Protecting Fiona (SEAL of Protection Book 3) (12 page)

Again, when Benny snorted, Fiona agreed with him. “Yeah, I know. Again, I was dumb. Really dumb. Seriously dumb. No one knows that more than me. I paid for it. Big time.”  The room got quiet. No one said a word, knowing what Fiona would say next.

“When I woke up, I was in that room Hunter found me in. I was still wearing the stupid T-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops I’d worn to the club. I suppose I should be glad I wasn’t wearing heels, that would’ve made it really hard to tromp through the jungle. I’m not sure how many days had gone by when I woke up, but I was pretty out of it. They must’ve started the drugs before I came to. I was chained by the ankle at first, but when I attacked them whenever they got close to me, they wised up and chained me by my neck. They could control me better that way. I figure I was there for about three months, but it was probably more based on the time that I was out of it.” Fiona paused. No one said a word, although she could see Dude and Benny clenching their teeth.

“What did they want you for?” Dude asked finally, knowing, but wanting to see what Fiona would say.

“They wanted to sell me as a sex slave, but I wasn’t ‘properly trained,’” Fiona told the men without tempering her words. “They were waiting for me to break. To beg for mercy, to beg for more drugs, to beg to die…something. But I refused. I wouldn’t give in to them. They couldn’t steal who I was. And I figured whatever they had in store for me would be worse than where I was, so I refused them. I don’t think they would’ve kept me as long as they did, but they didn’t know what else to do with me at that point.”

“Good girl,” Cookie muttered, stroking Fiona’s hair.

“They were getting more and more pissed though,” Fiona continued, ignoring Hunter’s comment for the moment. She’d think about it again when she had time to reminisce about sitting there in his arms. “I think their buyer was getting desperate. He wanted his sex slave and he wanted her now, that’s when Julie showed up. She was way different than me, so I was a bit confused. I figured their buyers would want a certain ‘type’ of woman, and Julie wasn’t anything like me in looks or temperament. But maybe the guy was desperate and didn’t care anymore. If you guys hadn’t shown up when you did, Julie would’ve been gone soon. She caved the second they put her in the room. She begged to be let go. She went along with everything they told her to do, thinking her cooperation and ‘Daddy’ would save her. She was so freaked out and scared and pliable…they were going to sell her in a few days. Then I think they were going to kill me.”

Benny couldn’t hold back anymore and asked the question both he and Cookie were wondering. They’d talked about it together while she’d been recovering and couldn’t figure it out.

“Why didn’t you say anything when Cookie came into the room? You weren’t so out of it with the drugs that you didn’t know he was there, were you? Were you really going to let him walk out and leave you there?”

Fiona thought about how she wanted to answer Benny, but she didn’t know exactly what they were looking for. She could’ve said all sorts of things, but she did what she usually did, she told the truth, looking up at Hunter when she answered. “You weren’t there for me. It wasn’t fair of me to lower your chances to get out of there with Julie alive. No one had paid to get me out. I don’t have any family, no close friends, I was weak and I knew it. Something had changed with the kidnappers. They hadn’t fed me in a couple of days and had even stopped giving me the drugs. They were tired of dealing with me and since they had Julie to sell, I think they were just going to leave me there, chained to the floor, to die. I figured it was better if one of us got out, rather than neither of us.”

No one said a word when Fiona stopped speaking.

Fiona shifted on her seat. Hell, that had sounded dramatic, even to her. Christ. She was pathetic. “So….” she started.

“Shut. Up,” Cookie said harshly, enunciating each word clearly. He was breathing hard through his nose; clenching the hand he’d laid on Fiona’s leg so hard, his knuckles were white. His touch was gentle, but he looked like he was about to burst.

Dude stood up and paced the room. Fiona could hear him muttering under his breath, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying.

Finally Cookie couldn’t stand it anymore. The words burst forth. “Jesus, Fiona. How in the hell did you walk fifteen miles in flip-flops and shorts through the jungle, half carry me to that ladder, carry a backpack weighing a hundred pounds and cling to a rope ladder after being chained to a floor for over three months, being drugged against your will and having not eaten for who knows how long? Oh, and let’s not forget, you were fucking
shot
while clinging to that damn ladder!”

