Authors: Coco Cadence
When the light enters the curtains, I sit up straight in bed.
Holy shit.
This isn’t my house.
I look around, discovering yet again that this cabinet, this wallpaper, these giant windows, and this bed certainly do not belong to me. This is Leo King’s house.
What am I doing in Leo King’s house? What the fuck have I done?
I look to my side and find Leo snoring beside me, his arms above his head, his legs spread wide, partially covering mine. My eyes widen. He’s naked. I’m naked. We’re naked!
Oh, my fucking God.
Oh, Jesus.
I had sex with him.
Again.
Oh, fucking hell.
I said I wouldn’t do it, that I wouldn’t fall into the trap, but here I am, lying in his bed, naked with him.
I don’t even remember half of it, but all those toys tell me that we didn’t just do it once or without restraints. All I remember is sitting in a bar, drinking, laughing, kissing … and then some sex. And oh, God, I licked his cock.
I scramble off the bed, kicking the blanket and Leo off me, almost tumbling to the floor. I managed to catch myself in time, but then I notice the mirror, which shows my naked ass. I have a roaring headache, and the damage from last night is clearly visible. My clothes and lingerie are spread out all over the room, and I jump across all the toys and his clothes to find them and put them on. I find my dress draped over the couch, and once I have it on, some creaks are audible behind me.
“Good morning.”
Shit. I turn around, and there’s Leo, staring at me … butt naked.
My eyes widen as I look down at his junk, which is still quite huge. When he notices my eyes, he looks down too, and then back at me, smiling like a fool. “Ha, I guess we had fun last night.”
“Fun? I barely remember it,” I say, looking under the couch for my shoes.
“Yeah, I thought it was. Are you regretting it or something?”
“Don’t you? I mean, God, we were wasted,” I say, putting on my shoe while holding onto the couch so I don’t fall over.
“Who cares? We were both drunk, but we’re responsible adults. We know what we’re doing.”
“I don’t,” I say, shaking my head.
He frowns. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to find my other shoe,” I say, looking under the table.
“You threw it out the window.”
“What?” I gasp. Oh, fuck no. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, along with some other things, like your bra.” He grins.
No wonder I couldn’t find it. Oh God, what if someone else did? “I have to go.”
“What? Why? You haven’t even had breakfast yet. Let me make you some coffee first.”
“No, no, I have to go now,” I say, grabbing my bag.
“Why are you in such a hurry? It’s like you’re terrified of me. Are you mad at me or something?”
“No, I think…” I don’t know what to feel right now. I’m not even sure I know what I’m doing, but I made a mistake. Big time.
“Then what? We had sex. Nothing wrong with that.”
I stop in my tracks, turn around and say, “Leo. I licked your cum.” I point at my mouth. “I had you in my mouth.”
He chuckles like he just got handed an extra bonus payment. “Yeah, that was fun, too.”
“Without a condom!” I yell.
“What, are you afraid you might contract something from me? No, oh no. I’m clean.”
“How do you know?” I scream. “For all we know, I might be carrying some STD now. Oh God, what did I do?” I slap myself on the forehead. “I licked your fucking cock. How could I be so stupid?”
“Believe me, I’m clean.” He walks to his cabinet and takes out a paper. “And if you don’t believe me, here’s the proof.”
He hands me the paper, which I snatch from his hand so he doesn’t have more excuses to come closer. Naked Leo is not in my scope right now.
“You didn’t make a mistake,” he reiterates. “I don’t have anything, and I assume you don’t either. We just had sex. It’s no big deal.”
“No big deal?” I frown, looking at him. The paper does say he’s clean, but it still doesn’t make any of it okay. I push it back into his hand. “I have to go.”
I turn around and walk toward the door.
“Hold up.”
“I can’t do this, Leo. I can’t keep doing this. Whatever it is.”
“What?” He frowns.
“I didn’t want
just
sex.”
“What do you mean? I thought you wanted this.”
“No, I do, but not like this. Not … coming out of a bar, completely smashed, just for the fun of it.”
“It wasn’t fun for you?”
“It was, but I don’t just fuck people, Leo. I don’t fuck,” I exclaim.
“And you think
I
do?” he says, making a face. “You think I just fuck every girl I meet?”
“No, I’m not saying that. Ugh, it’s all coming out so wrong. I just … I let myself be seduced, again. I can’t, I just can’t … ugh.” I open the door.
“Wait, Sam. Stop. Don’t go,” he says.
Too late, I’ve already stepped outside and closed the door.
I quickly gathered my things from the pavement before I went home. I was lucky my bra and shoe were still there, although it makes me cringe thinking about how many people saw it. I can’t imagine what they must’ve thought. Not that it mattered because I was far too busy calling a cab and hurrying my ass inside. Right when it drove off, Leo stood outside, calling my name.
