Pointe of Breaking (16 page)

“Hey man, you coming to class?” Chase asked from somewhere in my bedroom.

I couldn’t see him because I was face down on my bed taking warm, short breaths through the pillow. It was suffocating, but a welcome change to ache I felt everywhere else.

I pressed my hands against the mattress and pushed myself up so I was facing him. “Yeah. Gym after?”

He flopped himself down onto the leather chair by my window. “Um…sure. Dude, didn’t you work out this morning too? You’ve been working out a shit ton lately.”

I shot him a hard look. He lifted his hands up in surrender just as my phone vibrated. My hands trembled as I grabbed it off my bedside table. Adeline’s name illuminated the screen. I pressed silence and harshly tossed it back onto the end table.

“She’s still calling?” Chase asked, concern cast over his face.

I nodded silently.

Chase flinched. “You’re still not gonna pick up?” His face was somber, like he thought I was going to break down bawling at any second.

“Chase…”

“This is dumb, Leo. At least listen to her voice mails. Damn!” He chuckled sadly to himself. “The girl is a fighter, I’ll give her that.”

He has no idea.

“Look man,” Chase sighed, “The fraternity is throwing a kegger tonight and you need to come. It’ll help get your mind off of her. I don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself, but can you at least come out of your room, or not go to the gym and have a beer with your buddy?”

His somber expression meant I must have looked like death. I nodded subtly and his shoulders relaxed with a big sigh.

“Another thing… I didn’t want to show you this…but you’ll see it eventually. I figured it would be better coming from me.”

Pulling something out of his back pocket, he eyed me sadly and placed a copy of the
New York Post
on my bed beside me. He walked out of my room and I grabbed the paper. My heart lurched at the photo of Adeline and Ivan on the cover. Damn she looked good. I squinted to read the small caption below.

Former Joffrey students, Adeline Parker and Ivan Sceeter, signed on as principal dancers with NYC dance company, Focal Pointe. Their debut performance is said to be a military tribute piece.

I read further and saw that Focal Pointe was some contemporary ballet Dance Company that specialized in modern infusion, blending different styles with the disciplined practices of ballet. They were apparently breaking all the rules of classical ballet companies.

It sounded fucking perfect for Adeline.

Seeing this headline just reinforced everything I’d done. For over a week now, I had been ignoring Adeline’s calls. She called me every day since I last spoke to her on the phone on that awful day where everything in my life just went to shit.

I couldn’t believe she wanted anything to do with me after the scene I caused at Joffrey. The fact that my actions could affect her career and her livelihood. It broke me. Someone like me…someone like Blake…could ruin someone like her with very little effort.

Once upon a time, I wanted to believe I was nothing like Blake. I wanted to believe I was better than him. Better than the Brotherhood of the Gold. I wanted to believe I would never hurt her. But I wasn’t.

She didn’t see that. When it came to her heart, she had blinders on. She gifted that part of her so easily to me because it came naturally to her. Every time she put on those pointes, she left it all out on the dance floor. I wasn’t going to let her leave it with me. It was too much. She deserved better. So much fucking better. If she let me back in her life…it’d only be a matter of time before my lifestyle, and my world ruined everything she fought so hard to get.

I nearly lost all my resolve when I called her and told her we were nothing. It pained me to say those words, but I had to. I wanted to run back to her the second I heard her breath hitch on a stifled sob. Her hoarse sob reverberated over and over in my dreams, in my head, in my heart.

In what world?

No three words could have crippled me more. It killed me to hang up on her, but I had to. If I listened to her cry a minute more, I would have crumbled with her.

She didn’t understand. Blake and I were one and the same. Cut from the same cloth. Brothers…above any other.

As sadistic as I was, I actually looked forward to her daily calls. The voicemail notification would ping and it made me feel connected to her still somehow…even if I never could bring myself to listen to them. They were all a part of my new routine. Every day I went through the motions of going to class. But really, I only went to class so I could work out afterwards. Often times my workouts would stretch out for two to three hours, and I would puke from over exertion. The days that class started late, I would pick up two-a-day work outs. The ache I felt in my muscles walking to class annoyingly reminded me of how hard I was pushing myself away from what I wanted. But I couldn’t stop.

Every push up, every lap, every bench press, every sit up…I told myself that Adeline Parker was better off without me and my fucked up shit with the Gold.

Seeing her in the paper made my stomach roil. I wanted to tear this damn paper to shreds. But at the same time, I wanted to keep it forever. The picture on the front page was of Adeline and Ivan on stage. She was in his hands above his head as they posed in some ridiculously complex ballerina maneuver. In another shot, Ivan’s arm was draped casually over Adeline’s shoulders as they smiled happily at the director of the studio. Her brown hair was soft and loose down her back, so different from the prima buns you’d see at Joffrey rehearsals. She looked good, a little thinner but good. Her clear eyes were just the tiniest bit sad, but that was probably just wishful thinking on my part.

I wanted her hurt to show as painfully as mine did.

Since leaving Joffrey, I’d been attempting to minimize what we had and convince myself that it was all in my head. Answering her calls would just prolong the inevitable. We were hardly together, so what was there to discuss?

Who was I kidding?

Images of her dance with Ivan flashed in my mind and ached with a depth I had never experienced. She appeared so connected to him, so into him, so in
love
with him. It made me crazy thinking about all the shit I had gotten in my head about how special we were. Waking up on that park bench with her, watching her sleep on her futon. I had actually fooled myself in to believing we might be more. Was I that fucking crazy?

Maybe so. Maybe it didn’t even matter. Being with Adeline Parker was going to be too hard. Our worlds were too different and we had too many people working against us. My family, Blake, the Gold. This was for the best. For everyone.

