Priest (A Standalone Bad Boy Romance Love Story) (68 page)

“Sure, yeah…I’m as stupid as I look,” he
said, sarcastically. I wished that was true because he did look plenty stupid.
“I know the second I walk out of here you’re on the phone to that fucker Paul
and by the time you “decide” what to do; he’ll move Marie and my kid. Your
mother is in jail as we speak. I had them put her out in the general population
too. Have you ever been to the L.A. County Jail? It’s not a pretty place. Them
girls in there…they’re the ones that every body’s mama warned ‘em about.
They’ll be all over your pretty little mama in a heartbeat.” He smiled as he
told me my mother was sitting in that overcrowded jail with the dredges of
society who wouldn’t think twice about doing her harm. This guy is the furthest
thing from what a police officer should be. I wondered how the people he worked
for and with couldn’t see it. I was scared to death for Marie and Victor…and
even Paul. No telling what this creep would do to him. But how could I trade
their safety for my mother’s? That was a no-brainer, I couldn’t and Paul may
never forgive me…but family has to come first when you’re backed into a wall. I
hoped that Paul of all people would understand that. It was the way he lived
his life, after all.

“There’s an old abandoned gym where Paul’s
Sensei used to train…” I finally told him. “It’s over on the East Side…” I was
on the verge of tears and the words were barely making sense. Mitch understood
them though…perfectly. He knew a lot about Paul…too much for his and his
family’s safety.

“Son of a bitch! Why didn’t I think of
that? It’s perfect. I have to give it to your boyfriend, he’s a punk, but he’s
no dummy. I know exactly where that old place it. Nice hide-out…not nice enough
though.” Mitch winked at me then and said, “Don’t cry little girl, you did the
right thing. Mitchie will make it all better.” I was suddenly nauseous.
 
This guy was nuts.

I was shaking all over as I saw him race
out the door towards his car. Whatever he did when he got there and whatever
happened afterwards was going to be my fault. He didn’t mention getting my
mother out of jail. Did I just sign all of their death warrants? The bile hit
the back of my throat and I ran into the kitchen and dry heaved into the sink.
Then I picked up my phone with a shaky hand and called Paul.

He picked up on the first ring. “Jessie!
I’m glad you called. I’m sorry about…”

“Paul, listen…I have to tell you
something, it’s important…”

“What’s wrong? Is your mom okay? Did you
find her?”

“Mitch was just here.”

“That son of a bitch! I’m sorry, Jessie.
Did he hurt you? I’ll kill the bastard!”

“No Paul, listen,” God, this was hard.
“He’s on his way to the old gym where you guys are now. You have to go and get
Marie and Victor out of there. He’s spun out…he’s crazy…”

The hurt I heard I heard in his voice
nearly killed me as he said, “You told him where we are? Are you insane,
Jessie? Do you know what he’ll do to my sister and my nephew if he finds us?
Have you not been listening or did you just not believe me the fifty or so
times that I told you?”

“No, Paul listen to me please…” I was
suddenly talking to dead air and choking on my own tears. He hung up on me, not
knowing why I would tell Mitch where they were. I needed him to know that I
didn’t think I had a choice. I know he cares for me, but I doubt if he’d been
faced with the same one he would have chosen me over his family. I started to
call him back, but I doubted that he would even answer now. No, I knew that he
wouldn’t. It would be a waste of effort. I just felt so bad. I was sick again.
I couldn’t stop heaving and I was shaking all over. As I was leaning over the
sink again, my phone began ringing. I looked over at it and saw that it said,
“L.A. County Jail.” Was it Mom calling, or was it someone calling to tell me
something happened to her? I didn’t want to answer it. Picking it up in a shaky
hand, not knowing whether or not I could actually take another piece of bad
news I said, “Hello.”

“Jessie, it’s mom.”

With a sense of relief at the sound of her
voice I said, “Mom! Are you okay?”

“I’m okay honey. I’m so sorry…” she was
crying.

“Don’t cry, Mom. We’ll figure this out
together, okay? Have you been arraigned?”

