Polgara the Sorceress (78 page)

‘Who is she?’ Salmissra demanded, ‘and why is she calling you by that name?’

‘Have you been riding that tired old horse again, Chammy? What a bore. “Asharak the Murgo?”
Really
Chammy, I’m disappointed in you.’ I looked at the confused-looking Queen of Nyissa. ‘Has he been lying to you, Sally? You didn’t
really
believe him, did you? “Asharak the Murgo” indeed! He’s worn the spots off that one in most of the civilized world. Everybody knows that his name’s really Chamdar, and that he’s Ctuchik’s favorite boot-licker. Chammy here’s been living on a steady diet of boot-polish for over a thousand years now.’

‘Who
are
you?’ Salmissra demanded. ‘And how
dare
you call me by that absurd name?’

‘My name’s Polgara, Sally, and I’ll call you whatever I jolly-well choose to call you.’ I dropped the light-hearted tone and delivered
that
announcement with a definite hint of steel in it.

I could almost feel the narcotics draining out of her blood.
‘Polgara?’
she exclaimed.

‘She lies!’ Chamdar declared, his own voice slightly shrill and his eyes going wild.

‘Oh, Chammy, how on earth would
you
know? You’ve been searching for me for a thousand and more years, and you’ve never once even seen me. If you’re the best Ctuchik can come up with, my father’s been overstating the peril. I could delete you without even working up an appetite.’ I knew that it was melodramatic to the point of absurdity, but I leveled my forefinger slightly off to one side of him and disintegrated a polished flagstone with a sizzling thunderbolt. I’ve seldom done that, so perhaps I over-did it just a bit. The fragments, all jagged and red-hot, sprayed the groveling eunuchs, and they all immediately stopped being bored. They scrambled away, squealing like terrified mice.

‘Oops,’ I said apologetically. ‘A little excessive, maybe. Sorry about the floor tiles, Sally. Now, where was I? Oh yes, now I remember.’ And I exploded several more flagstones in the general vicinity of Chamdar’s feet.

He began hopping around wildly. ‘There you are, Sally,’ I drawled. ‘Murgos
do
know how to dance. All you have to do is give them a bit of encouragement.’

‘Have you come here to kill me?’ Salmissra quavered.

‘Kill you? Good heavens no, Sally dear. You and I both know that isn’t what I’m going to do to you.’ I made only the slightest move with just one finger as I released my Will. What I was doing was only an illusion, after all, so I didn’t have to wave both arms when I did it. ‘Look in your mirror, Sally.
That’s
what I’m going to do to whichever Salmissra is unlucky enough to make me cross with her.’

Telling Salmissra – any Salmissra – to look in her mirror is almost like telling water to run downhill. She took one look at the large mirror beside her throne and screamed in absolute horror. Staring back at her with unblinking eyes and a flickering tongue was a very large, mottled snake. ‘No!’ the Serpent Queen shrieked, desperately feeling her face, her hair, and her body with violently trembling hands to assure herself that the hideous reflection wasn’t really what she looked like. ‘Make it go away!’ she squealed.

‘Not just yet, Sally, dear,’ I said in my best frigid tone. ‘I want you to remember that image. Now then, has Chammy here been trying to foist his tired old promise off on you? You didn’t
really
believe that Torak was going to marry you, did you?’

‘He told me so!’ Salmissra said, pointing an accusing finger at the now shaken Grolim.

‘Oh, Chammy, Chammy, Chammy!’ I chided. ‘Whatever am I going to do with you? You
know
that was a he. You know perfectly well that Torak’s heart belongs to another.’ I was gambling there of course. I wasn’t entirely sure that Chamdar had been at Vo Mimbre.

‘Who is it that Torak loves?’ Salmissra demanded in a slightly stricken voice. In spite of everything, I guess she still harbored some hopes.

‘Who?’ I said. ‘Why me of course, Sally. I thought everybody knew that. He even proposed to me once, and it absolutely broke his heart when I turned him down. Actually, that’s why he lost the duel with Brand at Vo Mimbre. The poor dear only has one eye, you know, and it was so
full of tears of disappointment that he didn’t even see Brand’s sword coming. Don’t you just
love
it when your admirers fight duels with each other to prove their love? It’s so romantic to see all that blood spurting. I just quivered all over to see Torak standing there with that sword stuck right through his head like that.’

