Playing With Pleasure (14 page)

The last four days had been crazy busy, and she knew it was only going to get worse. The material for the bridesmaid dress had arrived at her boutique the day before, which left her only a week and a half to create a gown for Melissa’s wedding, on top of doing all the finishing touches on the corsets she planned to show on the runway at the bridal expo the weekend after that. During downtime at the shop, she’d enlisted Summer’s help with the easier sewing tasks while she came up with a figure-flattering silhouette for the bridesmaid dress and started implementing the design.

It was a project she didn’t have the spare time for. But considering her only other option was pouring herself into the original dress Ashley had chosen for them to wear, she was making it a priority, and she was actually excited with the concept she’d come up with for the gown. Just this afternoon, she’d met up with Melissa and Ashley to pick out the shoes for the dresses, a chunk of time that Paige had to squeeze into her insane schedule because Ashley insisted she be at the store to get the same shoes
she
selected so at least their heels matched.

What Paige quickly realized was that Ashley’s insistence on her being present for the shoe selection had been more of an attempt to grill Paige about Sawyer.
How was your dinner? Where did you go? Are you going to see him again?
Paige’s replies had been vague and short, which had irritated her stepsister, but Paige didn’t care. Whatever was happening between her and Sawyer felt like a fresh start, and she didn’t want to taint their…relationship? Affair? Fling? She wasn’t sure what to call it…by allowing her sister to be privy to anything between her and Sawyer.

Not that a whole lot had happened since that past Saturday night at his house, she thought as she drizzled her fragrant, peach-scented soap on the shower pouf. Sawyer had taken off for another week-long assignment on Sunday and wouldn’t be back until Friday night, but he texted her throughout each day and had called her in the evenings just to chat about their respective days. He didn’t miss an opportunity to flirt with her, though he steered clear of anything overtly sexual. It was a fun, amusing kind of banter that made her smile and laugh and feel good. The kind of playful exchanges that gave her butterflies and made her feel like a girl with a crush on a hot guy.

Their easy conversation reminded her of those early days of dating him, when he’d been so patient in his pursuit. He was being very patient now, but after last Saturday night and Sawyer’s candid statement about what he wanted—
to strip her bare, bind her for his pleasure, and for her to give him her complete trust
—she was now keenly aware of just how deeply those darker desires of his ran, as well as his intentions.

When she was ready to take that next step.

She finished soaping up her body, the admission of what Sawyer wanted from her always in the back of her mind. He was asking to strip her bare, not only physically but mentally and emotionally, as well. The latter scared her the most, because it included the kind of intimacy that would leave her vulnerable and exposed, in ways that could break her heart all over again. Yet a deeper, more essential part of her truly longed to be the woman that Sawyer coveted. The one who would submit to his need to tie her up and readily surrender to his demands.

She’d allowed him that indulgence at The Players Club, but she had a feeling that him restraining her wrists was just a bit of light bondage compared to what he was
really
capable of with those ropes—the aggression, the dominance, the control. She’d been privy to those alpha tendencies when she’d followed through on her desire to suck his cock Saturday evening—his mastery over her movements, the painful grip of her hair in his fist that had aroused her, and the authority in his voice when he’d ordered her to take him deeper, then held her in place as he’d climaxed down her throat, giving her no choice but to swallow everything.

What did it say about her that she’d loved the roughness, the force, and the wickedness of it all?

She moaned as the water rinsing her skin trickled between her thighs, caressing her sensitive, aching clit. She thought about sliding her fingers along that slick flesh to take the edge off, but she realized she wanted to save the orgasm for Sawyer. Which meant she was actually
considering
his proposition. She wanted what Sawyer was offering sexually, even if she was a bit hesitant about what to expect. But maybe if she better understood his need for ropes and dominance, it would help her make that final decision and take that next step with him.

Finished with her shower, she turned off the water, dried off, and put on a comfy pair of pajamas. She crawled into bed, groaning at the time—10:40 p.m.—when she had to be up at seven a.m. to get to the shop early to juggle the steady orders coming in, meet with Stephanie to go over the runway design for the upcoming bridal show, and start the sewing process of the bridesmaid dress.

