Positively Yours (11 page)

Erin knew she should have walked out of the dressing room, out of the front door of the shop and at least done a pregnancy test before she tried on the dress, but she got caught up in the
moment, the excitement. Before she knew it she was standing in front of the large mirror, with the dress and a fake bump on her. Erin looked at her reflection and felt amazing. This is it, she thought, this is what I want. She rubbed her hand over the large bump. It felt wonderful.

‘Now, to be honest, that dress is a little too big on you. Unfortunately we don't have any smaller sizes in stock right now, but we should have some next week. If you leave me your name and number I can give you a call when the dress gets in,' the assistant said, while helping Erin out of the bump.

Erin would have gladly left the bump on her all day, but she could see there was a small queue of women all wanting to try it on. She smiled at them all. They were her fellow-friends now, fellow-mums-to-be. She knew she shouldn't really have left her name and number with the shop, but seeing the dress on her had made her feel so womanly, so excited, so happy, so pregnant.

It wasn't until Erin left the shop that she'd realized she was running late for her yoga class. She had intended to do the test before the class. I'll just have to do it at the break, she thought as she ran into the chemist and bought the top-of-the-range, most expensive digital pregnancy test she could find.

‘OK, ladies, let's begin,' Pippa the yoga instructor said, just as Erin got into place and took off her jacket.

Pippa was as encouraging and calm as she always was, but Erin found it hard to concentrate. Just metres from where she stood was a little piece of plastic, a small test, that could tell her if in a few months' time she would be a mum.

The second the class stopped for a break, Erin grabbed her handbag and looked for the toilet. She had to go up a small narrow old staircase, and down a long dark corridor before she finally found it. She locked the door behind her. But as she went to take the test from her bag she noticed her surroundings.
The room was small, cold and, to be honest, pretty dingy. Erin was a planner, and, along with having her wedding mapped out years before she even met John, had always had a clear idea what would happen on a day like today. Erin would go into their gorgeous new marble bathroom, she would watch as the test turned positive, and then she would fling open the door and start crying as John held her and screamed out loud with joy that they were about to become parents. Doing the test now, alone in a dingy old toilet, was not part of her plan. And so she put the test back into her bag, went back down the stairs and joined the class.

After another hour of stretching, Erin was finally free to race back home and do the test. She rang John on the way and asked him to meet her at home.

‘We've only just got back into harbour now. I'm going to hang around here for a while, catch up with the lads, but I'll be home later to get changed for tonight.'

‘Tonight?' Erin asked.

‘I told you weeks ago! Its Rory's fortieth tonight. It's in the yacht club. You promised you would come.'

She had no idea what he was talking about, but just wanted him home.

‘Just please come home soon, as quickly as you can. And then we can go to the party later.'

John wasn't pleased, but promised to be home within half an hour.

‘By the way, we won our race,' he said.

Erin felt guilty for not asking, but she had more important things to worry about.

‘Oh OK, great. We can celebrate that later,' she said, getting excited about seeing John and telling him what she thought would be the best news of his life.

Twenty-five minutes later Erin heard John's key in the front door. She quickly rushed to the bathroom, she couldn't wait another second.

‘Erin? Where are you?' she heard him call.

‘I'm in the bathroom. I'll just be two minutes,' she replied.

Erin quickly unwrapped the pregnancy test. She waited as it did its magic. She was almost shaking with excitement. She could hear John enter the bedroom, and hum to himself as he walked around the room. Erin smiled, he was always on such good form. Just then the small screen flashed. She held her breath. Suddenly two words flashed up.
Not pregnant
.

Erin looked at the screen again.
Not pregnant
flashed again. She dropped the test on to the ground, and burst out crying. She heard John bang on the door.

‘Are you OK? What's wrong?'

Finally Erin came out. She held the pregnancy test in her hand. John didn't need any more of an explanation. He walked over and gave her a big hug.

‘I'm sorry.'

Erin felt numb. She had been so sure.

‘That useless fortune-teller,' she said, raising her voice.

