Propositions (14 page)

She should not be doing this. She pulled back and stopped still, trying to find her breath. And her common sense.

Nope. There was none of that!

Maybe this was what she needed.
No, it’s not. Not so soon after Nate? Was it?
Her mind was spinning like a blender, shredding all rational thought.

Troy waited in silence, swaying slightly as his hands rested upon her hips. Jessica could see his pulse throbbing in the side of his neck. She inhaled sharply and caught her breath as she looked into Troy’s eyes. The only thing she could make head or tail of was … she was drunk.

Really drunk.

All sensibility had gone out the door when Troy walked in.

Troy didn’t wait another moment. He drew her in close and kissed her again, wrapping one hand tightly around her waist, the other entangled into her hair. His tongue found hers, tasting her with a new-found hunger.

This time Jessica didn’t pull away.

She responded to his touch. Their bodies pressed into each other and her hands clasped around his shoulders. Her hazy mind tried to find reason to stop but Troy felt so good—just like the old times.

“I want to make love to you,” Troy whispered in her ear.

“What? Shhh!” Jessica didn’t want to think as his warm breath brushed over her skin. She couldn’t tell right from wrong. Up from down. She wanted to forget about Nate and didn’t know what to think about Troy. Somewhere in her clouded mind this didn’t seem like a good idea, considering their past and present. But what the hell. She had so many other consequences to deal with right now, what was one more? “My body isn’t the same as it used to be. It’s twenty years older. Everything’s a little saggy and heading south after having a kid.”

“You mean these?” Troy’s chuckled as his hand brushed over her breast. “They look as perfect as they always did.” She could feel her nipples harden under his touch. The bulge in his pants pressed into her groin as he ran his fingers down over her satin pajama shirt. She felt his fingers fumble for the edge of the fabric before he grabbed it and pulled her top up and over her head.

“I have some cellulite too.”

“I don’t care.”

“I have a caesarean scar.”

“I don’t care.”

“I have … ” How could she explain that she was far from sixteen anymore?

“Jess. Shush. Your body is amazing.”

His lips locked on to hers again and his hands began to wander.

“Do you have a condom?”

“There’ll be some in the bathroom drawers.” He winked and disappeared into the bathroom before returning with two blue packets. “Voila.”

Jessica giggled and blushed as Troy removed his shirt to reveal his sinewy, muscular arms. As he pulled her body in to his, she tried not to make a mental comparison of his firm, stocky frame to the perfection and height of Nate’s as she reached for the buckle of his belt. Nate had gone. She was free to do as she wanted. She reefed the belt from the loops of his jeans and popped open the top button.

Troy smiled at her. “Always knew how to get into my pants, Jess.” His erection swelled before her as he dropped his jeans to the floor. “The only difference now is I might actually know what I’m doing.”

Jessica shivered with anticipation as they moved and fell on to the bed together.

As she felt his intoxicated breath blow softly on her face, she noticed how his weight lay differently to Nate’s.
Stop comparing
! Troy was nowhere near as buff in the stomach as Nate was as he loomed over her, drawing her pajama bottoms away.

He was leaning back, pulling on her elastic waistband. Then, without warning, he lost his balance and rolled off the end of the bed. There was a loud
thunk
as he hit hardwood floor.

“Oh, shit! Are you okay?” Jessica sat bolt upright.

“Fine!” Troy laughed as he made his way back onto the mattress.

The fire cracked and popped in the hearth and Jessica felt a wave of nausea ripple in her belly. An unladylike belch burned her throat as it bubbled to the surface. She put her hand up to stop Troy’s advances as she felt the color drain from her face. “Shit! Stop! I can’t do this.”

Troy’s eyes flashed with disappointment.

But it was so much more than the thought of Nate bombarding her mind as she cupped her hand over her mouth and darted for the bathroom. She made it just in time to the toilet before throwing up.

Bracing herself against the wall, she closed her eyes and tried to stop the world from spinning.

Troy called out. “Too much wine, hey?”

“I’m sorry.”

With that her knees grew weak and she slid down the wall to sit on the tiled floor. Her eyelids felt so heavy as she struggled to keep them open. She rested her head down upon her arm on top of the toilet bowl. Or was it the tiles of the floor? Then everything went black.

