Polaris (11 page)

“Cora's here, Mom,” Jeth said, wanting to comfort her. “She's safe. At least, I think she is.” He shot a glare at Dax.

“Of course she's safe. Your whole crew is just fine.”

“I know she's here, Jeth,” Marian said. “And trust me, it took all of my willpower not to go to her the moment I found out. And Lizzie, too. But seeing you first was more important.”

Jeth swallowed, his emotions clawing up his throat again.

“We have to destroy the Harvester,” Marian continued,
“because if the Pyreans die, so will Cora. They are connected. Cora is a part of the superorganism. Physically separate in her body, yes, but connected in her mind, in the part of her that allows her to touch metaspace. As the Pyreans deteriorate, so will she.”

Jeth's heart lurched as understanding struck him.
It's happening already
. Cora, with the dark bruises beneath her eyes, the sallow skin, and the lethargy that was always present, even after hours of sleep. Then an even more horrible idea occurred to him. “What about you?” he said to his mother. “Aren't you connected to them as well?”

Marian hesitated. “I . . . I don't know. It's not the same for me as it is for Cora.”

“But it's possible you might die, too.” The world seemed to spin around Jeth for a moment as old memories rose up in his mind as fresh as yesterday. He already knew what it felt like for her to die. He'd been through it once before. It didn't matter that it had been a lie the ITA made up in order to keep her a prisoner. It didn't matter that she stood here now, dispelling any doubt that she still lived. The pain before had been real. He never wanted to experience that again.

Before his mother could reply, Jeth turned to Dax. “All right, I'm in. I can only imagine I'm part of whatever plan you're cooking up for destroying the Harvester. What do you need me to do?”

A wide grin split Dax's face, and he waved behind him to where the implant was lying, a black blemish against the green. “You know what step one is.”

Jeth didn't move for several long seconds. It wasn't surprise that held him in place. He'd known from the beginning this was what Dax was after. No, what paralyzed him was how eager he was to comply. And it had little to do with his mother or Cora or anything else. It was pure desire, almost instinctual.

“Why must he wear it?” said Marian, her earlier anger seething beneath the surface once more.

Dax drummed his fingers on the table. “Jeth and I have a complicated history. And we can't afford any complications on this mission.”

Marian scowled. “Jeth doesn't have to go on this mission at all. With a couple of your men, I'm more than capable of handling this without risking my son.”

“There's no way I'm not going with you,” Jeth said, outraged by the idea. They'd been apart for years. He wasn't about to let anything separate them now.

“You see.” Dax motioned to Jeth. “I doubt you'll be changing his mind, Marian. Your son is too much like you. Not to mention there's the issue with Sierra. It's not as if I can take her trust on faith. She's already proven herself skilled at betrayal.” Dax touched a finger to his chin. “I suppose I could outfit her with an implant too—”

“Don't you dare.” Jeth leaned toward him, ready to snatch the gun off the table.

Dax gestured him back. “But I prefer not to. Giving Jeth one was distasteful enough. No matter how necessary.”

Jeth's fingers curled into fists. He wanted to hit Dax, to
kill him. All the anger Jeth had been unable to feel earlier burst fresh and hot inside him. For a moment he almost lost control, but he reined it in at the last second. Relief that he was still capable of feeling such anger toward Dax came over him a moment later. The implant had seemed to cut him off from his anger, but it was only temporary. That was good. He could still escape its influence, Dax's control, eventually. He hoped.

“And I also want Lizzie on this mission,” Dax continued, oblivious to Jeth's internal battle. “Her skills are invaluable. But both girls are absolutely loyal to Jeth. So it stands to reason that if Jeth is loyal to me—”

“Yeah, I get it,” Marian said. She sighed, and Jeth heard the defeat in it. “You must agree to let him go afterward.”

“Of course,” Dax said, his expression intent. “I'll even take care of the surgery to remove the implant architecture. That is, assuming Jeth wants to be free of it. The choice will be his, of course.”

Jeth forced air into his lungs, catching the implication.
If I do this, I might never want to undo it
.

Dax flashed a smile. “You see, Jeth. In the end you'll get everything you've ever wanted. Once I have Empyria, you and your family will be free to go. I'll even send you off with enough money and protection to avoid the ITA forever. It's all in your hands.”

