Playlist for a Broken Heart (7 page)

As we stood there, I noticed a group of teenagers walk past. They stopped on the opposite side to us to watch, although I could see they were more interested in Clover and Tasmin than the
singer. I also noticed another boy go to join them.

It was Niall, my new next-door neighbour. He was on his own this time. He listened for a few moments then started heckling the boy, then awoo-howling like a dog. The performer finished his song,
glanced at Niall then moved off.
How mean
, I thought and I gave Niall a filthy look. He noticed me looking at him and winked. I rolled my eyes as if to say, ‘I am
so
not
interested in you’. He clearly didn’t get the message because he came over.

‘Hey Tas,’ he said to my cousin. ‘Who’s your new friend?’

‘Someone
way
out of your league,’ said Tasmin. Her phone bleeped that she had a text and she pulled Clover over to look at the message.

Niall turned to me. ‘I’m Niall,’ he said and gave me what I presume was supposed to be a killer watt smile.

‘And
I’m
not interested.’

For a second, hurt registered on his face and I almost regretted my abrupt response. Then I remembered what I’d seen yesterday and today – three girls in under twenty-four hours and
him heckling some innocent street performer. He was not a nice guy.

‘So you’re staying with Tasmin?’ he asked.

I nodded and looked away in the hope that he’d go away.

‘I saw you looking at me,’ he said.

‘I was not.’

‘You were. In the garden yesterday, then again today by the sausage stall, and if I’m not mistaken you were even spying on me from behind the curtains in Tasmin’s
bedroom.’

I couldn’t believe it. The cheek of him. ‘As
if.
I was not spying on you. For your information, I’d just arrived in Bath and was looking out of the window to see where
I was.’

Niall put his hand over his heart. ‘And then you saw me.’

‘Only by accident, I can assure you.’

‘So where have you come from?’

‘London. Not that it’s any of your business. And by the way, I saw you with three different girls, two yesterday and one today. Do they all know about each other?’

Niall raised an eyebrow. ‘Excuse me?’

‘Three girls in two days?’ I repeated.

‘Er . . . none of your business,’ he said, but his eyes were twinkling as if he found our whole exchange highly amusing. ‘So you
were
watching me then?’

‘I was
so
not watching you. I told you, I just happened to be looking out of the window.’

‘Ah, but maybe that was fate making you look just as I walked by.’

‘Pff,’ I said and wished I could think of some brilliant put-down.

‘So you’re a mate of Tasmin’s? You don’t look like one of her usual crowd.’

He was starting to annoy me. ‘And what does her usual crowd look like?’ I asked.

‘More glamorous.’

Insulting as well as full of himself
, I thought.
This boy really is something
. ‘Well, your hair needs washing,’ I said.

Niall looked shocked. ‘Wow. What side of bed did you get out of ?’

‘You just insulted me saying Tasmin’s friends are more glamorous.’

‘I didn’t mean it in a bad way. You just don’t have Tas’s loads of make-up, hair-extension look or Clover’s vintage queen style—’

‘I don’t really
care
what you think,’ I said.

Niall sighed. I got the feeling that I was starting to annoy him too.
Good
, I thought.
Boys as good-looking as he is think they just have to look at a girl and she falls at his
feet. Well, not me.

He ran the fingers on his left hand through his hair. ‘Well at least I can do something about my hair needing washing, whereas you can’t change the way you look.’

‘That’s really rude.’

‘And so is telling me my hair needs washing. Actually, I’ve just been at the gym. It’s wet from the shower, that’s all.’

‘If you say so. Anyway, heckling that guy’s singing was really mean.’

Niall’s eyes narrowed and I felt as if I had hit a nerve. ‘You don’t know the whole story there,’ he said. ‘I guess it looked mean but . . . we have
history.’

‘Like what? Tell me? I’d like to understand why you scared some kid off, then snogged three girls in less than twenty-four hours, and
then
insulted me.’

Niall sighed. ‘I didn’t snog three girls . . . er . . . only two. Look. I came over to be friendly. Clearly not a good idea. OK, just forget it. I think I’ll be going
now.’

