Power Thoughts: 12 Strategies to Win the Battle of the Mind (16 page)

My husband, Dave, has always been difficult to offend. When he is around people who could hurt him or in situations where he could be offended, he says, “I am not going to let those negative people control my mood. They have problems and they are not going to give their problems to me.”

On the other hand, I spent many years getting my feelings hurt regularly and living in the agony of offense, but I am not willing to live that way any longer. I am busy getting a new mind-set. Are you willing to join me in becoming a person who is hard to offend? If so, you will open the door to more peace and joy than you have ever known before.

Developing the mind-set that you are a person who is difficult to offend will make your life much more pleasant. People are everywhere and you never know what they might say or do. Why give the control of your day to other people? Being hurt and offended does not change the people, it only changes us. It makes us miserable and steals our peace and joy, so why not prepare ourselves mentally not to fall into Satan’s trap?

Will You Take the Bait?

There is no doubt about it. As long as we are in the world and around people, we will have opportunities to be offended. The temptation to become hurt, angry, or offended comes just as surely as any other temptation comes, but Jesus said we should pray that we will not give in to temptation (see Matthew 26:41). Praying that temptation won’t present itself to us does no good, but we can choose to take it or leave it. The same is true with offense. Author and speaker John Bevere calls offense “the bait of Satan,” and I couldn’t agree more. In his introduction to the book by this name, he writes:

One of [Satan’s] most deceptive and insidious kinds of bait is something every Christian has encountered—offense. Actually, offense itself is not deadly… But if we pick it up and consume it and feed on it in our hearts, then we have become offended. Offended people produce much fruit, such as hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife, bitterness, hatred, and envy. Some of the consequences of picking up an offense are insults, attacks, wounding, division, separation, broken relationships, betrayal, and backsliding.
¹

As you can see, allowing ourselves to become offended is very serious and has devastating consequences. Satan will not stop tempting us to be offended, but we are the ones who choose whether or not to bite the bait.

One of the signs of the last days prior to Jesus’ return is that offense will increase.

And then many will be offended and repelled and will begin to distrust and desert [Him Whom they ought to trust and obey] and will stumble and fall away and betray one another and pursue one another with hatred.

(Matthew 24:10)

Rudeness, quick tempers, and holding grudges seem to be very common today. People don’t realize that they are playing right into the devil’s hands when they allow these negative and poisonous emotions to rule them. Let us think of Becca, a young Christian who is making progress growing in Christ when suddenly something happens at her church that offends her. Becca had hopes of being chosen to sing in the choir but for some reason she got passed over. Satan takes advantage of the situation and fills her mind with all kinds of thoughts that are not even true. Becca begins to focus on what she imagines to be an attack of rejection, and she receives it as a personal attack instead of simply trusting God. The offense becomes a stumbling block to her and, as the Scripture above says, she begins to fall away from what should be important to her, which is growing in her relationship with God. Sadly, this scenario is repeated over and over in the world today. Sometimes I think we have more people in the world who are angry and offended than those who are not.

Satan is fishing all the time hoping to catch someone in his trap; don’t take his bait! Start meditating on and saying, “I am difficult to offend.”

Think about It

Why is “the bait of Satan” a good term for offense? What kinds of “bait” does Satan like to use with you?

Let God Do It

One of the reasons we find forgiving others difficult when we are offended is that we have told ourselves probably thousands of times that forgiving is hard to do. We have convinced ourselves and set our mind to fail at one of God’s most important commands, which is to forgive and pray for our enemies and those who hurt and abuse us (see Luke 6:35, 36). We meditate too much on what the offensive person has done to us, and we fail to realize what we are doing to ourselves by taking the bait of Satan. Keep remembering that being offended will not change the person, but it does change you! It makes you bitter, withdrawn, and often revengeful. It keeps your thoughts on something that does not bear good fruit in your life.

While praying for our enemies and blessing those who curse us may seem extremely difficult or nearly impossible, we can do it if we set our minds to it. Having the proper mind-set is vital if we want to obey God. He never tells us to do anything that is not good for us, and never anything we cannot do. He is always available to give us the strength we need to do it (see Philippians 4:13). We don’t even need to think about how hard it is, we just need to do it!

God is just! Justice is one of his most admirable character traits. He brings justice as we wait on Him and trust Him to be our vindicator when we have been hurt or offended. He simply asks us to pray and forgive—and He does the rest. He makes even our pain work out for our good (see Romans 8:28). He justifies, vindicates, and recompenses us. He pays us back for our pain if we follow His commands to forgive our enemies and even says that we will receive “double for our trouble” (see Isaiah 61:7).

As we renew our minds with thoughts such as,
I am difficult to offend,
or
I freely and quickly forgive
, we will find forgiving and releasing offenses easier than ever to do. The reason this is true is because “Where the mind goes, the man follows.” As we mentally and verbally agree with God by obeying His Word, we become a team that is unbeatable.

The Bible teaches us about the power of agreement. Deuteronomy 32:30 speaks of the fact that one person can put one thousand to flight and two, ten thousand. In Matthew 18:19, Jesus says, “Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree (harmonize together, make a symphony together) about whatever [anything and everything] they may ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by My Father in heaven.” If people on earth can get these kinds of powerful results simply by being in agreement, just imagine what will happen when we come into agreement with God.

I actually believe that forgiving those who hurt and offend us is one of the most spiritually powerful things we can do. The Bible says we “overcome (master) evil with good” (Romans 12:21). The best way to defeat the devil is to do what is right. I can’t imagine how it frustrates him when we pray for those who hurt us instead of hating them. It makes me want to laugh out loud when I even think of it.

