Portal (20 page)

“There is no way we are riding over on the bike, your neck is much too bruised. We’ll take your Jeep, I’ll drive.”

I was relieved. The thought of riding the bike through the trees, even in the daytime, was not the least bit appealing. He brought over a wicker picnic basket and a green blanket to the Jeep and we set off. He drove much more carefully and slowly than usual trying to bump my head about as little as possible. His hand found the iPod controls and he fumbled about trying to turn it on. Then laughed and said, “I give up, Shrimp. Why don’t you put some tunes on.”

I wasn’t really in the mood. I suddenly felt apprehensive. I couldn’t understand why. I felt oddly afraid, even though I was with the person I felt safest with. This person who I had known for less than a week. This person who I was about to share my secrets with. This person who I had hopelessly fallen in love with.

I didn’t know anything about him. I didn’t even know his last name! I had no idea how he would respond to anything I told him. I trusted him completely yet I had absolutely no reason to. So many aspects of my life were out of synch. Kellan was one of them. Did he belong to Arizona Darley or Stevens? Would I have to give him up? This frightened me and I felt my throat closing in and the tremors in my body start up again.

I felt Kellan’s hand on my shoulder and turned to look at him, he was gazing right at me with concern.

“Shrimp, do you want me to turn back? You look like you are getting worse again. I felt you shiver.”

“Kellan, I’m fine but I am afraid.”

“Afraid? Of what? I won’t let anyone hurt you, I’ll keep you safe.”

“I’m afraid of you, Kellan.”

The car jolted, turned and stopped at the side of the road. I could feel a sense of panic now and shivered.

“Why would you be afraid of me?” he asked as anger and hurt poured from his eyes.

“Because I don’t know you.”

I looked away and stared at my hands, my eyes concentrating exclusively at my fingernails. I could hear him breathing heavily trying to digest what I’d just said. He removed his hand from my shoulder and I felt a sense of abandonment. My eyes instantly teared up and a large teardrop slid down my face. I could feel his gaze burning a hole into me. We sat in silence for ages and then I heard him turn around and start the engine. I glanced over at him. I couldn’t read him; his face was expressionless. He started driving. I had no idea where to. I had thought that he would drive me back home and dump me there, but he didn’t turn around.

We offroaded onto a dirt road and stopped at the lake. Kellan got out and fetched the wicker basket and blanket and walked over to the lake. He shook the blanket out and put the basket on it and looked over at me. I was still sitting in the Jeep making no move to join him. He walked back over to the Jeep, opened my door and glowered at me. I sat still as he undid my seat belt, scooped me up and silently carried me over to the blanket and put me down. He lay down next to me and put his arm out for my head. I lay back on it and closed my eyes turning my body toward his.

Once again I felt safe. I could feel his gaze and I opened my eyes.

“You don’t know who I am? Arizona, I don’t know how to respond. What exactly do you mean? You mean you don’t understand me? Is that what you mean when you say
you don’t know me
?”

I nuzzled into his shoulders and kissed his chin, totally confusing him.

“No, it’s more complicated than that. You don’t know who I am either."

Kellan looked at me exasperated, “Are we about to have a deep philosophical discussion?”

I sighed in frustration and closed my eyes again. This was going to be more difficult than I had imagined.

“Arizona, come on! Don’t shut me out. You’re surely not afraid of me, are you?”

I opened my eyes again and studied his carefully. They were clear and honest.

“No, I do feel safe with you, but I am scared of how you’ll react to what I have to tell you. I don’t even know how and where to start.”

He looked at me and smiled, “Now I’m afraid of you!”

I laughed, “You should be. I’m about to blow your mind.”

“Less of the intrigue, Shrimp. Just spill!”

Where to start, where to start? I took a deep breath and played with his sleeve.

“Kellan, how long have we known each other?”

He laughed, “Oh no, you don’t! You are the one telling the stories today. Besides you know the answer to that.”

