Prue Phillipson - Hordens of Horden Hall (39 page)

“Oh.” She could see it too.

“The strange thing was,” he went on and she knew that for the moment he was oblivious of her, “everything happened so quickly then that I couldn’t hold in my mind that he was dead. The mast was falling and the captain was in danger. I thrust him away and then we were all enveloped in sails and rigging. I was hit with a great splinter off the deck. I had to free others, a boy was screaming. I tore the splinter from my leg so I could crawl out and I freed some who were not much hurt and then I found this thing under the sail and when I cut a hole the thing was Henry’s head again all bloody and staring at me. I didn’t know where he’d gone and there he was looking at me as if to say ‘couldn’t you have saved me too?’”

Eunice heard him sob. They were wrenching deep sobs. She struggled to sit up but he was sitting on her legs. She murmured some words of sympathy but he seemed far away, bowed over, his head in his hands.

“It should have been me,” he said then. “I’d have been spared all this living.”

“No, Daniel.” She must break through to him. She struggled to free her legs and he became aware of her movements. He shifted and turned to look at her.

She sat up fully. “Daniel, God has given you life. Be grateful.”

“Oh I will, Eunice, if you’ll help me”

He had forgotten to keep his voice down. The moon was bright now. It must have sailed suddenly into open sky. They could see each other. He took hold of her hand.

There was a click and a creaking sound. Eunice saw the connecting door opening. Her grandmother stood there.

“Well!”

Daniel jumped up. He put a hand to his head and looked down at Celia.

“I came in because she screamed.” He looked at Eunice for confirmation.

She nodded. “I had a nightmare.”

“Well!” Her grandmother seemed to be wearing a triumphant smile. “Well, my boy, you’ll have to marry her now.”

“No,” cried Eunice, “you don’t understand. I was shrieking out.”

“I heard voices talking, no screams. I must say I’m surprised at you, girl. What would your father have said?”

Daniel shed the cloak from his shoulders. “Look, Cousin. You are quite mistaken. She did scream. I calmed her down. Nothing happened. We began talking.”

“Began talking – in the middle of the night!”

“Yes.” He sounded angry. “Yes. My God, she’s as pure as driven snow. Don’t you dare to scold her. I’m going back to bed.”

He walked out onto the landing and shut the door.

“Well!” Celia said again, “He can’t escape now whatever story he tells his parents. You’ve got him now, my girl.” She rubbed her hands together. “I’ll catch my death if I stay up.” She turned to go.

“Grandmother, you shall not speak of this. He had no evil intentions. He came out of anxiety and kindness.”

“And what would have been his next move? You are a young woman and available and I won’t let him trifle with you like that. Have you not a lock on the door?”

Eunice clenched her teeth. She thought she had never felt anger for anyone in her whole life as she did now for her grandmother.

Celia wagged her finger at her as she retreated into her own room.

“You can be sure neither of you have heard the last of this.”

Eunice lay a long time, flat on her back, wide awake.

It had been a wonderful, beautiful pain having him so close, his hand clasping hers. But how much did it mean? Her grandmother had distorted and trivialised it all. She would never understand that both she and he had been reduced to tears over recollected tragedies that were nothing to do with love for each other. Eunice went over in her head everything that had passed. He had used her name once at the moment when he pleaded for her help. That was a tender, precious plea but it was not a declaration of love. When Celia had said, “You’ll have to marry her now,” he had not eagerly endorsed that. In fact she had jumped in herself with her emphatic “No.” Nothing had happened that put him under any obligation – that was all I meant, she convinced herself, but would he take it as a harsh rebuttal?

It was cruel, she thought, coming after the wonderful frame of mind he was in at supper when he had finished his path. But it was I to whom he told the tale of his friend’s death. He said he had never spoken of it to anyone else. Was it only because
I
had confided in
him
? That thoughtful look was provoked by his wondering whether to tell me or not. We might begin to be close to each other if only Grandmother... I must put him to the test. I must leave and find my own place. It is too painful to be under the same roof. With this resolution she fell asleep.

CHAPTER 26

Daniel was unable to sleep any more. He knew he must speak to his mother before Celia did. He paced his room. He crept downstairs and revived the embers of the kitchen fire. He fed it some sticks from the basket and watched them catch light. He recalled Eunice’s story of the fire.

I was a callous brute, he told himself. I made no comment on her sufferings, showed no sympathy. I launched into my own nightmare and I could feel how moved she was for me. She is a special character and I believe I could be in love with her now. I once thought I couldn’t face being married to a saint. But she is vulnerable. She is not the forbiddingly self-composed being I imagined. I think she loves me – but she may not know it yet. She was swift with her negative when Celia spoke of my marrying her.

After watching the fire for a while he lit a candle from it and carried it back up to his room. He opened his Bible at John’s gospel. I know this is the truth, he told himself, as she does. There is a bond. He looked out at the moonlit woods.

At seven o’clock when the moon had slipped down behind the trees he dressed himself and listened for his mother and father getting up.

As soon as he heard them he popped out of his room and waylaid them on the stairs.

“Mother, I must speak with you a minute.”

She was only too delighted, he could tell, as she followed him into his room and sat down on his bed and beamed expectantly at him.

He perched on the clothes chest opposite her. “You won’t smile when I tell you what’s happened. Celia found me in Eunice’s room in the middle of the night.”

She didn’t smile. She stared for a moment with raised eyebrows. Then she put her hand up to her mouth and laughed. “I wish I’d seen her face.”

“But, Mother, she says I’ll have to marry Eunice now.”

“Why not? No, I withdraw that. You are to be as free as I was. Can you tell me
why
you went into her room in the middle of the night?”

