Precious Lace (Lace #4) (2 page)

  "Do you... want to have the marriage annulled?" I whispered as fear seized my heart. 

  His head whipped up and indefinable emotions blazed in his eyes. "Is that what you want?" 

  "I... no. But if it's what you want..." I trailed off. 

  "It's not. But I would understand..." He turned his head to stare out the window into the black night. 

  "I’m sorry you're upset, Carter, but I don't regret telling you how I felt…" I trailed off. 

  "I’m not mad at you, Evangeline. It was terrible, what you said, I don't know what you expected me to do. But I’m mad at me, too. I shouldn't have reacted that way. And what I did after… it shouldn't have happened." He dropped my gaze and took a long draw from his glass. 

  "What shouldn't have happened?" My brain tried to recall the events of that day. 

  "After, on the car. I nearly…" He trailed off. 

  "Nearly what?" I whispered, afraid to hear his answer. He squeezed his eyes tight as if he were trying to rid an image from his brain. 

  He heaved a great sigh. "I nearly raped you," he said through clenched teeth.

  "What?" I choked out. 

  "Don't do that, Evangeline. Don't pretend that it was nothing. What I did to you was terrible. I can't even believe you're here right now. And when you let me drop you off at home, I knew then. I knew that was it for us. It broke my heart, but I deserve it. You're too good for me, Evangeline." He ran his hands through his hair. "We had such a perfect time, and then I did that to you. I’ll understand if you never want to see me again." 

  I sat stunned speechless. My brain couldn't even begin to comprehend what he was saying. "Carter, that's not—"

  "Don't bother. I'll have Parker send the rest of your things to your apartment."

  "Carter, no—"

  "Eva, fucking stop. I hurt you. You should leave. I'm no good for you."

  "You're the best thing in the world for me," I whispered, tears clouding my vision. His eyes shot to mine. 

  "How can you say that?" he said, his voice laced with anger.

  "Because you are. I came alive when I met you. You make me feel things that I didn't even know I could feel. And Aspen… Aspen was beautiful, and I knew if our life together was like that, I knew I’d made the right decision the day I said yes." A sob choked my throat. 

  "Eva, please don’t cry." He rushed to my chair and sat on his knees in front of me. "I hurt you all the time. You were right when you said my past is fucked up, and you're the one that has to pay for it. My past and my future are colliding and I don't know if we'll survive it." He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close to him. 

  "I want to Carter. I want to survive it. Please, let's survive it. Tell me you still want to. I just... I don't think I can live without you," I whispered. 

  "Eva…" His eyes found mine. "I lost control. The person that matters the most in my life, I hurt. How can you forgive me?"

  "That's not what happened, Carter." I placed my hands on his face and held his gaze. "I loved it. I loved what happened after. You didn't do it to me, we did it together."

  He gazed at me with a confused look on his face. "I was so rough." 

  "You're always rough. I like you rough," I said with a wry smile. His eyes narrowed in confusion. 

  "Are you kidding me?" 

  "Not for a minute." I shook my head and leaned into his ear. "It was hot, Carter. It makes me hot just thinking about it." I pulled away and his eyes were huge. He dropped his hands from my sides and looked down at the floor. 

  "Is that why you've been mad? Is that why you brought me home yesterday? Why you didn't talk to me at all on Sunday?" My heart wrenched at the memory. Maybe I was the angry one now. 

  He nodded slowly. 

  "If we would have talked about this we could have avoided so much pain, Carter." I heaved a sigh. 

  "I’m so sorry, Evangeline. You'll never know how sorry I am for what I did to you; how I acted, and then I didn't even talk to you about it. I’m sorry for taking you to your apartment. I'm so fucking sorry for everything." Emotion pooled behind his blue eyes. 

  "You have to talk to me next time. You can't just shut me out."

  "I was ashamed," he whispered. 

  "Well next time say that, don't just fucking drop me off without a word. You don't want me to run, I don’t want you to throw up your fucking walls and block me out. You hurt me so much when you left me at my apartment. I thought we were over, Carter. I thought that meant you didn't want me." Tears ran down my cheeks uncontrollably. 

