Promises (10 page)

“Oh, dear. New tires too.”

“It wasn’t much. It happened near a service station, and they fixed it.”

Now, why the devil hadn’t he told the truth?
I met Randi Bunting—remember her?—and went to look at a house.
All innocent, clean, and aboveboard. He felt contempt for a liar as for a thief. So why had he lied?

“What’s the nice thing Fred has to tell us?”

“Here he is. He’ll tell you himself.”

Fred’s amiable face wore a happy grin. He sat down at the kitchen table, took a crumpled map from his pocket, and spread it out.

“See here, a hundred miles east of Banff? Remember
Denise’s brother-in-law? You met him once when they were visiting from Canada. Well, you remember, we told you about their summer camp? Camp! It’s a little too splendid to be called a camp. It’s on a lake with beautiful cabins. The main house is large and, well, the good news is, I’ve been invited up for three weeks this summer and they want me to bring friends. I can bring five or six, whomever I want, especially if there are children, because their own grandkids are coming too. So, I’m inviting you. All of you. What do you say?”

Everyone looked toward Adam. Every face was animated. Recalling last week’s conversation about a summer trip, he felt a sinking in his chest: He did not want to go. And they were expecting his enthusiasm.

He said warily, “It certainly is good of you, Fred, but I don’t know what to say.”

All three of his children had imploring eyes. “Oh, say yes, Dad!”

“It’s not so simple. I work, you know.”

“Of course. But you’re entitled to a vacation. It’ll be a great time,” Fred assured him. “Water-skiing, canoe trips, a sailboat, even an island for picnics. The lake is huge. There’s a tennis court too. There’s everything.”

A millionaire’s paradise, Adam thought, having heard something long ago about Denise’s sister having married into a Canadian mining fortune. They will be sitting around after dinner talking about where they’re going next winter, whether to Morocco or Tahiti.

Margaret, who knew his predilections, caught his eye. “They’re very lovely people,” she said. “I remember very well when they visited Denise and Fred. Very simple people. Friendly.”

She wanted to go. Perhaps if he hadn’t had things on
his mind, he would go in spite of his reluctance, just to please her. But there were things on his mind. The rumor now was that Ramsey would not be going to the European market after all, which meant that he, Adam, would not be moving up the ladder. And there were no good lateral moves in the offing either. If you weren’t a glad-hander, if you didn’t have what they call “personality,” with a big, flattering grin on your face, you got nowhere.…

They were waiting for him to answer, and he said, “It hurts me to disappoint you, but I can’t go. I can’t take the time off. The vacation schedule was made up months ago.”

“Why don’t you ask? Try,” Margaret urged.

“It can’t be changed.”

This was not true. The schedule was fairly flexible, and Ramsey was a decent sort who would, if Adam were to ask, quite probably say yes.

There was a silence, a heavy, poignant silence that pained him. And with an attempt at gladness he cried out, “Listen. There’s no reason why you all can’t go without me. I won’t mind at all. I’ve a lot to do here, and—”

“Oh,” Margaret said, looking mournful, “what kind of vacation would it be without you? We’ve never done anything like this before, and I don’t want to begin now.”

“Mom!” the three wailed. “Mom!”

“Two years ago I went alone to that conference in Washington and was gone for a week. What was so bad about that?”

“It was entirely different. It was business, and you had to go.”

It seemed to Adam that what he felt now was fear, a vague fear of multiple uncertainties that he could not and would not put into words. What it came down to was simply that he did not want to leave home, did not want to be a charity guest among strangers, did not want to leave the office where, during his absence, he argued, anything might happen. Besides, the house had no burglar alarm. They were too expensive. And supposing vandals were to break in and destroy his magnificent new computer, the piano, and all the books? Then there were the dogs. Rufus had never been put in kennels.…

Some of these reasons that were churning around in his brain, maybe all of them, were idiotic. Or maybe they were not. Nevertheless,
he did not want to go.

Danny said stoutly, “It’s not fair, Dad, you know it isn’t.”

Typically, Fred was tactful. “I’ll run along now and leave you all to think it over. I don’t need an answer this minute.”

“You won’t stay for supper?” asked Margaret.

“No, thanks. I’ll take a rain check. Let me know.”

The evening meal began, quite naturally, with a discussion of the invitation, a subdued discussion, since reasonableness was the style of the house. At the end it was decided Adam’s way.

“I spoke to Nina while you were gone today,” Margaret told him when later they were alone. “She’s invited, too, and she’s thrilled. She’s going to fly up for ten days. Business is quiet in the summer, so there was no problem about getting time off. It’s really wonderful of Fred, isn’t it? He could have asked anybody he wanted.”

“Apparently, he wanted you. That’s nothing new, is it? I suppose I ought to be jealous of him.”

The subject of Fred’s early love had long since been exhausted. It was a tired joke. On this occasion, however, it was just something to say.

“Maybe I’m a fool for giving him such an easy opportunity.”

“How silly can you be?”

Near the window, she was brushing her hair. Gilded by evening light, loose curls circled her pearl-white face, with its deep gray eyes and its delicate high cheekbones, like a wreath. He saw anew how happy she was about going away with the children. Also, he knew that she was puzzled, or more accurately, troubled about his refusal to go. But she would never argue the point. She sensed that he was worried again by the uncertainties at the firm and that he did not want to talk about them. How well she knew him! And how well he knew her! She was as familiar to him as the palm of his own hand. After sixteen married years, not to mention the years that had gone before, there could be no surprises for either one of them.

“You’ll have a good time with Nina there. She always livens things up,” he assured her.

“I would rather have you,” she said. Then, coming to put her arms around him, pressing against him, “Sometimes I think you don’t know how much I love you, Adam.”