Jessica stirred from her sleep but refused to open her heavy eyes. She didn’t want to move. Couldn’t move. The fire must have gone out because the cabin felt cold. She pulled the blankets tightly up under her chin.

Her head felt as if someone had hit her with a sledgehammer and the sickly sweet stench of wine hung in the air. She stiffened as it dawned on her that she wasn’t alone. A subtle movement next to her beneath the covers sent a lightning bolt of alarm and sharp pain through the center of her head. Every muscle tensed as images of last night came flooding back to her with a violent rush. The drinking and Troy and
oh God
, did anything else happen?

Please let this be a bad dream. Please make it all go away! This shouldn’t have gone this far. But how far did it go?
Jessica panicked at the mess she was in and her instinct was to flee. She didn’t want to face Troy. Not now. Messing around with someone so soon after Nate was not a smart move, and with Troy of all people.

Jessica slunk out of bed and hurried to put on her clothes. Her mouth felt feral and dry like sandpaper. Every time she swallowed it hurt. Every time she turned around too quickly her head felt fuzzy. She hadn’t been drunk in so long, in fact she couldn’t recall the last time she’d even had a hangover. Yes, she certainly liked to indulge in a few glasses every now and then with friends, but she never got drunk. Her tummy felt queasy again as she caught sight of the two bottles of empty wine on the kitchenette counter.

Her phone vibrated on the bedside table. With bleary eyes she registered that the caller ID was Nate’s. Jessica’s head felt like it was about to explode. He hadn’t called in nearly two weeks.
Why now?
She cursed and fumbled to switch the phone to silent, letting it ring out and go to voicemail.

She dropped her head back and glared at nothing on the ceiling. H
ow had her world turned upside down i
n just a few short months?
Men! Who needs ’em!
And there was only one thing to do when she felt all confused. She hurried to pack her bags quickly, then as she was tiptoeing toward the door she heard Troy.

“Morning,” he mumbled from the bed. “Going somewhere?”

The flash of his sapphire eyes made her veins flood with regret. “Yes. Home.”

“What? Wait. No!” Troy sat up slowly, rubbing his head. “It’s Sunday morning at—” He strained his eyes to focus on the bedside clock, “—seven o’clock. Stay for breakfast.”

“I shouldn’t have come here. This shouldn’t have happened,” she said as she waved her hand toward Troy.

“What are you talking about? Do you think … oh?” He grinned. “Jess, calm down. Nothing happened last night. Remember? You were sick and by the time I got you to bed you were bordering on unconscious. I was just going to stay for a while to make sure you were okay, but I must have drifted off as well. But, I must say, being back together is nice.”

“Whoa. We’re not back together.” She stumbled, pulling on her Ugg boots by the door.

“Why not?”

“Because …” Visions of Nate jumped into her head. Regardless how much she had tried, she was still not over him.

“Why? Oh! Is there someone else?” Troy eyes washed over with hurt.

“Yes … No … I mean … It’s complicated.” Jessica turned her eyes away.

“Well, he can’t mean that much to you after kissing me like you did last night.”

“I was drunk and vulnerable and you took advantage of me.”

“What? Me?” Troy gasped. “Take advantage of you? You didn’t have to ask me in for a drink, or kiss me back, or take my clothes off.”

“I know this is ugly. I don’t think either of us is in the right frame of mind to call last night justified. Let’s forget it ever happened.”

“So we had a little too much to drink. But we can make this work. I want to be with you, Jess.”

She muffled an exasperated groan. “I gotta go,” she said as she clambered around the cabin, gathered her gear, opened the door and rushed out to her car.

Yet again she left for home from Gumtrees in an emotional turmoil. Maybe she should stay away from there for good. On the way back to Sydney, she disgraced herself by having to pull her car up on the side of the road to throw up. Oh, she felt disgusting and ill. Grabbing the tissues from her glove box and water bottle from her bag, she wiped her mouth and had a sip of water before getting back in the car. Five minutes later she had to pull over again. All the time she cursed herself. How could she have kissed Troy? He slept beside her last night in her bed. Why were thoughts of Nate still rattling around inside her brain? Were her feelings for Nate even stronger than she first thought?

There was only one thing to do when the world fell apart around her. Jessica called Max.

Two hours later Max swept into Jessica’s house and found her on the couch, tissues littered across her lap, sniffling uncontrollably.