  "God, no Eva. Please stop crying. Please. I always want you. I never for a minute didn’t want you. I was just so ashamed, I thought you'd never want to see me again." 

  My shoulders heaved as my body was wracked with sobs. I was so confused. I wanted him in my life desperately but so much had happened between us. We'd caused each other so much pain. We loved each other but were we good for each other? I knew without a doubt that if we could be as happy as we were in Aspen we could be amazing, but could we find that here in Boston?

  I literally felt like I was at a fork in the road. My heart said, “Stay, work on it, love Carter and let him love you.” My brain told me, “You’ll only get hurt. He'll go back to Madeleine, the only woman he admitted had always been there for him. He'll never be able to resist the charm and beauty of Nikki the next time she flirts with him at an event.” My stomach rolled in agony over the decision that I had to make.

  "Will you take me back, Eva? Will you ever want me again?" He placed both hands on my shoulders. 

  I took a deep breath and shook my head. "I always want you, Carter, but we have a lot to get past. There is so much behind us and so much we still need to get through." I sat in front of him dejectedly. 

  "We will. I promise we will. No more walls. I swear to God, I’ll never block you out again. You make me whole in a way no one else ever could." He caressed my cheeks with his hands. I leaned into his body and let him envelop me. 

  I curled into him as my body shuddered with all of the tears I’d shed over the last day. My brain swirled with anger and hurt and love and confusion. 

  "Here, let's get you some water and then we can talk. Or we don't have to; we can do whatever you want. Just let me take care of you, Eva." He held me tight to him and placed a kiss on my forehead before picking me up in his arms. I wrapped my body around his and nuzzled into his chest as he carried me up the stairs. He laid me in his bed and then passed me a bottle of water. I took long sips from it and then curled up in his arms and slept the rest of the night.  

  "Wake up, beautiful girl." Carter nuzzled into my neck and placed sweet kisses on my sensitive flesh. I released a happy sigh and rolled into him, curling my arms around his neck. 

  "As much as I’d like to stay wrapped in your arms all day, we have lots to do." He continued to place kisses on my neck, my nose and my lips. A smile curled up at the corners of my mouth as I pecked him back. 

  I stretched my arms above my head and heaved a sigh before my eyes fluttered open. 

  "You are beautiful first thing in the morning." His handsome smile came into my vision. I rolled my eyes. They felt swollen and heavy from crying so much the last few days.

  "You slept like a rock. I think I heard snoring coming from your side of the bed," he smirked. 

  "I definitely do not snore." I grinned at him. 

  "Sawing logs. Kept me up last night."

  "No way!" I tossed a pillow at his head. 

  "You're right. That wasn’t what kept me up." He slid his hands up my torso suggestively. I relished his touch after the last few days worrying about what our future held. 

  "I would love to stay here all morning with you, Mrs. Morgan, but I’ve got calls to make. First line of business is getting you moved in." His eyes gleamed with happiness. 

  I heaved a heavy sigh as his words rattled around in my brain. 

  "I also want that ring back on your finger, like, yesterday." He grabbed my hand and placed a kiss on my naked left ring finger. 

  "Carter." My eyes pooled with emotion. I dreaded bursting his blissful bubble. "We need to talk."

  "We will. But we can still get you moved in here."

  "No."

  "What do you mean no?" He pulled away from me and narrowed his eyes in what looked like hurt and confusion. 

  "I want to talk first."

  "I told you, we will talk. But we can talk while you go to bed with me every night and wake up with me every morning." One of his hands rested on my hip and held me firmly. I bit my bottom lip dreading where this conversation may lead. After I expressed doubts in Aspen at the wine festival, he didn't have a very good track record for taking them well. But he would just have to get over that. 

  "I don't want to move in first. Our relationship has been a whirlwind—from meeting, to dating, to proposing, to marriage—it makes my head spin. And with the most recent situation..." I trailed off quietly. After the emotional shitstorm of the last few days I was wary of bringing this up again. "I just want to get to know you better," I finished. 

  "You know me better than anyone," he said frankly. 

  "Well, I want to know you better," I shot back. He stared at me for a few breathless moments. I held his gaze, refusing to back down. 