I took a deep breath and blurted:

“I’m not Arizona Darley. I’m Arizona
Stevens
. I live in New Jersey with my dad
, Dillard
. I go to Princeton High School and play defense in the all boys varsity ice hockey team. I met you for the first time last Monday morning in physics class. There!” I got it all out in one breath, not bad. I lay back down and closed my eyes while he, no doubt, contemplated calling a psychiatrist.

“Oh, I nearly forgot. I’m from the future.”

I got up and picked up some pebbles and started throwing them in the lake, following each vibration in the water. I felt him come up behind me and he started throwing pebbles into the lake as well. He was so close behind me I could feel his breath on my neck. He grabbed my hand as I was about to launch yet another pebble and threw it with me. We stood like that for ages throwing pebbles together. He finally let go of my hand and turned me around.

“You’re pretty good at pebble throwing for a Martian,” he said with a grin.

My fist came up and hit his chest knocking him down. He looked more than a little surprised as he hit the ground, but must have thought the whole situation hilarious as his laughs filled the air. It only made me angrier. My predicament was impossible to explain without this added nonsense.

“I am being serious,” I shouted angrily at him. Tears were starting to run down my face again.

He stopped and looked me incredulously, “You are, aren’t you?” He reached for my hands and pulled me down.

“I’ll be good. You’re going to have to explain all this though,” he said wiping the tears off my cheeks.

I nodded, “This is as hard for me to accept as it is going to be for you. But I am the one living it!

“Kellan, for me, last Saturday afternoon was June 2009. I was in New Jersey. I had just taken my SAT’s. I woke up in Mom’s car later that night and realized that things were strange. Mom and Ella’s hair were different and we seemed to have changed cars from an H3 to an H2. She drove me to a house I’d never seen before. I discovered that I had a dad named Rupert. My real dad is Dillard, he lives with me in Princeton. Imagine my confusion! I’m seriously not having a seizure of any kind.” I looked at him apprehensively. He nodded for me to go on.

“Then Monday, I had to find my way around a strange school except everyone seemed to know me. Then I had to get out of cheer squad… I can’t cheer!”

“I thought you seemed different Monday morning, the way you looked at me in physics,” Kellan remarked thoughtfully. “But this still doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know. I’m just telling you what happened to me. I’m not claiming it makes any sense. It is real though.” I continued, “So, then I found out that I had a brother! I also found out that my grandma is still alive. I also realized that it was no longer June 2009, but I was back in October 2008.”

“Slow down, Shrimp, too much information all at once. Relax and have a drink.” He looked pensive. I couldn’t even imagine what was going through his mind. I sounded like a babbling mad woman.

“You don’t believe a word I’m saying, do you?” I asked feeling beaten.

“
Believe
is not the word… absorb. I’m having a hard time absorbing this.”

“I don’t blame you. I can’t absorb it myself.”

He poured some lemonade into a wine glass and handed it to me. I took a long sip, mulling over what to say next.

“Kellan, when I saw you Monday morning, I saw you for the very first time.”

He reached over and touched my hair and said, “I felt like I did too.”

“That must have been so strange for you, Kellan?”

He nodded, “Yes, I’m still trying to work my feelings out. You’ve been like a kid sister for so long. I’ve never thought of you in any other way. Monday morning was weird; it was like you were someone else. I was powerfully drawn to you.”

I stroked his cheek with my hand and then continued. “The thing is, I am also Arizona Darley. I can remember some of the stuff about my Darley life and I’m remembering more and more everyday. It’s mostly the small things though, like where I like to keep my stuff and how I do my hair. I seem to instinctively
know
certain people
like Maria and Ali
.
However
,
I have no recollection of you, Harry or Rupert.” I moved closer to him, “I have these strong feelings for you, had them as soon as I saw you, but couldn’t help feeling that they were inappropriate.”

“Yes, well, we have been friends for years, since we were eight. You are Harry’s kid sister, so yes, totally inappropriate,” he laughed. “This week has changed things between us. I doubt we can go back to our old selves. I won’t want to,” he mused.