‘What?' said John, confused.

‘That girl, Ula, she said my wish would come true. She said I would get pregnant.'

‘You didn't pin all your hopes on some psychic, did you?'

She glared at her husband. How could he say that to her at a time like this?

‘Thanks for being so supportive,' she said, as she turned her back on him, and went to fling the test in the bin.

‘I'm sorry, but we don't need a fortune-teller to predict our future. I know we will get pregnant soon, and you will be the best mum ever. Don't worry, it will happen.'

Erin felt like flinging the test at his head.

‘How can you say the same thing every month? My God, you are like a broken record,' she shouted.

John's whole mood changed.

‘I love you, and I'm only trying to be positive.'

‘Well, rather than trying to be positive, why don't you try not to drink, or smoke or eat takeaways. I saw that empty McDonald's bag in the bin the other day, you know.'

‘Christ! Are you saying that a cheeseburger is the reason you are not pregnant? Give me a break.'

‘Give you a break?' she shouted, dumbstruck.

‘Yes,' he replied. ‘Give me a break. I haven't smoked in three months. I only have a few pints at the weekend, and by the way that McDonald's was actually Rory's. He called in the other night when you were at the gym. Maybe if you spent less time preparing your body for the baby, and more time at home relaxing – or with me – we might get pregnant.'

Erin was enraged. John had never spoken to her like that before.

‘You know I want for us to have a child just as much as you do,' John said, sounding tired.

‘It doesn't seem like that to me,' she replied smartly.

‘I'm sorry you see it that way,' he said, walking out of the bedroom.

Erin was just climbing into bed when John stopped and turned back to her.

‘I've adored you from the second I met you. You've made me the happiest man alive. But recently all we seem to talk about is trying to get pregnant. You never ask me how my work is, how the sailing is going. You never wonder what my ideas on pregnancy are, never wonder how I feel. I live here too, you know. I want this baby just as much as you do. I know getting pregnant is the number one priority, but surely our marriage, friendship and lives are important, too?'

Erin didn't reply, she was too annoyed, upset and angry to
say anything. She was fuming at John, at the pregnancy test, at the fortune-teller, at the flipping yoga classes, at people like Ciara Ryan who got pregnant so easily. She was annoyed at everyone.

Later, when John tried to persuade her to come to his friend Rory's birthday party, she refused. She couldn't believe John would expect her to go out, to socialize and mix with others after hearing she was once again not pregnant.

‘Please just come and have one drink with me. I'm sorry for the way I talked to you earlier. I love you, just come out.'

Erin refused, and so John went alone.

And later that night, when her body confirmed what the test had already told her, Erin crawled back into her queen-sized bed, and pulled the large duvet over her head. She cried and cried until she eventually fell asleep. She was devastated. Today was another day she wanted to forget all about. Another day that had started with hope and excitement, only to end with a negative test and a broken heart.

‘
HAVE A NICE
day,' said the airport check-in assistant, as she handed Grace Miller back her passport.

Grace took one look at the friendly lady, and started crying.

‘I hope you have a nice day, too,' Grace sniffled.

‘What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you crying?' asked her husband, stunned, as he ushered Grace away from the American Airlines check-in desk. ‘You hate all that “have-a-nice-day” stuff!'

‘I know, but I think she really meant it, Ethan. And it might be the last time someone tells me to have a nice day.'

‘I'm sure they'll tell you that in Ireland, too!'

‘In Ireland? Are you mad, Ethan? You'd be lucky if a shop assistant handed you back your change, let alone wished you a good day.'

Ethan stopped walking, and stood in the middle of departures at San Diego International Airport. He studied his wife.

‘Grace, you're overreacting. You're Irish, you love Ireland. What's wrong with you?'

Grace suddenly felt guilty. Today was the day they were leaving their home in San Diego for Ireland. Ethan was very excited, and as usual super-organized, but while he had been
arranging to hire an automatic car at Dublin Airport, Grace had been having last-minute doubts about her move back home. She knew she was ruining his good mood, but she was nervous. Suddenly Ethan put his arm around her. She melted into his large frame.