I heard a broken sob, and I glanced quickly at Chamdar. The Murgo was actually weeping! Of course Torak
was
his God.

‘Now, then, Sally, I think you’d better ask the fellow called Salas what happened to the Salmissra who ordered the murder of the Rivan King. If you believe Chammy’s lies you’ll be walking down the same path. If the Alorns catch up with you, they’ll burn you at the stake. Think about that and then take another look in your mirror. It’s the stake or the snake, Sally, and that’s not really very much of a choice, is it?’ Then I leveled that well-known ‘steely gaze’ at the still red-eyed Chamdar. ‘Chammy, you naughty, naughty boy! Now you march right out of here and go back to Rak Cthol. Tell Ctuchik that he’d better come up with something new, because this one’s all worn out now. Oh, and give him my regards, will you? Tell him that I yearn for the day of our meeting.’

‘But – ’ he started to protest.

‘You heard her, Chamdar!’ Salmissra snapped. ‘Get out of my sight. And you’d better hurry. Your diplomatic immunity expires in about a half an hour, and after that, there’ll be a sizeable price on your head. Now get out!’

Chamdar fled.

‘Nice touch, there,’ I complimented Salmissra.

‘Can I really do that, Pol?’ she asked.

‘It’s your kingdom, dear,’ I assured her. ‘You can do anything you want to do.’

‘Is it possible for you and me to be friends?’ she asked.

‘I think we already are,’ I said, smiling.

“Then would you
please
get that awful snake out of my mirror?’

I spent several months in Sthiss Tor gradually leeching the assorted narcotics out of Salmissra’s blood until she reached the point of being able to think coherently. She was
no mental giant, but once she came out of that drug-induced fog, she began to function rationally. The eunuchs who actually ran the government were more than a little upset by my intervention, so one evening after Salmissra had drifted off to sleep, I sent for Rissus, who probably wielded more power than most of his cohorts – enough at any rate that he had to take the usual precautions to keep them from poisoning him. He seemed a bit apprehensive when he entered the garish sitting-room of the Serpent Queen’s private apartment. ‘You wanted to see me, Lady Polgara?’ he said in his eunuch’s contralto.

‘Yes, Rissus,’ I said. ‘I thought that you and I ought to have a little chat.’

‘Of course, Lady Polgara.’

‘I’m sure you’ve noticed the change that’s come over your queen.’

‘How could I miss it? You’ve got her completely under your control. How
did
you manage to pull that off so quickly?’

‘I offered her friendship, Rissus. She’s a very lonely person, you know.’

‘How could she possibly be lonely? She’s got a whole stable of pretty boys to entertain her.’

‘Salmissra needs friendship, Rissus, and there’s none of that involved in her frolics with her pretty boys. She’s not brilliant by any stretch of the imagination, but she’s clever enough to rule here if you and Salas and some of the others advise her. Are you feeling up to statesmanship, Rissus? Could you set aside your petty scheming and the incidental poisonings of your rivals and concentrate on actually making the government work?’

‘What an unnatural thing to suggest,’ he murmured.

‘Shocking, isn’t it?’ I agreed. ‘Here’s the way we’ll do it. I’ve had a fair amount of experience in positions of power at times, and I’m going to start reminiscing – telling Salmissra stories about how I managed this or that crisis, the tedious business of coddling powerful nobles, arranging the tax-code so that it didn’t generate an immediate rebellion, and all the other tricks of running a government. The whole idea will be to get Salmissra interested in the field of politics.
Then, when she starts asking questions, I’ll pretend to be unfamiliar with Nyissan customs and suggest that she send for you. The whole idea is to rather gently educate her to the point that she’s an adequate ruler. From there, we’ll move on to letting her make decisions.’

He gave me a shrewd look. ‘Where’s the catch, Lady Polgara?’ he asked. ‘What’s in this for you?’

‘I want stability here in Nyissa, Rissus. There are things afoot that you aren’t aware of, and they’re going to be fairly titanic. I don’t want Ctuchik dictating Nyissan policy.’

‘You won’t get any arguments from me there, Polgara.’

‘Good. Now, then, I’ve weaned her off some of the more incapacitating narcotics, but let’s reduce her intake of the others as well. I know there are certain compounds she has to take regularly to keep her from visibly aging, but let’s cut her dosage to an absolute minimum. Who’s her apothecary?’

