Please Don't Stop The Music (4 page)

Jason paused, half way back up the ladder. ‘He’s not, like,
some kinda psycho, is he?’

‘
He
… what?’

‘
Or
is he that kinda weird that you girls like, that mean and moody
thing?’

‘
Wouldn’t know. I’m not interested in
him
, I just want someone
to sell my pieces.’

Jason looked at me out of one eye. ‘So, guess you don’t care
if he’s, like, some mass-murderer or something. You want me to come
looking if you’re not back by teatime, or are you gonna find that
whole loony-tune thing attractive? Eh, Jem, is that what turns you
on, that why you’ve not been with anyone? You waiting for some guy
that nails bunnies to the wall to get your jollies
with?’

I
looked at Jason, who was wearing a Railway World T shirt under a
set of grubby and frayed overalls, huge leather boots and enormous
gauntlets. ‘Any man that can out-weird you, Jase, is probably
gibbering in a locked ward.’ I seized the pram handle. ‘And I don’t
want jollies, thanks very much. Just business.’

His
snorting laugh followed me right the way across the rough patch of
paddock that we liked to call lawn.

* *
*

Harry and I, Harry’s pram, changing bag, bottles, fluffy toy
and spare nappies, got onto the bus to town. It took a while, with
me holding everyone up while I tried to get the pram to fit into
the space provided and find the brake pedal to prevent Harry
suddenly vanishing down the aisle. Today Harry was resplendent in a
crimson fleecy jacket like ‘Little Red Riding Hood, The Early
Years’. He sat in state, propped up by pillows, his chubby cheeks
wobbling as the bus passed over the speed humps on its way into the
town centre.

When
we got off the bus next to the Art Gallery, Harry and I looked at
one another.

‘
Right.’ I tilted the pram so that I could fix him with a
steely glare. ‘Please keep your bodily fluids to yourself young
man. I’ve got business to discuss.’

And
I wanted a proper look at the skinny bloke. Yesterday’s exploding
baby incident, combined with the stress of needing to sell my
stuff, had meant that I’d been left with the impression of a
skeleton wearing hair and a pair of desperate eyes.

This
time I wasn’t quite as accurate getting Harry down the alleyway and
sparks flew as we scraped our way along the brickwork into the
yard. Once there the traffic sounds were muted by the buildings. A
couple of hanging baskets trailed the smell of rose and honey
through the dusty sunshine and a small ginger cat poked its head
out from behind a dustbin. It was like a postcard of somewhere in
Greece, with the white-painted buildings and the glossy flowers,
the black railings with a bike tethered to it and the bench seat.
Even the two small shops had a continental look, low roofed with
eaves that sloped down to hide the doors in shadow. Having Harry
sitting in the middle of it, slightly stained in his scratched
pram, definitely lowered the tone.

Until Ben Davies walked out of his shop doorway, that
is.

He was coming backwards at me down the
step, shouting to someone inside. ‘And
I’m
telling
you
, I will not sign!’ today wearing
a pale grey shirt and faded old jeans. He stuttered onto the
cobbles of the yard and swivelled on his heel, which brought him
face-to-face with me, at which point he closed his eyes. ‘Oh, God,’
he said with emphasis. ‘Just when I thought I was getting the hang
of today.’

‘
Well, sorry.’ I wasn’t at all and I think my lack of regret
might have bled into my expression. ‘I thought I’d better bring the
rest of my stuff over. Since you sold the buckle.’

Ben
opened his eyes slowly. ‘Ah, yes, of course. I sold the buckle so
you’ve immediately assumed that I’d be able to stock the rest of
your collection, which you no doubt have somewhere about your
person.’ A quick look at Harry. ‘Or his. What do you do, make him
sit on everything like a drug smuggler? Nappy stuffed with crystal,
is it?’

In
the doorway to the shop a man appeared. He waved a hand in Ben’s
direction.

‘
I
think your friendly neighbourhood lawyer wants another word,’ I
said.

‘
What?’ Ben blinked rapidly at me.

