Possessed by Desire (16 page)

He caught Nasir’s gaze across the room. Dressed in his formal military uniform, standing proud above the masses as he shook hands of those who’d been at the celebration welcoming the brothers home and with Kavin in a pale pink gown at his side, Nasir looked every bit the king he would one day become. Ashur’s stomach churned again, and he swallowed hard.

He needed air. Needed a break from the festivities and people. He needed quiet. Needed…light.

He excused himself from the receiving line, and though his mother called out to him in a worried voice, he ignored her and headed for the doors on the far side of the room.

Warmth washed over his face. He closed his eyes while the doors clapped shut at his back. Breathed in the salty sea air. Behind closed eyelids, he could see the light. Feel it beating down on him. Heating his skin. Easing the ache inside. Allah, how he’d missed the light all those months locked in Zoraida’s prison. He’d had a taste of it with Claire. Just enough to make him crave more.

“Stifling, isn’t it?”

His eyes popped open at the sound of Tariq’s voice to his right. He looked that way, surprised that of all people, it was his eldest brother who’d followed him out.

Since he’d abdicated the throne and chosen to live in the human realm with Mira, he wasn’t dressed in a military uniform like Ashur and Nasir. His black slacks and jacket were nice, but amongst the elite in the castle, they signified him as nothing more than a commoner.

Ashur leaned against the railing and looked out at the hazy city below and the sea that disappeared in the horizon. “You could say that.”

They’d barely spoken since Ashur’s return. So much had happened between them that Ashur didn’t know where to start. And because this celebration was the first time Tariq had visited from the human realm since Ashur had been back, they hadn’t had the opportunity.

Tariq leaned next to him. “Nasir will make a good king. The people love him. And did you see the way they’ve taken to Kavin? Even Father’s enraptured by her.”

Ashur watched a gull swoop over the city. That had been the biggest shock of all for him since he’d been home. Their father, who claimed no race was equal to the Marid, was Kavin’s biggest fan. “It’s because she’s gorgeous. He’s always had a soft spot for the pretty ones.”

Tariq smiled. “Who would have ever thought it? A Ghul will soon be queen.”

Not Ashur. Never Ashur. But then, if someone had told him an angel would save their kingdom from the horrors of war, he’d have laughed in their face.

That hard ball beneath his ribs seemed to grow in size, but he ignored it. “Will you miss it?”

“The ceremonies and duties and never having a moment to myself? Not a bit.”

Ashur glanced toward his brother. Tariq meant it. “But you love this kingdom. You always have.”

Tariq rested his foot against the bottom railing, his gaze scanning the city. “I still do. But my heart isn’t here. And to be a just king, you have to rule with everything. Including your heart. Mine lies in the human world. It always will. I think part of me knew that before. It was why I was so restless. Why I couldn’t commit to my duties when Father wanted. I’m not meant to be here, Ashur.”

Slowly, Ashur looked back toward the spires of the city, but his pulse sped up. And that hard ball beneath his ribs warmed. Was he meant to be here? He wasn’t sure. He felt lost. Nothing gave him pleasure—not seeing his home or being with his family and friends. He felt like a part of himself was missing. And every time he thought of Claire, he couldn’t help but wonder if her light was what he was missing.

“You’re losing it, aren’t you?” he asked, more to distract himself from his thoughts than to hear Tariq’s answer. “Your powers? You won’t be able to cross here much longer, will you? And even that doesn’t change your mind?”

“To love another is to see the face of Allah. Once you’ve seen that, how can you go back to the way things were before?” Tariq shook his head. “Father might not agree with my decision, but Mother knows I’d never make a good king now. Not without my heart. And without that, Ashur, we’re nothing. Without that, we’re as cold and dark as Zoraida. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to end up like her. Power, fame, glory… They mean nothing to me. Not anymore.”

Ashur’s heart beat hard, so hard he was surprised Tariq couldn’t hear it. He’d wanted those things before. Power, fame, to be recognized as not just equal but better than his brothers. It was why he’d gone after them both when they’d disappeared. Not simply to rescue them but so that he could be the one hailed hero. So he could have the glory. So a day like this—when the entire kingdom was singing his praises—could happen, and everyone would finally realize his worth.

