Possessions (7 page)

The scuba guy looked at Julie for a full, measured beat. She blushed. Then he turned his gaze to me.

“You’re wearing my jacket,” he said.

And I couldn’t believe, given the circumstances, that he would either notice or care. So I said the first thing that came to mind: “You’re a jerk.”

“Lindsay,” Julie murmured under her breath. “He didn’t know.”

Mandy burst into fresh giggles. All the drama and anger were making her high. “You want it back?”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Yeah. Maybe I do.”

I looked from him to Mandy to Kiyoko, tear-stained and hiccupping, wrapped in the blanket Shayna had brought her, like a true friend. I grabbed the jacket sleeves, my trembling hands clumsy as I eased out of it and held it out to him.

“That’s actually mine,” Mandy said, reaching for it. “I won it in a poker game.”

As her fingers brushed the right sleeve, I let go of it, and it tumbled into the lake.

“Whoops,” I said coldly. Then I turned my back.

Mandy was quiet. Then she started to laugh again, cackling like a wicked witch.

Apparently
, a bottle of some tequila was also in the backpack, and Mandy opened it and passed it to only a select few: Lara; the swimmer, whose name was Spider; the two other guys; and Kiyoko, who had calmed down a little. In fact, she saluted me with it before she drank.

Then Mandy passed it to me. We were all gathered at the base of the cliff, sitting in a circle, huddled under our sweatshirts.

After she changed back into her original clothes, Kiyoko took the bottle again and slugged back three big gulps. She was so thin I figured it was enough to get her really drunk. She laughed and tossed her hair like a superstar. Then she caught sight of Shayna, who was watching in silence with the other spectators, and hesitated.

For a minute, I thought she would pass the bottle to Shayna, in a gesture of friendship. Shayna straightened her shoulders and waited; then Kiyoko handed the bottle back to Mandy.

Shayna pursed her lips and turned away.

I wanted to strangle Kiyoko. I knew she’d made her choice. I’d done the same thing. Heather Sanchez had stuck by me all the months—
years—
of my mom’s terminal illness. Maybe that was the real reason why I had dumped her. She had known me when. But what I’d told myself at the time was that she just wasn’t cool enough.

Ida and Claire left shortly after the alcohol came out. Ida gave me a little wave as if to say,
No harm no foul, catch ya on the flipside
. I liked her more than ever. Then the boys rowed away shortly after that, disappearing back into the night. Julie loitered with three girls I didn’t know. I knew I didn’t have invitation rights, so I couldn’t call her over. But there was no way I would dis my roommate the way Kiyoko had dissed Shayna. So I left the territory of the charmed ones and walked over to her. She knew what I was doing, and I could see the warmth and gratitude in her eyes.

“That was . . . ” she began.

“Insane and mean?” I finished for her.

“Kind of extreme,” she allowed.

“If someone had pulled that stunt on me, I would’ve been gone in a hot minute,” I declared.

Not back when you were playing the game
, I reminded myself.
Then you would have done it. And stayed and laughed over it, even if twenty boys saw you naked.

“We’d better go,” Lara said, as she knelt and repacked the now wet nylon rope into Kiyoko’s backpack. “Ms. Meyerson might actually notice we’re gone.” She took the dark green booze bottle from Mandy’s outstretched hand.

“Okay,” Mandy replied, as if doing Lara a favor. “All right, ladies. Show’s over. We’ll be here all semester.”

Good-natured chuckles accompanied her lame joke as everyone got up and dusted the sand from their clothes. Everyone who’d come to watch imagined they had a bond with Mandy Winters now. To prove it, we would all hike back together—although no one would dare approach the inner circle of Mandy and her friends. I marched with the rest of the not-so-cool, determined to keep as much distance between Mandy Winters and myself.

It turned out there was an easier route back to our quad, on a blacktop road. From there, the lesser beings could hike back to their own uncool dorms. The return took a little longer, which was probably why we had defied death to climb down the cliff. It was also how the outsiders had arrived ahead of us to watch the fun.

Mandy came up beside me, carrying the stinky wet leather jacket. I grimaced.

“Sorry,” I gritted.

“It’s forgotten,” Mandy promised, and then she chuckled. “Well, maybe not by Spider.”

“I’ll be happy to replace it,” I said stiffly.

Mandy blinked at me; then she began to laugh. My face burned. I knew it had to be expensive. I didn’t know it would be hilariously out of my reach.

“You didn’t approve of our little prank,” she said, changing the subject.

“Lindsay’s a lifeguard,” Julie piped up loyally. Mandy and I both looked at her, and she turned ten shades of scarlet. I knew those words had cost her, and I wanted to hug her sweet little fifteen-year-old self. “Lake. Night. Dangerous.”

“Oh.” Mandy made a show of tapping her chin. “Gosh. You’re right.”

Back off
, I wanted to say, but Julie laughed pleasantly.

“Only, not so much, because I had the rope.” Mandy gestured to the wet backpack hanging from Kiyoko’s thin shoulders.

“Ropes untie,” I said, more to side with Julie than argue with Mandy.

We walked a few more feet; then Mandy zipped in front of me and circled around to Julie’s other side. “I heard you had to sell your horse,” she said. “Pippin’s her name? That is so wrong.”