‘
The
man in your shop. I presume he must be a lawyer, or legal in some
capacity if he’s got something he wants you to sign. Anyway, he’s
wearing a suit.’

‘
Impeccable logic there. Wearing a suit, must be a lawyer.
What do you do for an encore, tell people their
birth-sign?’

Harry made a gurgling noise as though someone had pulled his
plug out. ‘I suppose he could be a Man-In-Black.’ I looked at the
besuited and bespectacled figure. ‘Seen any good UFOs
lately?’

‘
I
don’t want to talk to him.’ Ben said tightly. There were tiny lines
of stress round his mouth. ‘I’ve said everything I’m going
to.’

‘
OK,
well, looks like he’s got other ideas. He’s coming over,’ I just
had chance to say before Ben Davies leaned in, grabbed me by the
shoulders and began kissing me.

I
didn’t see it coming and I panicked. His claustrophobic closeness,
the touch of his mouth on mine; it called to mind memories I’d
thought I’d buried, making them rise like dead things surfacing in
a lake. I could taste him, a sweet muskiness against my tongue,
smell the scent of coconut from his hair. My breath caught, my
stomach leapt and I tried to move away but the pram handle was
caught between our bodies. It dug into my middle, causing our joint
movements to rock Harry dangerously from side-to-side so I had to
stand still or risk tipping him out. Just as I was about to grab
Ben’s ears and lever him away from my face he moved back half a
step, looked deep into my eyes and whispered:

‘
Has
he gone?’

My
breathing stammered in my throat. My heart was attempting to hijack
my ribcage, driving my lungs into uselessness. ‘Urrgh,’ was all I
could manage to say.

Ben half turned away until he could see the
man still standing on the steps of the shop. ‘
Shit
.’ His whisper licked against my
skin, raised goosebumps and turned my stomach to water. ‘He’s just
standing there, staring. Look I’m really sorry about this, but …’
The mouth came down again, but this time it was more gentle and
deferential, although his stubble grazed my skin and there was a
gap between our bodies that would have given the lie to the
situation had anyone come close enough to look.

This
time I was stunned enough to stay still. And despite … well,
despite everything, I felt the tiniest tingle inside.

‘
Now?’

I
answered like a robot. ‘Yes. He’s gone.’

Ben
let me go and stepped away. He blew out a long sigh and combed
through his hair with his fingers. ‘He’ll be off to write a report.
Great.’ His voice was bitter enough to make his mouth twist.
‘Still, I’ve bought myself some time. Thanks for that, by the
way.’

I
breathed out, hard, and wiped my hand across my mouth. Forced
myself to relax. It was over. ‘Don’t mention it.’

‘
Is
that all you have to say? “Don’t mention it”?’

‘
Well, hold on just a second, I’ll go and look it up in my
little book of things to say when some tosser kisses you uninvited,
shall I? Oh yes, here we are.’ And I slapped him across the face.
Not very hard, I still wanted him to stock my jewellery after all,
but hard enough to let him know that I was angry. ‘There. Or would
you prefer my original answer?’

Ben
stared at me for a second, putting his hand to his slapped cheek as
though he couldn’t believe what I’d done. Then, with a kind of
snapping shut movement like a swatted insect he folded down to sit
on the shop step, where he hunched himself forward over his knees
and began to laugh.

I
watched for a few seconds. ‘You are weird, you are,’ I
said.

‘
I’m
sorry.’ Ben’s voice was muffled. ‘I’m just … things are crazy right
now.’

‘
You
don’t say.’

‘
You’re the first girl who’s ever slapped me like that. I’m
not used to it.’

‘
Well, with you being God’s gift and all, I’m not
surprised.’

He looked up into my face and the laughs
seemed to die in his throat. ‘You really
are
upset, aren’t you? I’m sorry, I
didn’t mean to compromise you or anything.’

‘
Compromise me? How? You haven’t got
photographers up on the roofs have you? Waiting to sell pictures of
some back-street guitar dealer having a furtive snog? I don’t think
even
Hello
are
that desperate.’ Yes. We’d put my expression down to my being
disturbed at being kissed by a man I hardly knew. That was
easiest.