He kissed her. “I do know. You’re a lovely woman. Lovely.”

This was not what she wanted. She wanted him to take her, roughly and hastily, to the bed. Then, tenderly, to make love to her. But a man couldn’t simply
turn himself on as one turns a faucet. Well, people were different, and she was always more passionate than he. Maybe he was simply growing old.

“You’re tired,” she said, releasing him. “Go on to sleep, and I will too.”

A
fter sending his family off on the plane, after he had stood watching it rush down the runway and lift off, Adam drove home to a list of chores. The roses had to be sprayed for black spot, the vegetable patch needed weeding, the bird-feeder had to be filled, and the dogs had to be fed. When he had dutifully accomplished all these routine things, he went into the house with a sense of contentment, satisfied to acknowledge himself as a homebody.

Margaret had filled the freezer with good things, soups, lasagna, baked chicken, and even an apple pie, enough for three men. He sat down at the kitchen table, propped a book against the coffeepot, and read while he ate. When he was finished, he washed his dishes and, taking the two dogs, walked down the street to the schoolyard to watch the fifth graders play ball, then followed his usual circular route for half an hour’s brisk walk.

“A fine night, hey, guys?” he said, addressing Rufus
and Zack, who, wagging agreement, apparently shared his sense of well-being.

Back in the house he went to the desk, spread out his work without danger of any interruption, and resumed his study of a new software code. It had already been licensed by some nine companies; the question now was whether Advanced Data Systems should be using it too. His report, giving pros and cons, would be carefully evaluated. And his future direction in the company might well depend on it. So he spent a diligent few hours, almost hearing the click of his own brain, itself as quick and accurate as a computer. After that he listened for a few minutes to the news, was satisfied, and went to bed.

The next day was Sunday. It was early when Margaret telephoned to say that they had arrived safely after a wonderful ride through the mountains, that the place was gorgeous, the children were thrilled, Nina sent love, and Danny wanted him to remember Rufus’s evening treat.

“You sound sleepy. I woke you up,” she said.

“No, no. I’m almost dressed. On the way downstairs to make bacon and eggs for myself. The hell with cholesterol this morning.”

“I miss you so much already, and I feel guilty being here in all this luxury while you’re home eating your breakfast all alone.”

“Margaret, honey, I’m fine. Just enjoy yourself. Give the kids my love.”

Actually he had been still in bed, lying there in the midway state between sleep and active wakefulness. It was strange not to feel Margaret in bed next to him. And it occurred to him that it was also strange that he
felt absolutely no qualms about her spending three weeks in the company of a man who so obviously admired her. He would have told anyone who might ask him that Margaret was the last woman in the world, et cetera, et cetera. Still, most husbands would be jealous. Even with a wife as trustworthy as Margaret, they would be wary. So why wasn’t he?

After a while he roused himself from these aimless musings and went downstairs, ate his breakfast, and took the Sunday paper outdoors. The heat was rising. By ten o’clock the birds were silent and no leaf moved. Back indoors where it was cooler, he returned to the computer. But by midafternoon he was sweating. He lay down and turned on the radio to learn that a heat wave had begun; it was to be a thorough Midwest wave, predicted to last all week or longer. He thought how nice it must be to have a pool. Two or three of their friends had pools. He wished one of them would invite him over right now. But the fact was that these friendly contacts were really the result of Margaret’s associations with the wives; the husbands were not his friends. It wasn’t that they disliked him and therefore had deliberately withheld any invitations. It was simply that they had not given him any thought.

Then he remembered that he had eaten no lunch. It was now four-thirty, too late for lunch and too early for dinner. But what difference? He’d eat because he was hungry. After that he’d watch television, then go up to the bedroom, where there was air-conditioning, and read for a while.

The day dragged to its end. He looked forward to Monday.

*  *  *

Randi said, “I told you I’d phone you when I had news about the house. I hope I’m not interrupting you at work.”

As it happened, he did have a very important appointment for lunch, but still it wouldn’t hurt to be a few minutes late.

“No, go ahead. What’s your news?”

“The inspector said the house is okay, so I’ve bought it! I’m terribly excited and a little scared, because of course I had to take out a pretty big mortgage. But, oh, hell, you only live once, right?”

“Right,” Adam said.

“I ran up there just this morning before work. I can’t believe it’s mine! It was so cool! I guess it’s all those trees or being on a hillside. It was as cool as my air-conditioned apartment. How is it down in Elmsford?”

He had a flash of her standing in the wind that day with her skirt billowed out like a sail. He seemed to remember the skirt was yellow.

“Fine in the office, but an oven on the street. And in my house,” he added, for no reason at all.

“No air-conditioning at home?” she asked.

“The house is a hundred years old, and it’s big. You’d practically have to tear it apart to put ducts in the walls. Not worth it,” he said.

“It must be hard on the children in this weather. Kids run around and get so overheated.”

“Fortunately, they’re all away. In Canada, on a lake.”

Now, why was he having a conversation like this one? Randi didn’t give a hoot about his house or his children.

“You must be lonesome,” she said.

“Not really. I’ve a ton of work to bring home from the office. That fills the evenings.” A silence followed until he thought to say, “Congratulations! It’s a big step for you to take, but I’m sure you’ll be glad you’ve taken it.”

“Oh, I will. Maybe sometime you—and the family—if you get up this way, maybe you’ll stop in and see the place after I’ve fixed it up.”

“Well, thanks.”

“I do hope you wouldn’t feel awkward about doing it, Adam. Because all that old business is past. I’ve told you so, and I’m telling you again. You do understand, don’t you?”

“Sure. Yes.”

“So I would love to see you, Adam. Anytime.”