Playing Dirty: Windy City Kink, Book 3 (27 page)

He’d thought Paige was growing to trust him. She wouldn’t have let him do the things they’d done if she didn’t trust him. That was such an incredible gift. It humbled him. Honored him. It wasn’t just her looking for the right person to be her mirror—to reflect back everything she gave—it was him too. He’d met women who went along with the things he liked to do just because he’d wanted it. He’d never met someone who’d gotten off on it so much, who’d gotten so much out of it.

The energy that flowed between them had been something he’d never before experienced, something precious and beautiful and powerful. Something that erased the darkness inside him. She needed what he could give her. But he needed her just as much. She, too, reflected back everything he gave her, making him a better person. His gratitude for that had been huge. Limitless.

Which made the loss so much more unbearable. The fact that he had finally found this woman, the one who could give him all that, and then lost her, dragged him down into a black pit.

He didn’t regret what he’d done. Trying to think if there could’ve been a different way to handle things, a way that would have let him keep Paige, would not help. He wasn’t going there. He’d done what needed to be done. Delmer Capon had been frightened and pissed off, enough that he’d gone to the cops, but Raff was confident he’d gotten the message and that if he ever came near Paige again, he’d pay the same price again.

Not only that, Raff had also had a little talk with him about the interesting reports the investigator he’d hired had unearthed. The CEO of ScanTech had allegedly told Delmer Capon about a planned offering of new stock which would reduce the value of shares in the company, and Capon had acted on this information to unload shares before the company publicly announced the stock offering. If the divorce papers weren’t signed by the end of the business day Monday, Raff would be sharing that information with the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Paige would be divorced. She could remarry. The idea of her marrying someone else made Raff want to pick up one of the dumbbells in his workout room and heave it through the plate glass window. But whatever. Some day she’d find the nice, mild-mannered man she thought she wanted.

Fuck no! That was what she wanted, but that wasn’t right for her. On the other hand, picturing her with some other dude who would lay a hand on her sweet little ass made him want to vomit.

He was fucked. Thinking about her with any other man sent a sharp wave of despair sweeping over him. He slumped deeper into the couch cushion, staring unseeingly at the big-screen TV, the remote dropping to the cushion beside him.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Paige threw herself into work for the next week, preparing for the move. She and Trenise planned to spend the following week getting ready for opening on the next Monday, while continuing business as usual. They’d scheduled a grand-opening party for the month after the move. Paige found she had lost her enthusiasm for that big event, knowing that this was very likely going to be temporary. Thinking about all the work that had gone into renovating and making this place perfect, though, sent waves of despair washing over her.

She’d had a cathartic girls’ lunch yesterday with Sasha and Emma. Well, somewhat cathartic. She’d left there with a lot to think about.

She hadn’t been sure what to expect from Emma, and, surprisingly, Emma was more contemplative than heartbroken or pissed off or freaked out. She admitted to being freaked out at first hearing Kevin’s revelation. She’d gone away and thought about it though, and now confessed that she was intensely curious, regretting that she’d left without taking the opportunity to ask some questions about why he liked to wear women’s clothes, when he did it, what clothes he wore. She’d looked to Sasha for an explanation, but Sasha’d shaken her head.

Sasha admitted she’d talked to Kevin about those things but nudged Emma to talk to him herself. Though one thing Sasha had said that stuck in Paige’s mind was, “He’s still the same man he was all the time you were going out. That’s one facet of his personality, but it’s not all of who he is.”

Emma had agreed she was going to call Kevin and hopefully get together to talk more, and as she’d gotten up to leave, she’d even said, “Hey, if things work out, we can go shopping at Victoria’s Secret together.”

They’d all cracked up, and Paige was happy that Emma seemed to be edging toward acceptance of Kevin’s predilection. Maybe things would work out for them.

When Emma had left, Sasha turned to Paige. “I couldn’t talk about this stuff with her around,” she said. “But I want you to hear this.”

“Uh-oh…” Paige shaped her mouth into a smile. “Is this kinky stuff about you and Jack?”

“Yes.” Sasha was dead serious. “Actually, no, it’s more about me.” Her eyes searched Paige’s face. “You didn’t say much about why you and Raff broke up, and maybe I’m misjudging things. But maybe I’m not, and maybe it’s worth telling you this.” She paused.

“Jack and I tried some kinky things when we were teenagers. We experimented with some bondage. He tied me up and I liked it. I liked being spanked. My parents caught us, and they were horrified. My mom convinced me that no woman should ever put up with being treated like that and made me volunteer at a women’s shelter. To make a long story short, Jack and I split up for a long time. But here’s the thing.”

She reached out and squeezed Paige’s arm. “After that, I was messed up. I tried to deny what I wanted. I only went out with guys who seemed safe, nice guys into vanilla sex. I never was really satisfied. When Jack came back into my life, my parents were upset again. They’d been convinced he’d assaulted me. It was Jack who taught me that there’s a big difference between abuse and safe, sane and consensual activity.”