Cookie’s voice had steadily risen as he’d spoken and he disengaged himself from Fiona carefully and stood up. Fiona sat up as he moved. He stalked away from her, changed his mind when he got halfway across the room and stalked back. Cookie knelt in front of Fiona, not touching her, his eyes boring into hers. His hands rested on his thighs while he waited for her to answer his semi-rhetorical question.

Fiona stared back at him. Mesmerized by his eyes, not caring that Benny and Dude were in the room with them. She gave Hunter the only thing she could. “Because if I didn’t, you probably would’ve died in that jungle trying to get me and Julie out,” Fiona told him quietly, with one hundred percent sincerity. “If it was just me, I would’ve just laid down and died. I’m not strong like you are. It didn’t matter. Don’t you get it?
No one was looking for me.
I have no family, no real friends. It. Didn’t. Matter. Then you came to rescue Julie and I knew you wouldn’t leave me behind. Oh, I thought you might at first, and I was hoping you would, but at the same time scared you’d actually leave me there. I wanted to scream out when you started peeling back that board in the hut. I heard you loud and clear. I would’ve rushed across the room if I could’ve.”

Fiona took a breath, but didn’t look away from Hunter. His body was coiled with an emotion she couldn’t read. She continued, trying to explain. “The first time you looked at me like I had two heads when I asked if you’d take me too, I knew you were the kind of man that would never leave someone behind. So I trudged along behind you, mile after mile, thinking about how bad
you’d
feel if I just keeled over. That you’d think it was
your
fault. So I didn’t. I couldn’t. I ignored how crappy I felt. I ignored how much I hurt. I concentrated on making it, one step at a time, counting down one number at a time until we were either rescued or killed.”

Cookie stared at the woman sitting in front of him for another second or two, then stood up and walked out of the room without another word.

Fiona looked down at her fingers, which were cold. She’d been clutching them together tightly throughout her explanation to Hunter. She looked up at Benny and Dude. Benny had a weird look on his face that Fiona couldn’t interpret.

“What?” she asked him defensively. “You would’ve done the same thing,” Fiona told him almost accusingly.

“You’re right,” Benny answered without hesitation, “and Dude would too, but we’re men honey. And SEALs. Trained. And I’m not sure either of us could’ve done it in the same circumstances.”

Fiona shook her head. “Yes, you would,” she said softly. “You know you would.”

Benny and Dude continued to look at her. Fiona figured now was her chance to ask about what had gone on when she was out of it. She didn’t want to think about Mexico anymore. Hunter’s reaction to what she’d said was freaking her out. Was he disgusted, pissed, upset? She had no idea. She was nervous without him by her side, so she tried to change the subject.

“Please tell me what happened this week. What did I do that I don’t remember?”

“How do you know anything happened, Fiona?” Dude asked back. “How do you know you didn’t just lie on that bed out of it for the last five days?”

Fiona sighed. “I wasn’t sure, but you just proved it. Please, Dude. I need to know.”

The guys really didn’t want to tell her, but she deserved to know. Dude looked at Benny, and saw him nod slightly.

Dude told her the basics of what had happened. He glossed over the part where she fought them and what she specifically said, but it was enough to make her pale a bit and bite her lip.

“I really am sorry. I-I-I didn’t…”

Benny interrupted her. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Fiona. If you must know, we all admire you.”

Fiona looked at Benny as if he was crazy.

“We do. You were clearly outnumbered, and there were three of us, and still you fought. You’re strong, Fiona. You don’t give up. That’s a great trait to have.”

Fiona wasn’t sure what to say. She just looked down at her hands again. She was glad she didn’t remember it, but Jesus, she’d really climbed out of a second story window to try to escape? She probably had. If she’d had the chance back in that hut in Mexico she would’ve done whatever she had to in order to get away. Even if that meant setting off into the jungle by herself.

“Come on, Fiona, you look exhausted. I’ll take you back to your room so you can sleep.” Benny came over to where she was sitting on the sofa and held out his hand.

