Polly Pippin and The Tunnel of Death (8 page)

'Really! Well, big guy, I'm not being Alice
in Wonderland or the White Rabbit. However, I wouldn't mind being
the Mad Hatter.'

'So, Selim, you're going to make me dress up
as a girl?' Sreip could not believe his ears. Selim usually did
what he was asked.

'Yep, it's your idea.' Selim was loving it,
it wasn't often he got the better of Sreip.

'One problem, though: What if they don't
invite us in?'

'Who says no to a party-gram?' Selim hopped
around pretending he was the White Rabbit.

'Hamish Pippin and Algernon Ponsenby
Eagles,' Sreip answered.

'Well, Hamish is on an overseas business
trip to the North Pole and is not expected back for two weeks. And
Algernon the Ape has been called back to the First Universe for a
catch-up.'

'And how did you organise that?' Sreip was
astounded. Selim usually had his mind on other things.

'I have ways of making things happen.'

'Seriously, how did you do it?' Sreip
asked.

'I sent a telegram,' Selim said, a grin all
over his silly face.

All the girls sat around the table, Polly,
Alison, Lily, Lucy and Barbara.

'Do you know what?' Polly said. 'I think we
it should be a themed party, and we should hold it in the cottage
in the garden.'

'You have a cottage in the garden?' Barbara
said.

'Yes, and it's so cute. I wanted to move in,
but misery guts Ali here said no.' Polly playfully pulled Ali's
ponytail.

'I'd move in with you,' Lily said.

'Really!' Polly said, and she poked her
tongue out at Alison, who spurted lemonade at her.

'Can we get on with it, please? Let's vote.
Who wants to have the party in the cottage?' Barbara asked. All the
hands went up except Polly's.

Harry the Hand was sitting in the tree
outside the front, spying and eating leaves. He was telling the
Liddles the story of his life, which he often did. He saw the four
girls put their hands in the air, and was suddenly very interested
in what they were saying.

'So that's decided. The party will be in the
cottage,' Barbara said.

~

Harry was excited as he hunted in his
sporran for his inter-universal communication unit to message Zack
and Knox to tell them what the girls had decided.

'Harry's just sent us a message, the party's
in the cottage in the garden. That's great. Do we go through the
house to get to the garden, or is there a back entrance?' Zack
asked.

'You can never tell with that house, it
changes shape as often as I clean my teeth. In any case, it doesn't
matter, we are inside the energy band.' Knox replied.

'Well, we can always make an excuse to go
into the house. By the way, do you know where Brad Capriole
is?'

'Nope, and I don't much care. He's outlived
his usefulness now, so when we do find him, we can de-pneuma him
and send him to Yrotagrup.'

'So much for him being "King of the World".'
Zack looked at his time gauge. 'Anyway, we'd better get back, or
our pretend twins will wonder where we are.'

'I hate to say it, but they're not bad for
Freeflyers. I quite like them,' Knox said.

'Oh, come ON, Knox! Are you getting soft in
the head? They are the sons of Sreip and Selim - our bitter
enemies.'

'I know that, but they're so… so nice.'

'Zack, Knox,' a voice called out. We were
getting worried about you.' Piers and Miles rounded the corner on
their motorbikes, smiling and waving madly.

'See what I mean?' said Knox.

'Shut up, idiot,' Zack snapped back, and
when the boys pulled up, he said. 'Hi, we were just on our way
back.'

'We've been looking for you,' Piers said.
'We want to take you to Brown Sugar for lunch. Then we will show
you over the film studio. Hop on Zack.'

'No, you come with me Zack. I'm fed up with
Knox already. He thinks he can sing and keeps bursting into song.'
Miles patted the seat.

'Oh, come ON!' Piers said, exaggerating the
"on". Zack's head shot up. How good was the Rebel's induction? Not
only was that exactly what he'd said five minutes ago, but how he'd
said it. He shook his head. The more time he spent with Piers, the
more he felt like his real twin. But he dismissed the thought - it
was probably how it was meant to be. He shrugged his shoulders. As
much as he hated to admit it, like Knox, he was actually starting
to quite like the boys.

