Read Portia's Exclusive and Confidential Rules on True Friendship Online
Authors: Anna Hays
Portia's Exclusive and Confidential Rules on True Friendship (6 page)
Portia Avatar's Theorem
There is exactly one mother, one cat, and one daughter, the sum of which equals the current
makeup of the Avatar home. If one father, whose name is Patch, only knew how important his presence in this current incomplete formula would be and how it would lead to maximum happiness, then he would with 100 percent certainty grab the next plane, hop the next train, or catch the next bus to Palmville, USA.
8:48
A.M.,
M
EDIA AND
T
ECHNOLOGY
FOR THE
M
ILLENNIUM
C
LASS
,
P
ALMVILLE
M
IDDLE
S
CHOOL
M
edia for the Millennium is in progress. The discussion this morning is on media and our absorbent minds. Mr. Scuzzy, who wears his usual black T-shirt and faded jeans accompanied by a pair of original Converse All Stars, is midway through a description of what the brain looks like when it discovers something new. I feel a tap on my shoulder halfway through Scuzzy's next sentence about programming our internal circuitry. Then a note drops onto my lap.
Maxwell hasn't touched his food in twenty-four hours, but he's getting bigger!
It doesn't make sense. He needs another visit from a professional (aka you!).
Any news on my Sweet Sunshine?
Your newest best friend,
Misty
Mr. Scuzzy appears from out of nowhere, looking down at me with a disappointed look on his face. All I can manage is a very weak, “Hi, Mr. S. Nice weather, isn't it?”
“It's fire season and unseasonably hot.”
“I see your point.”
Staring at Misty's handwritten note, which she wrote on bright purple stationery (did she have to be obvious about it?), he gestures for me to hand over the evidence. Because he's a teacher on the cool side, he doesn't read the note out loud. But because he's a teacher, he requests my presence (and Misty's, too) after school.
When the bell rings, Amy brushes by me. She whispers to me like she's telling me a really big secret,
“Check your book bag.” On my way out the door, I reach into the outer pocket of my bag and discover another handwritten note. This one was scribbled quickly on a torn piece of graph paper.
Well, I guess we'll be rescheduling our boutique visit for tomorrow. BTW, from one close friend to another: malaria, yellow fever, the plague? I told you, P. Stay away from new girl. Stay far away! Do you even know what you're getting into?
9:03
A.M.,
S
TUDY
H
ALL
,
P
ALMVILLE
M
IDDLE
S
CHOOL
S
afely inside study hall with twenty-three minutes of “study” time ahead of me, I jot down a few more notes about the early and yet significant developments
of this mystifying case, starring Miss Longfellow, before preparing for the imminent math quiz.
RECENT FACTS SURROUNDING MISTY'S CASE:
- 1. Misty continues to think about her animal friends 24/7.
- 2. Misty is an amateur at passing notes.
2:35
P.M.,
M
ATH
C
LASS
,
P
ALMVILLE
M
IDDLE
S
CHOOL
IMPORTANT NEWS
: No math quiz today!
When the bell rings at the end of Miss Killjoy's class, Webster scratches his head, completely stumped by his miscalculation. I come up to him to say hi, but he's too busy inputting number combinations into his supersonic calculator to notice that I exist. It's as if we've never held hands!
FACT:
Boys are seriously unpredictable.
3:35
P.M.,
M
R
. S
CUZZY'S
C
LASSROOM
(D
ETENTION
),
P
ALMVILLE
M
IDDLE
S
CHOOL
M
r. Scuzzy circles around me and Misty, who sit like cowgirls in an old Western, tied to a tree with a flaming fire just below our feet. I can feel small beads of sweat form around my forehead. It is unseasonably hot! Maybe the fires just outside town have something to do with that fact. I decide to clasp my hands together and place them on top of the desk, pulling out all the “I am really a good girl who never gets into trouble” stops. Mr. S. falls for my performance, because he spends only three minutes on a mini-lecture about respecting others and the value of paying attention in class. He finally steps up to the front of the room and leans against his desk, folding his arms across his chest. He looks first at Misty and then at me. He proclaims, “I'm going to give you ladies a challenge.”
I hold my tongue, knowing that it's after school,
which means the in-classroom rule about speaking up without raising your hand is even more strictly enforced. I keep my mouth shut, but my hand shoots up. Mr. Scuzzy motions for me to speak. I begin, “I'm all about challenges, Mr. S.”
Misty leaps up. “Me too!” She looks at me for approval, but I ignore her, for fear of another after-school lecture from Mr. Scuzzy.
Mr. Scuzzy explains the challenge. “I'd like you both to write a short essay about second chances. It's your second chance to make up for today, and you may even earn bonus points, if you wow me.”
