Promised to Another (25 page)

That meant the gentle touches and tender kisses were a thing of the past. Enjoyed for mere minutes—more like seconds—on one short day.

It seemed her only concern was being married to a man she loved—a man who didn’t love her.

***

Joshua tried to read Annie’s expression. He thought he’d seen disappointment flash across her face when he’d said they ought to share a room. Should he back out, despite what Isaac had said? He couldn’t. It would dishonor her not to marry her now. Her reputation would be forever tarnished, and he’d be sent back to Pennsylvania in shame. He was more than willing to make things right. And, if they didn’t share a room, living as they were in her daed’s haus, with her brother and sister right down the hall, and with his parents coming for Thanksgiving, it would invite a visit from Bishop Sol and an offer of marriage counseling. Forcing them to discuss things that Joshua didn’t want to talk about, especially in front of the bishop.

To be honest, they probably ought to consider counseling. After all, it wasn’t typical for an Amish couple to enter into marriage with wrist splints, road rash, killer headaches, and a sense of obligation that might as well have been a loaded gun to their backs.

They’d figure this out.

Somehow.

She sighed, as if her thoughts echoed his, and her tongue crept out, moistening her lips. His breath caught as he watched it trail across their pink softness. He reached up to touch her again, his hand cupping the back of her neck.

When he started to lower his head, she gave a tiny, strangled cry and jumped back, out of reach.

He sighed, allowing his hand to fall back to his side. He had a lot of lost ground to recover. Her trust to win. If he could.

Not to mention her love.

With a nod, he stepped back, even though he wanted with all of his being to kiss her resistance away. Then, pivoting, he headed toward the stairs. “I’ll see you down there,” he said over his shoulder. “Bishop Sol and the preachers want to meet with us before they present us to everyone.”

Back in the room with Becky and Shanna, Annie slumped onto the bed, grabbed a pillow, and hugged it to her.

Shanna shut the door. “So sweet, what Joshua said about wanting to win you, ain’t so? So romantic.”

Annie sniffed. She still felt weepy, and she hadn’t found his comment to be sweet at all. It had been…she didn’t know what.

Becky nodded. “Jah, I thought it was really romantic, too.” She picked up the yellow bag she’d carried upstairs and lifted out a garment of sky blue. “I know you didn’t have time to make a dress, so I brought you the one I made for my wedding. I don’t know why…I felt I needed to, I guess. I’ll make myself another one. You know you can’t get married in brown.”

She could. She was still the same, brown Annie. But blue was a happier color than depressing brown. And, truthfully, she was tired of earth tones.

Shanna studied Annie, then Becky. “You’re almost the same size. Let’s get you ready.”

Annie was tempted to run after Joshua, to talk about the whole marriage thing. To try to make things right, at least in her eyes, and declare that she loved him. Declare that she would marry him, regardless of the reason, but only if he wanted her. Only if he wasn’t doing it out of a sense of obligation. For if he was marrying her just to make things right in the eyes of the bishop and their community, not because he loved her, then she’d rather remain a maidal and live with the disgrace than marry a man who would resent her forever.

But her own disgrace would affect her family, too. She couldn’t dishonor herself and protect them at the same time.

And it would be even more shameful to back out now. They had the marriage license in hand. “No waiting period,” the courthaus clerk had said with a smile. Their family, friends, and neighbors were already gathered downstairs, despite the short notice.

Reluctantly, she unpinned her brown dress and dropped it to the bed. Becky shook out the blue one and held it out to her.

Shanna openly studied her. “Too bad we don’t have time to shop. You need sexier undergarments.”

Annie’s eyes widened in shock. “Shanna!”

Shanna shrugged. “I know what I’ll get you for a gift.” Then, grinning shamelessly, she handed Annie the pins to close the dress.

Heat crept up Annie’s face as she considered what Joshua might think about…. But he’d said that he wanted to marry her. Just moments ago. Such beautiful words.

Maybe his love would come, eventually. And, if she married him, she’d have a chance to claim the kiss he’d tried to give her in the hallway. The one she’d declined because of his terms, or the way she’d interpreted them. She could hope for even more, someday.

On second thought, she should have allowed him to kiss her. That way, she would have had another one to remember, to relish, in the years of passionless marriage ahead.

She studied her reflection in the small handheld mirror.

“Annie, kum on downstairs,” Becky urged her. “There’s nothing left to do up here. You look beautiful.”

Annie exhaled. “I need to check on Cathy.”

“I’ll do it,” Shanna offered. “But I think you should redo your hair before you go down. It looks a little unkempt.” She hurried from the room.

Annie yanked off her prayer kapp and unbound her hair. Becky grabbed a comb from the bathroom and helped her get a couple of snarls out, and then Annie redid it.

Shanna reappeared a minute later. “She’s sleeping soundly, which is just what she needs. She’s on some pretty strong pain medication—I peeked at the label to see what they’d prescribed—so I wouldn’t try to rouse her for the wedding. In fact, I just tried to, and she slapped me. I’d say, leave sleeping Cathy lie.”

“Okay.” Annie motioned to her head. “Is this better?”

“Much. Kum on.”

Annie felt a wave of panic. “But…but…some of the women looked at me with condemnation when they came in. And many of them were obviously checking out my waistline for any signs of change. Not that anything is really visible in these loose dresses, but they looked, anyway. Everyone probably thinks I’m expecting and figures that’s why I was fired, why the bishop’s forcing us to get married.”

