Playing With Fire (9 page)

Which is exactly what she'd done with Matt.

He hadn't slept by himself that night in Joey's bed. She'd been with him, physically, emotionally, and in every way possible a woman can be with a man. He didn't deserve to be shut out of her life or the decisions she was making which concerned him. But how much should she let him in and what kind of impact would that have on their jobs?

Changing the subject, Lindsay said, “Emilio mentioned the test results might be posted today."

"So I heard,” he said, giving her a mildly curious look. “Nervous?"

"Yes.” She hadn't intended to be so blunt and softened her response. “A little. You?"

"Naw.” He made a face. “I don't stand a chance."

"Of course you do."

"I didn't study for the last part."

"I don't believe you!"

"Afraid so."

Lindsay couldn't comprehend Matt's cavalier attitude about something so important. She wanted to make engineer. Needed to. That one feat, she believed, would earn her the respect she craved. Only then would the men stop treating her as second rate, like Dennis did. “I can't take things as they come, like you do."

"Don't sweat it,” Matt said optimistically. “You're a shoo-in."

"I'm not so sure.” Lindsay considered the other candidates testing. Even with Matt's elimination, the competition was still stiff. She scraped the toe of her right shoe along the blacktop. Finally, she found the courage to voice her concern, one of those complications Matt didn't think they had. “What if I'm promoted? How would you feel about that?"

"Terrific."

"You wouldn't resent me?"

He gave her a puzzled look. “Why would I?"

Did he not understand? “I'd outrank you."

Matt chuckled. “Is that what's bothering you? Well, let me put your mind at ease."

"You don't mind taking orders from a woman?"

"Depends on the orders,” he teased.

"Be serious."

"I am."

Though his had tone changed, she didn't quite believe him. “You don't want to make engineer?"

"Yeah. Sure.” He shifted, readjusting his weight. “Eventually. When it's for the right reasons. I get my satisfaction from the job itself, not the rank I hold."

"That's very noble of you,” she said, recalling her own less than noble ambitions.

"Don't go erecting any statues in my honor just yet. My motives are selfish."

"How so?"

"I'm a typical guy. Into speed, action, the adrenaline rush that comes from taking risks.” He smiled wryly. “Sometimes, I think my dad's right. I'm nothing more than a grown-up kid."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Besides.” She scrunched her mouth to one side and contemplated the setting sun as it dipped below the horizon. “Ambition's not all it's cracked up to be."

"I think it's great you want to move up. We could use more women in higher level positions."

"I'd like to be Battalion Chief one day.” She didn't realize how much until she said it.

"You will. And making engineer is the first step.” Abruptly, he pushed off the wall and moved close to her, closer than was necessary to carry on a casual conversation. “Enough chit chat. Let's talk about us."

"That's probably not a good idea."

Probably? Lindsay knew full well it wasn't a good idea. In the span of a single indrawn breath, the atmosphere changed from companionable to intimate. For two weeks, she'd managed to prevent this kind of thing from happening. And now it had, under the most mundane circumstances.

At an unexpected clicking noise overhead, Lindsay started and felt foolish for it. The exterior light had come on, activated by an automatic timer. It glowed hazily, which only served to heighten the mood. Were she smart, she'd concoct some excuse and run for safety. She didn't, however. Her traitorous mouth and feet refused to cooperate.

Matt leaned in, reducing the space separating them by another few inches, and reached for her hand. Every nerve ending in Lindsay's body came instantly alive, humming with anticipation. She took a cautionary step backwards, afraid if he touched her, she'd snap, crackle, and pop like a severed live wire.

"I want to see you, Lindsay. Be with you.” He countered her retreat with a large stride forward. “Let's have dinner tomorrow night."

She rubbed her arms, trying without success to erase the goose bumps erupting there. “We can't.” One of them had to be sensible.

"You're right. Tomorrow night's too far away. “We'll go for breakfast in the morning after our shift is over."

"Impossible."

"You have plans?"

"That's not the reason."

"Why then?” He bent down and nuzzled her cheek with his.

True to her earlier prediction, the contact set off a series of tiny explosions throughout her body. Fearing he'd kiss her—or she'd kiss him—she turned her head. “We always eat breakfast here. Together."

