Possession: Steel Brothers Saga: Book Three (15 page)

S
o here I was
, again, gripping the arms of the green recliner in Dr. Carmichael’s office.

Since I had to stay in Grand Junction until seven p.m. anyway, to meet Shem back over at the body shop, I figured I might as well do something constructive. Dr. Carmichael had been amenable to meeting me on weekends in the past, so I’d given her a quick call. She agreed to meet me for an impromptu session.

“What do you want to talk about today, Talon?”

I shook my head. “Hell if I know.”

“Have you thought about what we talked about last time? About why you wanted to survive even when you thought you didn’t want to?”

“Not really. I mean, clearly I wanted to survive. I did everything they made me do in order to survive. Even though most of the time I wished I were dead.”

“There’s a big difference between wishing you were dead and actually being dead. I know that doesn’t make sense, but the subconscious understands it.”

I let out a shaky breath. “I’m glad. I mean…I’m glad I didn’t die.”

She smiled. “I know you are. I’m glad you didn’t too. You will get through this. You’ve come so far already. I’m amazed at your progress.”

She paused, and I had no idea what to say to that.
Thank you?
That seemed trite. I desperately hoped she’d start speaking again.

She did.

“So you said on the phone you think you’ve identified two of your attackers now.”

“Yeah. I can’t be sure, but things sure seem to add up.”

“And both those men have disappeared?”

“Yep. And get this. One of them is my half uncle.”

“What?” She raised her brows.

“Yeah. Jade’s boss, the sleazebag district attorney. Larry Wade. Jade did some investigation, and I was able to confirm it. He and my mother had the same father. It was covered up years ago, and I can’t figure out why.”

“That is odd.”

I shook my head. “I’ve been over and over it in my mind, Doc. The only thing I can come up with is that my father and mother somehow managed to cover up our relationship with Larry because they knew what kind of man he was.”

“It’s possible.”

“But if they knew what kind of man he was, maybe they knew…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Had my mother and father actually known the identity of one of my attackers? And had they let him off the hook? No, that couldn’t have happened.

“Are you suggesting that they knew he was one of the men who kidnapped you?”

“I don’t know. But why else would they want to cover up the relationship to him?”

“We can only speculate, Talon. Both of your parents are dead, so we can’t ask them. And unfortunately, you’re going to have to accept the fact that some of these questions may never be answered.”

“I guess. But damn, it sticks in my craw. How could a relative… I mean, I was his nephew.”

Dr. Carmichael leaned forward. “You can’t trouble yourself with those questions. There will never be an answer to satisfy you. It’s highly likely that this man, this Larry, is innocent. There’s no way to know if he indeed was one of the perpetrators. But if he was? These men were psychopaths. It wouldn’t have mattered if you were his nephew or even his son. He didn’t see you as a human being. These men saw you as a toy, a plaything. So don’t try to make sense out of it. It’s senseless.”

“I just want to understand.”

“My point is that you can’t. The only one who can understand a psychopath is another psychopath. It’s better that you don’t understand. Trust me. But you do need to accept that. A normal person with a normal personality can never understand the horrors committed by the criminally insane. They’re not meant to.”

“But why me?”

Dr. Carmichael shook her head. “That’s another question that may never be answered. You were in the right place at the right time. Or rather the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“If only I hadn’t gone looking for Luke.”

“But you did. And you suffered the consequences. ‘What ifs’ don’t do anyone any good, Talon. All you can do is accept the past and move forward.”

I knew that. God, I’d heard it enough—not just from Dr. Carmichael, but from my brothers.

“You say I’ve come a long way. What makes you say that? I don’t feel particularly different.”

“Are you kidding? You’ve come a very long way. You can now talk about this without losing consciousness or sending yourself into a flashback. That’s huge.”

True. The first time I’d come to see Dr. Carmichael, I’d ended up in the ER after a fainting spell. She was right.

“And you’ve opened up. You’ve told Jade you love her. You’ve told your sister about your experiences.”

“And I’ve been able to say I’m sorry.”

“Did that trouble you before?”

I nodded. “It’s not that I wasn’t sorry. And it’s not that I didn’t know when I should be sorry. It’s just that I had to force the words out.”

“And it’s easier now?”

“Yeah, I don’t know why, but it is.”

“I think I know why that is.”

“Why?”

She looked me straight in the eye. “Because you stopped blaming others. You’ve stopped resenting others because this didn’t happen to them. It happened to you.”

I looked down at my hands clenching the armchair. Had I done that? Had I really? I closed my eyes. “That’s a heavy statement to make, Doctor.”

“Yes, it is. And look at how you’re dealing with it. Your fingers are clenched around that armchair, but you’re not storming out of here. You’re not yelling at me that I’m wrong. That’s got to say something.”