I just wish it didn’t hurt so fucking much.

***

Music thumped loudly from downstairs. The latest Gamma Phi party was in full swing. I had snagged a six-pack and was drinking by my awesome self in my bedroom for the last two hours. I’d promised Chase I’d come down, but the idea of facing everyone made me sick. So I figured, the foggier my gaze was, the more likely I could make good on my promise.

I just finished my sixth beer when someone knocked on my door.

“Leo! You in there?” Chase cracked my door and peeked inside.

He found me flopped comfortably down in my armchair. I squeezed the empty beer can and tossed it onto the floor to join the others. He followed the path to my little beer cemetery.

“Drinking without me, huh?” Chase asked.

“I needed reinforcements to face the motley crew that is Gamma Phi.”

“Hey, we’re not all bad.” He sat down at the foot of my bed. “You sure you’ve just had the beers?”

“I may have had some pulls,” I mumbled, pulling out my gold flask from the pocket of my jeans. With a dopey smile on my face, I flashed it at him.

He took it from me and smelled it. “Oof, whiskey. Nice choice. You ready to go down?”

“Yep. I’m ready. Do I look good?” I hauled myself out of the chair and stumbled. I straightened my olive green long sleeve t-shirt. It buttoned part way down the chest, and I left it open a few buttons, revealing some of my chest. “Trying to show off my new physique.”

“Yeah dude, you look good. You on the rebound already?” Chase asked, putting a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

I frowned. The idea of touching another woman shot pains throughout my body. “No, not rebound. Just being realistic about where I belong.”

His eyes squinted. “You belong wherever the fuck you want to belong, Richards. Beside me, for one.”

“You single and ready to mingle?”

He chuckled. “Hey man, I love you…but you don’t want me. I’m a terrible dancer.”

My heart constricted at his mention of dancing and instantly a pair of fishnet covered legs flashed in my mind’s eye.

“Come on bro, you need some air.” He put his arm around my back and led me downstairs to join the throngs of people already in full party mode. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. The more people I was around, the less likely I was to think of…

Nope. Not going there.

As we descended the last few steps, a large crowd of people hung out in the foyer, dancing to the club-like music. It was the only place in the fraternity not covered with furniture so it was our makeshift dance floor at these types of parties. The lights were dimmed and a spinning ball shot colored beams all over as the dancers lost themselves to the music. I felt a pang as I thought about the fact that I had still never had a chance to dance with Adeline.

I hit the bottom step and my heart fell when a familiar female figure filled the doorway. My heart clenched as I squinted my eyes and wished for the figure I wanted to see instead of the one I knew it was. When we finally stopped and I opened my eyes fully, I was pummeled by the sight of Sasha and Felicia strolling toward us.

Fuck. Me.

“Leonardo,” Sasha crooned, waltzing up and threading her narrow arms around my neck for a hug. She smelled like vanilla and expensive shampoo. Her fingers trailed down my chest and hooked onto the v of my shirt, touching my bare skin. “You look so good.”

“You look good too,” I replied pragmatically. She was in a skimpy denim skirt, platform wedges, and a tighter than tight white tee. Her breasts were smashed together in a way that made it impossible not to stare right at them.

“It’s good to see you. It’s been too long.” She turned so her back was facing mine and wiggled her butt on my groin in a provocative dance move.

I leaned back on the railing to maintain my balance as my vision blurred. I didn’t realize how drunk I was until I had to interact with other people. I reached down to hold her hips as she shimmied down my legs.

“I’m going to get a drink,” Chase growled and stalked off. I knew he hated Sasha. He made that adamantly clear because every time she was around, he bailed.

“I’m going to get a drink too,” Felicia said to Sasha and they exchanged a peculiar look that made me wish I was more sober.

“Why does Felicia still come to these fucking parties? She’s married to Blake. Don’t they have married shit to do?” I asked as Sasha stood back up and pressed her back to my chest.

Her hand crept up around my neck as her fingers combed through my hair. “She comes because she’s my sister, and she knows I’m going through a hard time right now.”

“What’s so hard about your life right now?” I asked, feeling annoyed by her presence already. I really did not want to be dancing with her.

She bumped her butt into my groin again and then twirled on her heel to face me. “Only the fact that my boyfriend of two years now wants nothing to do with me because he’s trippin’ over a ballerina after
our date
to the ballet.”

“We were never boyfriend and girlfriend, Sasha. Don’t over state. You had another guy lined up for that before me.” My eyes drooped from the alcohol.

She wrapped her hands around my waist, and I grabbed her arms to stop her from coming any closer. She pursed her lips together. “We were something, Leo. Something that meant something to a lot of people. Then all of a sudden, you flipped a switch and decided to date below our class.”

“
Our class
,” I scoffed. “Do you hear yourself right now? You sound like an entitled bitch.”

“I’m entitled alright. We had a plan, Leo. It’s been laid out for us from the beginning. We had a really good thing going, and now you’re trying to throw that all away.”

“I’m not throwing anything away!” I snapped aggressively and she flinched. “I’m not even fucking with her anymore alright?”

She recomposed her face to that cool, calculated look I’d grown accustomed to. “Good. Now why don’t you let me take you upstairs and remind you why the Gold chose me for you.”

I laughed harshly. “This isn’t
Pride and Prejudice
, Sasha. The Gold hardly arranges marriages.”

She nervously looked around at my loud mention of the Gold. Sasha was one of the few women that knew about the Gold, but only because she was in “the circle,” whatever the hell that meant.

When she felt comfortable that no one was listening she leaned up to whisper in my ear. “The Gold places people where they need to be placed so that we can maintain our level of society, Leo. Stop acting like you don’t know this. Now take me upstairs so we can put all of this to bed.” She pulled away and winked at me.