He told it all, including the account of the death of Henry which he had never yet divulged. Again he wept but they were gentler tears. The horror was not so sharp.

Of course her arms were round him. He had expected it and let them stay.

She said, “So she has had her horror too, poor girl. Take a lesson in bravery from her. If it hadn’t been for that sad little fire yesterday we would never have known what she had to endure.”

“But that’s the trouble. She is so much better than I in every way. I would fear a sermon from her whenever I came short.”

“Well, we have seen a new Eunice since her father’s death. She has had to adapt swiftly to life and that shows me she always will. But the new Eunice will bubble with new joy when she knows she has a good man’s love for life.”

“But will that be me? I am so unsure of myself. You spoke of her bravery. Mine has gone. I was so sure about the navy but now I see the fighting as all madness. It is a different world from the day I waved to the King on London Bridge or when I knelt before him in the privy garden and he spoke graciously to me. Now I know that fighting for him is all mired in blood, politics and money. We don’t want peace but we can’t afford to make war.”

“Oh, Dan, your talk is darting here there and everywhere. You have not slept. Let us get the party over this evening and then make time for Eunice. Talk with her honestly. She admires directness. If you are not ready for marriage tell her you want to know her better. If you want to propose but doubt her reply simply ask her?”

She stopped and listened.

They could hear Ursula’s scampering footsteps on the stairs and then she tapped on Celia’s door. “I’ve brought your breakfast, Mistress Horden. Eunice asked me to.”

“Ah the worm has turned.” His mother was chuckling again. “Are we seeing yet another Eunice? Eunice the rebel.”

They listened till they heard Ursula come out and then they emerged and followed her.

She looked round at the bottom of the stairs and grinned her comical lopsided grin. “What have you been up to, Daniel? Eunice has walked into Newcastle to find another home. She said, ‘It’s not right for me to be under the same roof as Daniel.’ But she wasn’t cross.”

He looked at his mother. “What does she think? I’ll invade her room again?”

“No, you dolt,” Bel said. “She’s thinking of her own feelings for once. It’s too harrowing to have you so near.”

“Well, are we still having a party?” Ursula asked. “You finished your path, Daniel.”

Bel gave a little skip. “He did indeed. Yes, the village expects a party. We must have a party. I’ll help you make some sweetmeats for the children to comfort them for the loss of their flags.”

Daniel grabbed her arm as she was dancing to the kitchen. “Oh come, Mother, what do I do
now
about Eunice?”

“What do you do? Well, ask yourself. You could do nothing at all or – of course – you could ride after her.”

He stood still as his mother and Ursula went blithely on. Doing nothing did not fit his mood at all.

“Nana Sula,” he shouted after them, “tell Adam to saddle my horse.”

He dashed back up to his room for his riding boots and a cloak and hat.

Till he was outside he hadn’t realised what a sparkling January morning it was. A white frost had succeeded the cold moonlit night and a cloudless sky shed a brittle light over fields and woods. No one was about and indeed he saw no figure at all till he spotted her, a briskly moving speck heading for the junction with the highroad. In all this wide landscape he saw his hopes gathered in that little dot. All he could think was, “I want her. She is mine if I don’t blunder.” But he would blunder. He had no idea what he would say. He spurred forward.

Eunice heard the hooves when she reckoned she had covered two miles. She knew who it must be before she looked round. What she was unsure of was whether she was glad or sorry. He doesn’t know his own feelings, she had been telling herself, over and over again as she walked. Maybe he loves me as a cousin but is not
in love
with me as a woman. Now, she thought, his coming after me may only lead to more torment and confusion, the very things I want to escape. He may propose on impulse as he has rushed to mount his horse on impulse. So what do I do?

She stood still by the roadside, watching him grow from a small mounted figure to his rosy-faced, long-legged self, drawing rein and looking down at her and about to speak – what words would come out?

“Wherever do you think you’re going?”

She smiled, feeling sure he hadn’t known himself what he would say, as she stared calmly up at him.

“I left a message for your mother.”

He flung himself off his horse. “I know, but dash it – you can’t just go off like that.”

“Why not? I only want to make inquiries for two rooms, for me and my grandmother. She is testing your parents’ patience sorely.” She gave him another smile. “And I yours perhaps.”

“Mine? No, why would you say that?”

He is out of his depth, she thought. Am I being that horrid creature I have always despised – a tease? I should be straight-forward and honest with him. He is a sweet, confused boy and I love him to distraction, but he is not quite the complete man that I could honour as a husband. Not yet.

“Look, Cousin Daniel,” she said, aware of the rutted roadway, whitened in strips with the night’s frost, the crisp grass, the steamy breath of the horse, the surrounding fields and woods, “let us speak openly. My grandmother is constantly dropping hints that we are going to marry. That is very uncomfortable for us both. Your mother and father are too wise to do such a thing but we know they would be happy.” She held up her hand as he seemed about to break in. “So it is neither pleasant nor seemly for us to be together any longer under the same roof.”

“D’you mean if we were it would be?” He lifted his hat and scratched his head. “I haven’t put that very well.”

“Quite clearly enough.”

“Well, how about it then? I mean, perhaps we should. Dash it all. It would solve everything then. It would keep Mother and Father happy and silence old Celia.”

She stood very still, controlling the shivering that was trying to take hold of her. She compressed her lips and looked him in the eye. “You call that a proposal of marriage? If that is the proposal what would the marriage be like?” She turned to walk on.

“No, please.” He grabbed her arm. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how it is but I can’t seem to make any sense today. Last night was good. For the first time we really spoke together. If only Celia hadn’t come in –”