The cell phone she’d tossed onto the bed on her way to the bathroom buzzed, and she picked it up, seeing a text from Sawyer, which surprised her. She’d messaged him earlier that evening from the shop that it was going to be a long night, and she didn’t expect to hear from him this late.

Smiling despite how tired she was, she unlocked her phone and read his text message.

I know it’s late. Call me if you feel like talking. I’m watching reruns of
The Kardashians
in my hotel room and desperately need an intervention.

She laughed out loud, unable to resist dialing his cell phone number. He picked up on the first ring.

“Thank God you called,” he immediately said. “I’m both horrified and oddly fascinated by these people. It’s like a train wreck I can’t look away from.”

She chuckled again and settled herself against the soft pillows pushed against the headboard. “Why are you even watching that show?”

“I was bored, there was nothing on regular TV, and I totally got sucked in,” he admitted. “Man, that’s one messed up, dysfunctional family.”

No more than either of our families,
she thought to herself.

“How are you?” he asked, the care in his voice warming her.

“Tired. Exhausted, actually, but not in a bad way.” She’d rather be insanely busy, which meant her business was growing and thriving. “I’m presenting a brand new corset line at the bridal expo in a few weeks, and there are so many things I need to do to get ready for the runway presentation. And I need to get the dress made for Melissa’s wedding, which is next weekend.”

“Are you sure you can’t opt out of the latter?”

She wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, but considering how he’d reacted when she’d told him about the fiasco of trying on the original bridesmaid dress, he was probably serious. “No, I can’t. It’s one day out of my life, and then it’s done.”

“You’re way too gracious,” he grumbled, then she heard a rustling sound, as if he was shifting to get more comfortable on his bed. “Hey, I got a text from Logan today. Looks like I’ve been summoned by Queen Raina.”

Paige grinned at the droll tone of Sawyer’s voice, as well as the imperious nickname he’d given her friend. She’d received the same message from Raina, for her and Sawyer to have dinner with the two of them on Saturday evening, but hadn’t replied yet. “Summoned?” she asked, questioning his use of the formal word.

“That’s what I figure the invitation to dinner really is in disguise,” he said, sounding more amused than annoyed. “It’s a summons to appear so Raina can make sure that you’re not making a mistake dating me again.”

Dating.
The word, and its romantic implications, made her stomach flutter.

“Your friends are protective as hell,” he grumbled good-naturedly.

“I know,” she said, smiling, which was something she was doing a whole lot of this past week when it came to him and his texts and calls. “My girlfriends are awesome, so you better be on your best behavior at dinner so Raina has no reason to bust your chops.”

He chuckled, the deliciously male sound making her shiver. “And I have no doubt she’s more than capable of busting more than just my chops.”

“So, you’ll go to dinner?” she asked.

“If it means spending time with you, then yes, I’ll suffer through Raina’s interrogation,” he joked.

She rolled her eyes at his exaggeration, even though he couldn’t see the gesture. “So, how was
your
day?”

“Long. Incredibly boring,” he said of the human rights activist, Jonathan Redding, who he’d been assigned to protect during a series of speeches this week after the other man had received a few death threats. “Same day, different city.”

Paige’s mind went back to the thoughts she’d mulled over in the shower, and she decided she needed to know and understand a few things about Sawyer, and there was no better time than the present to find out.

“Why do you like using ropes?” she asked before she lost the nerve.

The other end of the line went silent for a few heartbeats before he replied. “Okay, I so didn’t see that question coming,” he finally said, as if it had taken him extra moments to switch mental gears from talking about his job to being asked about his sexual preferences.

When he remained quiet for what seemed like forever, disappointment swept through Paige. “Would you rather not say or talk about it?”

“There is nothing you can’t ask me, and I’ll always answer honestly,” he said. “I’m just trying to think of the best way to explain about the ropes. Nobody has ever asked me that question before, and it’s not as simple as ‘I like tying women up.’”