Safe, sane and consensual.
Yeah, Paige had heard those words. But now, contemplating them in the context of her relationship with Delmer and comparing that to her relationship with Raff… She swallowed and nodded. “I get it, Sasha. Thank you.”

Later, back in her warehouse, she replayed that short conversation and paused as she packed up a box full of files.

Yes, Raff had a temper. Yes, he’d had some hard knocks in life that had taught him some rough skills. And there was some small part of her that was happy Del had had a lesson taught to him. Another small part was secretly flattered that Raff had done that for her. That he’d cared so much that he’d taken a risk like that.

Oh, those kinds of thoughts were bad. She needed to remember that this was the man she’d wanted to spank her. How could she trust that he could control himself enough around her to never hurt her, when he’d done something like that? She’d already been through that kind of disaster and did not want to go through that again.

But Sasha’s words again played through her head. What Del had done to her had not been safe or consensual, and she was still debating the sanity question. On the other hand, what Raff had done…he’d never truly hurt her, and she’d consented to everything. And there was no question about Raff’s sanity.

She paused to close her eyes and rub her forehead then distracted herself from her own problems by asking Trenise how things were at home.

“Well,” Trenise said slowly, “Calvin came home yesterday and told us about this place he’d been, some kind of center that helps kids get away from gangs.”

Paige blinked. “Really? That’s awesome. Right? He wants to get out?”

“It is.” Trenise didn’t look entirely happy, though. “I guess I’m afraid to believe it. The problem is, he’ll never really be free when he owes them money. But he says this place might even be able to help him, if he shows he’s committed to this.” She bit her lip. “It’s scary, though. Those dudes are violent and they want their money.”

“That’s great he’s getting help. He realized what he’s into.”

“I’m not sure he did. Some guy from the center tracked him down—came to the house to talk to him.”

“Huh. Really?”

“Yeah. This guy Dutch apparently works with lots of kids who used to be in gangs.”

Paige jerked her head around to look at Trenise. “Dutch?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Older guy? Short gray hair? Solid?”

“Um…yeah.” Trenise lifted her eyebrows. “Why? You know him?”

But Paige’s mind had begun to race, thoughts hopping from place to place, connecting dots and getting a picture. Raff asking about Calvin. Dutch helping Raff get out of gang life. “Um, yeah,” she finally said. “I’ve met him.”

Trenise’s forehead creased. “No kidding.”

“Through Raff.” Paige bent her head. “Apparently Dutch helped him leave a gang, years ago when Raff was young. So…if Calvin really wants out, sounds like Dutch is the guy who can help him.”

“That’s good to know.” After a short pause, Trenise said, “Everything okay, Paige?”

“Yeah! Why?”

“You seem…sad.”

Paige beamed a high-wattage smile at her. “I’m fine! There, these files are all packed up and ready to go. What’s next?”

She focused on work but couldn’t stop thinking about Dutch approaching Calvin. No way was that a coincidence. And she knew exactly where that had come from. She just wasn’t sure how she felt about it. Was that another sign of Raff’s dominance and interference? Or was that a sweet, thoughtful gesture to try to help someone, someone he didn’t even know? His words floated into her head—
Your problems are my problems.

Calvin wasn’t even her problem, he was Trenise’s, but Raff knew she cared about Trenise. Paige paused, a hot, soft feeling in her chest. Again she tried to put it out of her head, but kept thinking about it, about Dutch and the rec center. What was the name of the group again?

On her computer she Googled it and located the address. Narrowing her eyes, she figured out how to get there. She had to talk to Dutch, to thank him. It occurred to her that she should be thanking Raff. Obviously she couldn’t do that. But she could talk to Dutch.

A short time later, her phone rang. She picked it up and frowned at seeing an unfamiliar number on it. “Hello?”

“May I speak to Paige Nelson, please?”

“Speaking.”

“Oh hi, Paige. This is Charles Carson, of Carson & Danford.”

Her lawyer. “Hi, Charles.”

They made a bit of small talk, and then Charles said, “I have some good news for you.”

“Yes?”

Charles then proceeded to tell her that Delmer had finally signed the divorce papers. Soon, she would be free of him and single again.

She leaned against her desk, her legs going weak. Relief washed down through her.

She arrived at the Venture Rec Center later that day, entering it and feeling self-conscious as eyes turned on her. There were a few girls there, but mainly teenage boys, and a couple of adults, all engaged in various activities. Some played Ping-Pong on a table, others sat on couches and chairs in a corner, reading or playing a video game on TV—Mario, she noticed, not Grand Theft Auto. She smiled.

One of the adults approached her. “Hi. Can I help you?” The guy was in his early twenties, not tall, his solid build showing in a snug T-shirt and jeans.