"Skip it."

"Emilio and Dennis will wonder why."

"That doesn't wash and you know it. What's the real reason?"

He was right. She had been making excuses. “The problem is we work together."

"Other firefighters date."

"Not many."

"Rhonda and Lee Schaeffer are married."

"They're not assigned to the same station."

"They were at first. He wasn't transferred until after they became engaged."

For one completely insane second, Lindsay pictured an identical scenario with her and Matt.
Ridiculous
, she chided herself. He was asking her out, not proposing.

"It would be awkward. And Emilio won't approve.” Not to mention Dennis. He'd never give her a moment's peace if she and Matt were to openly date.

"There'll be obstacles,” Matt conceded. “I won't disagree with you on that.” He pressed his mouth to her ear and spoke in a husky whisper. “But I promise you, the benefits will outweigh them."

"I-I—"

"Callahan! Pfeiffer,” Dennis hollered from inside the apparatus room, the large open area where the engine was parked. “Where are you?"

Lindsay sprang back as if she'd been stuck with a hot poker. Her heel caught on a rough patch of blacktop, and she teetered unsteadily.

Matt looped an arm around her waist and reeled her in. “I've got you."

Naturally, Dennis appeared through the side door at that exact moment.

"Hey!” He frowned suspiciously. “What's going on here?"

Where was a good hiding place when you needed one?

She'd forgotten about the meeting with Emilio, and now Dennis had been dispatched to fetch her. Great. More ammunition for him to use against her.

"She stumbled,” Matt answered blithely and dropped his arm, acting as if he cared less. The wink he gave her when Dennis glanced the other way implied differently. “What's up, Dennis?” he asked.

"The captain wants to see the two of you in his office. ASAP."

Confused, Lindsay said, “I thought he wanted to see you and me."

"Guess he was sidetracked when he checked his email.” Dennis smirked. “The test results have been posted."

Matt placed a hand on the small of Lindsay's back and propelled her forward. “Go."

He didn't have to tell her twice. She was already on the move. She'd been waiting weeks for this. Matt and Dennis were right behind her, their heavy footsteps echoing off the walls. Even the pup joined the fray, trotting alongside Lindsay and yipping.

Lindsay clenched her fists into tight balls. The trip down the corridor seemed to take forever, during which a whole series of negative ‘what-ifs’ ran through her head. She mentally pushed them aside, reminding herself she'd studied hard and knew the material inside and out. At the end of each test session, she'd walked away confident she'd done her best.

She'd make engineer. She simply had to.

At the entrance to Emilio's office, Matt briefly touched her arm in a small gesture of support. She smiled over her shoulder at him in return.

"Come in, come in,” Emilio bellowed when he spotted Lindsay standing in his doorway. He sat at his desk, the computer screen to his left flickering.

Lindsay's hopes escalated at the sight of him. He stared straight at her, grinning like he'd just won the lottery. She and Matt squeezed into the compact office, crowding in front of the desk.

"Dennis, you wait outside.” Emilio motioned Lindsay and Matt nearer. “Look there.” Beaming, he pointed to the screen and tapped it with the tip of his index finger.

Lindsay squinted and scanned the official announcement, along with the list of names it contained. It took several ticks of the wall clock for reality to sink in. She blinked. And blinked again. Her eyes weren't deceiving her. Emotion welled up inside her, clogging her throat.

"Congratulations,” Emilio said heartily and swung around in his chair, his hand extended across the desk. “I'm proud of you. Both of you."

"Thank you.” Lindsay swallowed hard and shook his hand, then watched silently as the two men also shook hands. When they were done, she turned to face Matt, her smile bright.

And forced.

With a calmness that belied the turmoil inside her, she said, “Congratulations."

"Lindsay.” He looked unhappy. Not like someone who had just made engineer.

"Who'd have believed it?” Emilio's chair squeaked as he stood up. “The two highest scores are from my crew. I figured Lindsay for a top spot. But you, Matt?” He chuckled and thumped his chest as if jump-starting his stalled heart. “The shock nearly did me in."

Yes. Quite a shock
.

