Princess on the Brink (10 page)

Lilly just showed me the going-away present she got for her brother—a Magic: The Gathering carrying case, so he can take his cards with him to Japan without getting them all messed up.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that

1. a) Michael doesn’t play Magic anymore, and
   
2. b) he won’t be going to Japan, because I am planning on giving him a very, very good reason to stay right here in Manhattan.
   

Well, it wasn’t that I didn’t have the heart to tell her. I didn’t tell her because I don’t want her to kick my ass. She’s been working out (which has also contributed to her weight loss) at Crunch, doing spin classes and also ayurveda with her mom. Anyone who is willing to let a total stranger rub their nude body with oil and attars is someone whose bad side I do NOT want to get on.

Speaking of which, I have to remember to exfoliate before tonight.

It’s sort of strange that I’m not more nervous, and all. But I guess that just means I feel good about this decision. It just seems…right.

On a restaurant menu, there are four appetizers, five main courses, and three desserts. How many different dinners can be ordered if each dinner consists of one appetizer, one main course, and one dessert?

What about drinks? Did anyone think about THAT? What, are the diners supposed to die of dehydration? Who WROTE this book, anyway?

The price of jeans went up by 30 percent since last year. If last year’s price was x, what is this year’s price in terms of x?

Oh my God, who CARES?

The average height (arithmetic mean) of 4 members of a 6-member cheerleading squad is 175 cm. What does the average height in centimeters of the other 2 cheerleaders have to be if the average height of the entire squad equals 180 cm?

CHEERLEADERS???? ON THE SATS?????

Oh my God, who am I fooling? I can’t do this. I CANNOT DO THIS!!! I can’t have SEX. I’m a PRINCESS, for crying out loud.

Oh my God, I think I’m having a heart attack.

Okay. Well, this isn’t embarrassing, or anything. I mean, that I hyperventilated during our PE class’s run around the reservoir.

I am supposed to be breathing into a paper bag with my head between my knees. But I did that already and it didn’t help. Well, obviously, I can breathe now. But I’m still FREAKING OUT. I can’t believe I’m really going to DO IT.

What if something goes wrong, and my mom and dad find out, somehow? Like, what if it turns out I still have my hymen, or whatever (even though in Health and Safety last year they said that most girls lose theirs through ordinary physical activity, such as biking and horseback riding)? And I start bleeding out, and Michael has to rush me to Cabrini and some Dr. Kovac-type has to put in a central line and then I slip into a coma like on
ER
?

EVERYONE WILL KNOW I GAVE AWAY MY PRECIOUS GIFT.

And okay, I have never actually heard of this happening to a girl, but in Tina’s historical romance novels sometimes the girl does bleed—although she never seems to mind and goes on to have a massive earth-shattering orgasm anyway.

I just don’t think I’m good enough at orgasms yet to have one under those particular circumstances. Particularly with someone else in the same room. Someone besides James Franco dressed in a suit of armor, I mean.

Oh, no, here comes the nurse….

Okay, well, Nurse Lloyd just said it’s highly unlikely
anyone would bleed so much from the breaking of a hymen that they would have to be hospitalized, unless they are a hemophiliac. She also said that most women’s hymens are already perforated. If they weren’t, we wouldn’t be able to menstruate.

So that whole Precious Gift thing is kind of bull.

She also said romance novels aren’t necessarily the most reliable health guides, and gave me a pamphlet that says
So You Think You’re Ready for Sex.
The pamphlet has a confused-looking couple on the front and talks about the need for protection. It didn’t say anything about your virginity being your Precious Gift that you should save for the person you marry. But it did say how you should wait to have sex until you have really gotten to know the person and are sure you really love them—which I already knew from the oxytocin thing.

And then there was some stuff about the age of consent (Whatever. Like my dad would really press charges. Would he want the whole world to know his daughter had had premarital sex? Not so much.), and not feeling pressured.

Then there was this section on abstinence and how it’s okay not to Do It. Like this is supposed to be news to me. I fully know it’s okay not to Do It. It’s fine for other girls not to Do It.

But other girls’ boyfriends have not invented robotic arms to use in heart surgery and are not moving to Japan tomorrow for a year.

I didn’t say any of this stuff to Nurse Lloyd. Well, not the sex stuff. I told her about Michael, though, and how he’s moving and how I’m freaking out about it, and am pretty
sure I won’t be able to survive if he actually leaves.

To which Nurse Lloyd replied, “My brother had a triple bypass after a heart attack last year. They had to crack his chest open. He said he’s never felt pain like that in his life, and that for six weeks afterward he just wished he was dead.”