I felt a wave of relief pass over me and moved closer into him as I laid my head down on his lap.

“I need to figure out what’s going on. This is
not all in my head
. Ariele recognized me from Princeton. She’s one of my best friends from there.” I could feel Kellan tensing up again and sitting upright.

“You’re kidding? Right?” He looked at me disbelievingly.

“No, she recognized me at physics, but was too scared to come and speak to me. She’d already tried speaking to Simla and Justin, but they didn’t recognize her.”

Kellan looked like he was going to have a fit.

“Simla and Justin? What have they got to do with this?”

I could see that I had said too much, too soon. I had not given him enough time to digest all the weirdness.

“Arizona, I was hoping it was all in your mind, but this changes everything. What about Ariele, Simla and Justin?”

I was a bit insulted at the insinuation that this was all in my mind, but let that slide for now.

“Like I said, Ariele is one of my best friends from Princeton. So is Simla. Justin and I played hockey together.”

He went silent. I could only imagine the turmoil of his thoughts.

I stood up and held my hands out. He took them, I pulled him up and we started walking around the lake. It was a beautiful day. The fresh October air provided a welcome breeze. We walked silently, holding on to each other’s hands, stopping to throw the odd pebble in the lake. I pulled him down when we arrived back at the picnic blanket.

“Kellan, let’s talk to Ariele. She may help me to explain this a bit better.” He nodded thoughtfully, but I could see that he needed more answers from me.

“Arizona, this has got to be impossible for you. Does Harry know? Your mom?”

I could feel myself tearing up again. The stress of holding all this in was getting to me.

“No, no one but Ariele knows. I don’t know how to tell anyone. Just look at how you’re reacting. And Mom, well I think she may have something to do with all this.”

He looked confused, “What do you mean?”

“Truthfully, I don’t know what I mean. It’s just a feeling. Do you know anything about Ames?”

“You think Ames is involved?”

“I don’t know. It’s just that my mom and Ariele’s mom work there.”

“As does my dad, Justin’s dad and Simla’s mom,” added Kellan.

“Simla did say that she
knew
everything about my family. What does your Dad do, Kellan?”

“He is one of the directors, works with your mom a lot. He’s your mom’s boss.”

“What’s his name?”

“Larry, seems strange that you should ask. You’ve known him for years, but I suppose you don’t recall?”

“We should talk to Ariele,” I said. He nodded and opened the wicker basket.

“Hungry, Shrimp? Can I still call you
Shrimp
?”

“I would be upset if you didn’t. And yes, I am starving!”

Kellan brought out some carefully wrapped sandwiches and strawberries. He laid them out on plates and handed me one. I ate the strawberries first. They were juicy and delicious. My throat still hurt and I had to wash them down with water to stop the burning. After we finished eating we lay down on the blanket and enjoyed the warmth of the sun. Kellan turned to me and I braced, as I knew more questions were coming.

He laughed, “Scared of more questions?”

I nodded.

“Just one more,” he promised.

I braced myself.

“Are we going to keep
us
a secret?”

I hadn’t expected that. It was not something I had given any thought to in my sea of issues. I wasn’t sure that any one cared? Or did they? Did Kellan have a girlfriend who would flip out? Did I have another boyfriend?

“I haven’t given it any thought!”

He laughed, “Well, I guess you have been busy worrying over other stuff and….”

I interrupted. “You have been my rock. I never considered that this would be an issue for anyone, but I guess it might. Is it? Are you seeing someone else?”

He chuckled, “No, Shrimp, that’s not the issue. But Harry might be, in fact he’s definitely going to be. He trusted his lil’ sis with me and now look!”

“Really, you think?”

“Yes, and then there is David. He’s had a thing for you, forever, but you’ve just kept putting him off. He’s going to be a bit disappointed with you.”

“Well, given that I put him off…..”

Kellan moved closer to me, “So it’s us? The two of us, whoever you might be?”

“Yes,” and I closed my eyes to let him seal the deal.