Prank Wars (18 page)

I picked up my feet and crossed the street into a parking lot. A few drivers circled their cars around me like sharks, thinking I was going for my car. Poor people. I had no parking spot to offer them. Their motors ran gloomily in the eerie light. The fog was so thick I could barely make out their shiny bumpers. I waved them to pass me, and once again they left me in dismal silence.

I lost the direction of Tory’s footsteps. For all I knew she could be inches from me, hiding behind a car, in the bushes. Looking every which way, I spotted a poster stapled to an electric pole:
Need help with cleaning checks? We’ll clean your apartment for $5.

Wow, that was a steal. Despite the danger, I tore off one of the numbers…and realized they looked familiar:
Call us. Tory, Madeleine, Kali, Sandra, Lizzie.
I gasped and ripped the fake advertisement from the pole, doing some major damage control. I just hoped I was the first to see that thing or our phones would ring off the hook. Already a few of the numbers had been pulled off. Stupid Byron. Too late I felt the feet pounding the pavement behind me. I braced myself just as the jogger rushed for me, ruffling my hair.
He?
I barely had time to look when I heard the scream. Tory jumped out from behind her tree and the jogger pulled back with a startled grunt. His hand formed into a fist.

“No!” I sprang towards them. “It’s only Tory! It’s okay!”

The jogger turned to look at me and I fell back in complete embarrassment. Eric? He was in BYU shorts and rumpled J Dawgs T-shirt. Why did he always get caught up in our misadventures? By now Tory’s mouth was open, her red hair falling over her face. She made a beautiful mugger in her basketball shorts. I was surprised Eric’s heart hadn’t melted at the mere sight of her—I mean, after the scare—but he just looked irritated. “Oh, you again!”

“Whoops.” Tory actually looked ashamed of herself. She tugged nervously on her
Running is for Criminals
shirt
.

“Sorry.” I apologized for Tory—she didn’t know how to do it herself. “She sometimes comes out of nowhere.”

Eric took a deep breath, seeming to count. He turned from me to stretch, leaning heavily on his Nikes, the muscles on his calves flexing. The rubber soles squeaked against the pavement. He kept an eye on Tory like she was a dangerous animal…in a way, she was. “So, what possesses you to jump out at innocent joggers? Huh?”

I shrugged. “We thought you were someone else?” It sounded pretty lame.

Eric broke into a laugh, surprising me. “Remind me to never get on your bad side.” Tory looked uncomfortable, her arms stiff at her sides. “Well?” Eric straightened and turned his full attention on me. “You’ll have to make it up to me this time, Mad. Maybe dinner? I like Mexican food.”

“What?” Even though he was cute, I wasn’t giving into his blackmail. I grinned. “You’re gonna make Tory go out with you?”

Eric’s smile easily reached his hazel eyes. He clearly thought we were a riot. “Wow, it’s like you’ve stepped right out of the pages of a comic book. You’re unreal.” I reddened in embarrassment and it only made his grin bigger. “Do you ever let go? C’mon, you can tell me. You’re the kind of girl who sings really loud in the shower.”

“Are you kidding?” I managed a grin at Tory. “I have to be fully aware of my surroundings.” Or I’d feel a glass of cold water thrown over the shower curtain.

“Well, if you ever want some real fun, you know where to find me.”

“Do you even have a place...?”

He laughed in realization. “Yeah, I’m still working on that. I’ll have a housewarming party as soon as I do…though I have the feeling you’re not big on parties. Maybe you and I could do something more priv—?”

“No,
we’ll
go.” I protested. “We love parties.” His eyes took on a frustrated glint, and I found myself trying to make up for emphasizing
we
. I don’t know why I did it, but there was no turning back now. “I’m sure your party will give me a chance to work on my social
provocity
a little,” I used Byron’s made-up word.

Eric nodded, never understanding most of what I said anyway. He thrust his hand out to me. “Until our next exciting adventure then.” I took his hand. It was strong and firm and felt really nice over mine. He surprised me by pulling me into a huge bear hug. My breath came out with a whoosh of surprise and he rubbed my back for good measure.

