Playing the Perfect Boyfriend (Gone Hollywood) (15 page)

“Dean, and I’ll be right there.” He stood and grabbed Chaz in what they’d always jokingly called a man-hug. One arm, whack the other guy between the shoulder blades. “Thanks. I feel like I’m in so deep with her that I can’t see the surface.”

“Just call me your lifeline, and remember when you move out that you’re ditching me with Todrick and whatever his new problems are, as well as your share of the rent.”

“Can’t help with Tod, but I’ll cover my share until the lease is up. I promised you guys that much.” As they parted ways, he couldn’t help grinning. While he’d give up the money with no regrets, he had no intention of spending another night in that house unless it was as a guest.

…

Vicky’s eyes were wide as saucers when she glanced up from the menu. “What the hell happened to you?”

Jade didn’t want to know how bad she looked. After last night, she really hadn’t had the energy or desire to bother with her normal hair, makeup, and clothing routine. Gone was the curvy pin-up. In it’s place… She tugged the sleeves of the too-big sweater over her hands. “I’m going insane. That’s what happened. What
is
happening.”

“Isak? Or Dean?”

Leave i
t to the pregnant girl to cut to the chase. “Both?”

“You spill. I’m eating.” She dipped the chip in so much salsa that even Jade worried about the impact on the growing baby. But she had bigger problems than someone else’s child.

“I was taking your advice, or trying to. On paper, Isak is the perfect guy—he’s the type to swear forever and mean it, no matter what—but there’s no fire there. Honestly, when I’m with him, I feel…small.”

“In a bad way or a good way?”

“In an I-start-to-question-my-life-choices-and-personality way.”

Vicky put down the chip and sat back against the booth. “Oh. That’s not what I expected.”

Because that’s not what Jade had ever led her to expect. Isak had been the one that got away, the only guy she might have made it work with, the answer to all the things in her past that ailed her. Vicky knew how Jade had grown up, understood her demons as best as someone who hadn’t lived through that could, but she didn’t understand how enticing the idea of security had been. How it overshadowed everything else—or had until her perfect complement had shown up.

“Ditto. The thing is I don’t know if I feel that way because it’s really how he is, or how I am, or if it’s because Dean makes me feel different. Or he used to. Now, I don’t know what the hell he makes me feel.”

The waitress stopped by to take their orders. As soon as she was gone, Vicky doctored another chip—adding guacamole this time—and said, “Off Isak for a minute, slow down and walk me through Dean.”

After blowing out a deep breath to steady herself, Jade launched into the story, starting once more on the day he’d shown up early at the studio and not stopping until she got to the part about him passing out on the couch the night before.

Vicky steepled her fingers, food all but forgotten for the moment, and tapped them against her lips. “You told me how Isak makes you feel. How does Dean make you feel?”

“Now? Like I bore him.”

“Not now…before things changed. How did he make you feel then?”

She toyed with her margarita, twisting the stem of the glass between her fingers and making the cool green liquid splash along the edges. At first it was hard to let go of the dullness and frustration of the last couple of weeks and think back to what they’d had before. Then, without warning, it was right there with the memory of him saying,
The hottest woman in all of Hollywood is apparently my girlfriend. I couldn’t be happier
.

“He made me feel…perfect. Not in an arrogant way, like I’m-so-awesome-bow-before-me. But…like I was everything he wanted just the way I am. My body. The way I talk. The fact that I don’t filter. He liked all of the stuff that drives most men in my life away.”

Vicky let out a blissful sigh and pushed Jade’s hand down until she released the glass. “I know that feeling, and it’s not something to let go of lightly. I thought Isak was the guy for you, since he was the only one you kept around any length of time and you always told me how his devotion made you feel safe and loved. But if what you’re saying about both of them is how you really feel, then maybe Sweden isn’t the best choice.”

“And with how Dean’s been acting lately?”

“He took care of you when you were sick.” She ticked off one finger. “Immediately after, sex wasn’t all it had been before, but you’d been
sick
.” Finger number two. “He opened up to you about his past, which for a guy like him had to be one of the hardest things he’s ever done.” Another finger. “Sure, he made you babysit Maya, but even you admit that by the end you kind of liked it.” One more fucking finger.

“Stop giving me the damn finger.”

Laughing, Vicky picked up another chip. “Tell me this much, when he told you about his past, how much did you give him?” When Jade squirmed in her seat, Vicky let out a sigh. “I
know
it’s at least as hard for you to talk about your past as it was for him, but if you don’t give a little, how is he supposed to feel like he can trust you, like you care about
him
?”