‘
Shows what you know.’ Ben stood up again. ‘Anyway, I meant
with his father.’ He nodded towards Harry. ‘You can tell your –
boyfriend, is it? – that it was only to get rid of Dr Michaels. I
was just sick of talking to him today and I needed an excuse to get
out of the conversation.’

‘
Firstly, I resent the implication that I’d
have to go and blab to any significant other that I got conjugated
by a freak up an alleyway and secondly, do I
really
look like someone who gave
birth eight weeks ago?’ I indicated myself. Today I was wearing an
old pair of black jeans and a little satin and velvet top, which
totally failed to disguise my lack of post-natality. ‘Wouldn’t I be
all – you know, bouncy and stuff?’

Ben
looked from me to Harry, then back again. ‘What do you do then,
rent him by the day?’

I
gave a deep sigh. ‘Look. I’ve brought my stuff over for you to put
on display. If it isn’t too much trouble. That’s all.’

Ben
leaned against the shop. The sun shining on his scruffiness didn’t
do him any favours, although it did make his hair shine. ‘No, I’m
intrigued now. This peculiar, bossy woman comes to my place and
appears to be pushing around a stolen baby. You’ve got to admit it
catches at the curiosity.’

I
opened and closed my mouth a few times.

‘
Ah,
right, now you’re speechless.’

‘
I’m
not speechless,’ I protested. ‘I’m just trying not to bite you. Do
you have any idea of how unpleasant you are?’

He
tilted his head to one side. ‘Using what scale?’

‘
How
the hell do you ever actually sell anything? Do you glare at people
and mutter until they feel they have to buy something just to avoid
the Evil Eye? Because you’re not exactly Mr Winning Personality in
the salesman stakes, you know.’

Ben
gave a tiny shake of his head. ‘Could I just have a recap – who was
it that was weird, again? Because I’m beginning to feel that I’m
being seriously outclassed.’

I
bit my tongue, hard. Me being arrested for killing someone
(provocation or not) was the sort of thing Saskia would trumpet
about until the end of the world. ‘Look,’ I said, ‘I just want to
know whether you’re interested in stocking the rest of my
jewellery.’

‘
Yes.’

‘
What?’

‘
Oh,
I’m sorry, did I slip into Latvian or something? Yes. Y.E.S. I’ll
stock your stuff.’

I
opened my mouth a couple of times but the thought-gears wouldn’t
mesh. ‘Oh.’

‘
Drop it in the shop, would you? I’ve got to go out for a bit,
be back this afternoon, so if you could lock up and post the keys
through the box.’ Self-preservation cut in just in time for me to
snatch the keys out of the air before they hit me on the head.
‘Cheers.’ And Ben turned and sauntered out of the alleyway, walking
slowly enough for me to notice the quite spectacular tightness of
his jeans, as he headed towards the main road.

‘
Baaawaaaah,’ said Harry, succinctly.

* *
*

22nd
April

Weather – who cares? Opened the shop, no business, thought of
calling an ad through to the paper but – really? Who needs
it.

Okay, yeah, you got me. I kissed her. But
only to embarrass you out of doing another ‘you have to come to
terms with things’ monologue. And she’s cute, so shoot me, all this
celibacy does things to a guy, you know? While I was kissing her –
I just wanted a moment, a little fantasy that things were fine.
That I was fine. And for that minute, that one sweet minute when
she was still and quiet, I could feel her heart, taste her breath,
it was like I was
real
, like I came into existence just for that.

Hell, she was scared though. I could see her pulse going in
her neck like she’d got a rabbit kicking under her skin, and I wish
I knew what made her freak like that. I mean – Jesus, I’m not
exactly Mister Scary, am I? A six-foot-streak-of-piss. But she
recovered well, give her that. Slapped my face and called me
unpleasant. It was great.

And
there’s something about Jemima. Something that seems to look
through me, makes me twitchy, to tell you the truth. Truth-telling,
something I don’t do too much of now, doc, you probably noticed
that, yeah?