Shanna rolled her eyes. “Jah, and they’re probably thanking the gut Lord that their own daughters haven’t brought such disgrace upon themselves. But if what Becky told me is true, and I completely believe her, then there is nein boppli. It was merely a kiss.” She grabbed Annie’s hand. “Everyone gets gossiped about sooner or later. You’ve just been so perfect, no one’s had anything to say about you until now.” She laughed. “Unlike me. You know I’ve been a topic of conversation ever since I could walk.”

“And I have been for over a year,” Becky added quietly.

“I suppose,” Annie conceded. Shanna had been in trouble almost constantly, so much so that her daed hadn’t allowed Annie to play with her when they were children. And Becky’s situation had been regrettable, although, with Jacob, she was starting a new life.

“Don’t forget, some couples get married only a few days after being published,” Shanna pointed out. “And weddings can happen on Mondays, as well as on Tuesdays or Thursdays. I recently attended a wedding in another district that was on a Monday. It doesn’t matter so much anymore. There are so many weddings, sometimes, they just have to fit them in wherever they can. How many were announced for this week? I think four, at least.” Shanna rolled her eyes again, and Becky nodded in agreement. “Some of the people probably figure they missed the announcement about your wedding in the service. My mind always wanders during announcements. Or, they might think the bishop forgot to announce it, with so many other weddings happening.”

Shanna was so encouraging. Maybe Annie could convince herself that the accusatory looks and malicious whispers weren’t what they seemed.

Shanna took a deep breath and went on. “Okay. You know there’s nein boppli. Becky and I know this. Joshua knows it. I’m sure your parents know it. So, you simply act and speak as if you believe what you know to be true. Soon, the ones who think there is a boppli will feel foolish when it’s disproved.”

Annie stared at her, her mind struggling to process everything she’d heard. Yet her stomach continued to roil with nausea. Seconds later, she darted into the hallway, dashed into the bathroom, and lost her breakfast.

When Annie raised her head, Shanna stood there, holding out a glass of water and her toothbrush, already prepared with toothpaste. “There now, don’t you feel better? Brush your teeth, and then let’s go downstairs.”

“Have you nein sense of privacy? Following me into the bathroom?”

Shanna blushed. “Sorry. I didn’t think. Besides, I deal with stuff like this all the time in my nursing rotations.”

A few minutes later, Annie stood at the top of the stairs, wearing a color other than brown for the first time in what felt like forever.

What would Joshua think? Would he like her in blue?

He wanted to marry her.

She took a deep breath and grabbed Becky’s hand. After another moment, she grabbed Shanna’s. She needed their strength. Their courage.

As they headed downstairs, she prayed,
Lord, please help Joshua to love me. Sooner, rather than later.

***

The wedding was over, and the noon meal had been served, with Annie and Joshua waited on first. Annie had picked at her food, probably still scared.

Now, the afternoon of singing was in full swing, but some people were leaving early. Deciding he wouldn’t be missed—who was to know he wasn’t simply stepping out to give someone a private good-bye?—he grabbed his cell phone from his pocket and went behind the barn. He needed to call home and tell his parents about the wedding before the news reached them via the gossip grapevine, assuming it hadn’t already. It was uncanny how fast information spread. He did have some relatives who’d relocated to Missouri, and they’d been at the wedding. Not that he’d paid too much attention to the guests. Most of the faces had passed by in a blur. After all, his thoughts were mostly consumed with Annie. By her beauty. By how happy he was to have her as his frau. By how much he wanted to kiss her, until her knees buckled.

He had no idea how the bishop had gotten word of the wedding to spread so fast around the district, but, the truth was, it had probably been easy. Just a word in the ear of the right person yesterday, and it would have worked its way throughout the community before the supper dishes were cleared from the table.

He speed dialed the phone shanty back home. How he’d wished his daed would just give in and get a cell phone. A lot of Amish carried them now, not to chat casually, but for a purpose, such as ordering farm supplies, conducting business, calling in the case of an emergency. But Daed had decided to stick to the old ways.

Joshua sighed, listening to the phone ring once, twice, three times. And then, there was a click, followed by a voice saying “Hullo?”

“Uh, who is this?” Joshua had never before actually reached a person at the shanty.

There was a slight pause. “Samuel Miller. Who are you calling for?”

“Arthur Esh. Would you mind telling him to call his son, Joshua, in Missouri, as soon as he can?”

“Jah, I can do that. I’ll go over that way right now.”

“Danki.” Joshua said good-bye, then ended the call. He pulled out his pocket watch and glanced at it. The evening meal, which would be a light supper, was still at least an hour off. Maybe he’d have time for a brief nap now. He glanced around at the remaining buggies. Where was Annie? Probably sitting with her friends in the singing, or chatting somewhere.

He went inside the barn, making a point to be seen where everyone was gathered for the singing, so that no one would think he had vanished, and found Annie sitting in one of the rows. She looked so pretty in blue. He’d have to encourage her to expand her wardrobe beyond basic brown. Bending down, he whispered in her ear, “I’m going to take a brief nap. My head is hurting still.”

She nodded but didn’t look at him.

He slipped outside and headed for the haus.

***

Annie kept up her conversation with one of her friends as she watched Joshua leave the barn. She stayed there for another ten minutes, so that no one would think she’d followed him, and then got up to go to the haus for a drink of water. This was not how she’d thought she’d spend her wedding. Sitting in the singing, alone, without her new husband. But he’d had a concussion, according to Daed. Those probably took a while to recover from.