Jade was starting to hate this conversation. It was damn well time to change the subject. “And what about last night? He completely changed how he acts with me. He passed out after role play and what was a pretty epic blow job, if I do say so myself. Does Dante do that? Does your brother?” How could she trust
him
when he acted that way?

“First, no, Dante doesn’t. As for my brother, I really don’t want to know.” She shuddered. “But as for Dean and last night…you came onto him hard-core after he’d worked a fifteen-hour day. And you somehow expected him
not
to pass out? The fact that he didn’t ignore you completely and head straight to bed says he wanted to be with you.”

Head straight to bed like I did the night he had dessert lined up on the bar?

Shit. It didn’t matter that Jade had been on the verge of the flu that night. Vicky was right, but Jade didn’t know how to explain the shift in their whatever-ship since her dinner with Isak. She
knew
things had changed, and not for the better. “But my gut is telling me something is off.”

“Then trust your gut and figure out what it is—but not in the midst of him working twelve- to sixteen-hour days.”

The waitress came over and set down their enchiladas. Once she was gone, and before Vicky dove into her lunch for two, Jade said, “Isak leaves in like two weeks. If I don’t figure this out soon, the whole plan might have been for nothing.”

“Or it might be for the perfect thing.” Vicky’s choice of wording wasn’t lost on Jade. “Look. If Dean has this weekend off, plan a getaway. Get your sexy on again. He might not have energy for sex tonight, but I’m betting he has it in him to help pick a destination. And if the weekend is a bust…you have your answer.”

Get away—from work, from the condo, from Isak, from
everything
. Push away the last couple miserable weeks and get back to what made them click so well. “That’s the best plan I’ve heard in forever.”

“But if you care about him, if you’re thinking maybe he’s the forever guy, you have to give him more than what-you-see-is-what-you-get. Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum.”

Jade took a long, slow drink of her margarita, pain at the thought of opening herself up making it hard to swallow. Finally, she set the glass down and said, “I’ll try.”

“Good. Does that mean we can eat now? I have a baby to grow.”

Laughing away the ghosts of her teen years made her feel marginally like herself again, and Jade raised her margarita glass in a toast. “To a healthy baby and a healthy love life.”

Chapter Fifteen

Once her afternoon appointments were done, Jade ran to the nearest travel agency and started grabbing ideas. They could jet to Hawaii for the weekend. Or maybe do Catalina like the others had—skip the plane time altogether. San Fran. Napa Valley. Cabo San Lucas. Vegas. The possibilities were almost endless. For the first time in a couple weeks, she felt
good
about the direction things were headed.

Then
he
walked through the door.

Jade didn’t notice him at first, but the hush that fell over the o
ffice of women a
fter the doorbell chimed was unmistakable. So…she looked, only to find Isak framed in a halo of sunlight. No one was supposed to look like that in reality. That sort of thing needed to be reserved for Disney princes.

Great. My life is turning into a fucked-up cartoon. Just what I need.

And, of course, he saw her, too. Ignoring all the travel agents, he walked right up and embraced her. “Jade! You look…interesting.”

Yeah…pigtails and jeans weren’t exactly the retro-glam he was accustomed to. They weren’t what anyone was accustomed to from her. She tried to shrug it off. “I was trying something different.”

“Well, it is most assuredly that.” He paused, as if searching for the right thing to say after the backhanded compliment. “I’m glad we ran into each other. I wasn’t sure I’d see you again before I left.”

“Yeah, neither was I. Right after we had dinner, I ended up with the flu or something. I’ve been playing catch-up ever since.” Why was she making excuses? Even with the truth. She didn’t need to be like this. She ran her life on snark, sex, and vodka—at least one of which was always on hand—why wasn’t she wielding it now?

“I’m sorry to hear that. I assume your work-in-progress is still going well?”

Work in… Oh, he meant her and Dean. “Still in progress. I was looking at options for going away this weekend. What are you doing here?”

“Sadly, nothing so exciting. A last-minute meeting the day
after
I was supposed to depart for Stockholm means I need to rearrange my travel plans, and you know how I hate leaving that for other people to do.”

“I remember.” When he’d brought up the idea of her going to Sweden with him before, he’d rambled about booking her flight and making sure everything was perfect. It was also the first time in their relationship where she’d said anything but yes to him. “I’m sure the ladies here will find something suitable.”

“Yes, I’m sure.” As she turned to leave, brochures clutched tightly in her hands, he continued, “In all honesty, I’m hoping they can find a flight with multiple seats left in first class.”