Jeth's eyes drifted over to the implant once more, his stomach a hard knot in his center and his mind afire with doubt and possibilities. And want. Yes, there was that, too.
He wanted the freedom Dax promised, the dream come true. But he also wanted the implant. The empty feeling from its absence gnawed at him.

The want scared him more than anything. He knew that Dax could be lying about the whole thing. That he might renege on the entire deal the moment he had the location. Or he might let the others go but force Jeth to stay on as one of the Brethren. Only, if Jeth accepted the implant, would he even care? Or would he gladly choose to follow Dax like the rest of the Brethren, his will distorted by the implant's seductive power?

It was an impossible choice. A devil's deal. And yet it was no choice at all. Not really.

On tremulous legs, Jeth stood and walked over to the implant while his mother and Dax silently watched. He picked it up with both hands, wondering how he could both loathe and desire one object so much at the same time.

The desire is fake. A trick of the mind.

But it didn't matter. If wearing this implant meant freedom for his family, for his crew, he would do it. He would sacrifice anything for them. Even his own soul.

Jeth closed his eyes, and then with an ease that suggested he'd done it a thousand times before, he raised the point of the implant to the base of his skull and drove it home.

A BATTLE RAGED IN JETH'S MIND. HE HATED THE FEEL OF
the implant, the knowledge that it was there.

But he loved it, too.

The first few seconds after he inserted it were something close to ecstasy, as if questions he'd had all his life had finally been answered. He knew it was a dangerous feeling, intoxicating and addictive, but he'd made the bargain with Dax and now he just had to hope this would all be over soon and he could get rid of the implant forever.

A few minutes later, he and his mother left the gardens. There was more for them to discuss, plans to be finalized, but Marian wanted to see her daughters. And Jeth needed time to deal with this alien presence in his head, and the irrevocable decision he had made.

They followed behind the two Brethren now serving as escorts back to
Avalon.
Marian walked in silence beside him, not even her footfalls making a sound. A child might think her a ghost, with her white hair and clothes and her uncanny grace, which made it look as if she floated instead of walked. Being next to her was just as distracting as the implant. Jeth was taller than her now, could practically wrap his arms
twice around her small frame. The last time he was with her, it had been the opposite.

My mother. She's here. She's here
. No matter how many times he thought it, no matter how many glances he stole, he still couldn't believe it.

The buzzing in his head didn't help matters. It had been steadily growing since the moment he'd inserted the implant. Soon it was too loud for him to ignore. But he didn't know what to do about it either. It was too much with him, calling him to tune into it, to focus his thoughts on it. But that was dangerous, he knew. He couldn't give in to it, no matter how desperately he wanted to, how easy it would be. Not if he wanted to be able to walk away from this. And so he had to learn to cope with it. Somehow he must find a way to hold on to all the things that made him who he was.

“Keep up, Brother.”

Jeth flinched at the sound of the voice, so gruff and loud, and at the title:
Brother.
He stared at the back of the heads in front of him, both framed with black implants. The one on the left had spoken.
Perry,
the name came to Jeth without effort, transmitted directly to his thoughts through the implant. And that wasn't all. Jeth knew that Perry was twenty-seven years old, the middle child of three, and fond of virtual shooter games.

Jeth frowned, the image of one of the Brethren playing a video game incompatible with his worldview. The Brethren did not do such mundane things as play video games. Did they?

“What do you think we do?” Perry glanced over his shoulder, something like a smile twisting his burly features. “Work round the clock? Switch ourselves off at night and recharge our batteries?”

Jeth narrowed his eyes. The Brethren also didn't have any sense of humor.

“What are you talking about?” Marian asked, but Perry only faced front again. She glanced at Jeth, but he had no words for what was going on inside his head. She reached over and touched his arm, offering him wordless comfort. Maybe she couldn't know what they were saying through the link, but she wore an implant as well. Jeth guessed she knew how this felt.

Drawing strength from her touch, he considered the men in front of him again. At least Perry didn't seem too bad. He shifted his gaze to the other Brethren. At once, the knowledge came into Jeth's head that Eric had killed nearly a dozen people, a score he kept with carefully drawn white lines on the butt of the gun sheathed at his right hip. Some of those deaths had been women, some of them elderly, but all his victims had been guilty of some offense against Hammer. There hadn't been any since Daxton had taken control as far as Jeth could tell.