‘
Me
too,’ I said.

Niall turned to go, then turned back. ‘Just one thing before I go, Miss Judgemental. What you see isn’t always what’s going on.’

‘Meaning?’

‘Don’t make judgements until you know all the facts.’

‘You mean like what I saw with my own two eyes?’

A look of exasperation flashed across Niall’s face. ‘I give up. You’re obviously one of those stuck-up girls who thinks you know it all.’

‘And you’re obviously one of those boys who’s full of himself, insensitive and mean.’

I suddenly realised that Tasmin and Clover had finished on the phone and were listening in.

‘Ah love at first sight,’ said Tasmin.

‘As
if
,’ chorused Niall and I.

I turned and walked away. I couldn’t stand another minute with him. He was
so
annoying. Clover and Tasmin ran to catch me up as I hurried down the pavement. I’d never had
such a horrible conversation with anyone, ever, and it had upset me.

‘Hey, slow down,’ said Clover. ‘Tasmin was only teasing and so probably was Niall.’

‘He’s such a creep,’ I said.

‘So don’t let him get to you,’ said Tasmin. ‘He loves winding girls up. He thinks it’s big. Don’t react. That’s what he wants.’

I nodded. I felt cross with him and cross with myself for giving my feelings away.
There’s a good reason I’m so reserved usually – the less people know about what’s
going on inside of me, the less they can be horrible
, I thought.

Clover linked one arm and Tasmin the other. ‘Come on, let’s go home and listen to music. Not all boys are like Niall, Paige. Honestly there are some really nice ones in
Bath.’

‘And we just happen to know most of them,’ said Clover.

They were doing their best to make me feel better but it was too late. I felt exposed and insecure.
One thing I do know for certain though
, I told myself,
and that is that I’m
going to avoid Niall Peterson for the rest of my time in Bath
.

Later that day, Tasmin went off to Clover’s house. I didn’t want to outstay my welcome and be a Miss Tag-Along so I went home and up to my bedroom. I noticed the
Songs for Sarah
CD lying where Tasmin had left it on her chest of drawers. I put it in the player and lay back on the bed to listen.

Allegra. She was my far-away friend. The words of the song brought tears to my eyes.

New school. New nightmare. April the eighth. It was a day I’d been dreading ever since I’d heard that I’d be changing schools, though part of me had blocked
it out as far as I could because I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.

Tasmin and I got up the next morning, had breakfast, then got a lift with Uncle Mike who teaches music at the same school. Tasmin was in the black-and-white uniform of the school with her skirt
hoiked short as usual. I’d been told I was OK to wear my own clothes until I got the uniform but I’d dressed in a pair of black trousers and white shirt so that I didn’t stand out
as the newbie too much.

I felt removed from what was going on like it was happening to someone else and any moment I’d snap out of the numb state of mind I was in, wake up and things would be back to normal. The
last few weeks would all have been a bad dream. As I sat in the back of the car and looked out of the window at the cars and buses filled with pupils heading for the same school, I felt my stomach
churn with anxiety.

Once we’d arrived at Queensmead and Uncle Mike had dropped us off at the front, we saw Clover waiting for us at the tall glass door leading to reception. Even in school uniform, she
managed to look cool with her hair pulled back flat on top of her head and rolled up at the back in a nineteen-fifties type bun. The style suited her and highlighted her lovely heart-shaped face.
She linked arms with me. ‘You OK?’ she asked.

‘Not sure,’ I replied as we followed Tasmin inside. Changing school was not part of how I’d seen my year unfolding back on December the thirty-first when Allegra and I had made
our new year’s resolutions and talked over our plans, but there was no going back. It felt like someone had a very firm hand in the small of my back and was propelling me into this new and
unfamiliar chapter.

I also felt that I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it, and that was difficult too. I definitely couldn’t open up to Mum and Dad. They were struggling with their own adjustment
and I didn’t want to add to their worry. Tasmin and Clover had been kind and sympathetic and, because of that, I didn’t feel I could open up to them either. They might think I thought I
was too good for their school or that I was always miserable, and so not want to spend any time with me. I didn’t want to blow the beginning of the only friendships I had so far. The only
person I’d confided in was Allegra and she’d sent me a text early in the morning with three kisses. It was sweet of her but hearing from her only reminded me that she was on her own way
into school, the school back in London where I belonged and knew my way around.