Translation from Swedish: he was still leaving her an opening if she wanted to take it. At this point, she didn’t even understand why he would bother. She hadn’t exactly given him any reason to believe she’d take him up on it.

“In that case, I…wish you lots of legroom.” She was gone from the building before she had a chance to say anything else stupid. Legroom? Why couldn’t she just commit to a yes or no? This wasn’t her. She hadn’t been her damn self since hearing the news that Isak was back in town.

Except for those first few weeks with Dean. That had been her, only better. She needed to know if she had any chance of getting that back, and she needed to know soon.

She spent the hours until Dean got home going over their trip options. While she wouldn’t mind a little sightseeing, what she really wanted was one-on-one time with him to get back to what they’d lost in the shuffle. And while they could do that anywhere, she wanted to go someplace that encouraged it, which threw San Francisco and Vegas off the pile. Hawaii, too.

By the time he walked in the door, she had narrowed it down to beaches or wine country. “Hey.”

“Hiya, kitten.” He strode up and kissed her tenderly. Then he stepped back and let his eyes rove over her. “This is a fun change. I’m kind of loving the pigtails.”

“Yeah, I… Wait. What?”

He shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing you all dolled up because it’s an amazing look on you, but I like this, too. It’s more relaxed. Relaxed is good.” He must have realized that the word would conjure thoughts of him passing out, because he ducked his head for a second. “I’m really embarrassed about last night, and I’d like to make it up to you.”

Fessing up to the clusterfuck of the night before hadn’t been anywhere on her list of ways tonight could go. It was a pleasant enough surprise that her own plans got shifted aside to make room for his. “Okay. What did you have in mind?”

“I want to take you away this weekend.”

Jade couldn’t help laughing as she gathered up the brochures and handed them over. “Great minds. I was thinking Napa. We could drink and—”

Dean cleared his throat. “I kind of booked a trip already.”

“You did? When?” He was on set all day.

“Dinner break. I asked around for recommendations, and then I made some calls and found this great spa thing for couples. I’d really like us to go.”

The ache in her back twinged as if trying to scream its approval. “Spa as in…massages?”

“Massages. Mud baths. I’m pretty sure they do it all there.” He arched a brow over eyes already ringed with dark circles. “What do you say? Want to spend a weekend taking care of all the things we never seem to have time for?”

He’d done this for her even though he was exhausted. Both of them had been thinking getaway, which meant they were still mostly in sync; they just needed a little tweaking to find their groove again. They weren’t over yet, she could feel it in every tense muscle and in the way her heart swelled looking at him. Smiling, Jade swept the remaining brochures into the trash. “I’m there. With bells—and maybe nothing else—on.”

…

Dean hadn’t been totally honest with Jade about their trip, but he was afraid she wouldn’t come if she knew the recommendation he’d gotten had been for a spa-styled couples’ retreat. And if that had happened, if she’d refused to even give this a chance, it meant they were just one step closer to the end. They needed to talk—really talk—and his attempts to make that happen back in L.A. had failed.

While his director hadn’t provided a lot of details, Dean had grabbed hold of the
saved my marriage
bit with both hands. Considering the loudly ticking clock l
ooming over his relationship with Jade, this place was his last-ditch effort to get them on the same page. And he honestly didn’t care which page it was anymore—safe and secure or wild and wicked—as long as they were together.

As it was, his evasion failed the instant they checked in.

“Oh, yes. Mister Hartley and Miss Easler! Welcome to the retreat.”

“Retreat?” Jade said under her breath.

The perky brunette at the desk was so bouncy, it was a shock she didn’t hop over the thing to hug them. Instead she just kept handing them stuff. “Here are your name tags and packets. That includes your spa appointment times as well as a list of rules.”

“Rules?” This time Jade didn’t bother being quiet.

Bouncy nodded. “Of course. Since the purpose of our therapy is to reach deeper than the physical relationship, we’re very uncompromising about the guidelines of the program.”

“Therapy?” Jade shot Dean a look that the receptionist seemed to miss. Probably a good thing since it was the kind of expression that might have killed anyone less determined than him.

“Oh. Don’t forget your keys.” She passed one packet to Jade and another to Dean.

Keys? As in plural? What the hell? Maybe I should have talked to Bernie a little more before making the reservations.
He kept his face calm, as if this wasn’t news to him. The actor in play once more—until they finally got past all this.

Jade shoved hers across the desk. “We only need one room, thanks.”

The key came right back. “I take it this is a surprise visit for you. Once you read the packet, you’ll understand. Enjoy your stay!”

As soon as they were out of the main building and walking toward their rooms, Jade rounded on him. “
What
is this?”

