull you off pretty quickly. Britain cares about protecting her parks.”

I shook my head, still smiling. “Don’t be ridiculous,” I said with a grin. “I’d build a little cabin, and you could come to stay. It would be so cute that they wouldn’t even want us to go.  Our picture would be in the papers.”

Jay laughed drily. “My picture is already in the papers enough as it is,” he said with a smirk. “And yours is, too.”

I rolled my eyes. “Nothing by Hannah,” I clarified. “Only flattering pictures and things that didn’t make us look like asshats.”

Jay chuckled. “Did you seriously just say ‘asshats’?”

I nodded, blushing. “I picked it up from Lizzy,” I said.

The moment turned serious between us as we walked. The breathtaking landscape was overwhelming my senses and making me feel like I was in some distant, magical land, and I felt about as far away from New York as I ever had in my life. I didn’t want it to end.

“Speaking of your sister, I’ll make sure she doesn’t drink too much if she comes to any more club events,” Jay said.

“Thanks,” I replied, putting my hand on his arm and drawing him close to me. “I appreciate that.”

The words ‘I love you’ were on the tip of my tongue, but still I couldn’t say them yet, and Jay and I strolled on, blissfully disconnected from the real world. Every time he looked at me, I wanted to tell him how I really felt, but something was holding me back.

“Let’s go home,” Jay said, looking at me hungrily. His voice was thick with lust. “I’m not ready to let you leave yet.”

***

Back at Jay’s flat, our clothes came off in a frenzy of lust and desire. He picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, where he pleased my body for hours on end. I was still so surprised by the sex with him; I had no idea that I could feel like this so often, that it could be so amazing. I didn’t even think I’d ever feel as connected to another human being as I felt to Jay. I felt like I could tell him everything, like he was my best friend, like he was the only best friend I’d ever had. And I loved pleasuring him, too. Seeing the look of sheer release on his face was enough to make me glow.

It was a perfect night, and I wished that it never had to end.

In the morning, I woke up at the same time as Jay. Sleepily, he pulled me towards him, and we cuddled for a few moments, tangling up in each other’s limbs and nuzzling each other’s faces. Then he slipped out of bed and into the bathroom. I heard the spray of the hot shower just as I was trying to relax enough to fall back asleep.
Just a few more minutes
, I thought in my groggy brain.
Just a few more
.

But Jay apparently had other ideas. He lifted me out of bed and carried me into the bathroom, standing me on my feet and helping me into the shower. Then he followed me into it, and we soaped each other, occasionally pausing to embrace and hold each other close. It was the most intimate shower that I’d ever taken, and by the time it was over, I felt like I could have fallen back asleep for hours.

“Come on, Sleeping Beauty,” Jay teased. “Time to get you off to your carriage.”

“You know, it’s actually Cinderella who had a carriage,” I said, yawning as I climbed into the car. “Sleeping Beauty just had a bed. And a prince. She had the life, really.”

Jay laughed as he turned the key in the engine and pulled out of the garage. “For someone as healthy as you, you sure can be lazy,” he said with a grin. I reached out to playfully swat him. “But I love it,” he added, winking at me.

A lump formed in my throat. “I don’t want to leave you,” I said softly. “I don’t want to go.”

Jay smiled. “Then stay,” he said. “Easy peasy. I’ll turn the car around and we’ll go back.”

I swallowed hard. “I wish I could,” I replied. “This is…way too hard for me.”

He pulled me close and nuzzled my hair. “It’ll work out,” he said quietly. “I promise.”

At the airport, we clung together like barnacles, and Jay stayed with me until I had to flash my boarding pass and go through security. Even though he was laughing and smiling the whole time, I could tell he was covering a lot of sadness. It was plain to see that he was sad at the prospect of my leaving.

“I feel like I’m never going to see you again,” I whispered into his neck right before I had to leave. “I feel like I’m going to walk through those gates and never come back.”

Jay pulled away and looked me in the eye. His gaze pierced right through me, exposing me down to a raw nerve. “Rubbish,” he said, his voice solemn. “You’ll see me again. I know it, Kate.”

“I hope so,” I said softly as I leaned in for our last hug. “I really do.”

I gave him one last lingering glance, and then I turned and walked towards the boarding gate.