‘You're just tired from all the packing and saying goodbye to our friends. And I know you already miss Coco, but in a few hours we will be with your mum, brothers and family, and you'll have forgotten all about America. Trust me. I know deep down you must be dying to get home and see them all.'

But Grace wasn't sure. Yes, after years of living thousands of miles from her family and friends, she did love the thought of being able to pop in to visit them whenever she wanted, but at the same time she had left Ireland and made a better life for herself. Herself and Ethan's lifestyle was far better than the one she had left behind. And the move, while at first an exciting venture, now felt like a step backwards.

‘OK, I know what will make you feel better. Let's forget a healthy meal, and go out with a bang, American style! Let's head for the all-you-can-eat buffet counter. It might be the last time you see one for quite a while!'

Grace smiled at her husband; he always wanted to look after her.

‘OK,' she said. ‘But let's swing by the duty free as well, I want to stock up on Hershey's chocolate, too. I'm going to miss it all.'

Ethan took his wife's hand.

‘No, you won't. You'll have one pint of Guinness, or a full Irish breakfast, and I'll have lost you for ever. You'll be the real Irish girl I met all those years ago again!'

Grace didn't know about that, but she hoped he was right, because she didn't want to feel like a stranger in her own country, and as it stood now she was worried she might be.

Grace had never been so happy to have gotten off a flight. While Ethan had fallen asleep shortly after take-off, she hadn't been able to relax, and so, without any books packed, had had to watch the in-flight movies. Unfortunately there had been a problem with the movie selection and so she had been stuck with the kids' choice. And after watching
Finding Nemo
five times she was determined never to see it again as long as she lived. Yes, Nemo was extremely cute, but she didn't know how parents could watch the same movies with their kids over and over. It was torture.

As Ethan collected their matching luggage Grace checked her appearance in her little compact mirror. Her red hair was tied back, and her fair skin looked even paler than usual. She was dying to get into bed, and start sleeping off the jet lag which was sure to hit soon. Once Ethan had all their bags they walked through security and out to Dublin Airport arrivals.

‘There she is. Oh my God, boys, there she is!'

Grace looked around, surprised to hear the familiar voice. It was her mother's. Suddenly Grace noticed a small group of people all waving to her. Right bang in the middle was Patsy, waving and crying.

‘Oh my God!' said Grace to Ethan. Ethan began laughing.

As soon as Patsy saw her daughter she held up a big card that read: ‘Welcome Home Grace and Ethan. We've missed you.'

Grace saw the other flight passengers stare at the luminous yellow sign. She ran over to her mother.

‘Mum! I only saw you a few weeks ago. What do you mean you've missed us?'

‘It's so good to finally have you home,' said her mother, clasping her tight. Grace was about to remind her that she wasn't home for good, it was only for a year, but as she hugged her mum, she saw her brothers Colm and Aidan shaking hands with Ethan, and her two aunties smiling at their niece. She
realized her mum had made a big effort to get everyone to come to greet her and Ethan.

‘Sorry about the sign, Gracie,' said Colm, as he gave his big sister a hug.

‘Yeah, Mum made us bring it. You would think you had just arrived in Ellis Island after weeks of travelling on some stinking boat, instead of getting to Dublin after a few hours on a plane! Anyway, how are you? Any gifts for us?' said Aidan cheekily.

Grace smiled at her two younger brothers, they hadn't changed one bit.

‘Yes, I've gifts for you all. But they're packed in the suitcases somewhere. I'll give them to you over breakfast.'

It was a huge surprise for Grace to see her family at the airport, especially as she had arranged weeks before with Patsy that after collecting the rented car, herself and Ethan would stop into her mum's for a big fry-up. Ethan might be health-conscious, and Grace certainly didn't eat much fried food any more, but even she had her cravings. And so back in sunny San Diego she'd requested her mum's famous fry as a homecoming treat.