Poles Apart (11 page)

Still clutching the puppy tight, Sarah collapsed
into Niklas’s embrace, sobs wracking her body. He carried her back inside and
laid her down on the soft rug beside the fireplace, curling up behind her to
provide more warmth. For them both.

He lays me down in green pastures. He
restores my soul.

It felt safe there.

If only the heat of the fire would dry
up her tears.

“Shh. It’s all right,” Niklas’s voice
soothed.

How could she tell him the truth?

How could she not?

Much as he wanted to jump into his
father’s fictitious sleigh with its reindeer that flew across the world in
seconds and steer them toward South Africa so he could beat the living daylights
out of this Andrew Palmer, that wasn’t what Sarah needed from him right now.

He took a deep breath then swallowed the
bile rushing up his throat. “Never forgive? Those are strong words, Sarah.”

She laid her head on his shoulder and
stared into the fire, releasing a sigh that tattled of the burden she carried.
“I know.” Her shoulders hitched then sagged. “It is what it is.”

Niklas weaved his fingers between hers
and squeezed her hand tight. He shook his head. “Don’t let him win, Sarah.
Unforgiveness will only hold you captive—not him.”

The tears tracing Sarah’s cheek glinted
in the firelight. “It’s too late. I can’t change the way I feel.”

Releasing her hand, he slid his arm
around her and drew her to him. “Maybe you feel you can’t...but God can.”

Pulling away, Sarah pressed her palms to
her eyes and shook her head from side to side. “No. No.” She swiped at the
tears as the fire drew her gaze once more. “Don’t you see? He’s ruined me...for
life. I’ll never find my happily-ever-after. Who will ever love me knowing my
story?”

Niklas turned her face toward him.
Leaning in close, he brushed his lips over her ear and whispered, “I will.” He
breathed in deep. “I do.”

“How is that possible?” Her stuttered words
were barely audible.

A smile tipped the corners of his mouth
as he gazed into her eyes. “Because, Sarah Jones, you’re very lovable. To me,
and to God. And both of us would like nothing more than to see you move past
this atrocity—find healing and love.”

She remained silent, searching his eyes.

Say something, Sarah. Tell me you feel
the same way about me.

“I’d like that, too,” she finally said.
“But...”

He waited for her to continue. She
didn’t. She merely stared back at the glowing coals. He’d give her time.

Standing, Niklas grasped a log from the
holder beside the fireplace. He removed the mesh screen and eased the piece of
wood inside. Sparks scattered in all directions as it settled on the coals. Grabbing
a second, he repeated the action, closing the mesh as soon as the log fell into
place.

Next he checked on Mila and the puppies.
Still not another word from Sarah.

Mommy and her litter were doing well, but
he’d need to take her outside soon to relieve herself. Risto, too.

Niklas crouched beside Sarah resisting
the urge to kiss away her hurt. “Are you hungry?” The soup had been simmering
for hours, but between the puppies’ births, and Sarah’s confession, there’d
been no time for food.

She shook her head.

“Thirsty? Maybe a cup of hot chocolate?”
Sarah loved chocolate, and the endorphins would do her good.

Her lips drew a weak smile. “That would
be nice.”

Yes. Progress.

“Niklas...”

“Yes?”

“W—when you said you love me, d—did you
mean like a Christian love? Or something else?”

Sweeping his hand through her hair, he
drew her close and showed her exactly what he meant with his kiss.

Finally surfacing, Sarah stared at
Niklas, wrinkles on her brow and questions in her eyes. “Would you ever lie to
me?”

Please tell me you won’t. Haven’t.
Sarah
searched his eyes for the answer.

Niklas diverted his gaze to the flames.
“I—”

Like a banshee weaving its way down the
passage, a mournful howl echoed from the other side of the house. Frantic
barking, and then scratching against Niklas’s bedroom door, followed.

“Risto.” Niklas sprang to his feet. “I’m
sorry. I need to let him out.”

Sarah blotted up the remaining tears
with her shirt sleeve and raised her gaze. She offered Niklas a weak smile.
“You’d better, before he destroys your door.”

“I think you’re right.” Niklas slid his
feet into his boots as his body disappeared inside that red jacket he seemed to
love so much. He grabbed a leash hanging beside the front door and headed down
the passage, soon returning with Risto firmly in tow, the leash short and taut.
The dog did its best to pull Niklas toward the whelping box. His master
remained stronger, and the two headed outside into the cold.

Sarah eased over to Mila and her pups.
Leaning into the box, she stroked mommy first then her newborns, their fur soft
and downy. What had come over her to react the way she had? To tell
Niklas...everything?