Only now that it was here, it was meaningless. What did those things matter? He wasn’t the savior everyone thought him to be. He was a fraud.
He
had needed saving. Not just physically from Zoraida’s hell but emotionally from his own. By an angel who’d poofed out of his life before he could stop her. Before he could tell her what she meant to him. Before he’d realized it himself. And now she was gone for good.

“She went back.”

Ashur and Tariq both looked toward the end of the veranda where Nasir stood, the medals on his uniform glinting under the afternoon sun.

“Who?” Ashur asked.

“Claire,” Tariq said at his side, turning back to Ashur.

Ashur’s gaze jumped to Tariq, and his brow lowered. “What do you mean?”

Nasir moved up on Ashur’s other side. “When she left us at the mountain, the High Seven drew her back to the celestial realm. But they gave her a choice. To return to her life before the banishment or to go back to the human realm.”

Ashur already knew this—at least the part about her going back to the celestial realm. He’d spent several days searching for her in the human world, much to his parents’ dismay. Had needed to talk to her. To find out why she’d left so suddenly. Why she hadn’t even touched the firebrand opal she’d been seeking for so long when it had lain inches away at her feet and why she’d given Nasir his powers back. And when he hadn’t found her, he’d realized she’d been sent back to her own world.

“She chose the human realm,” Tariq said quietly.

Ashur’s gaze snapped to his brother. “What did you say?”

On his other side, Nasir chuckled. To Tariq he said, “Told you he’d care.”

Tariq smiled, the same easy grin he’d had as a kid when they’d been teasing him. “I said she went back to the human realm. She’s mortal now. Like Mira, she can’t cross into our world, but she’s there, waiting if you want to talk to her.”

Talk to her? Ashur wanted to shake her. Find out why she’d saved him and why she’d run. And then he wanted to kiss her until they were both too breathless to argue.

His heart raced, but it was no longer a hard, cold ball beneath his ribs. It was hot. So hot. And pounding hard with the thought of seeing her again.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Nasir asked.

“Why would she choose to stay without the opals?” She’d told him how empty life was without the full range of her emotions. It was why she’d summoned him in the first place. Why subject herself to more of that emptiness?

“That’s a question only she can answer,” Tariq said.

He looked toward Tariq. “Where is she?”

He smiled again. “Where you first met her.”

That beach. In the Marshall Islands. Where he’d only barely restrained himself from ravishing her.

He needed to see her. He couldn’t wait. He needed answers. He needed—

He stepped away from the railing.

Nasir grinned and turned his way. “Eager all of a sudden, huh? She’s not going anywhere, little brother. Why don’t you stay? Have a few drinks. This is your party, after all.”

Ashur shot him a look. “Would you stay if it were Kavin?”

Tariq’s grin widened, and to Nasir he said, “You were right. I’ve a feeling Father might just lose his second in line to the throne. You and Kavin better get busy making those babies.”

Nasir chuckled, and Ashur frowned as he looked between the two. What the hell were they jabbering about? He didn’t care about anything but seeing Claire. He turned for the door. “I have to go.”

“Hold up,” Tariq called.

When Ashur turned, Tariq stepped in front of him, but the humor was gone from his features when he laid a hand on Ashur’s shoulder. “You asked me if I’ll miss it. I’ll miss this. The three of us, together.” He looked toward Nasir, who moved up on his side, the humor gone from his face too. “You already know this, Ashur, but I’ll say it for posterity’s sake. Blood is stronger than distance and time. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you’ll always be my brother. You’ve spent your life searching for adventure, and I’ve a feeling you’re about to embark on the biggest adventure yet. But I want you to know, whenever you need me, I’ll be there for you.”

“Me too,” Nasir said in a thick voice. “And unlike this one, I can cross realms no problem. So if you need someone, I’m your guy.”

Ashur couldn’t help it. He chuckled. Then sobered because he realized what they were saying.

They didn’t think he was coming back. His heart rate quickened. Was that what he was doing? Was he choosing Claire? He didn’t know. He just knew he needed to see her. To talk to her. To bathe in her light one more time.

