Psyche Shield (31 page)
“I’ve never seen an arctic wolf except in pictures.” He
admired Amy before she completely disappeared.
“That was my reaction the first time I saw her. She’s
stunning,” I agreed with him. We packed the food and a few blankets down to the
creek where we ate while enjoying the sound of the running water. Billie
slipped into her wolf form and stretched out in the sun. I rested my head on
her neck, using her as a pillow.
Sierra took off her leg brace and flexed her leg gently. The
torn flesh had completely healed, with only some yellowing bruises remaining.
“How’s it doing?” I asked.
“I think I’ll be able to run on it this weekend without
causing problems. This is the longest it’s ever taken to mend a broken bone,”
she complained.
“It was a bad break,” Leroy told her and laughed at the
memory. “You surprised the heck out of me. I thought I was talking to a regular
wolf.”
“You surprised the heck out of me by starting a
conversation. I thought you were going to shoot me,” she replied.
Kathryn smiled knowingly from her blanket where she lay with
her head on Richard’s chest, the two of them basking in the sun. I smiled at my
own memory. “The first time I met Kato, I couldn’t sense that he was Wolf, but
I didn’t think a regular wolf would waltz through the doggie door. So I started
talking to him and felt like a fool doing it.”
“What do you mean you couldn’t sense that he was Wolf?”
Richard asked, keeping his tone deliberately neutral. He’d made an obvious
effort to be pleasant all day.
Thoughts of the Eldest made me smile. “I can’t sense Kato at
all unless he lets me.”
Richard wanted more information as he tried to come to terms
with what I am. Since the meeting the night before, he’d changed his attitude
towards me. Cautious but inquisitive, he sought to understand. “He said his
mind is impenetrable to Mages. Is it?”
“I’ve only been in his mind when invited. I’ve never tried
to get past his barriers, but I doubt I’d succeed.” I told Richard and then
shrugged. “I don’t know how it’s possible.”
“Kato has always made the impossible happen, as did his
brother,” Kathryn replied.
“There sure are plenty of legends about them,” Sierra
replied, lying beside me and resting her head on Billie’s hip. “Some of the
stories about Isingoma sound kind of far-fetched. Are they true?” she asked
Kathryn.
“Some are true, others are based in truth, still others are
pure fiction. Some of the best stories aren’t told at all.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Isingoma and Kato founded the Montana Pack when it was
needed most. Many Wolves would have perished without it. Emma, Tomas, and I
were unable to live safely in the Human world, as were many others. The Old Den
was hidden where it could not be found by accident, and we were safe there. It
was a difficult time to be Wolf, for some of us more than others. Isingoma
oftentimes disappeared mysteriously for days or weeks on end, at first with
Kato and later with our grandson Kibuuka. They had a wider obligation than our
pack and had many adventures that sparked exciting stories. But our pack was
their greatest accomplishment.”
Richard added his own memory. “This Pack has always lived
openly among Humans. Any who could not we escorted to Isingoma. After the
massacre, Kato came and helped us survive. He became our Alpha and moved us to
Fort Boise where we could start fresh.” He chuckled. “We stayed just far enough
outside of town that our neighbors didn’t know we took orders from a black man.”
“I asked him once how he managed to get away with that.”
Leroy leaned back with his arms behind his head. “He said with stealth and
determination.”
“I wish he was here this weekend. It’s only been a day and a
half, and I miss him already,” I admitted.
“He would not leave unless it was needed.” I noticed she did
not promise he would return. Her first mate and grandson didn’t come home from
their last mysterious excursion. She addressed the grandson sitting with us.
“Leroy, dearling. Did you receive any of the messages I left for you?”
He raised his head at the question. “No. When did you call?”
“I thought not. I called perhaps a dozen times since you
rescued Sierra and left several messages with Donna.”
“I didn’t know.” He frowned unhappily. “Was something
wrong?”
“Yes, but it is now resolved. We sent our Human packmates to
Portland for their safety, and I wished to warn you. The danger is over now.”
“Why would she do that?” Annoyance rang heavy in his voice.
“I believe she is jealous of me, dear. And worries that we
are having an affair,” Kathryn said with amusement.
Leroy bellowed with laughter, his anger dissipating
instantly. “Oh Lord, if only she knew.”
“Do you think she’d believe that Kathryn is your
Great-Great-Great grandmother?” Richard chuckled.
“It would send her over the edge. She’s already teetering on
it, and I don’t think she could handle this.” He waved his arm at all of us.