Think about It

In what areas do you frequently take the bait of Satan and fall into his trap of being offended? What is your new power thought that will prepare you ahead of time for victory?

Believe the Best

Believing the best of people is very helpful in the process of forgiving people who hurt or offend us. As human beings, we tend to be suspicious of others and we often get hurt due to our own imagination. It is possible to believe someone hurt you on purpose when the truth is they were not even aware they did anything at all and would be grieved to know that they hurt you. God calls us to love others, and love always believes the best. First Corinthians 13:7 makes this clear: “Love bears up under anything and everything that comes,
is ever ready to believe the best of every person
, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]” (emphasis mine).

In many ways, Dave and I are extremely different, yet we rarely ever argue or become angry with one another. That was not the case for many years, but we have learned to disagree agreeably. We each respect the other’s right to have an opinion, even if our opinions differ.

I can remember, during the early years of our marriage, focusing on everything I considered negative about Dave and ignoring his positive traits. My thoughts went something like this:
We just don’t agree about anything. Dave is so stubborn, and he has to be right all the time. He is insensitive, and he just doesn’t care how I feel. He never thinks of anyone but himself.
In reality, none of these thoughts were true! They only existed within my own mind; and my wrong thinking caused a great deal of offense and disagreement that could have been easily avoided had my mind-set been more positive. I “thought” myself into being offended by believing lies—just exactly what the enemy wanted me to do.

Over time, as I grew in my relationship with God, I learned the power of believing the best of people and meditating on the things that were good. As that happened, my thinking sounded like this,
Dave is usually very easy to get along with; he has his areas of stubbornness but then so do I. Dave loves me and would never hurt my feelings on purpose. Dave is very protective of me and always makes sure I am taken care of.
At first, I had to think these things on purpose because I had a habit of always choosing the negative, but now I actually feel uncomfortable when I think negative thoughts and positive thoughts come more naturally because I have disciplined myself to think them.

There are still times when people hurt my feelings, but then I remember that I can choose whether to be hurt or to “get over it.” I can believe the best or I can believe the worst, so why not believe the best and enjoy my day? I grew up in a home that was filled with turmoil and anger, and I refuse to live that way now. I help create a good atmosphere around me by thinking good thoughts about others and by choosing to not be easily offended or angered.

I encourage you to believe the best about others. Resist the temptation to question their motives or to think they hurt you intentionally. Believing the best about others will keep offense and bitterness out of your life and help you stay peaceful and joyful. So, always do your best to believe the best.

Think about It

About whom do you need to begin to believe the best?

Tired and Touchy

Sometimes we are more prone to be hurt or offended than at other times. Years of experience have taught me that when I am excessively tired, I am more touchy and apt to get my feelings hurt more than I am when I am rested. I have learned to avoid conversations that could be tense when I know I am tired. I have also learned to wait to bring up subjects that might be tense for Dave when he is tired. Times when we are tired are the worst times to confront something I think he is doing wrong or to mention something I would like him to change. I know I will end up hurt or angry if he does not respond the way I want him to, so I do not put myself in that position.

I encourage husbands and wives to learn to relate to each other in ways that minimize the potential for offense, just as Dave and I have learned to do. A woman should not greet her husband when he comes home from work with all the bad news she can think of, such as, “The children acted terribly all day and you need to correct them,” and “The utility bills are higher than I have ever seen them,” and, “You need to quit that golf league you are in because I am sick and tired of watching you have all the fun while I do all the work.”

Similarly, when one of the children kept a mother awake all night with an illness, the others have misbehaved all day, the house looks like a cyclone hit it, and dinner is burned beyond recognition—that is not the time for a husband to announce, “I’m going fishing with the guys this weekend.” Under the circumstances I mentioned, all his wife would want is encouragement, some assistance around the house, and someone to help with the children, not the news that she has to handle everything by herself all weekend long. Perhaps this couple does need to talk about the children, the utility bills, the golf league, and the fishing trip, but they need to do so at a good time, not when they are frustrated, frazzled, or exhausted.

I have also discovered I can be more easily offended than I typically am when I have been working too long without a break. I might not be physically tired, but I may be mentally fatigued and need some creativity or diversity. Learning to understand these things about myself has helped me avoid offense. I can say to myself, “I am tired and therefore touchy, so I need to shake this off and not get upset over something I wouldn’t normally get upset about.”

Talking to ourselves is a good thing! When I begin to get a bad attitude, I often say that I need to have a meeting with myself. Especially when we are tempted to sin (and being offended is sin), we may need to give ourselves verbal reminders or instructions such as, “I know I am tired and frustrated, but I am not going to sin. I am not going to open a door to the enemy in my life by being offended. I am going to obey God and forgive this person, and not harbor hurt and offense in my heart.”

Have as many meetings with yourself as you need to in order to figure out when you are most likely to be easily offended. As I mentioned, I am more sensitive to offense when I am tired or under stress and I believe most of us are that way. Get to know yourself in this way. Be aware when circumstances that make you touchy arise, and be diligent to refuse to be offended.

That Time of the Month

Many household arguments occur during a woman’s monthly cycle. Men often say, “It’s that time of the month again,” and they say it with dread in their voice tone. I have two daughters and both of them have learned that they are more sensitive than normal at that time of the month and they try to keep that in mind when situations begin to frustrate them that normally would not bother them at all. They realize they are more prone to negative thoughts and have a greater tendency to feel overwhelmed. Reminding themselves of that fact helps them not to let their emotions have control.