"Only two-hundredths of a point separate your scores,” Emilio went on, ignorant of the renewed friction between his two crew members. “It's like the Olympics. The difference is so small, it's practically nonexistent."

For Lindsay, two-hundredths of a point might as well have been twenty.

She'd come in second. Not only that, she'd come in second to Matt. He didn't even want to be engineer. Or so he'd said.

Emilio didn't appear to notice he was the only one of the three talking. “I'll be losing one or the other of you before long. You're in line for the next opening, Lindsay."

Matt spoke for the first time. “She's in line for this one."

"Can't you read?” Emilio joked, tapping the computer screen again.

Matt inhaled sharply. “I'm declining the promotion. Lindsay's the one who deserves it."

"No, you aren't!” The vehemence of her denial had both men gawking at her. She waited until she could trust her voice not to betray her, then said to Matt, “The promotion's yours. You've earned it."

"She's right, Matt. You did.” Emilio came around the desk, herding them from his office into the hall. “And her turn will be here before long.” He waved them away. “Now get outta here, you two. I'm sure there're a few phone calls you want to make. Oh, and Lindsay,” he said as an afterthought. “I want to see you back here in fifteen minutes."

"Yes, sir."

Damn. Once again because of Matt, she'd forgotten about the meeting with Emilio and Dennis. Since skipping work wasn't an option, she made a beeline for her bedroom. There, at least, she'd have a few minutes of privacy to steel herself for the upcoming emotional blow. Her second one for the day.

"Lindsay. Wait up."

She ignored Matt. He persisted, blocking her bedroom door with his foot before she could shut it.

"Stay out."

"We need to talk."

"Not now,” she hissed and jimmied the door.

His foot held fast. “I had no idea. You have to believe me."

The trouble was, she did. And that's what hurt the most. She'd worked her tail off, only to lose to someone who hadn't cared enough to study. The fight drained out of her, and she sagged in defeat.

Lightning quick, Matt pushed open the door. But he didn't enter her bedroom. He wouldn't, not without an invitation. And they both knew one wasn't forthcoming.

"I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes and sighed, disliking scenes and wishing Matt would leave. “Me, too."

"Challenge the results."

Her eyes flew open. “Are you nuts!"

"Our scores were so close, there could have been a mistake."

"Forget it."

"I wasn't kidding back there, Lindsay. I'll decline the promotion."

"No, you won't.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I wasn't kidding, either. I'll make engineer. But I'll do it on my own. Not because you disqualify yourself."

A moment passed before he responded. “Okay. I can respect that. And like Emilio said, your turn will be here before long."

He most likely didn't intend to patronize her, but it still sounded that way. “Leave me alone, Matt. Emilio is getting ready to chew me out for fighting with Dennis and I'd really like some time by myself beforehand."

"We're still on for breakfast in the morning, right?"

"We were never on for breakfast.” She pushed the door shut.

He caught the edge of it with his hand. “This changes nothing between us."

"You're wrong, Matt,” she said dejectedly. “It changes everything."

Chapter 6

"There you are, Lindsay. Take a load off your feet.” Emilio inclined his head toward the visitor chair beside his desk.

Lindsay sat and wished she could lighten the load on her heart as easily as she did her feet. The brief respite in her bedroom hadn't been nearly sufficient. It would take more like a week for her to overcome the disappointment of losing the promotion to Matt.

The stray pup lay in a corner by the filing cabinet, destroying the cardboard tube from a roll of paper towels. Lindsay no sooner settled in when he lumbered over, planted two oversized front paws on her knees and proceeded to slobber her face with wet, sloppy kisses. Gently, she pushed him away. Lindsay liked dogs and had owned many through the years. During college, she'd supplemented her income by working summers as a dog obedience instructor. Were it not for her hectic lifestyle, she'd own one now.

Cats, being a lower maintenance pet, were a better fit. His Highness, a pint-sized tabby with visions of grandeur, had come to live with Lindsay last year. A housewarming gift from her stepsister, Mahina.

"Sit,” Lindsay said and pushed the pup's behind to the floor with the flat of her hand. He obeyed, and she absently stroked the smooth fur between his ears. “Good boy.” He stared at her with adoring eyes, his tail thumping loudly on the tile floor.