“No. Jessie you sound terrible. Are you
okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. “I’ve just been
really worried about you. What are they charging you with? Have they set bail?”

“No. They didn’t even book me in. They’ve
had me in a holding cell this whole time. They just came in and unlocked it
said I’m free to go.”

Feeling a small wave of relief wash over me,
but anger at the lying son of a bitch who made me believe she was out in
general population, I said, “Okay Mom. Do not leave there, okay? Stay right
where you are. I’m leaving right now. I’ll be there.”

“Okay baby, I’ll be here too. Jessie…I’m
so sorry…”

 
“I
know Mom, I’ll be there soon.” I hung up and after washing my face and brushing
the bile out of my teeth, I grabbed my keys and headed downtown to the jail. I
had been there before…more than once. Between Justin and my Mom, I was an old
hand at the visiting and release process. I went broke my first year in school
bailing them both out.

On the way there today I couldn’t help but
wonder if I should talk to someone about Mitch while I was there. Paul and
Marie couldn’t spend the rest of their life hiding. He had also become a menace
to me and my own family. The man literally terrified me and I wasn’t all that
easily scared. I had to wonder though how Paul would feel about me doing
something like that. He has said before that because Mitch was a cop, going to
them would only make matters worse. What if he was right about that? I hated
doubting that law enforcement was there to protect me, but I had seen Mitch’s
ugly up close. What if there were more like him? At least Paul and Marie and
Victor would be gone again where Mitch couldn’t find them soon…I hoped. The
problem was, I didn’t have that luxury. I couldn’t just pick up and leave my
home and my job. I had some savings, but not enough to live off of long term.
If Mitch got to the old gym tonight and he doesn’t find Paul and Marie and
Victor…he’s not going to leave me and my mother alone. I knew that as well as I
knew my own name. This guy wasn’t giving up. I could see that in his eyes
earlier. I wondered how far he was willing to go. Were our lives in danger?

I pulled into the crowded parking lot in
front of the jail with all of that on my mind. When I made it up to the front
steps I saw Mom waiting outside by the door. I think she was sharing a
cigarette with some other lady who had just been kicked. I didn’t care at that
point. I was just glad to see her in one piece. She was watching my face as I
came up the stairs, looking like she was trying to gauge just how angry I was
at her before she finally came towards me. She stopped about a foot away and waited
for me to speak first.

I saw her relax a little as I said, “Are
you alright, Mom?” She looked like a mess. Her pretty silky hair was a tangled
mess and her make-up long gone. She had dark circles underneath her eyes.

She nodded. “Yeah. I’m okay. I’m glad to
be out of there. I hate this, all of it. I’m really sorry.” As usual, her eyes
were filled with tears. I didn’t have any doubt that she was sorry. I knew she
didn’t want to live her life like this…but she was an addict and she had to get
help. I went back and forth so much from being angry to being hurt to being an
enabler. I knew that I had to be strong and stop enabling her before she was
ever going to get any help. I had to find the strength to tell her I wasn’t
going to take part in this drama any longer. Maybe if I’d had the strength to
tell Paul that same thing, I wouldn’t be in this mess. Tough love was something
I needed to study up on. I sucked at it.

“I know you’re sorry Mom,” I told her in a
sympathetic voice. I didn’t want to upset her here in front of all of these
people. “Let’s go home and talk about this, okay. I don’t want to have this
conversation on the steps of the jail.” Mom nodded. I noticed for the first
time how many fine lines had begun to find their way onto her pretty face. I
knew she wasn’t thirty anymore, but I just hadn’t realized how much she’d aged
lately. I was sure some of it was hard-living and that just stoked my resolve
to insist that she had to make some changes. She was a forty-something year old
lady. She had to grow up sometime.
 

We drove home mostly in silence. When we
got there, I found myself checking the parking lot for strange vehicles…or
Mitch. Then when we got up to the apartment, I made sure the door didn’t look
like it had been tampered with. I knew it hadn’t even been long enough for
Mitch to drive out to where the gym was and realize they weren’t still there
and drive back, but this whole mess was making me paranoid.