Surprise, surprise

Brad opened his eyes. He was lying on his
back in a ditch in inches-deep mud and cold water. He rolled onto
his side. How the hell did he get here? 'What the…' But he stopped
a look of horror in his eyes. He didn't know who or what was in the
ditch with him, and he was petrified. Standing in front of him was
Harry the Hand, and that was all it was - a hand. On the end of
each finger was an eye. And a mouth of sorts, with thick luscious
lips, lay smack in the middle of the palm. Sometimes his tongue was
his proboscis, and Harry loved to roll it out and poke people as
hard as he could with it. He was dressed in a kilt, and hanging in
front of it was a very lavish sporran, which also contained a
proboscis. He stood on a dozen or so thin little pink legs. All the
legs had white knee-length socks, and on his feet were big, chunky
brown brogues. Apart from sitting in the tree outside Byzantine
Crescent eating leaves, he loved to do the Highland fling.

'We need your help, Brad.' Harry said, and
picked him up as if he were a feather.

Brad cringed, moving as far away as he could
from the grotesque vision in front of him. 'What do you want from
me? I'm just an actor.'

'Really! And I thought you were an Honorary
Rebel.'

'Of course not. I'm on your side.'

'And whose side am I on?' Harry said, as the
Liddles stood by his side, teeth bared.

'I don't know. I'll just be on your side.
Look, I'm rich, very rich. How much do you want? I'll give you
anything, just let me go back home.'

'You don't have a home anymore, Brad, the
Rebels have moved in. In any case, ye'll be safer with me. Your
friends the Rebels are not very happy with you.'

'Why? What have I done?'

'It's what ye haven't done.' Harry poked him
again with his proboscis.

'I'll do anything you say. Just don't hurt
me, and if you do, anywhere but the face.'

'Good boy.' Harry flashed a smile. 'Now
you're going back to your studio as if nothing has happened. The
girls are throwing a party, and ye're going to show up just out of
the blue.'

'Yes, yes, anything you say.' Tears were
running down Brad's face.

'Ye are going to help us track down the Zen
Rebels Event and Salute. Are they your friends?'

'No, no,' Brad insisted. 'I was just going
along with it, just for a bit of fun,' he finished weakly.

'Good, then you won't mind eliminating them,
will ye? What do ye think, Liddles? Poison in the tea? Or snakes in
the bed maybe?' Harry said.

Brad nearly fainted. This can't be
happening, he thought. 'Oh God, I'm just an actor,' he said.

'Yes yes, ye've already told us that. Brad,
this is going to be the best and probably the last performance of
your life, and no one will be there to see it.'

'Other than us,' said the Liddles.

'So we're all set. Tomorrow is going to be
one hell of a day. Ye can stay with us, and we'll arrive at the
girls' party together. In the meantime, let's go,' said Harry.
'It's getting chilly, and this ditch is damp.'

A whoosh, bang and flash, and they were
gone.

The Dark Universe rears its ugly head

Commander Rekrap thought the celebrations
for the capture of Earth were not only premature, but they were
also out of hand. As much as he tried to call order, no one took
any notice of him. Even his top captains were drunk as skunks.
Wine, women and song were the order of the day.

'Sod it,' he said. 'I'm not going to put up
with this a moment longer.' And he called his most loyal Captain to
his side.

'Get ready, Bean. Get our most powerful
weapons together. We are going to Earth,' he commanded. 'We will
win this war on our own.'

'But Sir, the High Overlord said to wait
till we captured Byzantine Crescent.' As soon as Captain Bean had
said it, he wished he could bite off his tongue.

'I don't care what the high and mighty
bloody overlord says. And as for you, Captain Bean, you are within
an inch of being sent to…'

'Yes Sir. Of course Sir. Stupid high
overlord. Whatever you say, Sir. You are always right, Sir.'

'Well, you may have redeemed yourself a
little, Bean, but just remember you are treading on very thin
ice.'

'Yes Sir. Is there anything I can do for
you, Sir? Anything at all?' Captain Bean was crawling up everything
he could think of.

'No. And for the Devil's breath's sake.'

'Yes Sir. What, Commander Rekrap Sir?'

'SHUT UP!' The Commander stood. 'Not a
moment to lose Bean. I fancy a holiday.' He straightened his tunic.
'On with the Motley,' he sang. 'Ha ha. These Earthbeings are so
sentimental, don't you just love it?'

