Portraits (71 page)

The conversation was light and impersonal, and Lillian didn’t give it a second thought. Over the next few months, however, they seemed to keep running into each other whenever Lillian walked into Liggett’s for coffee.

One day he took it further…“I confess, I’m a little curious about you.”

“Why?” A divorced woman and still coy, Lillian?

“Well, judging by your application and credit sources you haven’t remarried. How does a beautiful woman like you happen to be single?”

Lillian looked down and stirred her coffee. “It wasn’t exactly my choice…”

“Do you have children?”

“Yes, two little girls, Cindy and Candy.”

“How long have you been divorced?”

“Three years.”

“How did you get away with that?”

She smiled. “Just unlucky, I guess.”

“I hope you won’t feel offended at this, but I’d very much like to take you to dinner. We’ve become coffee buddies after all these months and—”

“I’d really like that—”

“Great…when?”

“Well, with my busy social schedule, just about any time.”

“How about tonight?”

“Why not?” Why not, indeed. How long had it been…?

“I don’t have a car.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, Dan. I’ll pick you up. What time?”

“About five-thirty? At the store?”

For the first time in three years she felt alive, actually excited. She’d wear the lucky red coat…

When she went home and started to dress Sara said, “What are you doing?”

“I’m getting dressed, obviously. I have a date.”

“You have a what?”

“A date.” Mama, leave me
alone…

“With whom?”

“With a man.”

“What man, who is he?”

“I think his father owns the Chase Manhattan Bank.”

“That wasn’t necessary. Who is he?”

“He’s the credit manager for Carolyn’s Dress Shop. Mama, I’m not fourteen years old…I’m an old divorced lady—”

“Well, I’d certainly think you’d be more discriminating—”

“Do you, mama? Where are all those marvelous eligible young men that you and papa said would find me so irresistible. It happens to be the best offer I’ve had in three years. Don’t get excited, he’s only taking me to dinner. It should help my credit rating…”

She arrived at five-thirty on the dot, just as Dan was closing up.

“You look beautiful, Lillian.”

“Thank you very much, sir…that’s the nicest thing anybody’s said to me in a long time.”

“That’s hard to believe…where would you like to go for dinner?”

“How about Tahiti?”

“I’m game…except it’d be a little difficult opening up the store in the morning. Would you settle for Monterey?”

A little more than an hour later Lillian found herself sitting across the table from Dan Fuller in a restaurant called Cannery Row, and the restaurant’s atmosphere was certainly conducive to making a very lonely lady feel a little romantic.

During the months that they had met in the drugstore, she had found him to be charming and witty, and she felt enormously comfortable with him. He certainly wasn’t Jerry, but it was a little late to start making comparisons. Over dinner, he told her amusing anecdotes about a day in the life of a manager of a dress shop. By the time dinner was over and they found themselves once again in Palo Alto, Lillian was sure she would see him again, even though he didn’t so much as kiss her goodnight or, for that matter, mention another date. There was just something in the air, and they both knew it was only a matter of time…

Two days later, he called her at seven in the evening and asked her to go to a movie.

“I’d like that.”

“Great, I’ll pick you up in a cab.”

“Don’t be silly. Where do you want to meet me?”

“How about in front of John’s Pub?”

“I’ll be right down…”

Again there was a confrontation with mama, but Lillian managed to ignore it. Progress…?

Instead of going to the movies they spent the evening at John’s Pub. It was the first time they’d talked about him…Without embarrassment he told her that he’d been born in Kansas and that his mother was a lady who took her drinking very seriously and her husband for granted. When she found that her husband had taken up with someone else, she wasn’t too upset; there were any number of men she could call, and she often did. The result was that at a very early age Dan refused to live with his mother any longer. When he was twelve years old he went to live with his grandmother, whom he adored. He had almost gotten married once, but it hadn’t worked out and he’d never met anyone else he could seriously think of marrying. After his grandfather died his grandmother had decided that she wanted to move to California, where her sister lived, and that’s how they’d happened to wind up in Palo Alto.