Yet, instead of rejecting her, he’d shown
love. Even said he loved her. Could she say the same in return? She wanted to,
but could she put herself at risk to love again? When the reality of her story
sank in, would Niklas really still feel the same about her?

Perhaps it was best that she’d return
home to South Africa soon. Far, far away.

Niklas and Risto blew back inside the
cottage, along with the icy air that snuck in behind them. Instinctively, Sarah
tucked the blankets higher around the puppies, making sure they were covered
and snug. Some suckled their first milk from Mila—colostrum, rich in maternal
antibodies, protection against infection. There’d been nothing to protect the
runt, doomed from conception. One pup escaped the blanket covering it,
burrowing into the one below in search of its mother’s warm body and an open
teat. Turning her head, Mila guided the stray pup toward the source of food.

“Whew, it’s warm in here.” Niklas shut
the door behind him, still reigning Risto in close. “You don’t notice it until
you step outside and then back in.”

Sarah shrugged. “I guess so.”

Passing Sarah, Niklas stooped to kiss
her while Risto stretched his neck as far over the whelping box as he could. A
low growl rumbled from Mila.

“Think that’s our cue to go,” Niklas
whispered as he kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back now. Just need to return Risto
to the room.”

Grasping his arm, Sarah gave him reason
to pause. “Aren’t you going to let him say hello to his family properly?”

Niklas shook his head.

What?
Visions of
Andrew walking away from her filled Sarah’s mind.

“It’s not good for the male to be around
the litter for a few weeks. Soon as I can, I’ll have them back together again.”
A low chuckle tumbled from his mouth. “The Bible says that it’s not good for a
man to be alone.”

“Really? So what about you?”

His gaze bore into hers, one side of his
mouth lifting in a lopsided smile. “Guess I’ll have to do something about that.
Soon.”

What did he mean? If only she could ask.
There was something she could ask him, though. “Why don’t you let me keep Risto?”
Sarah’s gaze flitted around the room. “There’s not that much space here to keep
him and Mila apart.”

A smile lit Niklas’s face. “Are you
sure?”

“Absolutely. I’d love the company. If
Santa doesn’t mind, that is.”

A frown stole his smile. “Santa?”

“Yes. These are his dogs, aren’t they?”

He drew in a breath then blew it out.
“They are.”

“Do you think he’ll mind me kidnapping
his dog for a while?”

“No. He won’t mind at all.” Niklas
tugged Risto away from the box. “As Risto’s already leashed, and I’m still dressed
for outside, why don’t I run you home in my car? It’s late, and you look tired.”

Sarah didn’t want to leave. She wanted
to stay here with him beside the fireplace, feel his arms around her.
Especially tonight. But it wasn’t proper. She needed to go home.

Sarah
struggled to fall asleep. Finally she dozed off in the early hours of the
morning waking with a start as her cell phone belted out the tune Matthew had
set for the alarm. ‘Santa Claus is coming to town.’ He also proudly told Sarah
that her new ringtone was ‘I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus’. She had yet to
hear it. Neither Hannah, her parents, or friends would call her, the international
charges exorbitant. Fortunately, Skype had provided another way to communicate,
but she’d only done so once to Hannah since arriving in Lapland. She’d emailed
her publisher and friends, only to let them know she’d be overseas for three
weeks, ignoring their subsequent mails and questions.

The phone silenced as she slid her
finger across the screen, and then yanked the duvet over her head. Rolling onto
her right side, Sarah turned her back on the world waiting below. Exhaustion clung
to her. What a night. Puppies being born, baring her soul to Niklas, a new roommate...
What had possessed her to set the alarm for seven-thirty today? Oh yes, writing
deadline, and a dog that needed to be taken outside. Groan. Just a little
longer in the warmth and comfort of her bed.

She closed her eyes, savoring that good
night kiss from Niklas once again. She could lie in bed all day with her
thoughts.

A sharp rap on the front door put an end
to that idea. Risto let out a loud bark, and Sarah threw back the covers. Must
be Niklas come to make the fire in her sauna. For that, she’d gladly leave
behind the soft mattress, feathered duvet, and her daydreams. He was a little
early, though.

She pulled on her slipper socks and
headed down the bunk-bed-style ladder.

Risto guarded the door, his barking drowning
the loud knocking that had started again.

“I’m coming. Risto, shush.” Wrapping her
fingers around his collar, Sarah pulled the retriever away from the door and
moved him toward the couch. “Stay there.” She pointed at the dog before
pivoting around.

