Princess Ever After (Royal Wedding Series) (35 page)

She’d agreed to take the Oath of the Throne.

King Nathaniel II was eager to make her “official” with her legal and royal status restored, demonstrating to the people that Hessenberg was moving forward.

Court petition or not, Reggie was restoring their sovereign, independent state status. Nathaniel said this move would also dampen the discontentment Seamus Fitzsimmons was inspiring.

But now that Reggie walked beside Tanner toward the Wettin Manor chapel, fear waged war in her soul.

She wore one of the Melinda House dresses but had refused the fancy high heels and wore her boots instead. She needed to walk in her own shoes. Otherwise, she didn’t think she’d make it.

Tanner gave her a weird once-over, eyeing her boots when he picked her up. He started to say something, then thought better of it. “Shall we be off?”

But from the moment she got in his car to entering Wettin Manor, Reggie felt odd, out of sorts, as if this commitment might somehow steal her very essence. Not define it.

She felt ill. Weak. Would she ever be Reggie Beswick again?

“Wait, wait.” She whirled around and retreated down the hall, her boot heels thudding an anxious
fleeing
resonance against the marble floor. “I can’t, Tanner. I can’t.”

“Regina, love, talk to me.”

She ducked into a small work area containing a copier and a coffeemaker. “First, stop calling me
love
. It’s too . . . too personal. Second, I can’t, I can’t.” She tried to draw a solid breath, but her lungs refused to function.

“You’re panicking.”

“No, no, I’m pretty sure I’m not panicking.” She lunged at him, arms flailing, eyes bugged. “I’m freaking out.”

“So you’ve changed your mind? You don’t want to take the oath?” Tanner held his voice steady, his shoulders square.

“No. Yes. I can’t.” She held her arms by her side board-stiff, her hands balled into fists, examining her thoughts through the broad lens of her fear.

“If this is about Seamus—”

“Forget Seamus. This is about me.” She relaxed, breathing out. Then in. “About losing myself, about never being able to go home again.”

“Regina, you can go home anytime you like. Well, almost anytime.” Tanner smiled, trying to draw her in. He’d said nothing so far of their conversation in the ballroom and his declaration of love. Which was fine with Reggie. She had enough on her mind. “You’ll have your own Royal Air Force One.”

“In my heart, Tanner. I’m talking about home in my heart.”
She folded both hands over her heart. “You know, when you’re down or blue, and you call up friends and say, ‘Let’s do something.’ Or on a crisp spring afternoon, you ride your bike through the old neighborhood with the sun and breeze in your face, remembering how you laughed and ran around with your friends like banshees all summer long. Or you wait in the longest line at the grocery store because you want to check out with your favorite cashier. Or the afternoon you find an old shortcut through town that you’d forgotten.

“How will I do that here? Where will my memories and thoughts go on a quiet Sunday afternoon? Who will call me up and say, ‘Come to the house for dinner?’ ”

“I’d very much like to ring you for dinner.”

“Besides all of this, there was no light . . . no
sign
.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’d asked God for a sign. It’s silly, I know, but I need some confirmation that I am supposed to be the princess because he wants me to be, not because Prince Francis wanted to restart his royal line long after he’d gone.”

“And you didn’t get your sign?”

“No.” With a sigh, she leaned against the wall. “You’d think the good Lord would indulge me considering this princess business came out of the blue and all. And because I just might end up with my head on the guillotine.”

“The guillotine was torn down in the 50s, you’ll be happy to know.” This time a wink accompanied Tanner’s smile.

Reggie sneered at him, then broke into a grin, unable to hang on to her tension. “Fine, then I’ll end up on the guillotine of the press.”

“Is that what this is about? The press conference this afternoon? We’ve rehearsed. I’ve prepared you. You’re ready.”

“Tanner, you’re all about the surface stuff, going through the motions. I’m talking about my heart, my identity. My whole world
is changing. I’m surrendering to another way of life, to another country, to giving up friends and forging new relationships.”