He was big, but as Fiona came to know them, she knew they’d never hurt her. She grasped his hand hesitantly and stood up. As soon as she was steady on her feet, Benny let go of her, knowing she wasn’t comfortable with casual touching yet, and gestured toward the door.

Benny escorted her back to the bedroom they’d brought her to the first night she came to the big house. The room was just as she remembered it. Big and white. The bed looked very comfortable. It was a big four poster bed that was about three feet off the ground. It even had a little step stool next to it to help people get into it. The comforter was fluffy and looked super soft. Even with her body crying out for sleep and the fabulous looking bed, Fiona didn’t think she’d be able to sleep.

Remembering the look on Hunter’s face when she talked about what happened to her, was killing her. She didn’t know if he was mad, disgusted, impressed, or what. It was stressing her out. She supposed it didn’t really matter in the long run. They now knew who she was, they knew where she lived, and that she was alone in the world. Fiona also knew she’d soon be going home. She had a life, Hunter had a life. It was time they got back to it. 

Two hours after Cookie had abruptly left Fiona and his teammates in the library, he opened Fiona’s bedroom door a crack and peered inside. He’d tried to stay away from her, he really did, but he couldn’t. He’d spent the last eight days with her; Cookie actually couldn’t sleep well now without her. Even when Fiona had been out of it, he’d slept near her, holding her hand and talking to her.

After listening to her story tonight, Cookie wanted to immediately go back to Mexico and kill every single one of her captors. They were going to leave her to
die
in that pit. Perhaps worse than that, was that Fiona knew it. She would’ve starved to death, and no one would’ve known. It would’ve been a slow agonizing death. If she’d been left there, Cookie never would’ve met her. Never been awed by her strength. Hell, he might not have made it out of the jungle alive if Fiona hadn’t been there to help him make it to the ladder so his teammates could haul him up to the helicopter. Cookie couldn’t imagine not knowing Fiona. He honestly didn't understand how she’d made it out of her entire situation alive, and amazingly well.

He knew the human body was resilient, but Fiona was amazing. And humble. That was what got him. How the hell had Fiona grown up so humble and unassuming? Her so-called mother certainly hadn’t instilled it in her, and while she hadn’t told them what she’d been through in her childhood, they’d all been able to put some of the pieces together. Being a foster kid was never a picnic, and certainly not for a teenager.

Fiona honestly had no idea that what she’d done and lived through in Mexico was extraordinary. She did it because it had to be done. Period. She didn’t want praise, and in fact was embarrassed by it, but she did it anyway. Fiona told her story matter of factly, whereas most other people who’d been through the same thing, would be in hysterics.

Cookie closed the door silently behind him and made his way to the bed where Fiona lay. He wasn’t completely surprised when she turned over to look at him in the moonlight coming through the window.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked softly.

Cookie just shook his head and motioned for her to scoot over.

Fiona did and watched as Hunter took off his T-shirt and let his sweats fall to the ground. He was gorgeous. In the moonlight, Fiona could see the scars on his chest, but he was built like a brick wall. Hunter was muscular, and the play of his muscles in his arms was sexy as hell. He had a light sprinkling of hair on his chest and she could see his biceps flex as he moved. His thighs looked strong and she could tell he was big…all over.

Before Fiona could take a more concentrated look at the part of him that interested and scared her, he climbed into the bed. Without a word, Hunter ran his hand over her head and brought it toward him. He kissed her briefly, too briefly, on the forehead then encouraged her to turn on her side, facing away from him.

Fiona felt Hunter snuggle up behind her as soon as she turned, pulling her back to his front. His arm came around her chest, holding her tightly against him. She sighed and snuggled deeper into his embrace. Fiona knew she should probably be freaking out that Hunter had stripped naked before joining her in the bed, but she’d felt safe when he’d held her this way back in the jungle, and she felt safe now. His skin was warm and Fiona could feel his heat soaking into her body. She wasn’t thinking about what her kidnappers had done to her, and knew Hunter wouldn’t push her into anything she wasn’t ready for. She might never be ready, but Fiona hoped that wasn’t the case. She wanted to be intimate with a man again, with this man.

“Are you okay, Hunter?”

“I’m sorry I left.”

“Don’t be. I understand.
I’m
sorry I upset you.”