He strode out of the Hall of Celebration
humming the song, got onto the universal probe and sat back with
every intention of enjoying the trip. 'Land us in the south of
France first Bean, I want to have a look at what could be my new
home. Hurry with the weapons Bean. We might as well take the top
ten.'

The cats out of the bag

When the Supreme Commander Pope heard
Commander Rekrap had disappeared to Earth and had taken the most
advanced weapons with him, he was furious.

'What has the idiot taken?' he demanded of
his captain. Captain Magnum was reluctant to reply. He knew it
would be his head on the block if Commander Rekrap found out it was
him who had dobbed him in.

'Come on man! What has he taken?' Commander
Pope insisted.

'Well Sir.' The Captain nervously got the
list out of his pocket, '1. The de-pneuma. 2. The miniaturiser. 3.
The time displacer. 4. The transporter. 5. The love ray. 6. The
invisibiliser. 7. The body changer. 8…'

'Enough! Enough already. The devil's eyes…
If he only uses one of them, he could cause the destruction of a
universe.' The Supreme Commander walked round the hall. 'Rally
twelve of my best storm troopers. Do we know where he is landing
first?'

'No Sir. He dismantled the direction
finder.'

Things were going from bad to worse. The
Supreme Commander had a big decision to make. He could not afford
to blunder into any Freeflyers nor have them trace him. With two
universal probes on the loose heading for Earth, they would be easy
to track. 'Who of any status is on Earth right now?' he asked.

'Zack and Knox. They are posing as the twins
of Piers and Miles.

'Are they, I told them not to till we were
ready. They had their orders: Wait till the Rebels have control of
Byzantine Crescent. What with them and Commander Rekrap on the
loose, well never mind. Look, we'll head for Australia. Most of the
Freeflyers will be in Great Britain waiting for our attack, so
let's surprise them. We'll attack the Sacred Cave. I happen to be
great friends with a Rebel Bushranger there. Oh, and get my warm
weather gear together, just in case. We'll leave in one hour.
Forget the storm troopers. If we need them, we can send for them.
But first things first, we must stop Commander Rekrap before he
does any more damage.'

The cottage party

The cottage looked magical, and the entrance
gate leading to the garden was decked with twinkling lights. The
pathway was strewn with rose petals, which, as they were walked
through, turned into thousands of tiny fireflies that rose and
danced under the trees creating sparkles that danced round the
guests as they arrived. The girls had decided to greet the guests
with honey rose nectar. Then, after they had relaxed, dinner would
be brought in. On the menu, "Ambrosia foods and drinks fit for the
Gods." And the climax of the evening - the entertainment.

Two masked waiters named E and S brought in
the food, and personally helped each and every one of them with
their choice.

'How do you do it?' Barbara said. 'This food
is the best I have ever tasted, and believe me, I have tasted it
all.'

Polly was beside herself with happiness. She
was with Piers, Alison was with Miles and Lily and Lucy were
obviously taken with Zack and Knox.

Gemma, Piers sister, was sitting with Nick,
who had brought along a friend, Barry. He was as thin as Barbara
was fat and was deep in conversation with her. The party was
obviously going to be a great success.

The food was finished, and one of the
waiters announced that the entertainment was about to begin, and if
they would please sit in the designated seats, the girls on the
frontbench and behind the boys.

The waiters threw off their white dinner
suits, and underneath they were wearing a colourful costume of
sparkling, flowing robes. As the waiters moved around each other,
exotic music began. The dance got faster and faster till all the
colours combined and created amazing patterns. Then the music
stopped, and out from behind the robes stepped Harry the Hand. He
was hilarious. All the guests loved his antics. He played to the
crowd, standing on each finger and singing, and he had a fine
voice. He did the cancan with all his little pink legs, and
finished with a sword dance. Everyone clapped, cheered and whistled
till one of the waiters came forward dressed as a magician.

'Polly, whom would you like to grace your
party? Dead or alive to you, but not to us.'

Again Polly's head fizzed. She knew she had
heard that before. But who had said it? It was on the tip of her
memory. Who was it? She just could not remember.

'Brad Capriole,' she said without
hesitation. Alison was about to admonish her, but was stopped in
her tracks as Brad, dressed as Romeo, entered the cottage. All the
Rebels, including Harry, knew whom she would choose so had him
there, ready to go. He walked straight to Polly and dropped to one
knee.