“Honey, what’s happened now? Why are you so upset? Are you just having a relapse over Nate?” Max walked into the kitchen and returned with two cups of tea to nestle on the lounge next to her.

“I’m an awful person. How could I do something so horrible to someone so innocent?”

“If we
’
re talking about men, there is no such thing as innocent. Now. Tell me. What’s the drama with Nate?”

“Not Nate. Troy.”

“Troy? What about him?” She shuffled over closer to Jessica.

“I went out to Gumtrees. We went riding. We talked and talked about the old days. We were reminiscing and he kissed me.”

“Oh. That’s not so bad. That doesn’t make you awful.”

“Yes, it does. All I could do was think about Nate. I went back to my cabin and drank myself into a stupor. Troy turned up on my door step drunk as well and …” Jess couldn’t contain her tears.

“And …? Oh …
and
you slept with Troy?”

Jessica shook her head and sobbed. “No I didn’t. We just kissed and got carried away a little before I was sick,” she said, her voice breaking. “I tried so hard not to get emotionally involved with Nate, and when I did, he runs back to his ex-wife. See, I was right. I should never have slept with my client. Then, this weekend seeing Troy was just like old times. And his eyes,” Jessica implored with a deep raspy voice, “why does Troy have to have the most mesmerizing eyes on the face of the planet? I just lost it. I shouldn’t have drunk so much.”

Max hugged her tightly. “Don’t feel bad. Nate was only short-term anyway. You shouldn’t feel guilty about making out with Troy. How do you feel about him now?”

Bewildered was all that came to Jessica’s mind. She kept on wondering how different her life would’ve been if Troy had come back when he said. How would he have reacted to having a child at seventeen? Her parents still would’ve shipped her off to Melbourne, so would Troy have come with her and helped her pursue her dreams? Or would he have hindered them?

Jessica had always been ambitious, even at seventeen. She was grateful in so many ways to leave the small country town behind her to live in the fast-paced city. With reluctant support from her family she juggled motherhood, study and work for years. Somehow she’d made it through. With her parents reminding her every day of how ashamed they were, it had made her build a tough exterior and given her unrelenting determination. Her hunger for success paid off, and now she had a booming business and a high-flying lifestyle to go along with it.

So many what-if scenarios played through Jessica’s mind, but she brushed them aside. There was no point. She had to deal with reality.

“That’s just it, Max. Part of me still burns with hate for him leaving. His decision to not come home cost me twenty years. Deep down I’ve always wanted him to come back. But you know what? Troy reminds me so much of Graeme. Safe, warm, comfortable, a friend.” Jessica took a long sip of her tea. “But things are different now. Something changed inside of me when I met Nate. He’s the complete opposite of them. Nate’s all wild, hot, spontaneous, and it turns me on just looking at him.” Jessica saw Max trying not to laugh when she was trying to be all serious. “Troy has always had a piece of my heart, and always will. He’s Conner’s father, for fuck’s sake. But how do I feel about him now?”

Jessica was more confused than ever. Had she been trying to deny growing feelings for him? Was it fate that had brought them back together? Maybe there was something there, deep in her heart for him that could lead to something new.

“Wow! Look at you. Talk about going from a drought to a flood. It’s like you’re in love with two men.”

“Max, this isn’t funny. Someone is going to get hurt, or all of us are, and I don’t like that one bit. I’m cut up about Nate because he lied to me. That’s what hurts the most. Somehow I have to find a way where I can put this mess behind me and work with him and his team for the next few months. My feelings for him were much stronger than I thought. And now Troy is only adding to my confusion. I shouldn’t have let things go so far.”

“I think it’s too late for that, Jess.”

* * *

Late in the evening Jessica was tired and ready for bed. She was showered, wrapped up in winter flannel pajamas, and her teeth were freshly brushed. After taking another two aspirin for her splitting headache, she was about to turn the light out when her cell phone rang. Her stomach curled at the sight of the caller ID. It was time to be her professional self again as she reluctantly answered the phone.

“Hi, it’s Nate.”

Jessica’s whole body shuddered. She screwed her eyes shut and bit her lip for a second, trying not to cry. She wanted to hurl a million hurtful words at him but calmly took a breath. “Hello. To what do I owe the honor of a phone call from you?”