Cookie tightened his arms and put pressure on Fiona’s hip until she turned onto her back. He came up on one elbow and his other hand came up to her face and cupped her cheek. Fiona had no choice but to look at him.

“
You
didn’t upset me. Those assholes that kidnapped you upset me. I’m so damn proud of you I could burst. You have no idea what you mean to me.” He saw the confusion in Fiona’s eyes. “I know, I’m laying a lot of heavy stuff on you, but I want to be upfront with you about how I feel. Can you take it right now?”

Fiona stared at Hunter. He was leaning over her and his hand had moved from her face to brush her hair behind her right ear. His fingertips were tracing her ear, sending shivers throughout her body. She wanted to press herself up into him, even with all that happened to her, she wanted that.

“Fee?”

Oh yeah, he’d asked her a question. “I can take it.” She bit her lip and looked up at the man she was beginning to think she couldn’t live without. She hoped she could take it, but if Hunter needed to tell her something, she’d listen, no matter if she was ready or not.

“I know it’s probably too soon, but I’ve never felt this way about a woman before. I’ve always been the one to walk away. I know I’ve been a jerk in the past. But I don’t want to walk away from you. The thought of you being hurt, or killed, makes me crazy. The thought of walking out of this house and never seeing you again, makes me crazy. The thought of your body under mine, makes me crazy.” Cookie eyed Fiona nervously. He had to finish his thoughts and stop beating around the bush.

“You’re mine, Fiona. I know that makes me sound like a fucking caveman, but I can’t apologize for it. I want to protect you. I want to show you off. I just want you. In every way.” Cookie closed his eyes and leaned his head down and put this forehead against Fiona’s. He could feel her warm breath against his face. He lowered his voice. “I know you have some stuff you have to work through, and I want to be there with you while you do it. All I want is a chance. A chance to show you that you’re safe with me. That you’ll always be safe with me.”

Fiona’s breath hitched. Hunter’s words were like band-aids on her soul. All she’d ever wanted since she’d been in her first foster home was to feel safe and wanted. Hunter was offering her both.

“I…”

Cookie placed a finger over her lips lightly. “No, don’t say anything, Fee. I know this is fast. Probably too fast, but I know what I want, and that’s you. Sleep on it. Don’t agree because I want it. Agree because
you
want it. There’s more we have to talk about tomorrow, stuff that’s pretty heavy, but know that I’ll be there with you.” Cookie looked down at Fiona. He had no idea how this woman had survived what she had, but there was no doubt in his mind that she was his. He just hoped she might want that too. “Turn back on your side again. Let me hold you?”

Fiona did as he asked without hesitation. She wanted Hunter to hold her too. When she turned over, she felt Hunter curl up into her again. His bottom arm was between them, curled up against his chest and against her back. His other arm was curled over her back and he pulled her against him by placing his hand against her breastbone.

Fiona could feel the heat from his hand against her breast. She felt a moment of panic, before consciously relaxing. This was Hunter. She was safe with him.

“I want you, but I’m scared.” she whispered as if saying the words out loud would make them have less power over her.

“I know you are. I’ll never pressure you, Fee. I want you, you can feel that, but know that I’ll never force you. I’ll wait as long as you need. Okay? I won’t tell you not to feel scared, but while you are, know that I’m here and I have your back. You don’t ever have to be scared of
me
.”

Fiona nodded. She
could
feel how much he wanted her. His erection against her butt was long and hard. She wished she could turn over and show him how much his words meant to her, but he was right. She needed to take things slow. Colossally slow.

“Thank you for coming to me tonight.” There was more Fiona wanted to say, but those were the only words she could get out.

“You’re welcome, Fee. I’ll always come to you if I can.”

Fiona nodded and snuggled back into Hunter’s arms.

Cookie lay with Fiona throughout the night. He didn’t sleep. He couldn’t. Twice when she started having a nightmare, he woke her up slowly and soothed her until she fell back asleep. She was human. She might’ve been able to somehow make it out of the jungle alive, but she was affected. Deeply. She might always be, but Cookie knew Fiona would show a brave face to the world and fight her demons behind closed doors.

