Promised Land (15 page)

‘You’re in love Ella, you’ve got all the symptoms!’ teased Julia.

She couldn’t wait till next Monday when she’d see him again; this time she was sure of herself.

‘Where’s he taking you this weekend then?’ Julia enquired.

‘He has to go down to the building site in Cork, but I’ll be seeing him when he gets back on Monday. Julia, he’s promised we’re going to go somewhere special.’

‘Are you going home to Wexford then?’

‘No, I’ll just stay in town.’

‘Why don’t you come out with me for a change?
It’s
ages since we had a night out together, it’ll be fun.’

Ella wasn’t sure, though Kitty had mentioned that she and Tom would be going to some engineers’ party in the rowing club so she’d probably be on her own again.

‘That would be great Julia. Yeah, I’d love to.’

Julia and she and another friend, Eva from haberdashery, had dolled themselves up to go out on the town, and were determined to go somewhere out of their regular routine.

‘Let’s do something different and get a taxi out to the Fox Grill. The races were on today, so there’s bound to be a good crowd. They serve late meals and I know my brother and a few of his friends will be there,’ suggested Julia.

Ella wasn’t sure. She’d heard Kitty mention the place but it was a good few miles out of town, up near Dundrum.

‘Be brave!’ begged the girls and as they hailed a taxi Ella decided that it was high time she did something different.

The bar and lounge were packed and upstairs diners sat at tables chatting and listening to a jazz pianist in the corner.

‘There’s Kevin!’ shouted Julia, waving madly at a table to the rear of the room, almost hidden by the wrought iron balustrades. She wove her way through the crowded room towards him, her fair
hair
flying. Julia and he were so alike they could have been twins, and Ella could see he had the same open friendly disposition as his sister.

‘Have you come to help me spend my winnings, Julia?’ he joked, ordering them all a drink.

The waiter brought more chairs and they joined Kevin and his friends, who all worked in the Guinness brewery. Ella was ashamed to admit she had never seen the place, and had only smelled the aroma of hops and brewing that sometimes pervaded the city. They were all starving and ordered straight away. The plates arrived overflowing with food, Ella eating something called scampi which, even though she hadn’t a clue what it was, tasted great. The pianist was taking requests and played all their favourite songs.

They’d finished eating when Ella decided to pay a visit to the ladies’ cloakroom on the other side of the room. The place was packed with couples and groups of friends of all ages. It was only when she passed the window that she spotted the table for two in the alcove. Patrick was sitting there; he had his back to her but there was no mistaking his handsome looks. He was meant to be in Cork, so what was he doing in Dublin? She was about to rush over to surprise him and say hello when she realized that his companion was a woman of his own age.

Her eyes were heavily made up and she had a beautiful face; the two of them seemed totally relaxed eating their meal and talking together.
There
must be some explanation and she wasn’t going to jump to suspicious conclusions about him. It could be all totally innocent. She was just about to go towards the table when Patrick raised his hand to pour out a glass of wine for his companion, the gold ring on his finger catching in the candlelight. Ella stood bolted to the spot. Humiliated and ashamed, she just made it to the toilet before she got sick, waves of nausea washing over her. She stayed there for what seemed an age, the concerned cloakroom attendant asking her if she was all right. Eventually she was able to return to the table, not daring to look in his direction.

Julia and Eva didn’t notice and when an hour later two of Kevin’s friends said they were driving back into town she was able to get a lift with them, pleading to Julia that she was feeling unwell.

‘Are you sure you’ll be OK Ella, that you don’t want us to go with you?’

‘No!’ she said resolutely. ‘Once I get back to the flat Gretta will be around so I’ll be fine, Julia.’ She’d tell her friend in time but not tonight.

The flat was empty when she let herself in, the air stuffy and humid, and she pushed the heavy sash window open, looking out over the street and square below. She was so ashamed, disgusted with herself for believing his lies and falling for his charm. She was an absolute fool to have imagined a man like Patrick would really care about her, a country girl from Kilgarvan. She never wanted to see or hear from Patrick Ryan ever again.

* * *

He’d called to the flat on Monday night, wearing his best dark suit and carrying a bunch of flowers. Ella had kept out of sight as her cousin opened the door. Kitty told him she was out and that she didn’t ever want to see him again.