You liked it,
Jeth thought, and when Eric sneered over his shoulder at him, Jeth knew the other man had heard, that somehow his thought had traveled through the link that connected their minds. It had happened involuntarily, as if his brain were an open faucet, thoughts pouring out of him.

And into him, Jeth realized, as images and emotions that weren't his filled his consciousness. For a moment, he felt the pleasure Eric had taken in those killings as if it were his own, as if
he
had done the killing himself. He covered his mouth with his hand, stomach clenching, first from revulsion, then from fear. It was all so intimate, this sharing of knowledge mind to mind.

What will they see in my memories?

An image of Sierra lying naked on his bed, all blond hair and pale skin, flashed unbidden into Jeth's mind. He tried to stop it, tried to take it back, but it was too late. The Brethren in front of him exchanged smirks, and a flush heated Jeth's body from the top of his hairline to his toes. He forced his thoughts to something else, picturing a blank wall, steel gray and as strong as plasinum. Sweat trickled down his neck from the effort of the concentration.

At last, they arrived in Sector 3 where
Avalon
was moored. From the implant, Jeth knew the entire crew was inside, all of them under a temporary lockdown, one that would end as soon as he came on board.

“I've got it from here,” he said to the Brethren as he approached the door. He didn't want them around to witness the crew's reactions, not just to Marian, but also to his new status as one of Dax's soldiers.

Eric grunted a good-bye and turned to leave, but Perry remained, his gray-eyed gaze fixed on Jeth. Jeth stared back at him as he tentatively probed the buzzing for some clue as to what the other man was thinking.

“First of all,” Perry said, raising a hand, “stop thinking of it as the buzz or buzzing. It's a link, a doorway between your mind and the Axis.”

“Axis?” Jeth's brow furrowed. Beside him, Marian listened to the exchange, intently. She looked tense, as if ready to defend Jeth if Perry dared threaten him. Jeth had seen that look often enough on Sierra's face.

Perry shrugged. “That's what we call it, the thing we're plugged into.”

Jeth folded his arms over his chest. “Fascinating.”

Perry rolled his eyes. “The point is that you need to learn how to filter. Once you let a thought loose on the Axis, we all have access to it. Forever.”

Jeth scowled, the image of Sierra leaping to the forefront of his mind again. Then he realized what he was doing and willed that imaginary wall to rise up once more.
What have I done? How do I deal with this?
He didn't know how not to think.

“It doesn't have to be that hard,” said Perry, running a finger down the length of his nose. A deep scar crossed the center of it, a remnant from some knife fight long ago, Jeth knew. “All you have to do is think something and the implant will obey—including a command to not release a certain thought or memory.”

Jeth shook his head. “I can't even imagine how that's going to work.”

“It will, but first you've got to stop fighting it. By trying to ignore the Axis, you're just making its pull on you stronger.
Give in to it instead. Once you've done that, you can establish control over it. You'll be able to access any information you want but stop it from sharing what you don't want. Just like a computer command.”

“But I'm already accessing information.”

“You're catching glimpses all right, but there's a whole lot more.” Perry tapped a finger against his forehead. “Trust me, just let go and everything will fall into place. You'll be able to close the door when you want, and when you open it again, you'll control the view. The rest of us will only see what you want us to see, nothing more.”

Jeth didn't reply, doubt robbing him of words. It didn't make sense. It couldn't be that simple. And if he gave in to the seductive pull of the Axis, would he lose himself in the process?

Perry rolled his eyes once more. “Suit yourself. Go crazy if you want. But I'm telling you, if you don't give in, all the Brethren will see everything. Sooner or later.” He started to walk away then turned back. “Oh yeah, one more thing. This is probably obvious, but you're safe when the implant is out. The link is completely disconnected.”

Jeth frowned, but didn't reply. He waited until Perry was out of sight before raising his hand to his head and removing the implant for a second time. It was easier than before, less like cutting off a limb—but he felt its absence more keenly.

He stared down at the thing, holding it stem up so the tentacles splayed over his hand. He couldn't leave it out forever.

Marian touched his shoulder, making him jump. She'd been so quiet, he'd almost forgotten she was there. He swore, realizing a second too late that his mother was in range to hear it.

“Sorry,” he said, his guilt now feeling childish.

“No mind.” Marian lowered her hand. “Are you all right?”

He nodded, unable to voice the lie.