Once we were inside and I made sure all
was well in the apartment I said, “Okay Mom, tell me what happened.”

We sat down in the living room and she
wouldn’t look at me. She was staring at a spot on the floor as she said, “I
went to that meeting you took me to. I talked and I told them that I was an
addict and I was a mother, and my addiction had always come first.” She had
tears rolling down her cheeks. I knew she’s been thinking about all of this.
She needed to get it out, so I listened, quietly. “I told them everything…the
truth. I told them what a good girl you are and what a horrible mother I’ve
been. I told them how you had to get yourself ready for school most days
because I was either high, or asleep or not even there…and how you never missed
a day. I told them about how proud I was at your high school graduation when
you were valedictorian…right up to the point where I had to admit I had no
right to be proud. I hadn’t done anything to get you there. You did that all on
your own. I pushed you into a relationship with a dealer. I told them that
too.” She paused and I said, “Mom, do you need some water or something?”

She shook her head. “You always want to
take care of me,” she said. “I don’t deserve it. I may as well have prostituted
you, Jessie. What kind of mother does that? I’m despicable.”

“No mom, stop that. You never
“prostituted” me in any way. I met Justin, I was attracted to him and I thought
I could fix him. You weren’t even there when I made that decision. I was naïve
then, thank God, people grow up.” She looked like that was a personal slam to
her. Maybe it was. Some things, she needed to hear. I went on to say, “I have
to admit that the fact you were so happy when you found out what he did for a
living thoroughly disgusted me…but you can’t take all the blame and I don’t
give it to you, not for that.”

“There’s a lot that I need to take the
blame for, I know that. I know it every day. I can hardly look at myself in the
mirror. I have over twenty years of time to make up to you. I wish there was
any way I could…I’m so ashamed of what I’ve become. My life is such a mess and
because of that, so is yours.”

We could go on like that all day so I
re-directed her a bit by saying, “So how did you end up in jail, Mom?”

She sighed and said, “I left the meeting
last night with all those memories fresh in my head. I felt like the scum of
the earth. I felt sorry for you and sorry for myself and I was even questioning
my right to live. The pills I’d taken earlier in the day when you were gone
were wearing off and I just needed a little taste of something…you know?” She
acted like that was understandable to anyone, but the truth was, I didn’t know.
I had no idea what it felt like to want to alter your thoughts. I loved being
in control of mine. I needed to be. As far as I know, I’d never been addicted
to anything. That’s not to say I didn’t have my own set of issues…just that I
didn’t understand that particular one. I stayed silent though. She knew that I
didn’t understand that part of her. After a few minutes, she went on, “Instead
of heading home on the bus like you told me, I walked down towards the
warehouse district. I’d been down there before. I knew that someone would be
out, selling something. I hadn’t walked more than a few miles when I saw who I
thought I was looking for. There was this young guy, about your age I guess,
just sitting there on this brick wall out in front of the park. He was watching
me and I decided to take a chance. I asked him if he knew where I could get
something to calm my nerves and he said, “Something like what?” I’m so stupid.
I said, “You know some OxyContin or something like that. He took out a little
baggie with a few pills in it. I asked him how much and he told me. I handed
him the money…he handed me the drugs and as I started to walk away he told me
that I was under arrest.”

“Where did you get the money to buy the
drugs?” I knew the answer but I wanted to see if she would be honest with me.

“I’ve been saving it from the money you
left me for food. I know that’s the same as stealing since I used it for
drugs…but you know I don’t think clearly when I’m using.”

She went back and forth from remorseful to
making excuses. It was typical addict behavior and went hand and hand with all
of the lies. I couldn’t stand this drama any longer. Shaking my head I said,
“Wow Mom, maybe you were lucky he was a cop. Do you have any idea how dangerous
that part of town is for a woman alone? I could have gotten a much worse phone
call. Do you have any idea how awful it is for me to live that way?”