Playing for Kinley (Cruz Brothers Book 1) (32 page)

I knew with great authority what it would feel like to be crushed by him again like that.

I also knew if that ever happened, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

I guess I was just going to have to take Ava’s advice and trust him. Make sure that we were on the same page and always be upfront with each other. Because if we were going to make this work, I had to let go of those painful memories, all of them. Once and for all.

So for the rest of the night, I did just that. I let the negative stuff go. I forgot about gold-digging beautiful bitches and just let myself enjoy being Parker’s girlfriend.

We’d finally admitted our love for each other today, after all these years, and I wasn’t going to let anything ruin that.

Parker

A month later, I was once again suffering from the same withdrawal that accompanied lack of alone time with Kinley. Since opening day, she’d been able to come to two other series in Boston and stay with me. Those days were the best, being able to go to sleep and wake up to her. Seeing her wearing my jersey at the games. Doing whatever the hell we wanted when I wasn’t playing a game.

Then, we had our times apart.

And those were miserable.

I was at least able to see her face when we were on FaceTime, but even that got tedious when that was our only option. Kinley was definitely making an effort, though, which I appreciated more than she knew. Clay would absolutely die if he knew the amount of scandalous photos and dirty texts his sister had sent me. She always tried to make our phone conversations sexy and adventurous with different lingerie outfits she’d purchased just for me, or games like Truth or Dare.

And let me just say, that could get very interesting over the phone, especially when you could actually see what the other person was doing.

We had been making it work, staying positive and keeping in constant communication. Her photo shoots were going well and the Red Sox had the best record in baseball right now, so neither of us could really complain.

We simply just missed each other.

But today was our second game in Anaheim, and she was supposed to be here. She’d texted me earlier in the day and said that with her photo shoot running a little long, she probably wouldn’t arrive until closer to the end of the game.

I didn’t care, though.

I knew she wanted to see me play, but I’d be satisfied with just having her beside me. Plus, the team had a day off tomorrow between today’s game and the final game of the series on Sunday. Which meant that after our early morning practice, I had the rest of the day to spend with Kinley.

And I had a little surprise for her.

I was pretty sure that she assumed I’d forgotten her birthday was tomorrow but I sure as hell hadn’t. She had never been the type to bring her birthday up to people and make it a big deal, and we hadn’t once spoken about it. I did that on purpose, so that when she saw what I had planned, she would be out-of-her-mind surprised.

At least, I hoped so.

And after the game didn’t go extremely well, I needed her soothing presence to make me feel better. We’d lost and it had been ugly. Our entire pitching staff was off, and I wasn’t sure if I was allowing stuff with Kinley to start distracting me or what, but my batting game had been embarrassing.

We’d had losses up to that point. With over a hundred and sixty games in a season, you were going to have losses and you just had to deal with it. My problem was that I didn’t like when I played like shit. When I didn’t hold my team up like I should have.

When I didn’t feel worthy of being anyone’s hero.

Not only that but I’d also twisted my knee awkwardly as I was sliding into home in the bottom of the fourth, which scared the hell out of me. For a horrifying second, I thought that was it, it was all over. My career was finished. When I grew some balls and eventually stood up, the pain had worked itself out after I took a few steps. I was still going to ice and watch over it the next few days, but I sent up a huge prayer to the man upstairs after that one.

Things continued to get worse whenever I checked my phone after the game and saw a text from Kinley, sent only an hour before.

Kinley:
I’m so sorry. The client is changing things up on me and I’ve had to stay even later to finish things up. I’m going to leave first thing in the morning, though. Okay? Hope your game went well! Love you!

I sighed and scrubbed my hands down my face. She had her job to do, just like I did, so I wasn’t going to be bothered about plans changing. It just sucked that this had to happen after a particularly crappy game. I’d call her whenever I got back to the hotel.

I’d feel better after I heard her voice.

Then, I noticed a missed call. From my mother.

We didn’t really talk on the phone—ever—so I couldn’t imagine what it was about. She hadn’t left a voicemail so it couldn’t have been that important. Probably just high off her pills and feeling guilty about something that she wanted to try and apologize to me for. Wasn’t like she hadn’t done it before.

I couldn’t deal with all that shit tonight. I sent off a quick text to Dawson to make sure there wasn’t anything going on that I needed to know about.

Parker:
Mom called me tonight during my game. Didn’t leave a message. Anything wrong?

He may have loathed Sal the most out of the three of us, but he’d always been the closest one to Mom. They had a different relationship than that of what Mason or I had with her. Dawson was her first and she hadn’t started using until after Mason was born. So, I think Dawson had always felt conflicted between the good memories he had of her being a clean, sober, and doting mother and what she was today.

Dawson:
She called me too. Just one of her “I’m sorry, please forgive me” nights. Don’t worry.

It was pretty sad that as soon as he’d said that, I hadn’t worried once the rest of the night. In fact, I put my parents completely out of my mind until I finally fell asleep.

##

“What you got going on today, Cruz?” Pollock asked as we made our way off the field. It was a sunny, cloudless day, which I was grateful for considering what my plans were with Kinley.

“Taking my girl to Disneyland. It’s her birthday and isn’t that about the only thing to do in this city?”

“She’s in town?”

I nodded. “Yeah. She had a photo shoot in Long Beach and was driving up here this morning. She should be here by now.”

“All the guys really liked her, by the way,” he said and I smiled at that. “You should probably hold on to that one.”

“That’s the plan.”

I was in and out of the locker room in record time, anxious to get out of there and find out where Kinley was. So, when I saw her standing outside the stadium with her sunglasses on, clearly waiting for me, I about tripped over my own feet.