I tried not to wriggle free. “I can hardly wait,” I muttered into his chest, but I was lying. Not because I didn’t like him. I did. Normally, I made the most of everything, just not where guys were concerned because our next meeting would make me look even stupider. He let me go and with a casual salute, jogged away, disappearing into the fog. I put my arm around the forlorn Tory. “You’re gonna get arrested one of these days.”

She giggled a little bit. “I think he likes you.”

“I’m talking about this war, not him.” I held up the poster I had confiscated from the pole.

“Oh yeah, that’s what I’m trying to say. I’ve received new
intel
.” Tory wiped her sweatband against her sweaty face. “Your mom couldn’t get a hold of you, so she called me with the report. She got your engagement pictures in the mail.”

I gasped. Fake engagement pictures? Just what my mom needed, false hope. “Byron!” I rushed blindly for home with Tory doggedly matched my stride. He was out to ruin my life.

Day 109

1604 hours

“
Never underestimate your enemy; never assume he has a heart when he has horns.”

—Madeleine’s War Journal Entry (Friday, June 1st).

How could he? You left mothers alone! That was the number one rule in pranking…well, I had a lot of number one rules, but that one was definitely at the top.

Tory and I got Byron’s apartment door open with an ease born of experience. I was still in my black yoga pants from class, not having time to change. It was our only window of opportunity. We had to wait two whole days to get back at him. Byron was at the gym. The twins were in class. Rock? Well, he might be taking a nap in the back, but nothing stirred him. Gingerly lifting my canvas Chucks, I picked my way through the gauntlet of junk on the floor, a deadly obstacle course for any visitor, let alone cat burglars. “I don’t remember ransacking their place,” I joked.

Tory laughed, strutting inside. She had changed from her school clothes to a slouchy tee and cropped jeans. She surveyed the damage. There were still remnants of our last visit. The guys hadn’t bothered to take down our beautiful curtains. The doilies and stuffed animals were strewn across the room. “Don’t they ever clean up around here?” she asked.

“It’s kind of cute.”

Tory gave me a weird look and set our creepy dummy on their couch. It was made up from clothes we found from the DI boxes in the laundry room. It stared back at us with red, cold eyes. The boys would have a mini heart attack when they came home to find the phantom waiting for them. I briefly considered the couch, but it was too heavy to take. Besides, there wasn’t enough time. We’d leave it for a different sting. Tory unscrewed the cable from the computer in a vicious counterstrike. She was through playing. “What are you doing?” I asked.

“Just little extras.” Tory unscrewed a few light bulbs too, but left them in. The guys would buy new ones before realizing that it was completely unnecessary. They basically owed her their year’s supply. I roamed freely through the cramped kitchen. There were a number of possibilities for mischief: a little Anbesol around the top of the milk jugs, fake bugs and flies in their cereal, crumpled newspapers as high as their waists. But it was a covert operation, get in, leave the message, get out. I noticed the black backpack left behind on a chair. It was an ugly thing and I recognized it immediately. It was Byron’s, but no way. That was another unwritten rule. Don’t mess with school stuff. Almost unwittingly, I found myself picking it up. “No!” Even Tory knew we were getting in too deep. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“He declared war,” I heard myself saying. “He made us all late for class. He messed with my mom! He deserves it.”

She hung back uncertainly. It wasn’t often Tory was caught in a moral dilemma.

“Don’t worry; it’s just a simple extraction.” I said. “We’ll give it back to him tonight…filled with all sorts of nice things. In fact, we’ll leave a ransom note.” I picked up a marker from their white board and a piece of pristine white paper from their printer. I began the note in my fanciest flowery handwriting:
We want dates, lots of dates…

Tory broke into a laugh. “Are you serious?”

“No.”

