Project Rebirth (30 page)

As overwhelming as this partial list is, it's only the public record—the kind of stuff that gets debated in the nation's op-ed pages and makes it into history books. The private stories are equally important and often unheard or neglected. In these ten years, we have, indeed, fought wars, weathered natural disasters, seen unprecedented technological, political, and cultural shifts. We have also cried and laughed, cooked and celebrated, mourned and danced, prayed and accepted. We have come to understand the modern life as one riddled with unpredictable public events that threaten our private lives, and yet persevered in the face of fears and vulnerability. We have loved one another well, and known that this is—in the end—what it's really all about.

In these ten long, healing years, there have been many formal moments marking the recovery from the tragic events of September 11th—the first and every annual commemoration, breaking ground for the Freedom Tower, the 9/11 Commission Report, the Tribute in Light etc.—but there have also been so many unmarked moments, the kind that simply accumulate in a life intentionally and bravely lived. Debbie watched as her sweet son got married. Joe walked his granddaughter to school. Larry sat side by side with his fellow congregants. Tim walked by the water. Nick had dinner with his dad. Charles slapped his domino down. Tanya rode her motorcycle into the sunset.

These, too, were remarkable acts, experiences worth recording and savoring. But the way history gets written often leaves out the small but meaningful moments—the caring gestures, the euphoric yelps, the one-foot-in-front-of-the-other reality of rediscovering joy after a long season of sadness. As Frederick Buechner writes, “Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the bored and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness; touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.”

None of their journeys has really ended. For the purpose of writing about a critical decade of loss and renewal, we imposed the essential elements of any story—beginning, middle, and end. But the truth is that all of these scarred and brave human beings are still becoming, still integrating their losses, still writing their stories. As are we all.

W
e would like to thank all of the talented people who are part of the Project Rebirth family, especially Brian Rafferty, for being our shepherd through this process, and Caitlin Olson, for serving as the center of so many spokes. Frank Moretti, none of this would have existed without you. Our deepest gratitude goes to Jim Whitaker, who had the rare mix of sensitivity, audacity, and determination necessary to see his dream through to the end.

We would also like to thank the team of people who worked behind the scenes to make this book a reality, starting with our agents, Richard Pine and Tracy Brown. Thank you for your commitment to our careers and our voices. We are grateful that Amy Hertz initially believed in us and this book, and that Mike Frankfurt and Mark Merriman stepped forward to shape the collaboration. Thank you also to Michael Preston for the terrific technological assistance.

Our hats off to all of the creative and committed people at Dutton, starting with our fierce editor, Carrie Thornton. Carrie, your capacity to see the form within the stone made all the difference. A huge thank you is also in order for Stephanie Hitchcock for her tireless work near the end. Your commitment, communication, and editorial help in the final months were indispensible. Thank you to the entire publicity team, who does the critical work of making sure that all these words and good intentions actually get to the readers.

We also want to thank all the people who generously gave of their time to talk to us about their own experiences and share their important thoughts about the events of September 11th, grief, trauma, and recovery: George Bonanno, Jeff Kleinberg, Emanuel Shapiro, Katherine Shear, Ada Dolch, Michael Kessler, Marc Brackett, Rabbi Michael Paley, Father Kevin O'Brien, Mary Dluhy, John Dluhy, Albert Brok, Mary Marshall Clark, Josh Gordon, Leeat Granek, Linda Meisler Berko, Cheri Lovre, Sheila Brown, (the late) Roz Winter, Margaret Micle, Naomi Wolf, Mark Wilding, April Naturale, Wendy Jager Hyman, Helen Churko, Carole Saltz, Gardner Dunhan, Wendy Flammia, Judith Logue, and Craig Richards. Deep gratitude to Lester Lenoff for your keen insight and ready psychoanalytic translations.

For their indispensable research, we thank Krystie Yandoli, Julie Morris, Barbara Weber Floyd, Adam Klein, and Katherine Scharf. We would also like to toast the incisive and steady Andres Richner, who swooped in with a fresh perspective and an investigative eye at exactly the moment we needed him. You are our superhero. Thank you to Courtney's writers group for all of the support, particularly Kimmi Auerbach for her counsel in the toughest moments and Jennifer Gandin Le for her beautiful rendering of love in post–September 11th Brooklyn. Thank you to Robin's colleagues at the Inner Resilience Project—especially Linda Lantieri, Carmella B'Hahn, Martha Eddy, Lynne Hurdle-Price, Ixchel Allblood and Cynthia Smith Miler—for their support of this project and for holding the space for educators to renew themselves since September 11, 2001.

We give thanks for our colleagues at the Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership, where we met, for the ongoing support of both of us and our work. Thank you to our Star Factor community, and especially to Janet Patti, for her ongoing love and support of us. And deep gratitude goes to many colleagues and good friends—you know who you are—whose continuous conversations through the years nurtured us and kept us intellectually inspired on this topic and many others.

As always, we are deeply indebted to and grateful for our incredible families. The empathy and compassion that we brought to this project, the belief in resilience, hope, and healing, was born out of our deep love for each of you, and the love we always receive in return.

From Courtney: Thank you to my parents, Jere and Ron, and my brother, Chris. You were my first thoughts on September 11th and still are. Thanks also to Mary Austin Speaker; a first sister was never so lucky. Thank you also to John, for believing so unwaveringly in my worth, for all of the careful editing, and, of course, for the Hamptons rescue. It is unendingly strengthening to have you in my corner.

From Robin: Thank you to my husband, Frank, my rock, and to my children, Scott and Melissa—you are the lights of my life always. (You are my “forever presents”!) Thank you to my parents, Roz and Dave (who is always with us), for always believing in me. Thanks always for your lifetime of being there—and for comedic times—to my brother, Eric, and sister-in-law, Jacquie, and my nephews and niece, Justin, Daniel, and Julia. A big thank you also to my stepchildren—Kiki, Tonio, and Nicco—and to my extended family—Elaine and Artie (who is always with us), Jan and Charlie, and Billy for being there, with us, through it all—traumas, dramas, and all celebrations. And great thanks to Lena Gordon, Lisa Neal, and Santiago Enrique Michel for supporting me so that I can do my work.

At the risk of being read as self-congratulatory, we want to thank each other.

Robin, thank you for so many years of mentoring and mothering, for your inextinguishable idealism, and for your commitment to making this work, come hell or high water. I am so glad that I got up early at the Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership ten years ago.

Courtney, thank you for showing up early that day at Woodhull—you always do! Thank you for allowing me to be part of your incredible journey. Mentoring you has been a gift for me too. Thank you for your dedication to this project, even in the challenging times, for your commitment to excellence and your tireless work ethic, for your beautiful writing, and especially for your authenticity in our relationship,

We are most profoundly grateful to the incredible people profiled in this book: Tanya, Tim, Brian, Larry, Joe, Charles, Debbie, and Nick. Your collective courage in sharing your journeys is deeply moving and left us awestruck over and over again. You are each a testament to the strength, goodness, and resilience of the human spirit. Thank you for trusting us.

Bereavement Services

Crisis Management Institute

Good Grief

GriefNet

Grief's Journey

America's Camp

Bereaved Parents of the USA

Comfort Zone Camp

Compassionate Friends

National Child Traumatic Stress Network

National First Responders Organization

National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors

Trauma First Aide Associates

The Alcove Center for Grieving Children and Families

Camp Haze

Center for Grieving Children

Center for Grieving Children, Teens, and Families

Center for Loss and Renewal

The Dougy Center

Families of September 11

Family Resource and Counseling Centers

FealGood Foundation