“It’s a spa, like I said, but it’s also a couple’s retreat.” Before she got in another word, he kept talking—ignoring the Isak Alfredsson-sized elephant standing between them. One way or another, they couldn’t keep going like they had been, something had to change or he’d lose her for good. More than anything else, he needed to stay calm. Husband-material was the role until they reached a point where he could move on to something more mutually agreeable. “We’ve been struggling a little, and I thought it’d be helpful to really examine where we are and what we’re doing before we make any rash decisions. Please just keep an open mind.”

They stepped up to their doors. Apparently they got to share a cabin, just separate sleeping space. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Dean released the handle of her suitcase and unlocked his room.

Jade stared at her door. “I’m trying. I’m really trying, but why the hell do we have two rooms? If it’s a couple’s retreat, shouldn’t we be…together?”

“I didn’t get to look into the program here all that much before I booked, but Bernie recommended the place, said coming here saved his marriage.” And if it could save a marriage on the verge of collapse, surely it could help the two of them. He smiled and brushed her hair off her cheek, his touch lingering as he allowed his mask to slip a little—to give her a glimpse at what they
had
been. “I’m sure the paperwork explains everything. Why don’t you freshen up and take a look at it. Besides, rules were made to be broken. It’s not like they’re going to monitor us the whole weekend.”

“Okay,” she said, sighing and grabbing her bag.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind him, Dean sagged against it, exhausted both from work and from trying to be someone he really wasn’t. When he’d mentioned minimizing sex, this wasn’t what he’d had in mind. How could he have known the director would take things so damn literally? Still, he and Jade had gone days without sex before. Surely they could handle one overnight. He’d make it up to her at home tomorrow.

He hated that she was upset, though, hated that they’d come to this point, but they could get back on track, as soon as they figured out how to talk to each other. This retreat was going to make them stronger—and if Dean had his say, permanently remove Alfredsson from the picture, so they could get back to being with each other.

The cabin, on the other hand, was going to make him go stir crazy. It was smaller than Jade’s guest room, with barely enough space for a double bed, a chair, and a dresser. A door on the other side of the bed led to a utilitarian bathroom. This place definitely wasn’t designed to be romantic. He tossed his bag on the bed and sat down.

A shriek from Jade’s room had him right back on his feet. He rushed to the door, only to find he couldn’t open it. The thing was locked from the outside. “Jade, are you okay? I can’t get to you. My door’s locked.”

“Go. To. The. Goddamn. Confessional.” Her words were so clipped he wasn’t sure if she was doing it on purpose to make herself heard or if she was that angry.

Confessional?
What the hell was she talking about? Then he saw it, a small door on the wall just over the head of the bed. He opened it to find an ornate metal screen separating him from a furious Jade. “Uh…are you okay?”

“Did you look into this retreat
at all
before you booked it?”

“Briefly, but I mainly booked on Bernie’s recommendation.” He’d wanted to make sure it had all the things they could need to help them relax. “I know it has a spa with massages and mud baths and yoga and—”

The anger on her face melted away a bit. “I meant the other part.”

“No. But it’s a couple’s retreat. Aren’t they kind of all the same?”

Her forehead hit the top of the little confessional window. “No. Apparently part of the program here involves the couple having
zero
physical contact. Hence the separate rooms. Hence the doors that automatically lock. Good news—in the event of an emergency, they also automatically unlock. But basically when we aren’t let out for sessions, we’re in here, with nothing to do but talk to each other through a damn screen.”

Shit. He flipped open the paperwork and read:

Our research finds that, when in trouble, many couples turn to their physical relationship for the purpose of repairing what is damaged. This only leads to problems being ignored until they compound and build into something impossible to overcome. In order to aid couples in getting to the root of their problems, we therefore prohibit physical contact while…

She was going to kill him. Dean rested his head next to the tiny window, trying to meet Jade’s eyes through the screen. This wasn’t the time to put on an act. She needed the real him or they’d never make it through this, regardless of how much they probably needed it. “I didn’t know. I swear, I didn’t. I was trying to help us, kitten. I miss you.”

She blew out a breath then pressed her lips together. “I miss you, too. All I wanted for this weekend was for us to be together without the rest of the world getting in the way. I want to touch you without exhaustion or the flu or a baby slowing us down.”

“I want that, too.” He reached his pinky through one of the openings in the screen, and she hooked her finger around his. It was about as innocent as touch could get, but separated as they were, touching her at all was exhilarating. He wasn’t going to lose her; he couldn’t. The air conditioning kicked on—loud enough that she probably didn’t hear the rest of his confession. “But I want it forever.”