“Many times I’ve wanted to tell my dad that I’m Wolf. I
don’t think he can handle it either,” Sierra told Leroy.
“You never knew you were descended from Wolves, did you?” he
asked, and Sierra shook her head. “How did you learn about them?”
“I had a friend who was Wolf. I knew him for several years
and didn’t suspect anything until a backpacking trip with his partner. The first
morning I thought they were still asleep and went for a walk. I spotted a wolf
in the distance. I was downwind, and I stayed quiet and low so I could watch
without disturbing him. A second wolf showed up, and then one of the wolves
turned into Xan. I was so shocked I fell backwards, and they heard me. They
explained everything, and I knew right away I wanted it too.”
I looked at her compassionately. “I knew Xan was a friend.
But I didn’t realize how close you were. He made you Wolf?”
“Yes,” she nodded sadly, gaining control of her emotions
again.
“He passed?” Leroy asked softly.
A tear fell down her face and she wiped it away. “My old
Pack attacked this one when they found out Sadie was here. Xan came with them.
He would never leave me collared, and he never knew I’m not. He was killed.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. That explains the injuries,” he
replied. He’d noticed both Billie’s and Nathan’s nearly healed wounds without
commenting on them.
“Nathan was injured in the same fight that killed Xan,”
Richard told him. “Billie was injured before this started.”
“What happened?” he asked. Billie remained in wolf form,
listening contentedly, so they looked at me to explain.
I shook my head and snuggled in closer to Billie. “It’s
someone else’s turn.”
Richard raised his head and rested it on his hand, his other
arm still draped over his mate’s waist. He told the story from his point of
view, explaining how and why they distrusted me. “Sadie’s Pack now,” he told
his mate’s descendent.
“Unbelievable,” Leroy showed his amazement. “The way
everyone’s always talked about Mages, it’s hard to believe you’re sitting here.
Even Grandma Sara had nothing good to say about them, and she could find the
good in anyone.”
She didn’t know she was part Mage
, Billie commented
privately to me, sadness filling the thought. I reached up and touched her face
in agreement.
Kathryn watched the exchange, perceptively understanding
what passed between us. “I don’t comprehend how we never knew. Even centuries
of conflict between the races shouldn’t have erased the knowledge.”
“To understand who we are, we must know where we came fromm”
I told her, hoping she’d choose to enlighten Sierra.
“You are right, my dear. My own discomfort is no excuse for
silence.” I nodded, and she faced Sierra. The younger Wolf already anticipated
something interesting. “I only recently discovered this, and very few know. The
Sensitive and Sender ability is not a Human one. It comes from a Mage ancestor.
Kato’s father was Mage, as was one of Dalla’s ancestors. I do not know which
ancestor I inherited the gift from.”
Sierra’s eyes went wide, and it took her a moment to
formulate a response. “It makes sense when I think about it, and it’s still
unbelievable. How could we not know this? Or guess it?”
“Wolves would risk losing their Pack by admitting it,”
Richard told her.
“Do others know?” she asked me.
I shrugged. “I don’t know what Mages know about it.”
“How’s it feel to know you have Mage blood in your veins,
son?” Richard asked Leroy, who listened curiously to the entire conversation.
Leroy shrugged one shoulder. “My family is about as diverse
and strange as possible. Wolves, Sages, Sensitives, and Humans. Five different
races and ethnicities. I’ve heard first-hand stories of the American Revolution
and the Civil War. My uncle is a 400-year-old African-born Ethiopian Wolf who
won’t ride in cars and doesn’t own clothes. Nothing can make my family more
strange than it already is.”
Billie chuffed under me, and I shared her sentiment. Kathryn
smiled and offered, “I know you cherish a normal Human life, but you are always
welcome in the pack.”
Leroy’s mouth quirked upwards at the thought. “Afternoons
like this every now and again is good enough for me. I like my normal Human
life.”
I thought about it and wondered what I would choose if I had
the choice. I never had a chance at a normal Human life. I was never Human.
Billie didn’t choose to be Wolf, but she’d embraced it.
Do you regret
finding out what you are?
she asked me.
I shook my head emphatically. “No. I don’t regret becoming Pack,
either. But I don’t want the rest of my life to be as intense as this last
month.”
You want a normal life.
“I doubt that will ever be possible for me,” I told her and
studied the open sky, a couple of birds flying between the trees. “But I want
us to be able to create the life that we want, not what’s handed to us because
of what we are.”
She twisted her head to lick my neck.
We’re doing that
right now.
“It’s like listening to someone talk on the phone,” Leroy
commented.