“I never thought…”

“Of course you didn’t. This would’ve been on an entirely subliminal level. Look at your brothers, for example. You love them, and you never thought you blamed them for any of this. But deep inside, you resented that it had to happen to you instead of them.”

“That’s not true. I’m really glad this didn’t happen to either of my brothers. I mean that.”

“I know you do. That’s not what I mean. You wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I absolutely believe that. But in the back of your mind, you were resentful. You were resentful that it was you. Why not someone else? Why not some other kid you didn’t even know? You may be thankful that it wasn’t Ryan or Jonah, but in the back of your mind, you wonder, why not one of them? Why did it have to be you?”

Could she be right? “And you think that explains why I had such a problem saying I was sorry?”

“I think it explains it very well. Don’t you?”

I shook my head, my lips trembling. “God, I never meant to…”

“I know. The subconscious mind is very powerful, though. And the good news is that you’re healing. Now you can tell people you’re sorry. You’re moving forward. You
will
heal.”

“I hope so. I’ve been carrying this burden for so long. I never thought I would ever be free of it. I don’t know that I ever can be totally free of it.”

“No, you’ll never be completely free of it. It will always be part of your history, part of your psyche, part of what makes you Talon Steel. But what you
can
do is let it stay in your past, move forward, let yourself love and be loved. You’ve come such a long way already. I know it may not feel like you have, but just the fact that you can say you’re sorry to someone. That’s huge.”

Was she right? And then something dawned on me—like a light bulb moment. I was amazed I hadn’t realized it before now. “Wow,” I said aloud.

“What is it?”

“I can’t remember the last time I went to the kitchen at night to stare at a glass of water.”

* * *

T
he experts
I’d retained before I went to Dr. Carmichael’s met me at Shem’s body shop at seven. We entered around back, and Shem let us in the locked gate.

“The car’s over here,” Shem said.

He led us to a black Bentley. A fucking Bentley. I was no stranger to nice cars, though I preferred my old pickup to my Mercedes-Benz.

“Shem,” I said, “thanks for letting us in. This is Bill Friedman and Clark Tyson. They’ve agreed to take a look and see if the airbag was tampered with.”

“Go right ahead,” Shem said.

“Thanks.” I handed Shem some bills. “For your trouble.”

“I’ll just be over here looking the other way.” He ambled back inside the shop.

The two guys looked at the car for about half an hour and then came back to me.

“I wish we had better news for you, Mr. Steel,” Friedman said. “Because the car has been completely rebuilt since the accident and a new airbag put in, there’s just no way to tell if the original was tampered with. Do you think Shem in there has the original airbag? The one that didn’t deploy?”

“I don’t have a clue, but we can ask him.”

I motioned to Shem through the window.

He came out. “Yeah?”

“The guys here can’t find any problem with the airbag. Nothing indicated it had been tampered with.”

“I was afraid of that. I mean, we completed the work. We had no reason to suspect any wrongdoing, so we didn’t look for anything.”

“Do you have the original airbag? The one that didn’t deploy? I assume you put in a new functioning airbag.”

“We sure did. I’ll have to look around and see if we still have the old airbag. It was trash. I don’t know why we would have kept it.”

“Do you remember anything odd about the airbag when you removed it?” Friedman asked.

“Can’t say that I do, but again, I wasn’t looking for anything.”

“Sensor could’ve been bad, or the airbag could’ve been an old airbag with holes in it,” Tyson said. “Anything like that?”

Shem shook his head again. “I wish I could help you fellows. But like I said, we weren’t looking for anything.”

“Likely you’d have noticed if the airbag was bad itself,” Friedman said. “I’m going to have to assume it might’ve been a faulty sensor. And now that the new one’s been installed, we have no way of proving the sensor was faulty in the first place. Even if it was a faulty sensor, that doesn’t mean someone put it there. It’s a machine. Parts go bad on their own sometimes.”

I sighed. “Do normal people off the street know how to put in airbag sensors?”

Shem laughed. “Are you kidding? We get so many doctors and lawyers in here who don’t have a clue. I used to work as a mechanic before I got into bodywork. It’s amazing how the most intelligent people in the world know nothing about cars.”

“Then it’s doubtful that the owner of the car could’ve fiddled with the sensor himself.” I was thinking aloud. I’d have to find out who had serviced this car in the past. I turned to Friedman and Tyson. “Gentlemen, I appreciate your time. Very much.” I handed them each an envelope full of cash.

“Thank you, Mr. Steel,” Friedman said. “I wish we had better news for you.”

“It was a long shot. I appreciate you coming out on a Saturday evening.”

I said my goodbyes to all three and got in my car. Somehow, I had to figure out where that car had been serviced in the past. And if Nico Kostas was who I thought he was, and if he had done what I thought he’d done, the trail would be difficult—damned near impossible—to pick up.

