P.S. Be Eleven (20 page)

“I had it tailored to fit,” Mrs. said. “Turn around, darling.” Mrs. had a way of not hearing Pa that made me want to smile. It was the way Pa used to have with Big Ma.

“She's a little girl,” Pa said.

Vonetta scrunched up her face. “Little?”

“She needs light blue, purple. Pink.” Pa was pulling colors out of his head. “Those are nice colors for little girls.”

“Popsicle colors!” Fern said. “And sherbet.”

My sisters and I laughed at Pa's Popsicle colors, but Mrs. didn't. She said, “I guess it's settled. After we get home from work tomorrow, we'll pick up the girls and run downtown to Macy's, then Gertz to shop. They have a wide array of coats for little girls with all of those Popsicle colors you love. We're bound to find something just right for Delphine. And on sale.”

Mrs. had done Pa the way I did Vonetta and Fern. Her words—“wide array,” “Macy's,” “Gertz,” “shop,” and “sale”—made Pa stutter.

“N-now, hold on, Marva, honey. L-let's wait a minute. We can't just burn through money.” He said that last part without stuttering.

Mrs. gave Pa soft doe eyes that made Vonetta and Fern giggle. “Don't we want
our
girls to be warm for the
winter?” she asked, but she wasn't really asking a thing. “Come on, Louis sweetie.”

As if we picked up the signal from Mrs., we all sang,
“Pleeease.”

Pa looked both fit to be tied and ready to laugh. I knew he missed having Big Ma on his side of things. He shook his head and said, “My girls. My girls.”

In the morning, I stepped into Mrs.'s royal blue coat, now mine, and buttoned its big, round buttons. My arms glided down the sleeves that stopped just over my wrists, like a coat sleeve should. I walked out with my sisters into a whole new year, the rabbit-fur cuffs and collar looking smart and snappy. Once I felt that fur protecting me from the cold, I knew I'd never wear my old coat again. I pulled the fur collar up against my face. I never knew anything could feel so nice.

The sky was a perfect blue, but everywhere else you looked, snow had covered rooftops, parked cars, and driveways. Even the Arabian Knight of Herkimer Street was powdery white. I squinted, blinded by all the snow. The sun had baked a slick ice over patches of sidewalks, so we tried to step on only the snowy, crunchy parts. We were nearing Bedford Avenue when a clump of snow fell from a tree branch and hit the top of Vonetta's cap. I brushed the snow off of it and we crunched snow and slid
along until Fern stopped.

“Look!” Fern said. “Uncle D!”

“Where?” Vonetta asked. Three licks of Wanda the Good Switch hadn't done Vonetta any good. I could hear her still wanting to give our uncle a piece of her mind. Or at least punch him one.

Fern pointed her mittened hand toward the redbrick castle. The armory. “There!” Then she pulled down the scarf wrapped around her mouth and hollered, “Uncle D! Uncle Darnell!”

“Is that him?” Vonetta asked.

I cupped my hand over my eyes to fight snow blindness. It only took a second. I put my hand down and shook my head no. The man Fern thought was our uncle was a soldier in a green army uniform. From a distance I could see that he was too big and looked nothing like our uncle.

Vonetta rubbed her gloved fists around and around. “Just wait till I see him. Just wait.”

The auditorium roared with kids waiting for the bell to ring. Vonetta and Fern didn't bother with so much as a “See ya, Delphine” once we got inside. They hurried to the front and middle rows where second- and fourth-grade classes sat. I didn't have far to go. The sixth-grade classes sat in the back rows, nearest the exits.

I plunked myself in the aisle seat on the third to the last
row in the middle section. That was where the girls in my class sat. Rukia and Evelyn moved down toward me.

They said their hellos and I said mine.

“Nice coat,” Evelyn said, reaching over to pet the cuff.

A skull-capped head turned from the boys' row in front of us. It was Danny the K's head. He said, “Is that your invisible mama's coat?”

I wanted to say, “It's my stepmama's, for your information,” but my mouth stopped before it opened.
Stepmama
.

“Why do you wanna know?” Ellis Carter spoke up, then turned to glance at me. “You wanna wear Delphine's pretty blue coat?”

“Oh, snap!” Ant said loudly. “Elly May Clampett snapped on the K.”

