Plots and Pans (36 page)

“Yep. Got m’ brother thinking beesth don’t keep busthier than her.” Panting slightly, Porter couldn’t hide his lisp.
S
was a hard letter to avoid saying. “Good cookin’, too.”

Taking note of the kid’s hard breathing, Tucker suddenly remembered he’d been out without a hat all day yesterday, becoming burned and worn out. No wonder he winded easily. Tucker slowed his pace.

The kid could use a chance to catch his breath, and, truth be told, he wasn’t the only one. The whole outfit was run off its feet after so many stampedes. Envisioning the route ahead, Tucker decided to take it slow that afternoon and arrange for an extra day’s rest. The cattle could put on weight, and he could put some hours of sleep between his morning moods and Jess.
Jess …

Tucker got back to the plan. “What say you take the reins of the buckboard and escort Miss Desta back to camp, and we’ll treat Miss Jess to a little ride?”

“Whatever you sthay,” Porter agreed right as they reached the women.

The boy blushed beneath a barrage of fresh compliments, while Tucker suddenly realized he probably didn’t present such an appealing sight. He rubbed his jaw, wishing he could’ve shaved sometime in the past week. Or better, taken a bath. The closest he’d come was an icy dip in a cold creek two days ago, so he didn’t smell his freshest.

Suddenly this didn’t seem like the best idea. What if he’d gone past less-than-fresh to offensive? Tucker gave a surreptitious sniff and winced. His clothes ranked—and “rank” was clearly the right word—as offensive. His only hope was to keep the conversation on horseback. From a mount away, he wouldn’t risk offending her.

At least, not with my clothes
. Tucker shrugged. Any area of the conversation he could control ahead of time should make other things easy to manage. And he needed all the easy-to-manage factors possible, since Jessalyn herself wouldn’t be one of them.

Not that I want her to be easy to manage, Lord. Just … easier
.

He noticed when the women ran out of compliments and started to stir, signaling their readiness to hit the road. Tucker drew a breath, prayed for the words to start things off right, and made his move.

“You’re wearing some of your split skirts again,” he blurted out. Not the most romantic start, but at least he had a lead-in to invite her riding.

Jessalyn’s cheeks flushed pink, and Tucker could hardly believe she’d started blushing already. Her jaw thrust forward, and suddenly he realized she wasn’t flattered or embarrassed at all. Like some sort of thermometer, the color in her cheeks rose to an outraged red while she hissed at him like an angry cat.

“Don’t you dare give me grief about wearing split skirts to church, Tucker Carmichael!”

I
s that what’s got you so riled?” Relief and disbelief coursed through him in equal measure, restoring his hope. Tucker let out some of his tension with a small chuckle.

“Don’t laugh at me either! What else am I supposed to think?” The flush began to recede, but leaving her pretty and pink and utterly appealing. “You constantly criticize my clothing.”

Realizing he might not make it to the stirrups before sticking a boot in his mouth, Tucker hastened to explain. “No, I’ve been thinking it’s too long since you went riding. You’re wearing the perfect thing.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” Now that she’d gotten past her preoccupation with defending her clothes, Tucker figured they’d put the worst behind them. “Porter and I had a little talk, and he’s more than willing to drive Miss Desta back to camp in the buckboard if you wanted to take his pony.”

She looked completely nonplussed, stretching her neck to the side as though working out a crick before accepting his offer. “Well, in that case, I’d love to spend some time in the saddle.”

If she said she’d love to spend some time with me, it would’ve been too easy
, Tucker told himself.
The challenge makes the chase
.

Porter clicked his tongue and got the wagon in motion while Tucker waited. He figured they’d let the other two get a decent distance ahead, then follow. Dodging the dust and debris kicked up by those wheels wouldn’t suit his romantic intent.

Someday Jess will appreciate how thoughtful I was about this
. He braced one hand on his pommel and another against the leather rest curving to form the back of his saddle. Tucker applied pressure first on the right, then the left to loosen his back and leave him as relaxed as possible for what lay ahead. A man only proposed once, so he might as well enjoy it.

Tucker settled back into his seat and turned his head to tell Jess they could probably get going. Except … Jess wasn’t there. While he’d gotten comfy, she’d gone and kept pace with the wagon!

He spurred his mount and caught up in a blink, determined to lure her away from an audience.

“I don’t know about you or that pony you’re ploddin’ along on, but I’m in the mood to feel the wind in my hair and the sky in my smile.” Tucker figured that, as a bonus, a stiff breeze could carry away some of the smell from his jacket. “How ’bout it, Jess?”

She glanced at Desta then, without a word, goaded her pony to pick up the pace. By the time she broke into a gallop, Jess’s smile matched his. Side by side, they raced the wind for a finish line neither of them could see.

Tucker made sure to angle his mount so they raced off course instead of straight toward camp. When he spotted a small stream snaking through the grass, he called to her that they should give the animals a drink.
And slow down long enough to hear me out!

She let the horse carry her straight into the shallow water. Droplets splashed her boots, but she didn’t seem to mind. Jessalyn’s smile looked carefree and joyous for the first time he could remember in weeks as he rode in right alongside her, grateful she hadn’t dismounted. Seemed strange, but until he held a meeting with a bar of soap, he’d stand a better chance of getting close to her if he kept his distance.

“Thank you,” she told him. “For arranging this with Porter. It’s almost like I forgot how freedom feels until the ride reminded me.”

“Freedom,” Tucker repeated. That wasn’t the way he wanted to start off. It brought to mind independence and going it alone, not pairing up with someone as a team. He tried to make the best of it. “Freedom isn’t how you ride or even where. It’s living as open as you can and sharing that joy.”