Instead of making a complete fool of myself, I dropped my bag and ran over to her, scooping her up in my arms and crushing her against me—only making a slight fool of myself. Her giggle against my chest was music to my ears. I covered her mouth with mine, holding her face in my hands, never wanting to let go. In fact, I took my time with her until we were both gasping for air.

She let her breath out slowly, the minty smell taking over my senses. “Well,” she breathed, “hello to you, too.”

I rested my forehead against hers. “Happy birthday.”

Her nose twitched as she tried to contain her smile but she couldn’t. “You remembered?”

“Of course, I remembered. How could I forget my girl’s birthday?”

She bit down on her lower lip, so I ran my thumb across it, making her release it from her teeth. “You just never said anything, so I wasn’t sure.”

“Neither did you,” I pointed out.

She gave a short nod. “Fair enough. What do you want to do today?”

I picked up my bag and threw the strap over my shoulder as I took her hand and let her lead us to wherever she parked her rental car. “Well, I feel really bad about that because I kind of already made plans with the guys.”

She shot me a look. “Really?” God, the woman was beautiful even when she was disappointed. “I mean, can’t you hang out with them another day—”

I lowered my face to hers and took her mouth again. “I’m kidding, you dork. I’m taking you to Disneyland.”

The way her eyes lit up, I swear you’d think I said I was taking her on a ten thousand dollar shopping spree or something. “I’ve always wanted to go there! Does that make me sound juvenile?”

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder as we walked. “Absolutely not. It just makes you sound like a nerd.” She elbowed me lightly in my side and I leaned down to kiss her head. “How about a kid at heart? Does that sound better?”

“I suppose. But don’t you dare act like you aren’t going to ride every single ride with me, screaming right alongside me,” she said matter-of-factly. “I know you, Parker Cruz.”

I scoffed and pinched her ass cheek, making her squeal. “Please. I’m a man, baby. We don’t scream. Now, let’s go have a tea party with some Disney princesses.”

##

The woman was a maniac.

She was
go, go, go
from the second we walked into the park, running from one rollercoaster to the next, eating every sticky, sugar-infused snack she could find, and freaking out at every Disney character she came across.

I imagined that this was what it would be like if I were to take Leo and Gabby here.

I was waiting for the sugar crash to eventually hit her but it never came. She dragged me around the entire park—twice—and still had energy to spare. I patted myself on the back, too, because she was having a blast. And as long as she kept that smile on her face, I’d ride as many damn teacups as she wanted.

Miraculously, I’d been able to avoid the pictures and autograph scene all day. Apparently, the people of Anaheim cared more about their Angels than the Red Sox. I was fine with that.

Evening was approaching and we still hadn’t left the park because Kinley wanted to see the
Sleeping Beauty
castle light up at night and see the fireworks go off behind it.

Little did she know, I was way ahead of her on that.

We were eating dinner, resting our overworked feet, while we watched the people walk past our outdoor table. People of all ages and race, families of all shapes and sizes, and we just sat there in comfortable, companionable silence throughout most of it.

“You want kids, right?” she asked all of a sudden, my mouth pausing its chewing motion around the double cheeseburger I was hoofing down.

I swallowed and wondered if there was a right or wrong answer here. Regardless, I went with the truth. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I do now. I never used to.” She studied my face as she hung on my every word. “Growing up the way I did, the last thing I wanted to do was bring a carload of kids into my messed up family situation. I guess you could say that I had too many bad memories of my childhood to want to repeat the vicious process.”

“But you wouldn’t be like that with your kids, Parker,” she said insistently. “You aren’t your father.”

It was nice to hear the conviction in her voice as she said it. She truly believed that. “I know that. And I would love my kids more than anything in the world, of course. But I could still screw them up. I’ve got so much emotional baggage myself that I could mess up their minds without even realizing it.”

She pursed her lips as she considered her words. “But I think that’s the dilemma of every parent. Nobody’s perfect and parenting is never easy. You just have to do the best you can and love them no matter what.”

I nodded and set my burger down, taking a drink of my soda. “I’ve come to learn that, watching Dawson raise Leo and Gabby. He’s probably got more emotional issues than I do, yet he’s been able to raise two amazing kids. I think if he can do it, I can do it.”

She hesitated for a second and then asked, “So, you’ve changed your mind? You want a family now?”

I nodded slowly, watching a family of five take a group picture with Mickey and Minnie Mouse. “Yeah, I do. I’ve thought about it for a while, and I knew from the get-go that I definitely wouldn’t want children with someone I didn’t love. When I make the commitment to do that, I want to be all in. Married and living together and everything. I’d want to be fully vested in my kids, live like a family.”

I shrugged and continued. “I’ve just seen a lot of guys who have gotten their girlfriends pregnant but never wanted to marry them. Or guys who divorced their wives and can only see their kids every other weekend. I don’t want that for me. I want to give my kids a better home than I ever had, better parents. And up until recently, I’d never had that desire to start a family because I didn’t love anyone enough to do all of that with. Without the woman I wanted to be with, kids weren’t on the brain much.”

“And recently, you have been thinking about it?” I could tell she was being careful with her word choices, afraid that I’d say something she didn’t want to hear.

I just met her eyes and smiled. “I told you I’m all in with you, Kin. I’m not planning on going anywhere anytime soon, or ever. I want everything with you, as long as you want it. And when the day comes that we’re ready to start our family, just know that I’ll be the best father to them you could ask for. And the best husband to you.”

It was crazy to think that at this time a year ago, Kinley wouldn’t even speak to me and now here we were, talking about having kids together.

She leaned forward and pulled me into her by the back of my neck, attacking my mouth with her lips. “I swear, if we weren’t in a family establishment right now, I’d be sitting on your lap and riding you so damn hard,” she whispered huskily into my ear.

Well, fuck.

Who knew that talking about kids would get a woman so hot?