“Yes, Regina, your whole world is changing. But isn’t that what courage to step into your calling is all about? Discovering the truth and doing everything in your power to obtain it? To live it?”

She dropped down to the only chair in the small office space. “You make it sound so noble. Yet I feel so frail and weak.”
Unworthy.
“I just ask God for a small sign, a light, or something miraculous.”

“Regina,”—Tanner knelt next to her, his tone full of comfort, his manner masculine and confident—“maybe this is a leap of faith. No signs. No safety nets. Just faith.”

She breathed in, dabbing her fingers under her eyes, catching her tears. “I can’t go forward, but I can’t go backward either, no matter how hard I try to work it out in my head. I close my eyes and try to freeze time on the night I was arguing with Urban about the Vet, right before you showed up. But I can’t. Bam! There you are in my mind’s eye and everything fast-forwards to now.”

“Because once you know who you really are, you can’t go back to who you thought you were.” He slipped his hand into hers. “This is your struggle. You can’t go back.”

She pulled her hand free. “This habit of telling me how I feel has got to go.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Which is even more irritating. No, you’re not wrong.” She flicked his forehead with her finger. “But you should be.”

“So what do you want to do here?” He rubbed the spot on his forehead where her flick landed.

“I feel like I’m betraying myself by even considering this princess gig.”

“Wait here, please. I’ll be right back.” Tanner strode out of the cubbyhole room and down the hall.

“Sure, fine, whatever.” Reggie propped her head against the wall. If this decision wrecked her, how was she going to act as proper Head of State?

She was doomed. Hessenberg was doomed.

“Regina?” She gazed toward the door. Tanner entered with a tall
hello!
gorgeous blonde with summer-sky blue eyes. “This is Susanna Truitt, King Nathaniel’s fiancée. Susanna, Regina Beswick, Princess of Hessenberg.”

“Lovely to meet you.” Susanna smiled and curtseyed.

“You too.” Reggie curtseyed back.

“You don’t curtsey to Susanna, Reg . . . oh, never mind.” Tanner checked with Susanna. “Bring her down when she’s ready?”

“I will. You tell those blokes to be patient, hear me?” Her sweet Southern voice filled the small space, and Reggie scooped Susanna up in a giant hug.

“Oh, thank you, thank you. It’s so good to hear your voice, the sound of home.”

“Oh, the sweet sound of the South.” Susanna returned Reggie’s hug, her gentle laughter soothing the edge from Reggie’s tension.

“How do you do it?” Reggie released Susanna and leaned against the wall. “Leave it all behind?”

“In my case, falling in love helped.” Susanna folded her arms and joined Reggie against the wall. She wore a rich, royal blue dress with a V-neck and long sleeves. “I had months between meeting Nathaniel and getting engaged. By the time he proposed, I missed him so much I’d have lived on a desert island if he’d have asked. Besides, being the wife of the king doesn’t have the same pressure as being the heir, Regina. Can I call you Regina?”

“Are you kidding? Regina, Reggie, Reg . . . shoot, I’d answer to ‘Yo, Bubba’ about now.” Reggie laughed, exhaling into Susanna’s calming presence. “So you fell in love. With a prince.”

“And they say it only happens in fairy tales.”

“Are you adjusting to royal life?”

“I am. Little by little. The people are lovely and welcoming, though I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the photographers.”

“I can deal with the photographers. It’s leaving my entire life behind that’s wigging me out.”

Susanna nodded in understanding. “I hear you, and it’s a decision you shouldn’t take lightly. When I knew I was falling for Nathaniel, I told him I wouldn’t marry him. I didn’t want him to have to choose between me and his country. Then he moved heaven and earth, as it were, to marry me. But I still had to decide, ‘Can I leave everything behind for love?’ I think I’m still deciding sometimes.”

“But I’m not in love.” She pushed her affection for Tanner aside.

“Can you love this country? The people? Can you appreciate what God has called you to do?”

“But has he? Called me?”