“
H
ello
, Ted.”

“Jade, how is your mother?”

I didn’t think for a minute that he gave a damn about my mother. “She’s doing well. Out of the woods.”

“Good, good. Glad to hear it. I suppose the cops have talked to you by now?”

“I’m sure you know that they have. I’m sure they’ve given you a full report.”

Ted cleared his throat. “Yes, of course.”

“So what is it that you want?”

“Information, Jade. You and those Steel punks—”

“Excuse me?”

He cleared his throat again. “The Steel brothers. You and the Steel brothers were the last to see my son.”

My nerves jumped. Where could Colin be? “That doesn’t mean any of us know anything about where he is.”

Silence for a moment. Then, “I understand you are now dating Talon Steel, the one who attacked my son.”

Good news traveled fast. I was the one who’d wanted to make the relationship public. I guess I’d asked for this. Ted Morse, with his blue-blooded money, could’ve hired a PI to find out anyway. “Yes, Talon and I are involved.”

“Interesting…”

“I don’t see why it would be of any interest to you.”

“Just a little bit interesting to me that my son’s former fiancée and the man who attacked him, who is now dating said former fiancée, were the last two people to see him alive.”

“There’s no reason to believe he’s not still alive, Ted.”

“Still, coincidental, isn’t it?”

This man had known me for seven years. The nerve! I knew better than to say anything else. “This conversation is over.” I ended the call. Chills raked over my body. I had no idea where Colin was, and though I didn’t particularly care where he was, I did want him to be okay. But the nerve of that man, to accuse Talon and me.

The attorney in me advised caution. I would not speak again to Ted Morse. Would not take any of his calls. He wanted to talk to me? He’d have to have the police arrest me and question me. And I wouldn’t be saying a word without an attorney present. That O’Keefe guy had done pretty well for Talon. Of course, I’d been the one to bring the deal to him, but he was the best in Snow Creek as far as I knew. I’d give him a call on Monday and tell him about the situation. And just in case, I’d call Sherry Malone in Denver. I’d been her law clerk, and she was the best of the best.

Just what I didn’t need.

Where the hell was Colin? None of this made any sense. Then again, I wouldn’t put it past him to just disappear for the hell of it. He’d probably flown off to Cancun to spend some of Daddy’s money on booze and hookers.

Thank God he had walked out on me on our wedding day. What would my life have been like if I had married him? I shuddered just thinking about it.

“Everything okay, sweetie?” my dad asked.

I nodded. I wasn’t going to burden him with this crap, not while he was still worried about my mother. “Just Colin’s dad again, still looking for him.”

“That is weird that he just disappeared.”

“You’re telling me.” I wished like anything that Talon and I had not been two of the last people to see him. This wasn’t going to lead to anything good.

I needed to change the subject. I’d had enough of Colin to last a lifetime. I looked at my watch. “It’s seven thirty. Are you hungry?”

My father smiled. “I am. Seems like I couldn’t eat at all while it was touch and go with your mother. But now that we know she’s going to be okay, I’m famished.”

“I’m sure you’re sick to death of hospital food by now. Let’s go somewhere. I don’t know Grand Junction very well, but there’s got to be a decent restaurant around here. And I just got paid.”

“Aren’t you saving up for a down payment on a car?”

“Yes, but now I’m acting city attorney. I got a little raise. I think it’s enough to treat my dad to a nice meal.”

“Sweetie, I’m happy to pick up the tab.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve been waiting for the day when I can treat you. I’m happy to do it. What are you in the mood for? I’ll Google the area and see what I come up with.”

“Heck, you know me. I’m happy with a burger and fries.”

“Yeah, I am too. I guess my mother’s champagne taste didn’t pass to me.”

“Or your father’s beer budget had a lot to do with how your tastes were formed.”

I laughed and looked down at my phone. “There’s an Italian place not too far away. Of course I’m sure they’re not nearly as good as anything Marj or Felicia can make.”

“Felicia?”

“She’s the Steels’ cook and housekeeper. Man, that woman can cook.”

“Italian sounds good, sweetie. Let’s go there.”

* * *

I
was halfway
through my veal piccata when my phone buzzed on the table. I took a sip of my Chianti—which wasn’t nearly as good as Ryan’s Italian blend—and said to my father, “Mind if I take this?”

“Of course not.” He shoveled another forkful of spaghetti and meatballs into his mouth. That was my dad—a full array of Italian haute cuisine, and he chose spaghetti and meatballs. And I loved him for it. I smiled as I picked up my phone—

My heart nearly stopped. Colin’s number. “Hello? Colin?”

Silence.

“Colin? Talk to me. Everyone’s worried about you. Where are you?”

Still nothing, until the line went dead.