“You’re right.” Jess kept smiling as she surveyed the land around them. “Breathe deep, take it all in, and give back your best … that’s how Papa taught us to tackle each day. I wish more people lived that way.”

“It helps if you’re not going it alone, I think.”
I hope
.

“Sometimes.” Jess looked at him, brown eyes warm and searching. “I guess it depends on who you’re with and how they treat you.”

“You should always be treated well,” he assured her. Tucker paused to make sure she’d heard him. When she gave him a questioning little head tilt, he forged ahead. “You were amazing this morning, Jess. I think we made a great team.”

“We did.” Her swift agreement had him sitting a little straighter in the saddle. “And I’m glad you brought it up because it got me thinking. Up until we left the ranch, we squared off about almost everything. Now, I’m not saying I’m willing to follow all of your orders, but I’m tired of standing against you when we accomplish so much more if we come alongside.”

Thank You, Lord!

He kneed his horse to carry him closer to hers. “I’m glad to hear we’re thinking the same way. Fact of the matter is, I like having you close by no matter what stance you take, but I liked it best this morning, when we stood together.”

“I think we could take on a lot if we don’t waste time squabbling.” Her brows drew together in thought, making her look so serious and sweet it was all he could do not to sweep her off her horse and onto his.

“I think we could take on the rest of our lives.” Tucker figured he wouldn’t get a better chance than this, so he grabbed it with both hands. “What if we decided to breathe deep, take it all in, and give our best to each other, every day? There’s a lot we could share, if you choose to.”

She’d already agreed they made a good pair and could accomplish a lot. Wasn’t that the biggest part of marriage? Staying together and working hard to reach their dreams?

Tucker thought the decision would be simple, but as time dragged on and she didn’t so much as blink, he began to think differently. An icy numbness settled in his veins and started to spread.
Is it me she doesn’t want, or is it the life I pictured us sharing?

The numbness offered no relief from the weight pressing against his chest, giving the sensation that he’d never be able to “breathe deep” again. Soon the sinking feeling grew so powerful he couldn’t believe he and his horse weren’t flailing in the water below.

Lord, did I make a mistake?
He didn’t want to believe it.
And if I did, how can I possibly fix it? When a woman tells you she doesn’t want to share her life with you, where do you go from there?

I can’t move
. Jess knew Tucker expected a response, but his proposal came as such a shock she couldn’t stop staring at the man. Even when her eyes started to water, she couldn’t seem to blink.
Aunt Desta was right. Starting over again is so much harder once you’ve been stopped…
.

The longer she sat and stared and struggled to say something, the more Tucker withdrew. He didn’t move any more than Jess did, but she could tell the difference anyway. The spark left his eye. Those lines around his eyes and mouth that usually crinkled with sun and smiles deepened into grooves. His smile slipped away like something she’d only imagined.

Frustrated, Jess shook her head, hoping to shake loose something that made sense or at least dislodge the source of her confusion.

“You don’t have to say anything, so don’t worry about shaking your head. The silence worked just fine.” His deep voice flattened into something cold and hard and impossible to sink into the way she normally did.

I didn’t even realize I did that!
Her heart howled at the revelation.
How did I not notice how much I loved listening to his voice, even when I didn’t like what he said?

The answer came back quick; honest and ornery.
Probably because you were too busy arguing with him
.

Well, the man did manage to say an awful lot that rubbed her the wrong way. It occurred to Jess that, instead of trying to marshal her fluttering thoughts, maybe she should focus and consider what Tucker had actually said. Then maybe she could dredge up a more acceptable reaction than stunned silence.

He’d gone from agreeing with her about them making a good team and wanting to stand together … to taking on the rest of their lives. Then he’d quoted what she’d shared earlier from Papa’s favorite advice, changing the end to make it personal.
“What if we decided to give our best … to each other?”

That was nice
. Jess appreciated the way he’d listened closely to the things she thought were important and offered them back to her with the promise of forever.

If it weren’t for the shock, Jess would’ve found it incredibly touching.
It’s not every day a man wants to marry you
.

Jess gasped. Her thoughts, which had taken wing like a flock of disgruntled birds, grudgingly lighted on their perches once again. Only one stayed in motion, flying in the face of her romantic ideas.
He didn’t actually propose!

For all the talk of partnership, sharing, and giving one’s best, Tucker hadn’t mentioned marriage. He hadn’t asked for her hand. He didn’t say he wanted her for a wife. Each omission was like being thrown by a bronco—and Jess remembered the sensation all too vividly.

He didn’t say he loves me
. The most heartrending realization of all trailed behind the others, dead last as though the extra time could soften the blow.

It couldn’t.

Eyes stinging, heart aching, Jess no longer felt remorse at seeing Tucker so dejected.
The man has no right to be dejected when he didn’t even give me a proper proposal!

“Stop slumping,” Jess snapped. “Don’t say my silence gave you any sort of answer. You sprang that on me with no warning, got my head spinning, and now you can’t imagine why I’m having a hard time coming up with something to say?”

“I don’t know much of anything that goes through that head of yours.” Tucker sat straight and pinned her with a pointed look. “Up until a few minutes ago, I would’ve sworn we were thinking the same thing.”

“And that would be?” In spite of her annoyance, Jess softened her tone. She couldn’t help it, when his voice had lost that cold edge she’d hated hearing.

“That we’re good for each other. More than that.” His brows eased apart, the frown fading. “We’re good together. And if you wanted, we could build a future for ourselves and the ranch that would make both us and your pa proud.”

Part of her heart sang at the words, hearing notes of commitment and companionship, admiration and appreciation … but logically, Jess knew he hadn’t mentioned any of those things. For the second time, he’d skirted around the important issues.