“I don’t think it would make much of a movie,” he said, “and I know they’d never make a musical out of it…Anyway, now that I’ve revealed the shattering saga of my life, how about you and yours?”

“Well, my story would make a great movie, but I’m not sure if it would be comedy or tragedy. Or maybe farce. I married, no kidding, for love…one of the most terrific people I’ve ever known in my life. We’ve been divorced for three years now and he’s remarried.”

“Are you still carrying the torch?”

“After lots of sleepless nights and tears and frustration, you finally come to the conclusion that over is over—or at least that there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“So you’re really still in love with him?”

“You don’t get over someone just because you’re not together. And ours is a rather special situation. Even though he’s married, we’re still friends. Real civilized, wouldn’t you say?”

“Why did you get a divorce?”

“Oh, my mother and father thought it might be a good idea…Anyway, here I am, Dan Fuller, sitting in John’s Pub with you, and liking it.”

His own childhood had taught him a lot about what parents could do to their children, and he understood it better than she would ever have imagined…“Did you ever think of getting married again?”

“Sure, except you know that corny expression…it takes two to tango.”

“I tango.”

“To do it with me could be dangerous to your health. Especially your nerves.”

“You need strong nerves to be a credit manager…Enough badinage, Lillian Sanders Gould…what I think I’m trying to do is propose to you…”

She nodded, unsmiling. In fact, deadly serious. “That’s something I’m going to have to think about—”

“You take all the time you want, as long as you say yes in twenty-four hours.”

She looked at him. “You don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for, Dan.”

“What are you so frightened about?”

“Just about everything…”

“You’re frightened about getting married again?”

“That’s part of it.”

“Don’t you think you could love more than once in your life?”

“I would hope so, but the point is, I have a problem—”

“What’s your problem?”

“I happen to have a mother and father who not only want someone around in their old age, but who’ve picked me to keep them from having to live alone with each other.”

“And you’re going to settle for that? That’s giving up, being a coward…”

“I once said that to someone…you’re right, though. I am a coward—”

“What are you afraid of?”

“Oh, my God, Dan, it would take me years to explain it, and I’m not sure you’d understand it even then. I’m not sure that I do, for that matter.”

“Well, I’m not afraid of too many people, so let me tell you now—I happen to be in love with you. And if you feel the same, I’d like us to get married. That’s fairly clear, isn’t it?”

“I’ll take those twenty-four hours.” …

That night as Lillian lay in the dark staring up at the ceiling, she knew that what she felt for Dan was at least a kind of love. Not the kind she’d felt for Jerry, of course, but there was something about Dan that she couldn’t walk away from—and it wasn’t because she hadn’t been out in three years and was on the rebound. More than that…much more. But she also wasn’t going to rush into this without giving it some real thought…To begin with, she had two children. How could Dan provide for them all on his salary? Papa was carefully guarding every cent she had so that no fortune hunter could bilk her out of the enormous sum. Dear trusting papa wanted to make sure that no one would take advantage of her. Well, she’d fought for Jerry once—for all the good it had come to in the end—and although she was afraid that the same pattern would be repeated if she married Dan, she also knew she had to take the chance. It might damn well be her last…Lillian met Dan the next day after work. As they sat in John’s Pub, each sipping a martini, Lillian said, “I’ve thought it over, Dan, but there are some questions I have to get out of the way before I can give you an answer…I know you haven’t met my little girls yet, but how do you feel about taking on the responsibility of them?”

“If they’re anything like their mother, I don’t think we’re going to have any problems there.”

“I’m Jewish…”

“And I’m not, what does that have to do with anything?”

“I just want you to know that my children are being raised as Jews.”

“Listen, I really don’t care how you raise them, as long as they have religious training of some kind.”

“I’m glad to hear that…now, for the good stuff—my parents…I don’t know how to prepare you for this, but introducing you to my parents will be like throwing you to the lions.”

“Then the sooner the better. Tonight’s as good as any.”

When they stood to leave, Dan took her in his arms and kissed her. “Lillian, let
me
do the worrying.”