When Mr. S. gives us the final okay to leave, I am ultra polite. I collect my belongings and slowly make my way out the door. As soon as the door is closed behind me, I race outside to freedom. Misty jogs up beside me. “Isn't Mr. Scuzzy so handsome? And we might even get extra points! That is just totally awesome of him!”
“Misty, Mr. S. just gave us extra work to do on top of all our other homework. And there's still the random pop quiz coming any day now in Miss Killjoy's class.”
“That is so correct! What was I thinking? You are so wise, P. Avatar. Can we go find Sweet Sunshine now?”
FACT:
I am annoyed with Misty's overeager personality right now!
QUESTIONS
: Maybe Amy's warnings were right. Maybe new girl is trouble with a capital T. Or could it be that Misty tries too hard? Is she just new at this whole friendship thing and so doesn't know how to act like a normal kid who has been practicing the art of friendship since before kindergarten?
I decide to be professional, stick my emotions in my back pocket, and stay on track with the case. Trying to remain cool, even though my internal thermometer is about to burst, I insist, “I need to make one stop first. Vera is counting on my help with the new shipment of lamp shades.”
Misty sits down on the sidewalk, with her hands clasped over her head. “It's me, isn't it?”
“No Misty, Vera Alloway is truly waiting for me!”
“Who is Vera? Can I meet her? I won't be a bother.”
“It'll just be for a minute.”
Misty brightens like the morning sun. Her practical leather ready-for-rain-and-shine sandals are now solidly on the ground. “You actually mean you're going to continue speaking to me even after I severely got you in trouble?”
I remind her, “It's for the case, Misty.”
Embarrassed, she meekly responds, “Of course, the case. For sure, it's for the case.”
Finally picking up on the fact that I'm not feeling immensely talkative, Misty slows down the speed of her chatter. Silence passes between us until we get to the entrance of Trash and Treasures.
4:01
P.M.,
T
RASH AND
T
REASURES
I
open the front door to Trash and Treasures and make my way past the overflowing shelves and racks of torn mink coats, pointy party shoes, worn-out suede jackets, saggy sofas, and chipped flower vases. Misty walks around with her head turning in all directions at once, soaking up the unusualness of Vera's magnificent interior junk festival.
Misty then gasps in astonishment as she scoops up something incredibly special. It's a hat! It was sitting there all by itself, balancing between two racks of donated Halloween costumes. It's got “girl detective” written all
over it. She hands me this precious new discovery. I place it on my head. It fits perfectly. I declare, “This will be the hat that guides me through the rest of the case!”
DESCRIPTION OF HAT:
A plaid newsboy hat in all shades of pink with white, red, yellow, and a touch of brown.
QUESTION:
How did Misty know that I was looking for a new hat for the case?
FRIENDSHIP RULE #2:
True friends surprise you when you least expect it.
Where is a mirror in this junk palace? I weed through piles of dated encyclopedias and used paperback dictionaries. I don't find a single mirror, but I discover the lamp shade shipment untouched. I've got to find Vera to ask about the price tag of this stupendous chapeau and see if I can postpone my assistance with the lamp shades for another day. “Paging Vera Alloway? If you can hear me, please give me a sign.”
Nothing.
I go back to my hunt for a mirror. As I weave through this highly disorganized dust palace, I turn around, and there's Vera holding an antique hand mirror with a tarnished silver frame and handle. She casually comments, “Nice hat.”
OBSERVATION:
Vera always knows what I'm thinking. She
is
a mind reader.
She continues, “It's yours,” and hands me the mirror, which looks like its previous owner was a pampered princess out of a colorful fairy tale.
I take a long look at the hat. “I love it! It's just what I need for my new case.”
Then Misty pops up from behind a rolling rack of Hawaiian shirts. “Hi, Vera Alloway. I'm Misty Longfellow!”
Vera extends her hand for a hearty shake. “So you're the mysterious new girl in town.”
Misty is all smiles. “Portia told you about me?”
Vera rests her arm on the saddle of a lopsided gold-plated carousel horse and asks Misty, “How's progress on the case?”
Misty confesses, “It's all my fault. Now we've got to find Sweet Sunshine, and then there's Maxwell, who is definitely not doing well at all.”
I step in. “Vera, do you mind if I hold off on helping you with the lamp shades today? The case has sprouted a new micro-mystery in the form of a three-legged cricket.”
Vera lets out a belly laugh that fills the cluttered room. She looks me in the eye, almost as if she's an eye doctor about to check if I need glasses or not. “The lamp shades can wait; sounds like the cricket can't!”
Vera notices Misty admiring a few faded postcards. “Take them. They're yours.”
Misty leaps up like a cheerleader. “A gift?”