And ice cream on those dates. Lots of chocolate. And maybe…if you could sign up for the boyfriend-for-a-week-program, that would be absolutely delightful too.

“They’ll think it’s AmyLee,” Tory was quick to point out.

“Yep.” I turned the paper over and pulled out a white crayon from my pocket. “Now for the real letter.” I entitled it:
List of demands.
I brought the crayon to my lips, thinking. Perhaps it was best to keep it close to the letter we found on Thanh’s door:
In regards to your backpack: we know where you live, and we want what’s ours: the cushions, our peace of mind, our self-respect. Pretty much our lives back. Do it or die.
I put a smiley face on the end, and glanced up at Tory. “See? We can play nice.”

Tory’s forehead wrinkled. “I don’t think they’ll be able to read that.”

“Not until someone colors over the message with a different color of crayon. It’s ingenious, see?” I placed a red crayon under the paper. “Only Byron will get it.”

“How?”

“I’ll tell him.” I threw the backpack over my shoulder. It felt a little heavy…just like the guilt welling up inside me…but as soon as I recognized it, I squelched it. Byron was winning this war because the man had no conscience. It was about time I followed his lead, which meant I’d have no problem taping the
Traitor
and
Disavowed
signs on the gamers’ door downstairs. “Let’s go.”

Day 109

1632 hours

“
Knocking down doors is much harder than enticing someone to let you in…especially if you’re holding flowers.”

—Madeleine’s War Journal Entry (Friday, June 1st).

Tory and I sneaked inside my apartment moments after infiltrating Byron’s apartment. His heavy backpack was flung over my shoulder. Before I could hide it from Lizzie’s prying eyes, I saw the scene of carnage before me. The watered-over eyes. The happy smiles. My roommates hugged popcorn and M&Ms close to their hearts. They sat on the floor in a nest of blankets. The cushion-free couch was a little uncomfortable.

“What are they doing?” I asked...though I already knew.

“Watching chick flicks,” Tory reported.

“Nobody learns from my mistakes, do they?” It was a terrible thing to do to themselves on a beautiful afternoon—especially with a lonely Friday night looming just hours away. I marched to the laptop, but it was too late. It was already the sappy ending.

My roommates sighed at the touching story on the screen. The man stood helplessly, staring at this woman who was the love of his life, a little unsure of how she’d react to his declaration of love, but sure of his feelings for her. The two were caught in the rain. The camera did a close up on the girl’s tears. They glistened. “I loved you all along.” His voice broke and he captured her perfect hand in his. Her sad eyes turned joyful. She laughed and he hugged her. He picked her up and swung her around. The rain doused them and they didn’t care. The camera lingered on the happy couple then zoomed magically into the sky.

It was done so craftily that even my heart gave a little leap. I closed the laptop with a decided click before the beautiful music from the credits could fill the room. The silence deafened me. Their eyes shot to me. I shrugged. “What? I had to stop it before the guy got tired of her and went for someone else.”

Kali uncurled from masses of blankets, dividing the layers from her white jeans. She threw a pillow at me and I easily caught it with my left hand. “What’s the matter with you?” she sputtered.

I picked up the DVD cover and shook it at them. “This is just war propaganda designed to weaken you when the enemy strikes.”

“Yes, and I love it!” She sighed, folding her knees into her stomach. “I wish I could find a man like that.” Lizzie agreed, and I heard the cacophony of sighs. I glanced over at Tory to see her nodding in time with them. I was getting nowhere. Perfect guy. Perfect girl. Perfect love. It didn’t exist. To actually believe that there was something more out there, something magical. It made it an even bigger disappointment when the world dumped on you.

I threw the DVD cover back to the table. “These movies are out to steal your money and cheapen your existence. There is nothing like this out there anywhere!”

Lizzie bit her lip. It looked like the movie had caught her in the middle of changing from her school clothes to her work-out clothes; it was that powerful. She had tucked her flutter sleeved blouse into her sweats. “Um, Mad Dog, don’t you think that’s a little…uh…harsh?”