Unable to contain her smile, she yanked
open the door. “Niklas, where’s the fire?”

“Right here.” With a grin he slid his
arms around her waist and eased her back inside the cabin, shutting the door
with his foot. His mouth wasted no time finding hers.

Finally he released her. “Good morning.”

Oh-yes-it-is.
“Morning,” she purred, snuggling her head into his chest.

“Did you sleep well?”

Sarah nodded. He didn’t have to know.

“And Risto? Did he behave last night?”

She leaned back, staring into his eyes.
She could get used to looking at that shade of blue every morning. “He was a
perfect gent. How are Mila and the puppies?”

“Mom and pups are doing good.” His gaze
deepened. “How are you? Last night was intense.”

Intense didn’t begin to describe it.
She’d done something she’d never done before—really opened up. Where would that
vulnerability lead?

“It was, but I’m OK now. You want some
coffee?” She turned to go. More like escape. Not that she wanted to escape his
arms, only the subject.

Niklas tightened his hold and shook his
head. Drawing her back to him, he smiled and tapped her nose lightly with his
finger. “What I do want is for you to get dressed. Fast. I’ve a busy day
planned for us.” He trailed his fingers down her hair. “Unless, of course, you
need to spend the day indoors, writing.”

She did. But she didn’t want to. It took
all of two seconds for Sarah to decide that a day off was perfectly acceptable.
Besides, it was Christmas Eve. So much for cooking him dinner. She still hadn’t
shopped—her cupboards still resembled Old Mother Hubbard’s.

“No sauna for me this morning?” She
loved starting these dark, icy days in the heat and isolation of that small
wooden room.

With a glint in his eyes, Niklas flashed
a grin. “You’ll get one this morning, I promise. Except today you’ve got
company. The fire’s already heating my sauna.”

Sarah clamped the corner of her bottom
lip between her teeth, relishing the thought of sharing this custom with
Niklas. She held his gaze through lowered lashes. “Really?”

“Really. Quick, grab your swimsuit and
get those legs of yours into a pair of snow pants so we can get going.”

“B—but what about breakfast?” She was starving.
They never did get around to eating last night.

“Don’t worry about food. I’ve got that
covered.”

“My, aren’t you full of surprises
today?”

“You haven’t seen anything yet,
Pupu
.”

“Poo-poo?” Sarah chuckled. “Niklas
Toivonen, are you talking dirty?”

His eyes widened. “Never. I respect you
far too much.
Pupu
is... It’s like a love word. Like saying sweetheart,
or darling, I guess.”

“Oh.” The word squeaked from Sarah’s
mouth. Not at all what she thought he’d said. She cleared her throat. “Direct
translation?”

“Bunny.”

Cute. Eyes fixed on his, Sarah drew in a
slow breath. It did not help to still her racing heart. He’d progressed to
terms of endearment. She liked that. A lot.

“Give me five minutes to change.”

Niklas nodded. “I’ll take Risto out in
the meantime.”

Sarah headed toward the cupboard for clothes
as Niklas opened the door. Risto squeezed past him through the gap and dashed
off into the dark blue dawn. Poor thing must’ve been desperate to go. Like her.
“Better make that ten. As you can see, I only crawled out of bed at your knock.”

Using the sauna to get dressed, Sarah tapped
a little water out of the heater into a bowl. Cold. This would hurt. Wetting
her facecloth, she squeezed out the icy water then gave her face a quick wipe.
Teeth next. Never before had her toothbrush worked this fast. She slipped into
her favorite jeans and a soft red sweater—nothing like cashmere—finishing off
the outfit with a thin red and white scarf to match her snow boots. And
Christmas.

Finally, she ran a brush through her
hair. Just a dash to that little room tucked away in the trees and she’d be
ready. She grabbed her swimsuit, a towel, and the last essential oil she’d yet
to try and shoved them in a carry bag. She’d use it this morning, if Niklas
said it was all right.

By the time Sarah trudged back from the
outhouse, Niklas sat waiting on the porch.

“Why didn’t you go inside?”

He smiled. “Not my house.”

“Actually, it is.”

“Not for another nine days.”

She opened the door. “Are we leaving
Risto here?”

“Not unless you want to clean up when
you get home.”

“We’ll be that long?”

“Longer...
Pupu
.”

All right.

The snowmobile streaked across the
indigo-bathed snow toward Niklas’s house. Sarah held tight around his waist.
Lagging behind, Risto’s barking grew softer. An impossible task for him to keep
up, but he knew his way home, and it wasn’t far.