I’m not sure I want to know what he has to say.
Part of me wants to get past this, wants to move forward. Like, knowing what he really thinks about me is helpful, as it’ll help me move on to another guy. But I shouldn’t be having this problem in the first place. If only I didn’t have sex with him … twice … there wouldn’t be anything to get over.
The real problem here is my heart. I’m fleeing the scene because I know I can’t handle the rejection. Classy, I know, but I acted in the moment. It’s stupid, but I fear the answer he’ll give me. I mean, he’s Leo King. He fucks girls. He takes them and tosses them out. He’s a ladies’ man. Like I’d ever be enough for him. Besides, he wouldn’t want someone like me as his
real
girlfriend, let alone his wife.
And I
want
a man, a boyfriend, a husband. I’m looking for something more than just a casual fling. And that’s the sad truth, which I’m too afraid to face.
I sit down at my computer with a cup of steaming hot coffee and open my email. There are a ton but most notably one from Stephanie.
----------------------------------
FROM: [email protected]
Hey, girl!!
Why aren’t you answering your phone? Did Leo abduct you? I swear, if I have to punch his face, I will. Just tell me you’re okay. I can swing by if you want me to. Just talk to me! I’m depraved!
LOL
Xoxo
Steph
----------------------------------
Oh dear fucking God.
I reach for my purse and throw out everything then come to the realization that I don’t have my phone. I don’t have my fucking phone. It’s gone.
I want to scream because I know Leo has it. Oh God, what if he sees all the text messages between me and Mr. Awesome? Or our emails? All the accounts are connected, you don’t need a password to login, it’s all there, and I didn’t have the time to put a lock on my phone yet because it’s brand new.
Oh, holy fucking shit.
I’m doomed.
----------------------------------
FROM: [email protected]
Hey!! :)
Well, to be honest, yes, I was abducted. They took my brains out. I’m back on Earth now with a head full of Doritos. Now I can eat straight out of a bowl without having to grab something in the kitchen! Cool right? :P
And yes to the face punching, please! Goddammit. Well, might as well punch me too, while you’re at it. Seriously, I’m too afraid to admit it, so don’t you fucking laugh when you read this (or I will kill you – I swear, I will), but … Leo and I slept together again.
Goddammit.
I know what you’re thinking right now, like ‘Sam, what the hell were you thinking!?’, which is exactly what I’m thinking right now. To be honest, I don’t even fucking know. We got drunk. We kissed. We went to his house. Next thing I know, I wake up in his bed and we’re both nekkid. I’m sorry, I don’t want to give you any pictures, but you get the picture LOL
I’m trying not to freak out right now. My vagina did it again. It wasn’t me, I swear.
Okay, I’m a big fat liar, I know, but I couldn’t help myself.
I need help.
Send help. Before it’s too late.
Too late, the Martians are coming to beam me up again.
P.S.: Tell me how your date went. I’m dying for some good news.
PPS: My phone was abducted too, so don’t text. Email back.
Xx
Sam
----------------------------------
I need to figure out how to get my phone back from Leo without making a scene. I hadn’t planned to go to work today either, but now that he still has my phone, I feel like I have no other choice. I mean, he isn’t going to stay home, right? He’s the CEO. He can’t stay at home.
Suddenly, a new email blinks onto my screen. It’s from Mr. Awesome. Crap, I totally forgot I had an agreement, and I ditched it last night. He must be pissed.
I open the email, expecting the worst.
----------------------------------
FROM: [email protected]
We need to talk.
A.
----------------------------------
It’s really bad, and worst of all, I don’t know how to respond. I agree, we should talk, but not for the reasons he thinks. This thing we’re doing, it’s toxic. Just like Leo. These men can pleasure me, yes, but I’m looking for so much more, and neither of them is able to give it to me. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep my heart at bay when it involves sex. I thought I could, but ultimately, that was just a lie that I told myself so I could experiment and have fun. Sometimes experiments end up badly.
----------------------------------
FROM: [email protected]
I agree.
I’m sorry that I have to tell you this, but I cannot continue doing this. I need someone in my life who can be there for me, physically, emotionally, and well … you won’t. I can’t ignore my heart.
Please don’t take it personal. I enjoyed every second of what we did. However, it’s time for me to move on and find someone with whom to spend my life. It’s not my intention to hurt you, and I’m sorry if you feel bad. It’s just for the best.
Xx
S.
----------------------------------
After twiddling my thumbs and sighing a lot, I finally gather the courage to press the send button. The moment I send enter, I already feel a huge weight falling off my shoulders. This is something I should’ve done sooner but was too afraid to do because I didn’t want to lose what we had.
However, what we had was a thin thread, and I’m looking for a solid rope, someone to hold on to. He won’t be that man for me. He said so himself, no personal details. I doubt he’d ever stray from that path.