“I'm so sorry.” Marian pursed her lips. “I didn't know about the architecture. If I had, I would've made Dax swear not to do this. But I'm afraid he doesn't trust me.”

“Yeah, well, he's a criminal,” Jeth said. “You don't last long in that line of work trusting people like us.”

“I suppose.” She cupped his face. “Jeth . . . how you've changed. You look so much like your father.”

Jeth swallowed, his emotions going into overload. It was hard enough dealing with the implant and the strange, wonderful reality of his mother's presence. He wasn't ready for a discussion of his dead father.

Marian released his face “There will be time to talk of such things later. We have so much to discuss. But first, we need to talk about this.” She motioned to the implant in his hand. “I think that man was telling the truth.”

Jeth started to dismiss her claim automatically until he caught sight of the barely visible tentacles of her implant. “Are you saying your implant works the same?”

“No, not the same.” She paused, thinking it over. “My implant is designed to enhance my ability to perceive
metaspace, nothing more. It's not a networked implant like that one. There is no Axis for me to link to, and I can't communicate mind-to-mind with anyone else wearing one. But the way he described the way it works sounds similar to my experience, and I know for certain the core technology is the same in both.”

“Right,” Jeth said. “All implants are manufactured by the ITA.”

Marian grimaced. “Yes, but it's more than that. They all use the same power source—Pyreans.”

“What?”

“It's true.” Marian reached up and pulled out her implant, the tentacles sliding through her hair like white fingers. She held it out to him, and he could see it was almost identical to his, aside from the color. “The Pyreans have been used for much more than just space travel. It makes sense, doesn't it? Especially when you consider implants like the Brethren's, that allow for communication between minds and over great distances. Only the existence of metaspace makes such things possible.”

“And only the Pyreans allow us to access it,” Jeth said, making the connection. Now that she had pointed it out, he couldn't understand why he hadn't seen it before. “Does this means Pyreans are used in comm units, too?”

She flashed a proud smile. “It does.”

Jeth worried at his lower lip. “But the Pyreans have been dying out for years. Why isn't there a shortage of comm devices, like there is metadrives?”

“Even a dead Pyrean retains its link to metaspace. It's not usually strong enough to transport physical objects, but communication is a different matter. The ITA has been using dead Pyreans in comm devices and implants such as these since they first discovered them.”

“That's blowing my mind a little,” Jeth said, smiling at the unintentional pun. He considered the implant in his hand, his thoughts on the Pyreans. They were a remarkable life-form, so useful.
And they're dying.
But would saving them matter? Could they be saved? He didn't know.

“Yes, mind-blowing.” Marian raised her white implant to her head and slid it in. “But back to the point. When the ITA first forced this implant on me, I fought it as hard as I could. It was as if I'd been given a new set of instincts, but ones that worked against the ones I already had, like the feeling I should put my hand into the fire instead of avoiding the pain of getting burned.”

Jeth's pulse quickened, her words a perfect articulation of how it felt to have this alien thing inside him. The urge to embrace its presence was as strong as his instinct to avoid pain, but equally as perverse as craving it. He swallowed. “What happened?”

“The more I fought, the more I lost control of my ability to manipulate metaspace. Eventually it started to manipulate me instead. I was phasing things all the time without meaning to.” A pained look crossed her face, and Jeth couldn't help remembering the way she had killed that ITA scientist in one of the video recordings on the Aether Project. The
man had been torturing her, yes, but she'd done it so easily and with little sign of regret or hesitation. Had she been in control then? He guessed she must've been. The act had appeared so deliberate.

“Finally,” Marian went on, “I gave up fighting it. I held out for a long time, but no one can stand that kind of pressure forever. Once I gave in, though, everything changed. Suddenly I was in full control again, and I have been ever since.”

Jeth exhaled, hating the answer. He didn't want it to be true, didn't want to trust it. But he couldn't see any way around it. Already the need to reinsert the implant thrummed through his system, setting his nerve endings on fire.

Marian patted his shoulder again. “It'll be all right. If anyone is strong enough to master this Axis, it's you.” She smiled, the gesture lighting up her whole face. For a moment she was so dazzling Jeth couldn't stand the sight of it. It was like trying to look directly into a sun. She squeezed his shoulder. “You
need
to be able to control it, Jeth. You have to be ready for what we'll face on First-Earth, and mastering it is the only way you'll be able to stand up to Dax now. You cannot let him command your loyalty.”