Julie swallowed and twisted her wheat-blonde ponytail. “Pippin’s a boy. The new owner said I could ride him, but . . . ”

“Dixie told me.” Mandy pulled a very sad face. “Pippin’s new owner hasn’t shown since he bought him. Pip’s still being boarded at the stable.” Her frown turned upside down. “Maybe I could pull a few strings.”

“Oh.” Julie’s eyebrows shot up. She looked like a little kid sitting on Santa Claus’s lap. “Wow, thanks.” It was clear she wasn’t sure which strings Mandy was referring to. But strings at all were good.

“Spider asked me what your name is,” Mandy continued. “He said you were a hottie.” She almost winked at Julie.

I nearly gagged.

“He’s cute,” Julie murmured, blushing again.

Mandy smiled at her. And the thing was, I knew Mandy was up to something, but I found myself smiling faintly, too. It was so weird; it was as if I couldn’t stop myself.

We walked on. Those who were not worthy kept their distance, but I watched them watching Julie and Mandy. As we climbed the hill, Lara and Kiyoko chatted as if nothing unusual had happened; then gradually, they clumped up with Julie, Mandy, and me, until we were five.

I looked down at the lake, wide and dark. I shivered, trying to imagine what it must have been like for Kiyoko. Scary. Freezing. And she’d been a terrible swimmer.

Lara walked up close beside me as Mandy and Julie drifted along, talking about horses some more. I could smell tequila on Lara’s breath. “There are all kinds of stories about that lake. Some girl got pregnant and drowned herself. And there’s supposedly a school bus down there. It was carrying a bunch of kids home from a field trip and the driver lost control. It sank right to the bottom. It rolls around in the current. The water’s so cold no one decomposed, and if you go diving, sometimes you see them.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I said. “That’s a
lake
. It doesn’t have a current.”

She picked up a pebble and turned it over in her hands. “If you stare into it long enough, you’ll see . . . things.” She stared out at the lake. “Like when you stare into the darkness. Shapes start to move. You think it’s a pile of clothes, but it’s someone sitting in your chair. Someone dead. In your room. Watching you sleep.

“Or you’re half-asleep and you hear something under your bed. You think it’s your cat . . . except, maybe, your cat ran away . . . ”

I knew she was trying to scare me, but I didn’t scare easily. She thought I was just like all these other girls who would let themselves be spooked, so Mandy could have her fun. I was so past that.

After all, I’d watched my mom die.

“Thanks for the warning.” I smoothed my hair out of my eyes as the wind batted at it. “I’ll be sure not to look.”

“Some people can’t help but look,” Lara said. “Like when there’s a car accident. They slow down to gawk.”

“Okay, this is about as morbid as I can—”

She dropped the pebble on the ground. Looked at me.

“Mandy likes you,” she said.

“That’s great.” I tried not to sound snippy. Because it actually warmed me a little bit inside.
No. No, no, no
, I told myself.
Danger. Been there.

“So it’s all settled,” Mandy herself said in a loud voice. I turned back, to see her clasping Julie’s hand and swinging it back and forth as they strolled. Julie looked like she was about to wet her jeans.

“What?” I asked.

“Julie’s helping us with a prank tomorrow night. How about you, Linz? Are you in?” She fake-batted her lashes at me.

I looked at Julie. She smiled at me
please, please, please?

And suddenly I knew that San Diego had accompanied me to Marlwood. What was the saying?
No matter where you go, there you are
. I had a choice, here and now, to place another bet at popularity roulette or stay well away.

“Can I watch?” I hedged. That would get me there, so I could make sure they didn’t kill Julie, but I wouldn’t be an official participant. Kinda in, and not out.

“Yes. You can be our safety monitor,” Mandy told me grandly. “Make sure we don’t harm any animals.” She tousled Julie’s hair. “Or roommates.”

Lara snickered.

“I’m sure it will be superfun,” I snarked, sounding a little edgier than I’d intended.

Mandy’s grin practically split her face. “You are such a freak,” she told me.

“Just give us the deets,” Julie said. Then, uncertainly, “Details.”

“You got it, toots,” Mandy replied, fixing her attention on Julie.

Canary, meet cat.

Alone in our room
, we got ready for bed—I wore a long T-shirt and a pair of socks—and it took me awhile to settle down. “Everybody thinks it’s funny until it’s their turn. But when you’re singled out by the clique, it hurts worse than it feels good,” I warned her.

“
O-kay
,” Julie muttered, clearly not interested in my lecture. In a few minutes, she was snoring lightly, and I remembered how I used to beg my mom and dad for a little sister. They discovered my mom’s ovarian cancer when she had a miscarriage.

I began to drift, and dream, and somehow, in that way that people doze, I thought I felt . . . not felt . . . it was nothing physical . . . I sensed that someone was
there
. . . and I heard myself whisper, “Mom?”

seven

I couldn’t move
and it was coming and it was here.

I was panting, screaming, clawing.

Sweat rolled off me. The back of my neck was cold but my forehead . . . my forehead, oh God. I couldn’t move and it was crawling toward the bed; one hand was on the mattress oh—

Come to me come to me come to me come to me come to me.

It was on my chest, it was pressing down—

“God!” I screamed, and sat upright.

The light flashed on. My shoulders heaved. I gathered up my damp hair and tried to catch my breath.

“Lindsay?” Julie said.

“Bad dream,” I mumbled. “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. I put one hand over my forehead and one hand over my heart. I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack.

“What was it?” she asked me. “What did you dream?”

My mind was fuzz. I shook my head. “I don’t know.”