Promises to Keep (30 page)

She slides to the back door just as he is about to knock.

“Hey.” He nods, a half smile on his face. “I just thought I’d been really rude in not coming over, so I wanted to see if there was anything you wanted.”

“Oh. Wow. That’s really nice of you. No, I . . . do you want to come in?”

“Sure.” He lopes in, and as he passes her she breathes him in, and yes, he smells just as delicious as she had hoped. And now that he is in her kitchen Steffi feels as light-headed and giggly as a schoolgirl.

“Oh man, I didn’t realize you had people.”

“It’s okay. It’s just my family.”

“Really? Where are they all?”

“Outside. Do you want some . . . champagne?” She feels stupid saying it, but he’s looking at the half-empty champagne bottle on the counter, and it is what they have been drinking, after all.

“Nah. I’m not really a champagne guy.”

“Let me guess. Budweiser.”

He laughs. “Right first time.”

Steffi smiles to herself. Oh I so know you, she thinks. I know you better than you know yourself. And she feels a shiver of lust go through her.

“I’m really sorry, I don’t have any in. I’ll stock up, though.” Shut up! That implies you want him to come back, she thinks to herself. That’s not exactly playing it cool.

“Great,” he says. “That’d be good.”

“So . . .” she says, feeling slightly awkward. “How did you end up here?”

“In Sleepy Hollow? I’ve lived here my whole life. My parents run the gas station. I moved to Seattle for a bit when I was fresh out of school, trying to do the whole musician thing, but it didn’t work out so I came back.”

I knew that already, Steffi thinks. I’ve met you a million times before. But just to be on the safe side, she asks the obligatory question, already knowing his answer.

“Did you have a record deal?”

“Oh man!” He starts to laugh. “You know which questions to ask. We came this close,” he moves his finger and thumb an inch apart, “but the lead singer blew it. He just wouldn’t take the deal and they walked away. Why are you smiling?”

“You just . . . remind me of someone I once knew.”

“A boyfriend?”

“Maybe.” She shrugs. She could have said, more accurately, “Every single one of my boyfriends.”

“Listen, I’d better go. I just wanted to make sure you had all my numbers in case you need anything. And if you ever want to hit the Horseshoe for a Bud, give me a call. The nights can get pretty dull when you live up here on your own.”

“You’re on your own?”

“Yeah.” Once again he holds her gaze for just a second longer than is altogether necessary, and her heart does a tiny flip.

 

Honor bends down to finger the hydrangeas, which are dried to a pale papery brown on the stem. Although she and Lila watch the blue truck pull up, neither of them makes a move to see the new visitor.

“I’m really worried,” Honor says slowly, straightening up to meet Lila’s eye. “I haven’t said this to anyone, I haven’t even wanted to say the words out loud, but I’m so scared.”

“I know,” Lila says, reaching out a hand and rubbing Honor’s back. “We’re all scared.”

“I just . . . I just have this feeling that . . . Oh Lord. I shouldn’t even say it.”

“Don’t,” Lila says. “I know what you’re going to say and I feel it too, and we mustn’t say it out loud. We mustn’t even think it.”

“I just feel so helpless.” Honor starts to well up. “This feels so different from before, with the cancer. The . . . unknowing makes it feel so serious and so frightening. This . . . waiting game. It’s like being trapped in hell, and even though you don’t know the outcome, you know it isn’t . . .”

“It’s okay.” Lila shushes her. “We don’t know the outcome but we’re going to pray that it is going to be good. And I’m going to do everything I can, Honor. I will be there every day, and I will fight to make sure she gets the best possible treatment available. I won’t let a single stone go unturned, I promise you that.”

“You’re a good friend,” Honor says, with a small smile. “You’ve always been a wonderful friend to Callie.”

“She’s always been a wonderful friend to
me
,” Lila says, swallowing the lump that has just crept into her throat.

 

“So who was the hot guy in the blue pickup truck?” Lila demands, passing Stanley on their way back into the kitchen.

“Oh
him
? That’s just the handyman.”

“
Just?
You mean you just happen to move out to the boondocks and the handyman looks like a total rock god who is
exactly
, but
exactly
, your type?”

“I know!” Steffi grins. “And he’s single! I thought I’d be celibate for the next year, but Mr. Handyman may be the answer to my prayers. Sorry, Mom.”

“Oh don’t worry, darling. I came of age in the sixties. Nothing shocks me.”

“So what’s his name?”

Steffi pauses. “It’s Stanley,” she says eventually, reluctantly.

“
Stanley!”
Both Honor and Lila whoop with laughter.

“He’s not a Stanley,” Lila says. “He looks like a Rip, or a Thorn, or, at the very least, a Jack.”

“Sexy Stanley,” Honor muses, and they all crack up.

“So? Nice guy? Or total loser like the rest of the rock gods you usually date? Oh I’m sorry, rock gods slash waiters slash handymen.”

“If you weren’t practically family I’d think you were a total cow,” Steffi shoots back.

“Girls, girls,” Honor says, theatrically. “Behave.”

“I forgive you,” Lila says. “And anyway, if I were a total cow, which I am not, I’d be a total cow who loves this family as much as her own. Actually, make that a tiny bit more than her own.”

“You’re not a total cow,” Steffi says. “You’re amazing. And to answer your question, I have no idea yet whether he’s a loser or not. I don’t know anything about him but he just invited me to the Horseshoe, which is the local bar, for a drink.”

“Really? He asked you on a date?” Honor asks.

“Well, not exactly. He said that if I ever wanted to grab a beer I should call him.”

“Shouldn’t he be calling you?” Honor says.

“Oh Mom. You’re so old-fashioned. It’s totally fine to call guys now.”