There was no explanation. He didn’t deserve one.

Chapter Eighteen

SHE RETURNED HOME
to Kilgarvan a month later, Kitty having persuaded her that a few days down in the country would do her the world of good. The weeks after Patrick had been wretched and miserable and the girls in the flat were as kind to her as possible. She was afraid there might be a chance that she was pregnant and had confided in Gretta. The young nurse was as supportive as any friend could be, but confirmed it was a distinct possibility. Ella had barely slept a wink with the worry of it all. Thankfully her monthly had appeared and she realized what a lucky escape she’d had.

It had been more than a year since she’d been back to her home town and she felt anxious and tense as Uncle Jack drove them from the station. The house at Rathmullen stood surrounded by fields, the driveway edged with her aunt’s border of tall Michaelmas daisies and orange clumps of spiky
montbretia
in the late August sunshine. There was a warm welcome for herself and Kitty and Aunt Nance made no recriminations about the length of time since she had visited and just hugged and kissed her as if she had only seen her yesterday.

‘Welcome home, pet!’

She supposed that was what she’d always loved about the Kavanaghs: they had invariably treated her as part of their own family and not a visitor. Everything was still the same, nothing had changed, she thought as she tucked her feet up in the kitchen chair while Aunt Nance told her all the local news about the neighbours.

‘The O’Gradys are in great form. The eldest girl married one of those O’Connell boys, you know the fellah with the big farm up along the New Ross road. Vi’s delighted that she made such a good match.’

‘Mammy, will you stop trying to match everyone up and giving us hints!’ joked Kitty, who had cut a slab of her mother’s cherry loaf to eat.

‘Go on!’ pleaded Ella who loved the way her aunt took centre of the kitchen floor and regaled an audience, despite the heckling of her daughters.

‘Old Gerry the postmaster is retiring, though they say his niece has applied to take over the place. My friend Dorothy Murphy has just had her fifth grandchild.’

‘Another bloody hint!’ murmured Kitty aloud.

Ella laughed. She had forgotten how alike her aunt and cousin really were with their dimples
and
mischievous smiles and way with words.

‘How are the Flanagans?’ she asked innocently enough.

‘Poor Una Flanagan isn’t too well. She was in hospital there a while back and Fergus was sick with worry about her, but thank God Bernadette is very good to her. Jim and herself are making a great go of the farm.’

‘What about Sean?’

‘What about him?’ her aunt asked knowingly. ‘So is that the way it is with you, Ella girl?’

‘No,’ Ella denied, ‘I was just wondering how he is.’

‘Fergus tells me that he’s working in some big car factory place in Detroit, loves it over there apparently.’

It was funny how being back in Kilgarvan made her think about Sean and all the times they’d spent together. She missed those days and though she hated to admit it to herself she still missed him, finding it hard to believe he was lost to her, so far away, making his fortune in America.

Aunt Nance carried the teapot over to the table and sat down, pouring out a cup each for them, automatically milking and sugaring the tea like she did when they were children.

‘Now Ella, what about you? I hear things from Kitty but tell me yourself, is everything all right?’

How could she even begin to explain the mess she’d made of things! The stupidity of getting herself involved with someone like Patrick!

‘Kitty told me about your romance and likely it’s for the best that it ended.’

Ella glanced furiously at her cousin and hoped she hadn’t told the whole truth about the situation. Kitty stared right back at her giving her the sense that there were some things Kitty was definitely not prepared to tell her mother.

‘Yes, it’s for the best, Aunt Nance, though sometimes it doesn’t seem so!’

Patrick had hurt and humiliated her but compared to the feelings she had for Sean it was nothing. Kitty, changing the subject diplomatically, began to talk about the shop, telling funny stories about the customers and the departments they were in.

‘You two are so bold, I don’t know how that Mr Harry and Mr Sylvester ever hired you both!’

‘Because we’re the best sales assistants in Lennon’s, that’s why.’

‘Honestly Aunt Nance, Kitty could sell a sundress to an Eskimo and convince them it was just what they needed.’

‘And Ella could take the plainest Jane or biggest lump of a woman and make them feel that we had just the thing to suit them.’