‘It will be fine,’ said Tasmin, as if picking up on my thoughts. ‘Most people are OK here. Come on, we’ll do a quick tour and show you where everything is before
lessons.’

We pushed our way through corridors busy with pupils bustling and hustling to get past each other, greeting friends, getting to the hall or a classroom. A cacophony of adolescent voices made the
noise level almost unbearable and I struggled to hear anything Tasmin or Clover said to me as they pointed out various landmarks – the library, the loos, the main hall, the canteen. Tasmin
had told me that there were one and a half thousand pupils at this school. There had been four hundred at my old one.

We finally got to the common room for Year Ten and Eleven where the mania ceased. It was quiet at last when Clover shut a door behind us. My first impression was that the room smelt of Pot
Noodles. A number of pupils were already in there, some seated. A group of girls were making tea at a kettle by a sink in the left corner, others were catching up with gossip from the holidays,
judging by the shrieks of laughter. ‘And then what did he do?’ I heard one of them ask. A dark-haired boy was absorbed in his laptop near the window, another couple were sitting in the
corner chatting. All of them looked up when we walked in, curious glances checking me out. I wanted to slope away and observe from a corner but Tasmin pointed to me and said in a loud voice,
‘New girl alert. Name of Paige Lord. My cousin. Be nice or else.’

The girls at the kettle gave me a weary wave then turned back to their drinks and chat. The boys went back to what they were doing. Clearly, I wasn’t worthy of any more interest.

Tasmin and Clover were soon busy catching up with the girls at the kettle and I grabbed a seat to take in the new environment – tall windows in need of a good clean to the left,
noticeboard with various posters to the right, lockers at the far end, and rows of well-worn brown fabric chairs arranged to make benches along the middle and back of the room. Inside me a battle
was taking place.

One part of me felt about five years old, overwhelmed, bewildered and finding it hard to breathe when I thought about how so much had changed so fast. If I gave in to that side of me, I knew I
would curl up and cry. Another stronger part of me was telling me that I must be brave, remind myself of what was good in my life, everything Mr Nash, my old headmaster, used to lecture us about in
past school assemblies and we used to laugh about later. Now I needed all the positivity he preached and I mentally ran the checklist of things to be grateful for that he used to read out to us.
I have my health, I have my intellect, I have potential friends, I have a roof over my head even if it’s not my own. I have food to eat. I have clothes to wear
.

It didn’t wash. A third part of me wanted to tell Mr Nash to go and stuff himself because what had happened to me and Mum and Dad felt grossly, horribly unfair and I didn’t want to
be there in this strange school with one and a half thousand unfamiliar faces.

‘Paige,’ said a voice next to me.

I looked up to see a blond boy standing in front of me. He looked familiar. He was one of the musicians I’d seen in the café when I’d gone to find Mum on Saturday.

‘Oh hi, yes, I’m Paige. How do you know my name?’ I asked.

He pointed to the other side of the common room, which was now filling up with more and more people. ‘Tasmin. She’s telling everyone to come and say hello.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘How embarrassing.’

The boy nodded. ‘She means well. I’m Liam. You’ve just moved here from London?’

‘Is there anything she didn’t tell you?’ I asked.

Liam smiled. ‘A lot. So, first day. How are you feeling?’

‘Fine. No. That’s a lie. I feel slightly insane, like there are all these different parts of me inside doing battle. Voices all saying something different.’ I don’t
normally blurt out my inner feelings to strangers but I was feeling so nervous and out of place, I couldn’t stop myself. I was hoping Liam would nod and tell me that he felt like that some
days too. But he didn’t. He looked slightly alarmed and stared at me as if he didn’t get what I was saying at all. ‘You hear voices?’

‘No! Not exactly voices, that sounds mad, just I . . . ’ I blustered. ‘I was just feeling . . . oh never mind.’