“It’s been absolutely crazy over here. I’ve worked every day since returning from Paris. I’m exhausted from too many eighteen hour days. Thank you for your understanding.” Nate’s British accent sound so much stronger since she’d heard it last. Butterflies took flight in her belly, but she was quick to squash them down.

“Understanding?
Understanding
! What? Do you think I’m all okay with you going back to your ex-wife?” Jessica snapped.

“What?” Nate balked. “What are you talking about? I’m not back with my ex-wife.”

A sharp jolt ripped through Jessica’s body. “Have you seen the news? You’ve been all over it. Every day. You haven’t returned my calls or emails. Your secretary wouldn’t let me talk to you. And one time I rang and talked to your daughter and the nanny, and they both confirmed you were in bed with Rachael.”

“In bed with my ex-wife … are you kidding me?” Nate’s voice resonated with fury. “I told you that I had to stay in London because of Lucy’s accident and work. The majority of the time I’ve been locked away in meetings. With Brooke away, I know I’ve fallen behind on correspondence that needs my attention. But be certain about one thing, I’m definitely not sleeping with Rachael. Or anyone else for that matter.”

“But the news …” Jessica faltered.

“This is bullshit. Never believe in gossip. Lucy broke her leg falling off a climbing tower in the park the day before they were scheduled to fly home. Rachael went berserk. The only time that I ever stepped foot near Rachael or her bedroom was when we came back to the hotel after being at the hospital with Lucy. She’d knocked herself out with a sedative and I carried her onto her bed. That’s it.”

Jessica sat in strained silence. She covered her face with her hand as the sound of her pulse pounded in her ears. She struggled to find the words as her body rippled with shame. “How can I believe you?”

“It’s called trust, Jess.” Nate sounded angry. “Rather than keep Lucy in hospital, I flew the nanny over to help and put everyone up in a suite at the hotel. As for the damn photographers everywhere, they’re trying to make a buck out of nothing. I swear to you on my life.”

All the pieces of the puzzle fell together. Jessica felt mortified at believing all the gossip. When it came to Nate, her mind just didn’t think straight. “Nate … I don’t know what to say. For weeks I’ve been thinking that you’d gone back to her.”

“Not ever going to happen.”

“Why didn’t you return my calls?”

“When I got the chance, often the hours were all wrong. I’m sorry, but work has been so hectic that hours, sometimes days, slipped by without me realizing it. I’ve been drawn into so many projects, plans and staff meetings since I’ve landed here that I’ve hardly had a break. Any spare moment that I’ve had, I’ve gone to see Lucy.”

“You have to understand that not hearing from you only added to my confusion. Especially after our fight the night you left. Everything in the news just sounded so real.” Jessica paused. “Oh … Oh shit. Her head spun uncontrollably. “You’ve been gone for four weeks. I thought we were over. Things have happened.”

For a few slow seconds all Jessica heard was Nate’s heavy breath in the speaker of the phone.

“What things?”

“I was hurt. There was no explanation.” Her hands shook as she tried to hold her phone to her ear.

“What are you saying?”

“You weren’t here.”

Nate remained silent.

Jessica spoke in a fluster. “I got drunk, and … and I know it’s no excuse. I was trying to get over you.”

Nate’s voice was barely audible above a soft whisper. “What are you trying to tell me?”

Tears finally fell from the corners of her eyes as guilt weighed down on her chest, making it hard to breath.

Silence.

“Did you sleep with someone?” he asked.

“What? No, it was just a kiss.”

“Who? Do I know who it is?”

“Troy.”

“Troy? You said there was nothing between you two.”

“There isn’t.” She froze as she jumbled through her messed up emotions.

“It doesn’t sound like it. How could you? Don’t you think you should have talked to me first about all this stupid gossip with Rachael? I’ve had to deal with all this ludicrous tabloid news, Lucy’s accident, and my ex-wife who I can barely tolerate as a human being anymore. Coming back to you was what has been holding me together.”

“Coming back to me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jessica punched her pillow hard. “When I told you I was falling for you, you left me thinking we were through. Business always wins is what you said. You ran away. Just like every other man has done in my life. What was I supposed to think? I’m not used to all this gossip and tabloid hype. You made international headlines over here. I thought it was all true.” Exasperated, Jessica took a few deep breaths to try and calm down.