Niklas parked the snowmobile next to the
sauna. “You go ahead. I’ll meet you inside in a few minutes. I must first check
on Mila and the puppies and put Risto in my bedroom.”

“OK.” Hand on the sauna door, Sarah glanced
over her shoulder. “Niklas?”

He stopped, pivoting to face her.

“Do you mind if I put one of the oils in
the water? It’s the last one, and I’d planned to try it this morning.”

“No problem. Which one?”

“Hyssop.”

“Good.” With a smile he turned and
continued on his way.

Sarah stepped inside and closed the door
behind her. Changing into her swimsuit, she entered the sauna. So this is what
happens when you leave a sauna to heat. Clearly she’d not waited long enough
with hers. She checked the temperature before heading for the top seat. 185 F.
85 C. Placing her towel on the wooden slats, she sat down on its softness. Soon
her skin glistened with perspiration, and yet she shivered. Anticipation of
Niklas sharing this small space with her? At the thought, fear mingled with her
excitement. What was she doing here? Was she crazy? This could be Andrew all
over again. Hadn’t she learnt? Niklas could do what he wanted with her inside
here and not a soul would hear.

The door to the dressing area banged
shut and Sarah jumped. Too late to make a dash for it. She pressed up against
the wall, trying to blend into the wood. As if that would help.

Cooler air followed Niklas inside. Not
that it would make a difference to the temperature. He shut the door behind him
fast.

“
Hei
.” Scooping up a ladle of
water, he emptied it onto the sauna rocks. Repeating the action, twice, he followed
the steam to the top, sitting down on the opposite side to Sarah. He leaned
back against the wall and closed his eyes.

Grateful for his lack of vision, Sarah
stared. More like gawked. Another reason this was not a good idea. Those
muscles, shaping his arms and legs in mountains and valleys she’d love to trail
her fingers over, were disconcerting.

“H—hi,” she croaked, swallowing hard.

Niklas opened one eye then closed it
again, inhaling deep. Was she as much of a distraction to him? Or was this the
way he took his saunas—eyes shut?

“The hyssop smells good. Sweet and
warm.”

Sarah took a deep breath, too. “It
does.” Focused on him, and on her fear, she hadn’t noticed the scent until he mentioned
it.

Words banished, silence descended like
the oppressive steam, the intense heat all that remained. And their own
thoughts.

Finally, Sarah broke the quiet.

“It’s really hot in here.” She fanned
herself with her hand. Pulling the towel out from under her, Sarah leaned
forward and wiped the sweat from her face with it. She pushed to her feet and took
the two steps down to the floor. “I need fresh air.” Except it was freezing
outside. And she was dressed in a swimsuit.

“I know exactly what you need, Sarah.”

She glanced up at him. Eyes still shut,
her announcement hadn’t made him budge. If he’d remained silent, she would’ve
thought he’d fallen asleep.

“And that is?”

He opened his eyes, and his mouth swept
into a grin. “Jump into the
avanto
with me.”

Would she say yes? Niklas held his
breath, waiting. If Sarah could conquer this, she could conquer anything. She’d
understand how exhilarating the cold water was, how there’s nothing to fear.
And if she understood that, he could explain that forgiveness brings the same
breathtaking rush. Only it lasted much longer. If she could forgive Andrew,
she’d be able to forgive him. But more than the selfish thought of receiving
respite, he wanted Sarah to be free. And she’d only find that freedom in
leaving all her hurt at the foot of the cross.

“Are you crazy? I can’t jump into
freezing water, no matter how hot I am.”

“Trust me, Sarah. It’s not as bad as you
think.” Niklas heaved himself up and onto the floor in a single movement,
ignoring the fact there were two steps in that space and coming to a stop in
front of her. He reached out and brushed his fingers up her arm. “Trust me,” he
whispered.

“All right. But I’m going first, because
if it’s bad I’m holding you under the water on your turn.”

“Sarah, would it make you feel better if
I promise to do something equally unpleasant today?”

“Yes,” she said, pouting. “And one more
thing—we have breakfast afterward. I’m famished.”

“Deal.”

“Plus, you never ask me to jump into the
ice hole again.”

“
Avanto
. And I won’t have to ask—you’ll
want to do it again all on your own.”

She wrapped the towel around her,
flicking her hair over her shoulder. “Hardly likely.”

Oh you will, but I won’t argue the fact.

Niklas opened the sauna door. Inside the
dressing room, he grabbed a pair of plastic shoes and handed them to Sarah.
“Here, put these on.” He slid his feet into his own pair then opened the door.