“Oh mercy, now you really sound like Nathaniel. When I met him, he was all wadded up, wondering if he was really called as the heir of Brighton’s throne. Doubting every bit as much as you are right now. He wondered if God called him to be king.”

“Exactly. So am I to restore the House of Augustine-Saxon just because old Prince Francis wanted it that way or God?”

“You’re standing here right now, Reggie. God literally came for you. In the form of Tanner, but still, he came for you. Do you know how long people looked for the heir? Then suddenly one day, there you were. People like you and Nathaniel are in such a rare, treasured position. You can do good for so many. Most people live their whole lives trying to find their destiny, find their place in this world, and here you and Nathaniel have been born into something extraordinary.” Susanna smiled. “Of course, he knew who he was from the beginning. And you just got the news last week.”

“Bam, out of the blue.” Reggie made an exploding motion
with her hands. Yet she saw the picture Susanna had painted. “I just need to decide if I’m going to step into this royal world or not.”

“As did Nathaniel. Abdicating wasn’t an option for him, so he had to decide, in his heart, that being king was God’s will for him.”

“Which is why I’m hesitant to walk down that hall and take the oath, Susanna.” Reggie pointed in the direction of the chapel. “I need to know for sure. I can’t have one foot here and one in Tallahassee.”

“So decide. But it’s my conviction God has chosen you for such a time as this. Ask yourself if you can leave the truth of who you are—the princess. Can you take a chance, embrace the unknowns, and see what God has for you? Or will you go back to America, dig in where it’s familiar, and live the rest of your life wondering what might have been, a big part of your heart chained and closed off?”

A fast tear slipped down Reggie’s cheek and she caught it with the back of her hand, fixing her eyes on the opposite wall. She wanted this to be easy and fun, without doubt. But that wasn’t faith, was it?

Susanna reached for a napkin behind the coffeemaker and passed it to Reggie. “Look, I’m as green at this as you, but if you want, I’ll be here for you. I’ll be your friend.”

“My Southern-fried friend on these North Sea shores?” Reggie exhaled, the exchange inspiring more tears. “When I took the plunge to open the car shop with Al, it was a big gamble. Not only with my future and finances, but with his. I had no idea if we’d succeed, but I had just enough vision to make me take the leap.”

“What about now? Do you have enough vision to take the leap? That’s all it requires to start something amazing. A glimpse at the potential.”

“My mind is seeing clear, but it’s this dang knot in my stomach that seems pretty blind.” Reggie exhaled a laugh, wadding up her tear-stained napkin and tossing it in the trash.

“What do you think?” Susanna tipped her head toward the hall. “Have we kept the folks waiting long enough?”

Reggie raised her courage. “Yeah, let’s do this.”

Susanna caught her by the arm as she passed for the door. “If it’s any encouragement, I believe in you. I know you can do this.”

Reggie breathed out, her gaze fixed on the door. “Thank you. Now, let’s go before I change my mind.”

“For Hessenberg?” Susanna said.

“Yes, for Hessenberg. For my mama and my gram.”

The moment she walked into Wettin Manor chapel, Reggie sensed the presence of the Lord, like she had when she was young, with his hand resting on her head. Perhaps he’d come down to oversee the proceedings personally.

The small chapel was filled with men and women who rose to their feet as she entered—the king, the prime minister, the archbishop, other government leaders and ministers, members of the press. All waiting for her.

Then there was Tanner. Emanating courage as Reggie made her way forward, cutting through warm and cold silky swirls, like the wind beneath an angel’s wing, above her head and around her legs.

The archbishop greeted her at the altar. “Are you ready to take the Oath of the Throne?”

A photographer tucked in behind the pulpit, aimed his camera.

“I am,” she said with a confidence not her own.

The archbishop read from his script. “This oath, Regina, is between you and the Almighty, and the witnesses here.” His tone was steady and kind. “Then we will prepare for a royal coronation where your pledge is between you and the people.”

Reggie drew up straighter, taller. She was going to embrace this, run the race set before her.