Lila purses her lips. “No, I agree with your mom. He should be calling you. And I bet that if he doesn’t hear from you in the next few days, he will.’

“But I don’t want to play games,” Steffi says.

“I agree. You shouldn’t have to play games, but look at him! This is a guy who has played more games in the past year than I’ve probably played my entire life. Seriously. Doesn’t he look like a game player to you?”

“I don’t know,” Steffi says. “Anyway, it’s just a drink. I’m not going to marry the guy.”

“Don’t call him,” Lila says. “Please. Pretend to be an old-fashioned girl, just for me.”

“Hey! Speaking of old-fashioned, you have to see my nightgown!” Steffi runs upstairs and puts it on, over her clothes, swanning down the stairs to show it off.

“Oh my God!” Lila announces. “I love it! Where did you get it? I want one!”

“Me too,” Honor says, admiring the lace. “I haven’t seen one of these in years.”

“They’re at Mary’s store,” Steffi says. “Come on. Jump in the car and we’ll go shopping!”

T
here is nothing quite like setting three women free in a quaint country store to revive their spirits and take their minds off whatever in life is dragging them down.

Mary makes a huge fuss of Honor, pouring on compliments about what a wonderful daughter she has, while Lila swoons over the homemade chutneys, shopping baskets and coasters.

“God, I love shopping,” she says happily to Steffi as she sweeps through the store, putting more and more items in her trolley.

All three women have been consumed with fear for Callie. She has taken up space in each of their heads. They have waked up each morning with her the first thing on their minds, and have continued to think about little else for the remainder of the day.

Of course, life goes on, even with the weight that is now permanently on their shoulders, and they are adjusting to this new version of their lives.

Steffi has a new path to forge. She has Fingal and the farm animals to take care of, menus to plan for Amy Van Peterson and hours of cooking and baking for Mary’s store. She is getting to know the locals, and becoming used to hours passing with no one around.

She never would have expected to enjoy this quiet, coming, as she did, from the hustle and bustle of the city, the craziness of being a chef in a popular restaurant. But it is precisely the quiet that she loves. It is as if it has centered her, calmed her down; for the first time ever Steffi doesn’t feel as if she has to constantly keep running.

Lila too is adjusting to the quiet, with less ease than Steffi. She is still not used to being self-employed, particularly in a world that is no longer spending money, no longer bringing in marketing consultants the way it once did.

Her quiet is accompanied by a constant low-grade anxiety. What if she doesn’t get enough work . . . what if she has to find another job . . . could she, in fact, go back to working full-time . . . what if she can’t pay the bills . . . From time to time she shares these fears with Ed, who has a magical ability to calm her down. He tells her they are in this for the long haul, and they are in this together. That everything will be fine. And for a while, when he says this, she believes him.

Of the three women, Honor is perhaps the one who is handling the weight of sadness the least well. She does not have a fresh start, a new home, a new job to occupy her. She does not have a supportive partner to whom she can turn when her anxieties threaten to overwhelm her.

Honor is not at home, surrounded by things that may be able to comfort her, and so she lives each day dragged down with fear.

For Honor the fear is
constant
. Her only breaks are when she is at home with the children, when she can pretend that she is not sick with fear, but it
is
a pretense. There is no place to go, physically or mentally, to get away from her thoughts.

Today, now more than ever, these women need to be together. They need to be shopping, laughing, having fun. They need to stop thinking about the missing link, even if only for a few minutes.

They drive back home, giggling with excitement about their new nightgowns, and walk into the house to find absolute quiet. Ed is on the computer doing something with the kids, and Reece is standing up by the counter, pale.

“Mark called,” he says quietly. “He says we have some results.”

“What? What did he say?”

“He said I have to come in. He wants me to go to the hospital now.”

There is a dull silence before Steffi’s hand flies up to her heart. “Oh God,” she says. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

 

The drive to the hospital seems to take a lifetime. The kids stay with Steffi and Ed, and Reece drives in with Honor and Lila.

“Are you sure you want me there?” Lila says, not for the first time.

“If you’re going to be Callie’s advocate, you need to hear it from the horse’s mouth,” Reece says, but other than that, there is little conversation.

“I know it’s not
nothing
,” Reece says finally, as he is turning into the driveway for the hospital. “Or, not nothing, but . . . maybe they just know what it is, and now we’ll work out a treatment plan.”

“What’s the worst-case scenario?” Honor attempts. “That it’s cancer? She’s beaten it before, she’ll beat it again.”

“If it
is
cancer,” Reece says.

Lila says nothing.

 

Words have failed them again by the time they reach the thirteenth floor. They file down the corridors, Honor looking in each room, all of them filled with the elderly, the infirm, people who you would not be surprised to see in a hospital.

How can my
daughter
be here, she wonders. How can my lovely, vibrant daughter be
here
?

Callie has just waked up, and is having her vitals taken when they walk in. Lila is shocked at how thin and drawn Callie appears. She does not look well. Mostly because there is no smile on her face and the light has gone out in her eyes. This is the biggest shock of all, and Lila swallows her lump, again, and walks over to kiss her friend hello.

“Hey, sweetie.” She leans over Callie, stroking her cheek, holding her hand. “How are you doing?” Her voice is a soft whisper.

“Not so good today,” Callie says. Her eyes are suddenly too large for her face, and she looks so tiny in her hospital bed it feels, Lila realizes, as if she was a child again.

“I know, sweetie.”

“Mark said he wants to see me and Reece. Will you stay with me too?”

“Yes, baby. Of course. If you want me to.” Callie nods her agreement. “I’m not going to let them give you anything but the best treatment,” Lila says.

“I’m scared, Lila.” Callie stares her straight in the eye, and Lila doesn’t know what to say.