Which is very sad for Nurse Lloyd’s brother, but in no way helps me out with MY problem.

Mia, are you all right? I heard you spent P.E. in the nurse’s office.

God, word travels fast in this school. And I’m fine, thanks, J.P. Just got a little winded from running around the reservoir.

Got it. I’m glad you’re all right. Though you look a little pale.

I have a lot on my mind, I guess.

That’s right! Michael leaves tomorrow, right?

Yeah. Well, supposedly.

What do you mean, supposedly? I thought he was going for sure.

Well, maybe. We’ll see.

It would be a shame if he didn’t get to go. It’s such a great opportunity.

I know it is. For him. But what about ME? I’m the one who’s going to be stuck back here with nothing.

What do you mean with nothing? You’ve got ME!

Ha, ha. You know what I mean.

Well, I guess I sort of did wonder about that thing Boris said the other day at lunch. I know you got mad at him, but he did have a point…ARE you going to date other people while Michael’s gone? Have you two talked about that? Because it would be kind of unfair for him to expect you not to go out with other guys the whole time he’s gone. That is, if you wanted to.

But I don’t want to!!!! I mean, I love Michael.

Of course you do. But you’re also only sixteen years old. Are you really going to stay home every Saturday night until he gets back?

I don’t have to stay home every Saturday night. I mean, I’ve got all my girls. L.O.V.E., and all that. Girls for life.

Your girls all have significant others. I’m not saying they won’t want to spend time with you, but it’s going to be kind of lonely when they’re all out with their partners and you’re home.

That’s true. But it will give me the opportunity to work on my novel. And my screenplay! And then maybe—if Michael really does go—I’ll have them both done by the time he gets back. And then I’ll have accomplished something, too! Maybe not as earth-shattering as HIS accomplishment. But, you know. SOMETHING more than just being a princess.

I thought we established yesterday that just being you is
enough of an accomplishment.

Yeah, but you were just being nice. Anybody can be THEMSELVES. I want to do something really special.

Mia, if you’re not going to pay attention in this class, I don’t see how you plan to pass it. Don’t expect me to bail you out again this year, I’ve got other things to do.—Kenny

That guy is really getting on my nerves.

He’s right, though. We should stop. It’s wrong.

But it feels so right!

J.P.! Stop it! You’re making me laugh!

Good. You need a laugh, I suspect.

J.P. is so nice!!!! Lilly’s so lucky to have found such a perfect guy.

All right, back to Chemistry.

Wait…there’s HOW many chemical compounds? And we have to know them ALL???????

REASONS TO DO IT TONIGHT

VS.

WAIT UNTIL PROM NIGHT

Pro:

It could convince him to stay in New York and not move to Japan, thus keeping me from having a nervous breakdown when he isn’t around for me to smell his neck.

Con:

It could convince him to stay in New York and not move to Japan, thus depriving the world of a potentially life-saving medical breakthrough, and my grandmother of her reason to keep trying to fix me up with other guys she believes are “more worthy” (meaning richer) than Michael.

Pro:

Michael says he is never going to another prom anyway, so I might as well just get it over with now.

Con:

But maybe by the time my senior prom rolls around, he might be so desperate for sex he’ll agree to go after all!

Pro:

It will be a chance for us to express our love physically in a way that will truly make us one heart, one mind, one soul.

Con:

What if I pass gas or something? I mean, seriously, you are NAKED, he’s going to be able to tell it was you.

Pro:

Speaking of naked, I will finally get to see Michael naked.

Con:

He will get to see ME naked.

Pro:

By having sex tonight, instead of waiting until prom night, we will avoid being a cliché, like couples in teen movies.

Con:

The fact that I am not yet eighteen could lead to legal complications for Michael down the road. Although I’m sure my dad wouldn’t want the tabloids finding out about something like that.

Pro:

Lilly’s Done It already. At least I think so. And it doesn’t seem to have done her and J.P. any harm.

Con:

I don’t actually know this for sure.

Pro:

By giving each other the Precious Gift of our virginity, we will be forging an emotional and spiritual bond with each other that we will never have with anyone else in our lives, even if the unthinkable should happen and we someday part ways.

Con:

I can’t think of a con to that one.

Oh whatever. We’re so Doing It.

I’m so going to throw up.

HOMEWORK

Homeroom: n/a

Intro to Creative Writing: Some idiotic thing I can’t remember

English: 1,000 words on
Raise High the Roof Beams, Carpenters

French: More
décrire un soir amusant avec les amis

G & T: n/a

PE: n/a

Chemistry: Who knows?

Precalculus: Who cares?

Only six more hours until Michael and I Do It!!!!!!!!