“I’m looking for Dutch.” She smiled at the guy.

“Oh. He’s not here right now.”

Damn.

“Anything I could help you with?”

She caught the curiosity in his gaze. “Tell me about this center,” she said slowly, looking around.

“Well, sure, happy to. I’m Jordan, by the way.”

“Paige.” She accepted his outstretched hand to shake it.

“Venture is a youth-resource group that provides outreach and group activities to at-risk youths in gang-prone areas. We collaborate with both the University of Chicago and the Chicago Police Department.”

“Who started this program?”

“It was started by Hugh Dutchyshyn.” He paused. “Dutch. And Raff Lauden. You may have heard of him. He’s a very successful businessman here in Chicago. When he was a teenager he got involved in gang activity and Dutch helped him get out. Then when Raff became successful, he wanted to do something to help other kids, so they started this program. At first it operated out of a local school, but eventually Raff built this facility.”

Raff built this facility. Of course he did.

Jordan led her across the big open area. “There are a lot of activities we coordinate for kids—sports, crafts, even camping trips. They need a safe place to come and hang out, and they need things to do to keep them busy. We have over twenty volunteers now who work with us. I’m one of them. I’m in my last year of social work at U of C. Many of the volunteers are people who’ve been helped by the group. People who know something of gangs, who’ve been a part of them, are able to reach kids more effectively.”

“This is really awesome.”

“Would you like to see the basement? There’s a gym down there.”

“Uh…sure.”

When her eyes fell on the boxing ring, something squeezed inside her. An older man was teaching two kids how to box, and other kids were working out on the equipment.

“We have a boxing ring mostly because Dutch was a semipro boxer before he became a police officer. He was pretty good. It can teach kids a lot of discipline and gives them a great outlet for the anger some of them carry around.”

She nodded and let him finish his tour. He was probably wondering why she was there and what the interest was in the place. What could she say? Should she make something up? In the end, just because she felt she needed to say so something, she went with the truth. “I have a friend whose brother has gotten involved with a gang,” she said. “She wants to encourage him to come here.”

“Ah. So you’re checking it out for her.” He smiled and nodded. “Hopefully it works out for him.”

She made a bit more small talk then left. She hadn’t seen Dutch, but she’d learned more than she expected.

Raff had started this whole organization. Probably still paid for a lot of it, had built the building, and she knew he was still involved. This was where he’d been the night Del had been beaten up, boxing with Dutch. Or so he said.

Whether that was the truth or not, she didn’t want to think too much about. Maybe it was the truth. Or maybe it was a cover. But there was no denying that Raff did a lot of good things with this center. Wow.

By the end of the week, Paige’s head was ready to explode. Not only had Raff helped Calvin, and therefore Trenise, Kevin had come home one evening and told her how his architectural firm had been contacted by Challenger Development Group and asked to submit a proposal for designing a new multi-use complex. They’d specifically said they wanted Kevin to be involved in the project.

And then Friday, Sasha called her, squealing with excitement because she’d gotten a call to design a huge patio outside the Villiers Building. Paige wasn’t even sure why she bothered to Google it, because somehow she knew that building was one owned by Raff. Yep, her Google search confirmed it.

She slumped back in the chair in her bedroom, pushing away from the small desk where her laptop sat. Her fingers went to the rubber band she’d started wearing again on her wrist and played with it, then tugged it to give herself a sting. Why was he doing all these things? Was he trying to convince her that they should get back together?

Yet he hadn’t made any attempt to contact her directly.

So why? Why was he doing these things? What was he getting out of it?

Nothing.

Her head fell back and she closed her eyes. A hard knot had formed in her chest, the ache spreading through her body. She could not think about Raff.

She rose from her chair and went downstairs, hoping Kevin was around to talk to and distract her. But as she reached the bottom of the staircase, she saw Kevin on the couch, not alone, Emma on his lap, their mouths joined, hands roaming over each other’s bodies. Oops.

She turned and trudged back upstairs.

When Emma and Kevin talked, they’d somehow worked things out. Paige had been so happy to hear that Emma cared enough about Kevin to get past it all, to see the man he was—a good man, honest, loyal, smart, talented—and that what he wore occasionally in the confines of his own home did not change that. Surprisingly, Emma’s brother had helped her.

Turned out Jack had known for some time about Kevin’s cross-dressing, having walked in on him when Jack and Sasha had first started dating. Although he’d been concerned about it insofar as the possibility that his sister was going to be hurt and had admitted he’d been completely weirded out by it at first, Sasha had helped Jack come to realize that he couldn’t judge someone like that, when he himself had been a victim of unfair judgment by Sasha’s parents.

Happy as she was for Emma and Kevin, their being back together only emphasized her own loneliness and heartache.

She couldn’t face sitting alone in her bedroom all night to avoid interrupting Kevin and Emma. She’d go out. She didn’t know where.