“Enjoy!” Then Vera calls me aside with some advice. “Stay on track. Follow all leads and remember to listen. That's how you'll solve this one.”
I want to explain to Vera that the case is not about creatures in peril anymore, but instead it's about Misty herself. I whisper, “Everything has changed.”
Vera is now ushering me out the door, with Misty close behind me. She smiles. “Nothing ever stays the same. That's one of the biggest rules that the universe has to offer us.”
5:56
P.M.,
C
ONTENTMENT
(T
HE
T
ENT
)
M
isty and I dump our book bags at “my” table. Misty takes out the old postcards she's just received from Vera and begins to examine them. Indigo joins us, carrying a book entitled
The Peculiar Pomegranate
.
NOTE:
Even though Indigo has been cooking food and inventing recipes for all of her adult life, she never stops studying the art of food creation.
QUESTION:
I wonder if I'll be an eternal student of something I love and follow in her determined-to-learn-something-new-every-day footsteps.
Hap nervously approaches Indigo with a plate of misshapen pomegranates. Indigo slowly and meticulously examines each piece of fruit. Finally she says, “These are great picks, Hap. I think we'll be able to work with all of them. Just keep them here for now. I need to taste a few before we start cooking. I'll meet you back in the kitchen in a few minutes.”
Hap looks relieved and grins. “Right, Indigo. I'll be there! Waiting.”
QUESTION:
If someone waits long enough, does love eventually show up? Is love just about timing, or is there a mathematical formula for finding it?
Misty's mom calls her on her cell phone. Misty excuses herself from the table to quickly explain her whereabouts to Mrs. L., leaving her postcards on the table. I take out my math textbook to give the impression
that I'm studying for the infamous pop quiz, while I slide Misty's postcards in a random spot in the book for safekeeping.
Indigo's probing eyes distract me from my “studying.” She takes a sip from her hand-painted mug of chamomile tea, then squints at me. “There's something different about you. Can I have a clue?”
I tap my head. “The hat.”
“Of course! It's wonderful, and it brings out your beautiful brown eyes. Where did you find such a delightful hat?”
“Misty found it at Trash and Treasures. And Vera gave it to me.” While Indigo talks to me, she slices into one of the pomegranates that Hap has just delivered to her. I hear a chirping sound and freeze. My thoughts speed forward and land on one clear and distinct image. It's of a three-legged cricket named Sweet Sunshine. “Mom! Stop! Spare Sweet Sunshine, for Misty's sake! Every cricket deserves to live a rich and full life!”
Continuing with the forward motion of her slice, Indigo asks with a perplexed look on her face, “What are you talking about?”
“Stop, please. Listen!” The chirping picks up speed and intensity. Sweet Sunshine suddenly appears from the hidden side of the pomegranate. “We've got to save her! She's one of Misty's rescues!”
Indigo backs up off her chair, sending it flying across the room as I calmly coax Sweet Sunshine onto my left forefinger, cupping her with my right hand so she doesn't hop away. With keen mother instincts, Indigo is already in the kitchen, searching for a container that will serve as Sweet Sunshine's temporary home. In a flash, my super-heroine-rescuing-mother arrives back at the table. She hands me an old soy mayonnaise jar with a few strategic airholes punched into the metal cover. I carefully place my hand inside with Sweet Sunshine hanging on, totally confused about who I am and what I'm doing. She proceeds to test my patience meter until finally she decides she's ready to hop off my finger and into her new home away from home.
Indigo and I hug each other, celebrating our victorious rescue. She bursts out, “This calls for a papaya and pomegranate chilled salad. Let's see if I have any left in the kitchen!”
I hold the jar up close to my eyes and say, “Sweet Sunshine, even though you have an itsy-bitsy brain, I hope you understand that you're safe now. You will be seeing Misty as soon as she gets off the phone with her mother.” I carefully walk outside with Sweet Sunshine inside the industrial-size jar to tell Misty the big news!
OBSERVATION:
It's fun to save a living thing from danger. I'm starting to see why Misty is such a rescue freak.
IMPORTANT FACT:
Since taking on this case, I have discovered that Misty and I have a few things in common, like being proud members of the mutual appreciation society of the animal kingdom.
QUESTION:
Is Misty becoming a new friend?
FRIENDSHIP RULE #3:
A true friend introduces you to new and unexpected adventures.
Misty is overjoyed to be reunited with her insect friend. “This is a total cricket miracle!” She throws her
arms around me, which almost causes me to drop the jar on the sidewalk. “My mom is on her way. You've got to keep the jar out of sight. She'll know immediately what's going on if she sees it.”
I suggest that I take Sweet Sunshine home overnight and then bring her to school tomorrow. Misty thinks it's a great idea. She can't think of any greater place for hiding out than at the Avatar residence.