‘Kitty, run upstairs with your things and make sure that Slaney made up your two beds like I asked her.’

‘You want to get rid of me!’ accused Kitty, hugging her mother and giving her a big kiss. ‘I’ll get out of your way, don’t worry.’

‘She’s the best in the world, Kitty, but she’s got no tact at all!’ laughed Aunt Nance.

Ella held the teacup in her hands.

‘Ella, I think while you’re down here, you should visit Fintra, it’s your home. You must want to go back and see it, and see Carmel and Liam.’

She didn’t trust herself to speak.

‘I know that you and Liam had a falling out, but he’s your brother, your only brother, and you can’t let this fight get in the way between you. Ours are always fighting and do you know something most of the time Jack and I don’t pay them the slightest bit of notice or get involved. They all sort it out in the end and make up. You’ll see, it’ll be like that with you and Liam.’

‘Do you really think I should go, Aunt Nance? I always thought that I’d never want to see the place again. I suppose I felt it would pain me too much.’

‘Carmel is dying to see you and imagine, you haven’t seen the baby yet. Mary’s such a little dote. She’s a real Kennedy, no doubt about it, and from what Carmel tells me she’s already got her father’s stubbon streak.’

‘What would I say or do, Aunt Nance? I just can’t go over like that.’

‘Say! Fintra’s your home, Ella! You don’t have to say anything. You were born and raised there and Carmel and Liam aren’t going to stop you visiting the place.’

‘I just can’t go over there on my own! Will you come with me?’

‘Do you really want me to?’

‘Yes, please, Aunt Nance.’

‘I could go with you Ella, but I’m not sure that I should.’

Ella considered. She wanted to see the farm, the acres of crops, the livestock, and walk around the inside of her home. But what if she decided to change her mind and run away and hide at the last minute? She wouldn’t be able to do that if she had her aunt in tow. Making a decision, she agreed. ‘I’ll go on my own.’

‘Good girl, well that’s settled then,’ sighed her aunt, stroking her hand.

Slaney arrived in the kitchen like a whirlwind, flinging herself at Ella, hugging her madly. Her cousin had got taller and filled out since she’d last seen her. No wonder the boys were so interested in her.

‘God you look great, Ella, real glamorous. The shorter hair definitely suits you and I love your new look. When I go to Dublin I’m just going to be like the two of you. Maybe I could share the flat with you and Kitty!’

Aunt Nance raised her eyes to heaven. ‘I’m not sure that would be a good idea, pet!’

Borrowing Marianne’s bicycle that week Ella cycled up through the village, and reacquainted herself with every favourite childhood spot, somehow in the process finding herself again. She pedalled out by the grotto. It was so still and
peaceful
there and kneeling down she automatically blessed herself, and prayed for the people close to her. Sky and earth and rocks provided the perfect place of prayer, she thought, as she turned the bike towards home. Her aunt and uncle and cousins gave her the same love and support that they’d always given her since she was a small girl but it was Fintra and her own family now she longed to see. She stopped along the roadside to survey the Kennedy farmlands. She’d almost forgotten how beautiful the farm was, positioned between the fields and the lake. Thick hedgerows delineated the area of their lands. The sheep and lambs that dotted the distant green fields and hills looked clean and shorn, and she guessed that Carmel and Liam had got the man she recommended to shear them. Below her the potato stalks looked strong and healthy. Kerr pinks and Queens ready to be gathered soon. The place looked well cared for. No broken fences, no towers of thistles or weeds. What had she expected? Rack and ruin, in such a short space of time? A large dairy herd moved about the rich green grass, heads down, eating.

Getting back up on the bike she took the turn off the road, the wheels bumping over the dirt and gravel path that led up towards the house. She stopped, hesitant. A line of washing caught her eye, small dresses and cardigans and, like a ship in sail, a canvas of white nappies that billowed in the soft breeze. She wanted to see the baby. A long
time
had passed since there had been a child at Fintra. Her father had always regretted having such a small family. He would have liked four or five at least but fate had granted him only two. Her mother had lost two other babies, one stillborn out in the middle of the fields. Liam and herself were always terrified of the spot, near an ancient alder. The other loss had happened in the hospital before she’d been born.