There was a huge boy ruckus. They pulled off their knitted skullcaps and slapped one another upside the head with them. The boys all laughed and snapped on Ellis and the K, but mostly on the K. Then a PTA volunteer headed up the aisle toward them and the ruckus quieted.

I squirmed in my seat, wondering what had just happened. Did Ellis Carter snap on Danny the K?
For me?

While the boys, mostly Ellis, took shots at Danny the K, Frieda rose up from her seat next to Lucy and made a motion to her like, “Be right back.” She squeezed past all the girls already seated until she stood in the narrow space between me and Rukia and Evelyn. Rukia and Evelyn moved one seat back to let Frieda sit next to me.

I thought she was going to start talking but she didn't say anything. Then she ran her fingers around the cuff. “That feels real,” she said.

I said, “It is.”

To Cecile

3 × 1 = 3

3 × 2 = 6

3 × 3 = 9

3 = US

Afua + Vonetta + Delphine

1 = You

Cecile

3 × love

4 U

Happy Valentine's Day!

It was Fern's card, but we all signed our names.

Even though our house is only blocks away from the school, Pa led me around to the front passenger side of the Wildcat, jammed the key in the door lock, and told me to get in. The seat covers were cold when I slid over to unlock the door on the driver's side. I was glad to have my royal blue coat, fur and all.

Vonetta and Fern stood in the doorway, watching. Mrs. appeared and shouted, “Delphine! Wait!” She had something pink and square in her hand. Pa yelled, “We don't have time for that. She'll get it later.” Pa's lips tightened. “That woman.”

“Get what, Pa?” I asked.

“Some mail I picked up. It'll be there when you get back.” He said it like, “Case closed.”

I sat back while Pa revved up the Wildcat. On top of butterflies, on top of wanting to go to the dance and not wanting to go alone, I was anxious about what would be waiting for me when I got back.

Papa looked grim, like he was driving me to the state prison, so I didn't press him on what Mrs. had waiting for me. Then I smiled. Big. It was a valentine. Of course it was! I almost didn't care who it came from. A kitchen-printed card from Cecile. A Jesus card from Big Ma. Even a dime-store card from Uncle Darnell, wherever he was. No matter what happened at the dance, I still had a valentine card to come home to.

Vonetta, Fern, and Mrs. huddled in the cold and waved from the door as if I was going to a ball far, far away, but the truth was, they'd still be able to see the Wildcat when we got to the school. The headlights came on and the Wildcat shimmied out of the parking space.

The dark arrived early. It always did that time of year. By six o'clock it seemed like midnight. The insides of our car hadn't warmed up yet but it didn't matter. We'd be there in less than two minutes. I turned the rabbit-fur collar up around my face, against the chill, and wrapped my arms around my waist for the butterflies. We were a block away. I saw kids walking up to the school in pairs and in groups. Some got out of cars. No one walked alone.

Pa and I sat at the stop sign. When it was safe to cruise ahead, Pa put on his blinkers and turned left toward Atlantic Avenue. He pulled the car over but kept the engine running.

He waited for the Atlantic Avenue El train to pass overhead, and told me, “You don't have to go to this school dance.”

Mrs. had straightened my hair with Big Ma's hot comb and gave me a flip bang. When I whipped my head to face him the bang was full of bounce and poked me in the eye. I brushed it to the side.

“Papa . . .”

“It's just you and me, Delphine. We can see whatever's playing at the RKO Theatre. Get a bag of popcorn. Some
Good & Plenty. Like before.” He drummed his fingernails against the steering wheel.

I hadn't had my father to myself in so long. Not to spring out of bed to warm up his dinner when I heard his key in the door. Not to sit in the front passenger side of the Wildcat. For a second, I liked the loneliness of it. The two of us sitting in the cold on Atlantic Avenue. I felt like I'd never have this chance to have him to myself again.

“Just you. Just me,” he said. “Up to you, Delphine.”

I loved being there with my father, but I chose a long time ago. I was going to the sixth-grade dance, whether anyone asked me to be their special date or not. The worst thing was to not go at all. It would be like everyone else was in the sixth grade and I was in the fifth. That was how Rukia would feel on Monday when everyone else came in still talking about the dance. As sure as I was dressed, my hair looked good, and the dance was going on right around the corner, I knew I wasn't going to the RKO Theatre with my father.