‘Speaking,’ he said with a faint smile.

‘Really? It’s very unusual for a pharmacologist to be in a position of power in government.’

‘Not in Nyissa it isn’t, Polgara. Here in Sthiss Tor, the key to the queen’s drug cabinet is the key to power. It may sound immodest, but I’m the most skilled pharmacologist in all of Nyissa. In a land of addicts, the apothecary rules, but it’s all sort of under the table. It might be nice to be official.’

‘Shall we take our Salmissra in hand and make a real queen of her then, Rissus?’

‘That might be nice. A real queen would be sort of a novelty. We could achieve that stability you want – set up strict procedures for poisoning opponents, limitations on the use of professional assassins, and all that.’ He leaned back reflectively. ‘Things have been chaotic here in Nyissa for the last century or so,’ he noted. ‘Maybe it’s time for us to set up some rules, and around here, nobody’s going to pay attention to rules unless they’re handed down from the throne. Yes, I’ll agree to your proposal. Let’s go ahead and make a real queen out of Salmissra.’

And so we did that. From earliest childhood, Salmissra had never had a real friend. At the first sign of her affection
for any of those around her, the sound of the tops coming off all the poison bottles rattled the windows. She was desperately lonely and more than a little afraid. I assured her that nobody in his right mind would try to poison
me,
and she opened her heart to me with an almost child-like trust. Actually, it was rather touching. I discovered a simple uncomplicated little girl under all the trappings of her royalty, and I became genuinely fond of her.

That’s happened to me on occasion. The most impossible friendship I’ve developed is the one I have for Zakath.
That
one should have stopped the sun. My affection for Salmissra didn’t even come close to that one.

I had a professional interest in Nyissan pharmacology, so between us, Salmissra and I ran poor Rissus ragged. When he wasn’t giving
her
lessons in practical politics – Nyissan style – he was introducing me to the exotic world of Nyissan herbs. Oddly, there were even some roots, berries, leaves, and twigs in the jungles of Nyissa that were actually beneficial – under tightly controlled circumstances, of course.

After I’d been in Nyissa for a half-year or so, the twins advised me that father had stopped by Emgaard and that he wanted to see me. Salmissra wept when I told her that I was going to have to leave soon, but I’d carefully insinuated Rissus and Salas into her affection, so I was sure that they could fill in the gap in their queen’s life. To insure that they’d never betray her child-like trust, I told them that if they did, I’d come back to Nyissa and feed them to the leeches that infested the River of the Serpent. You wouldn’t
believe
how fervently they promised to be good after
that
little exchange.

Then I went to the throne-room and said goodbye to the Serpent Queen. She wept and clung to me, but I gently untangled her arms from about my neck, kissed her cheek, and handed her over to Rissus and Salas. Then I left.

It was early in the winter when I reached the Vale, and the snow was piled deeply around father’s tower. I swooped in, resumed my own form, and braced myself.

‘Well, Pol,’ he said as I came up the stairs. ‘I was sort of wondering if you’d decided to stay the winter in Nyissa.’

That’s the rainy season down there, father,’ I reminded him. ‘Sthiss Tor’s bad enough already without adding a steady downpour. You wanted to see me?’

‘I always want to see you, Pol. I yearn for your company all the time.’

‘Please,’ I said, ‘spare me. What’s bothering you now?’

‘Did it occur to you to let me know what you were doing?’

‘Not really, no. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, father.’

‘I sort of like to stay abreast of things, Pol.’

There wouldn’t be any problem if that’s
all
you did, father, but you’re nosey.’

‘Pol!’ he protested.

‘But you are, father, and you know it. Oh, I met Chamdar down there. I don’t think he enjoyed our meeting very much, but
I
certainly did.’

‘Was he breathing the last time you saw him?’

‘I think he was breathing fire, father. I spiked his scheme by exposing him to Salmissra, and she put a price on his head.’

‘Slick,’ he complimented me.

‘I rather liked it. Have you got anything to eat around here? I’m positively famished.’

There’s something in that pot over there. I forget exactly what it is.’

I went to his fireplace and lifted the lid. ‘Was it pea-soup, perhaps?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘Maybe we’d better throw it out, then.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it’s green, father. I think you might have let it age a little-too long. Go down to the pantry and bring up a ham. I’ll fix us something to eat and tell you all about what Salmissra and I did to poor old Chammy.’