  "We're married, Evangeline. We'll get to know each other as man and wife."

  "Don't even pull that Neanderthal bullshit on me, Carter Morgan. We got caught up in the moment when we got married. It was beautiful, and the time we spent in Aspen was perfect, but we have a ton of shit to work through. I love you. I want to stay married to you. But I want to move a little slower than what we're used to. I want to talk, a lot. I don't even know your middle name; there's so much we need to figure out." I crossed my arms and glared at him. 

  "Jonathan."

  "What?" 

  "My middle name. Carter Jonathan Morgan. Mom calls me Carter Jon when she's mad." He crossed his arms and watched me. I rolled my eyes at the mock faceoff we were having. 

  "I'm not moving in yet, Carter Jon." A small smile played on my lips.

  "This discussion is not over." He grinned as he backed off the bed. "Coffee's in the kitchen." He sauntered out the door. I narrowed my eyes at his retreating form. If his ass didn't look so delectable in those jeans I still might very well be mad at him. 

  "Are you going to work today?" I stepped into the kitchen a few minutes later and poured coffee into a mug. I walked to the fridge and found the creamer I liked. He must have noticed the flavor I'd used in Aspen. A smile lifted my cheeks that he'd noticed something so small, but that was Carter, oblivious was never his style. I drizzled creamer into my coffee and then joined him at the small kitchen table. 

  "No. I thought we could stay in today and talk." He gave me a sarcastic grin. 

  "Well, I have stuff to do, I can't stay in." I sipped my coffee and peered at him over the edge of the mug. His face fell instantly. 

  "What do you mean you have stuff to do?" He glared. 

  "I have to work for a while. And I promised Cate and Sawyer lunch." I froze as soon as the name slipped past my lips. Carter's eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. 

  "You're going out with Sawyer?" 

  "And Cate." I arched an eyebrow, daring him to say more. He watched me for a few moments before he brought the coffee mug to his lips and took another drink, never breaking eye contact with me. 

  "Is that a good idea?" 

  "Why wouldn’t it be?" I shrugged nonchalantly. I knew I was baiting him, but there was no more hiding. We'd had this discussion, and I wasn't willing to revisit. 

  "Just want to make sure. We have a lot of things to talk about, I don't want you to get distracted." 

  "I won't." I smiled at him innocently. A small huff escaped his mouth and my eyes gleamed in victory as I took another drink of my coffee. 

  "Make sure you wear your ring," he grunted.

  "Will do, sweetheart." I gave him my best charming smile.

  "Cute. You can spare a few hours for your husband, can't you?" He rose from his chair and tipped my chin up to meet his lips. He engaged me in a long and leisurely kiss. I knew it was an invitation.

  "Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Morgan?" I pulled away with a smile. 

  "If that's what it takes." He hauled me up out of the chair and carried me into the living room, our lips locked the entire time. He laid me down on the couch and curled up with me, one leg thrown over my own, an arm slung around my waist and his fingers dusting along the exposed skin at my hip. The small touch made my heart race and my nerves buzz. There was that electrifying charge in the air between us again.

  I leaned into his body and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. I caressed his lips with mine slowly… teasingly… savoring his taste. I slid my hand along the sharp right angle of his jaw, making my heart quicken. He slid one hand into my hair and held me firmly at the nape of my neck, increased the pressure of our kiss, urgently taking me deeper. 

  I rolled over onto him and made contact with his body, my front lying fully against his. Our bare feet tangled together and he held my head with both of his hands, fingers entwined in my hair. I moved my body against his minutely and could feel him, hard against my center. A soft groan escaped his throat as I pushed into his body firmly.

  "I missed you so much," he whispered against my lips. I moaned into his mouth as I slid my tongue against his. "I want to be inside you, Evangeline," he whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my neck and causing goosebumps to run down my body. His hands slid under my shirt to make contact with my skin. He smoothed and caressed and tickled. One hand grabbed the back of my bra and tugged roughly as he bucked his body into me. I pulled away from his lips slowly, my teeth scraping along his bottom lip, nipping just before I let go.

  "You drive me wild," he exhaled in a throaty groan.