His tone was so serious she knew he wasn’t joking about that last comment. The ropes obviously symbolized something for him, and since she really wanted him to share the reasons, and this was important for her, as well, she waited patiently for him to go on.

He cleared his throat before speaking. “When I left for the military, I definitely had a rebellious streak and a chip on my shoulder. I carried a lot of resentment and anger because of the situation with my parents, and that made me feel out of control and even reckless at times. Add to that the stress and anxiety of being in Iraq, always being on guard, and watching a few of my friends lose their lives in combat, and that rage inside me built and intensified.”

Paige listened in stunned silence. This was something she’d never known about Sawyer, and she found it hard to imagine him as a brooding young guy. Yet somewhere along the way, he’d learned to deal with his issues and had grown into a strong, stable man. She was grateful for the insight and that he trusted her enough to share such a difficult time in his life.

“I started drinking a lot on my downtime to numb the anger, which made me short-tempered and confrontational,” he went on. “I even got into a few brawls in bars when I was on leave. Thank God my buddies were around to break up those fights and sober me up. I knew I had a problem, and I kept searching for a way to calm those anxieties that didn’t include alcohol.”

He released a heavy breath, as if he carried a lot of regrets about his past behavior. “When I was twenty-two, I was stationed in Japan for a year, and it was such a refreshing change from the Middle East. But I knew it was likely that I’d be sent back to Iraq at some point, and just thinking about that possibility increased my anxieties, my nightmares, and had me so irritable and on edge.”

“PTSD,” she murmured, her heart aching for him.

“Yeah,” he said gruffly, confirming her guess. “One night, while some friends and I were off duty, we went to a sex club. While my buddies paired off with women, I ended up observing a scene between a couple, where the man was using ropes on the woman in very intricate patterns. I was immediately fascinated, and just watching the rhythmic weaving of the ropes calmed me in a way that I hadn’t felt in a long time. So, I asked for a demonstration.”

“So, it’s not like regular bondage then?” she asked curiously.

“It’s actually an artistic form of rope bondage called Shibari. Over the course of the year that I was in Japan, one of the masters at the club taught me various knots and patterns, and how the ropes and their texture provide contrast to smooth skin and curves. The positioning of knots in certain places also stimulates pressure points on the submissive’s body, which can induce sub space for the woman.”

“Sub space?” she questioned, not having heard that term before.

“It’s like a runner’s high,” he explained. “An increase of endorphins that creates a trance-like experience for the bottom. If she’s relaxed and trusts her partner, it can be extremely pleasurable, orgasmic even. They call it rope drunk,” he said humorously.

Undeniably intrigued, Paige closed her eyes, imagining Sawyer skillfully weaving those ropes around her body, making
her
rope drunk, and her pulse raced with arousal. “And what does it do for you?” she asked breathlessly.

“It calms me. Mentally and spiritually,” he said, his tone low and husky. “It releases any anxiety and stress and gets me out of my own head while giving me a rush of adrenaline. And I like how in control it makes me feel.”

In control of her.
That’s what it would be, she knew. Her acquiescing all power to Sawyer…for immense pleasure in return, according to him. “Is it something you need all the time?”

“No. But I like it,” he admitted honestly, a smile in his voice. “It’s my drug of choice, if that makes sense.”

“Yes, it does.” Now,
everything
made sense. His explanation eased her mind, as well as gave her a clearer understanding of his needs and why he wanted to use his ropes on her. She knew he’d never hurt her, and if he could confide in her with something so deeply personal, she wanted to trust him with her body in return. There were no doubts or uncertainty over her decision, just a heady anticipation of all the pleasures that awaited her.

“Sawyer?” she whispered.

“Yeah?” he replied, his husky voice already making her restless.

She swallowed hard and made the leap. “I’m ready.”

*     *     *

I’m ready.

Sawyer couldn’t remember two words being so powerful. So exhilarating. So humbling, and he recognized Paige’s acquiescence for the selfless gift that it was. One he intended to cherish. He didn’t take her trust for granted and knew how hard it was for her to open herself up this way. He was determined that she wouldn’t regret taking this next step with him.