It’s the same thing he’d always done. Cookie loved this woman. He didn’t know how it had happened so fast, but it had. He wasn’t going to let her go. He wasn’t sure what their future had in store for them, but he wasn’t going to let her slip away. Finally, around dawn, Cookie fell into a light slumber, holding Fiona tight and wondering how to make her want to stay with him…forever.

* * *

Fiona woke up alone the next morning, but when she turned over she could see the indentation from Hunter’s head in the pillow next to her. She looked around, and seeing she was alone, picked up the pillow he’d used, and held it to her face. God, it smelled good. It smelled like Hunter. Fiona put the pillow down and stared at the ceiling.

It was time to think about going home. She didn’t want to, but she didn’t have a choice. She figured that was what Hunter meant when he said they had to have a serious conversation today. Fiona was sure the men had to get back to their base by now as well. It wasn’t as if they could stay here forever.

After showering and putting on a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt that had been left in the bathroom for her, Fiona made her way down the stairs.

She walked into the kitchen to see all three of the guys sitting at the small table, obviously waiting for her.

“Hey, guys,” Fiona said cautiously.

Hunter got up and came over to her and enveloped her in his arms. Fiona buried her head in his chest and wrapped her arms around him.

“Good morning, Fee,” Cookie said softly, his rumbly voice making her feel mushy inside.

“Good morning, Hunter.”

He pulled back and looked down at her.

“Hungry?”

“Uh, yeah,” Fiona couldn’t help the sarcasm that escaped with her words. She watched as Hunter threw his head back and laughed.

“All right, come on, Benny made us all a gourmet breakfast.”

Cookie pulled away, but took Fiona’s hand and led her to the small table. He waited until she was seated before heading to the refrigerator. “Orange juice okay?”

“Oh my God. Yes. Please. I haven’t had OJ in…well, a long time.”

Cookie took a deep breath. Jesus, Fiona slayed him with her words and she had no idea. He filled a large glass to the brim and brought both the glass and the container of juice to the table. If Fiona wanted juice, she’d get as much as she could drink.

The four of them sat around the table and enjoyed the pancakes and omelets Benny had made for them. They were mostly silent during the meal, the men thinking about the upcoming conversation they had to have with Fiona, and Fiona thinking she’d never had anything half as tasty as the food she was currently eating.

After they’d finished, Fiona grabbed her plate and stood up, intending to take her dishes to the sink.

“No, sit, Fiona,” Dude practically barked at her.

She startled badly and almost dropped her plate.

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Dude’s tone of voice was placating and apologetic.

“No, it’s all right. It’s me.”

“Bullshit. I was rude, and I’m sorry. What I meant to say, was leave the plates. We can do the dishes later.”

Fiona nodded. She should’ve noticed before now, but all three of the men seemed tense. Was this it? Were they going to kick her out now? Was she going to have to say good bye to Hunter?

“We have to talk.”

Fiona almost moaned at Benny’s words. Yup. It was time. “It’s time to go isn’t it?” She might as well get the ball rolling.

Cookie took hold of Fiona’s hand and held it tightly against his thigh. “Yes. But we have some stuff we need to talk to you about first.”

Cookie didn’t want to tell Fiona what Tex had found out for them. But she was right, it
was
time to go. They had to get back to base and Cookie wanted Fiona with them when they went.

Benny took over the conversation from Cookie. “Okay, so this house isn’t ours. We have a friend, a former SEAL who lives in Virginia. Tex works with us as well as other groups outside the military. He’s a computer whiz. Once, for fun, he hacked into the FBI’s computer system just to see if he could. He had the balls to call them once he was out to let them know what he’d done. Needless to say they weren’t happy, but he wanted to prove a point. Anyway, Tex sort of ‘manages’ this house. It has a crazy level of security and he keeps its existence pretty quiet. We use it as well as some other private security people he knows.”

Fiona nodded as Benny took a break. When no one said anything for a moment, Fiona nervously said, “Okay. I’ll have to remember to send him a Christmas card.” She immediately blushed. Jesus, she needed to control her mouth.

Cookie brought their intertwined hands up to his mouth and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. “God, you’re cute. I’ll be sure to get an address from Wolf for you.”