My computer beeps again, and an email pops into my screen. Wow, that was fast.
----------------------------------
FROM: [email protected]
I understand. Is there someone else in your life? I hope you will give him a chance. You deserve to be loved. The only regret I have is that I didn’t try harder to please you.
I have one final gift for you, though. Please accept it.
Open your door.
A.
----------------------------------
My heart just skipped a beat. Immediately, I scoot my chair back, far away from the computer. The further I get, the more I can pretend the words on the screen don’t exist. I think I might pass out. Did he just say ‘open your door?’ How in the world … does he know where I live?
A knock on my door has me jolting up with a scream.
“Who is it?”
Nobody answers, not even after a few minutes pass. Sweat drips down my back as I stare at the door. Another knock follows. My legs tremble as I walk toward the door, terrified of who I might find. Did Mr. Awesome really find out where I live? Do I finally get to meet him? Oh God, all kinds of images float through my mind, like what he would look like and how he would talk … what he’d say to me. Does he have a cute face or will I be shocked at how different he looks from what I imagined?
Maybe wanting to meet him wasn’t such a good thing, after all. Anonymity does have its charm.
However, I can’t ignore the stranger knocking on my door.
I take a deep breath and straighten my dress, trying to look as natural as possible, despite the fact that I’m still completely wasted from last night.
When I open the door, I’m in for a shock.
Like, complete, heart-stopping, jaw-dropping shock.
Leo King is at my doorstep.
“Wha …”
“I know what this must look like but hear me out.”
“What in the fucking world …” I mutter, frowning, my body still frozen from the shock.
His eyes slide from left to right, and then he fishes something from his pocket. My phone. He holds it up. “I wanted to give this back to you.”
I take it from his hands without saying a word. I have no clue what to say. All I can think of is that I must be in some kind of TV show because this shit just got surreal.
“Sam, I … I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to freak out.”
“No …” I mutter. If this is true … no, it can’t be because that means he’s been lying to me all this time … and I’m a complete idiot.
I try to slam the door shut, but his foot blocks the way. “Wait,” he says.
“Oh, my God, what the hell, Leo,” I say.
“Please, just listen. I didn’t just want to have sex with you. That was not my goal. Yes, I loved it, and yes, I want to do it again. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want more. I’m not what you think I am, Sam. I’m not some manwhore who randomly fucks every lady he desires.” He places his hand on the wooden door and leans in. “I don’t want this to end. I don’t want a one-night stand. I want you,” he says.
My heart is melting in my hands.
“But you …”
“I let myself get carried away back at the bar and last night. I’m sorry, it’s just … hard to resist you. I can’t control my urges around you, it’s like … I feel like an animal when I’m near you, and all I can think of is having you in whatever way possible.”
I swallow away the lump in my throat as I listen to his words, not knowing how to reply.
The look on his face is sincere, and even though I hate him for all the lies, I can’t help but feel for him right now.
“I need you, Sam. Not just as an assistant. I need you … in my life as more than just friends. Do you think that’s possible?”
“I don’t know …” I murmur.
“I know I can be an asshole, and I sometimes forget about the consequences of my actions, and I make rash decisions based on impulse rather than well-thought-out plans. But that is why you’re perfect for me in every way. You make up for all those mistakes.”
It feels like my heart is glowing and dropping to the floor like a puddle, much like me. Yep, I’ve been reduced to a puddle of warmth. But how can these words fix the lies? How can they make up for the broken trust? How can he ever be the right man for me when he has treated me like shit these past couple of weeks? It makes no sense. Why would he care about me when all he’s done and proven is that he cares about himself above all else?
“Why should I believe you?” I ask.
“Because it’s me, Sam,” he says. “This is the real me.” He places his hand on his chest. “I’m not lying when I say I want to make you happy. I can make that happen, in more ways than one. I know how to do it in bed, and I can learn how to do it in other areas, too.”
“How do you know what I like in bed? We barely know each other. We just had a one-night stand … well, two one-night stands. But that doesn’t mean you know what I like.”
His chest expands to take in the oxygen. “I have to show you something. Promise me you won’t freak out.”
“Okay …” I mutter.
He takes out his cell phone, and for a second I think he’s going to show me a picture, but then he keeps on typing. And then my phone buzzes. I look at it, thinking it’s just another fancy way of him trying to say sorry.
Except it isn’t Leo texting me. It’s Mr. Awesome.
My hands begin to tremble. My breathing falters. The phone drops to the floor.
“It’s me,” he says.
“No …” I mutter. I can’t believe it. The implications are too difficult to handle.
He holds up his phone and shows me his gallery. One of the latest downloaded pictures is the one of my boobs I sent to Mr. Awesome.
Oh, holy fucking shit.
I take a step back, and he takes a step in.
“You’re Mr. Awesome?” I say, barely able to speak coherently.