“I…” His throat grew thick. For so long in prison he’d blamed his brothers for his plight. Blamed Tariq especially, because his eldest brother had been happy and in love when Ashur had been suffering. When in truth it was that love that had saved Tariq. The way love had saved Ashur. “I don’t know what to say to you both. ‘I’m sorry for being an ass’ doesn’t seem like enough.”

Nasir laughed. Tariq smiled. And the hand on Ashur’s shoulder squeezed tight. “How about ‘I’ll call you.’”

Tariq was giving him an out. Just as he’d done when they were kids and Ashur had gotten in trouble. Tariq had always known the solution. All the tension Ashur had stored in his shoulders released. “I’ll call you.”

Tariq pulled him in for a tight hug. And Nasir did the same when Tariq let go. When Ashur eased back, both of his brothers’ eyes were damp, just like his.

He turned away before he made a fool of himself and said, “I’ll tell Mother and Father I’m leaving.”

Nasir chuckled again. “Good luck with that. Maybe it would be better if you just escaped unnoticed.”

“When Father’s fawning all over Nasir’s bride,” Tariq added. “He’ll barely notice your absence then.”

“He doesn’t
fawn
over her,” Nasir said.

“Right.” Tariq rolled his eyes. “I’m surprised Mother hasn’t decked him yet. Did you see the way he was staring at her breasts?”

“No,” Nasir said, shooting Tariq a look. “And how do you know anything about her breasts?”

Ashur smiled. They were back. The brothers he remembered. Always ribbing each other, lighthearted, happy. The brothers he remembered from before the war, before Zoraida’s invasions, before their world had turned bleak.

He turned for the double doors but spun back on his heels with one last thought. Pointing at Tariq, he said, “And I am sorry about your house.” Then cringed. “I hope Mira’s not too upset about that.”

Tariq tucked his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “We’ve been living on the boat. She loves the water. And tight spaces with me. All is good. Besides” —he nodded toward Nasir, who was feigning disgust— “this guy’s paying for the remodel. Least he can do for me since I gave him a kingdom and all.”

This time, Nasir rolled his eyes. “I’m never going to hear the end of that, am I?”

“Never,” Tariq said with a grin. “What are brothers for?”

* * *

Sitting in the pink-and-white-striped beach chair in the warm afternoon sun, Claire pushed her toes through the sand and looked out at the gentle waves lapping against the shore. Palms swayed overhead, and a light breeze blew her hair away from her face. The cove was quiet today. No tourists. No locals. Just her and the view she never tired of looking at.

She was going to miss this place. She only had two months left in her sabbatical before the university expected her back, and now that she’d made the decision to stay in the human world, she had to forget about all the plans she’d made for the future and start blazing a new trail. She’d said she wanted to live, really live. Now was her chance.

A heavy weight settled on her shoulders, and she drew a deep breath. Depression, that’s what this was. The big letdown. She didn’t regret her decision—not now that she knew the truth—but a part of her had hoped this would all end differently. The same part of her that had foolishly thought about a happily ever after with Ashur.

He was free. That should be enough for her. And maybe there still was a happily ever after out there somewhere for her. Though at the moment, she couldn’t imagine finding it with anyone else.

Sighing, she closed the journal in her lap and pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head. She’d been out in the sun too long. It was obviously baking her brain. She pushed to her feet, closed the beach chair, and headed for her hut on the far side of the cove. After leaning her chair against the porch, she wiped the sand off her feet and pushed the screen door open.

Then gasped.

Ashur was sitting in her living room, in the middle of her couch. His long arms were extended across the back, one foot was propped on the opposite knee, and an amused expression crossed his handsome face.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” she managed. Oh yeah, that sounded smooth. She swallowed hard.

“Waiting for you. I thought you were going to burn to a crisp out there.” He pushed to his feet. “You know, with your light complexion, I hope you’re wearing sunscreen.”

She could barely process what he was saying. All she knew was the djinni she’d been dreaming about the last week was standing in her living room, his big body eating up all the space as if she’d summoned him. Which she hadn’t.

“I don’t understand. You should be in Gannah.” Her brow lowered. “Why are you here?”

He crossed to her, and her heart sped up. But he didn’t touch her like she hoped. Instead, he sat on the arm of the chair closest to her. “I could ask you the same thing.”