Pa stopped drumming and turned toward me.

I still had my father all to myself. Even if for a few blocks. A few minutes. I knew I could ruin the magic around us, but I had to ask him what Cecile wouldn't tell me. What only he could tell me.

“Why didn't you marry our mother?”

I took him by surprise. He sighed. Shook his head. A sad, slow shake. I couldn't tell if he was angry at me for
asking or mad at himself for being caught off guard.

“That's not for you to know,” he said.

I had ruined it. My father was trying to rescue me from being a long-legged wallflower and all I had done was make him mad. Or sad.

Still, a stubborn streak showed on my face. He must have seen it and knew I wouldn't stop asking.

“Look at you, Delphine,” he said, trying to not be mad at me. “Pretty dress. Hair done up like Diana Ross. . . .”

Tell me, Pa. Please tell me.

I had to know. For me, and for my sisters. “Did you love Cecile, Pa?”

Another sigh.

“I love your mother, Delphine. I do. That's all you need to know,” he said.

He glanced at his mirror before pulling the Wildcat out of its spot and making a U-turn. I thought we were going back home. That I had pushed him further than a girl should push her father. Instead, we circled around to get back to the school. I guess Pa just wanted to take the long way.

I saw Evelyn Alvarez and Anthony walking up to the entrance, trailed by Evelyn's three teenage brothers, her chaperones. The Alvarez brothers waited out on the sidewalk until she and Anthony were inside. If Evelyn went with Anthony, then Michael S. must have asked Lucy.

Pa double-parked our car just outside the entrance. I checked the mirror to see if I could get out, but Papa pointed his finger at me and said, “Stay put.” He got out of the car, walked around, then opened the passenger door and held out his hand. I couldn't stop smiling. I tried to act like I couldn't see other kids and Evelyn's brothers watching my father taking my arm and escorting me like he was Nat King Cole, but I could feel them all watching.

As we walked toward the door, he said, “Delphine, you need to also know you're a lady. It's always a lady's choice and never the other way around.”

I didn't know if he was telling me how to behave at the dance or if he was telling me why he and Cecile never married. I still said, “I know, Papa,” just the right way, although I didn't know a thing.

He bent down and gave me a peck on the cheek. “Have a good time, princess.” I kissed him back and then I went inside.

“Delphine Gaither. Six-three.”

The PTA mom at the door table smiled up at me, checked off my name, and gave me a red paper heart with my name on it from the shoe box marked 6-3. I unbuttoned my coat and pinned the heart onto the shoulder part of my dress. We'd learned everything we needed to know about the dance at our sixth-grade assembly. If a boy wanted to ask me to dance, he was to walk up to me and first read my name on my heart if he didn't know me. If I was engaged in conversation, he was supposed to say, “Pardon me, Delphine. May I have this dance?” I was supposed to say, “Yes, you may.” Last year the boys had
to bow and the girls curtsied, but no one would bow or curtsy so they cut that out this year.

All of the hangers on the coatracks along the hallway were already used. I did what others had done and hung my coat over someone else's. If I came with a date, our coats would be hanging together, like Michael S.'s and Lucy's coats probably were.

I entered the gymnasium. Right at the entrance stood a huge heart shape, with
“Happy Valentine's Day, Sixth Graders!”
painted in white, glittery, cursive letters. Ruffled tissue paper had been stapled around the heart, probably by the PTA mom who sat at the table next to it. She had one hand on a big camera strung around her neck, another on top of a collection can.

“Where are your friends, doll?” she asked.

I pointed inside toward the dancing area. “In there, I guess. Dancing.”

“Go round them up so I can snap your picture.”

“Just me,” I said. “I'd like three, please.” I wanted my picture taken before my bangs fell and the rest of my hair looked wild from dancing. I took three quarters out of my shoulder purse and dropped them into the PTA can.

“Three?” she hollered. “How many boyfriends you got, doll?”

I smiled big, showing all my teeth. The camera bulb flashed white, blue, and yellow. I blinked at least once,
maybe twice while she snapped away. At least I'd have three pictures. One for Cecile. Another for Big Ma. And one to keep.