“That, I assure you, will be a pleasure, Dan.” …

When they arrived in Woodside, Dan Fuller looked at the moonlit house in amazement. “Is this where you live or where you work?”

Laughing, she said, “No, this is where I’m incarcerated.” She took him by the hand and they walked down the flagstone path that led to the front door. She paused at the door and kissed him. “Man the battle stations, you’re in for a rough time.”

She opened the door and led him across the forty-foot livingroom and into the library. When they entered, Jacob and Sara both looked up with questioning expressions.

Lillian decided to plunge right in. “Mama and papa, I’d like you to meet my fiancé Dan Fuller.”

Sara sat speechless. Jacob quickly sized up the situation and decided it would be the wrong approach to go into a rage. He had seen Lillian’s growing discontent in these last years, to spar with her now would only push her further away…Besides, he had tried that tactic with Jerry and she had married him anyway. This time he would try a different tactic.

“Sit down, Lillian and uh…you, Mr. Fuller. Now tell me, Lillian, how long have you two been going together?”

“About three months,” she said, looking him directly in the eye.

“And Mr. Fuller knows all about the children?”

“Yes, papa, obviously.”

“And you think Mr. Fuller is prepared to take on the responsibility of two growing girls?”

“Mr. Sanders, since you’re talking about me, I’ll answer. Yes.”

“What do you do for a living, Mr. Fuller?”

“I’m the credit manager for a large dress concern.”

“And your salary will support Lillian and her children in their current manner of living?”

“Papa, if you don’t mind. I haven’t always been so accustomed to luxuries. There have been periods when I didn’t have money for groceries…besides, I think that’s a subject Dan and I should discuss—”

“You do that, but I want you to know, Lillian, that I don’t intend to do anything for you—absolutely nothing.”

“You’ve done enough for me already, papa. All I want is the money you’ve taken care of for me. We’re going to be married as quickly as we can arrange things.”

Jacob turned white, but he fought to control his anger. “You’re taking on a very great responsibility for a young man,” he said to Dan.

“I’m accustomed to responsibility…and I happen to love Lillian very much. I’d say that’s a good combination for the future. Mr. Sanders, I don’t expect you to give us any help, nor do we need it.”

Jacob felt the words like a blow to his stomach…His favorite daughter—his only daughter, in some ways—was leaving him too. Well, she’d regret it…“You’ve made your decision, Lillian. Now I want you out of this house as quickly as possible.”

“That’s what I’d planned on, papa.”

Everything had been said.

Sara just sat there, without a word.

Lillian had a long talk with the children, and she and the girls spent Sunday with Dan. It was obvious there were going to be no problems there. Dan adored them, and they quickly took to him.

On Monday they had their blood tests and got their marriage license. But when they tried to find a rabbi, from San Francisco to San Jose, there was no rabbi who would marry them. They finally were reduced to arranging with a justice of the peace to be married on Wednesday, at seven-thirty in the evening.

On Wednesday afternoon, as she put on her beige wool suit, Lillian certainly didn’t feel like a bride. The tension created by her parents’ hostility had been unbearable and she couldn’t wait to get away.

At six o’clock she went to the diningroom, where Cynthia and Candy were having dinner. They ran to her and she hugged them tightly. “We’ll all be together very soon, darlings. Tomorrow night I’ll come for you and we’ll have dinner together.”

“I wish we could come and live with you now, mommy,” Cindy said.

“I do too, darling. But as you know, the apartment that Dan has is too small. We’re going to get a bigger place very soon though, and then we’ll all be together.”

As she was about to leave, Jacob said, “I’m taking the car back.”

She stared at him expressionlessly. “Papa, I would have thought that you, of all people, would be happy for me—especially after what you did to my last marriage.”

“Don’t worry about how I feel. You go ahead and do what you want—and see how happy it makes
you
.”

Sara walked out of the room and up the stairs…

Lillian took a taxi to Carolyn’s Dress Shop, where Dan was anxiously waiting for her with a bouquet of lilies of the valley. She promptly broke into tears when she saw them.