“Except we can hear both sides of a phone conversation,”
Richard replied with a trace of irritation.
“Sorry,” I told them. “I’ve gotten so used to the way we
communicate, I didn’t realize.”
“You didn’t realize the wolf wasn’t talking out loud?”
Richard mocked me with a quirk of his lip, another small step towards our old
friendship.
“I didn’t realize I was talking out loud,” I replied.
Suddenly the fur against my neck began to un-grow and my pillow changed shape.
“That feels weird every time you do it.”
“Is this better?” Billie asked Richard with a grin. “She
only does that when her guard is down. Take the compliment, old friend.”
“Hmmph,” he replied noncommittally. “I’ll accept the
compliment. It’s still rude.”
Leroy found the whole thing comical. He sat up and stretched
his back. “I’m not young anymore,” he declared. Amy appeared out of nowhere,
tackling Leroy and knocking him back to the ground. He laughed and dodged her
expressive tongue. Nathan trotted in behind her, his head high and his eyes
bright.
She stepped backwards several feet and crouched as if to
pounce on him again. He raised his hands to ward her off, and she transformed
into her human form. Her bubbly laughter erupted as soon as she had human vocal
cords. She plopped down on the ground, a red wolf emerging from the trees and
stretching out beside her. “Now you’ve seen an arctic wolf up close and
personal,” She told him.
“Very personal,” he agreed, wiping his face with his shirt.
“You’re a red wolf, aren’t you?” he asked Nathan.
Amy answered for him. “Yep. Is he your first?”
“He sure is. I didn’t notice you before. Your girl stole the
show.” Nathan nuzzled Amy in obvious agreement.
Pale autumn light waned across the high mountain
meadow, a small natural clearing where Humans rarely wandered. Ponderosa pine
trees encircled the clearing, looking down upon it like ancient guardians, pine
beetles humming from their shadows. Nocturnal animals began to stir as the sun
neared the horizon. Some of the forest creatures stayed in their homes or
slipped quietly away, avoiding the large group assembled in the clearing. A few
squirrels chirped frantically from the safety of the branches.
A simple open grave lay at the center of the clearing, the
hole dug deep enough that no scavengers would disturb the remains. Wrapped in
tan fabric, the body of a Wolf rested within the grave. His packmates gathered
around him to say goodbye, honoring his life and death. Except for Kato,
everyone came, the strong carrying those too young or weak to traverse the
inhospitable path. Wolves, Humans, and a single Mage mourned the loss of their
packmate.
They stood in silent memory until the sun touched the
horizon. The Alpha spoke into the twilight, his gravelly voice reverent and
solemn. “John was a good man and a good Wolf, fiercely loyal and dedicated to
everyone here. He was easy to like, and he chose to be one of our guardians.
John would have willingly given his life to protect any one of us. He died as
he lived, protecting his packmates. We are Pack, and death cannot take that
away from us. We give him a Wolf’s funeral to honor him.”
The Beta unwrapped her arm from her mate’s waist and stepped
forward to the edge of the grave. Crouching low, she rested her sights on the
blanketed body of her friend. Tight with sorrow and unshed tears, her voice resonated
clearly through the trees. “When I first came here, I hated being Wolf. I hated
what I had become and resented this life and everyone in it. Then John became
Wolf. He was excited and eager for this life. He wanted to be Wolf, and I
didn’t understand why. So I watched him. John knew how to embrace life in every
moment of every day no matter what. He was quick to laugh, eager to run, and
always there when needed. He was more than a packmate. He was like a brother to
me. His friendship helped me become the Wolf I am today. He will always be
Pack, and he will always have a place in my heart. I’ll cherish your memory
forever, my friend.”
Phil spoke to his friend one last time, raising his voice to
the sky. Grief filled his eyes, but a smile graced his face. “You were kind of
an annoying Pup. But someone had to keep an eye on you, and I drew the short
straw. I’m glad I did. I’m privileged to call you friend and Pack. I’ll miss
you.”
Only those who knew Matthew well could see his sorrow.
Holding the shovel at his side like a staff, he addressed his packmates. “I met
John when he was Human. I saw his potential and hired him on the spot. He
proved himself, and I saw the Wolf he could be. He proved that too. He is
Pack.”
Each person who wished to speak had the chance. One by one
they gave tribute to their packmate. Nathan remained silent as he stared at the
body, absorbing everything they said about the Wolf who died at his hands. His
mate hugged his waist, tears streaming down her face.
Sadie offered a few simple words. “Thank you for letting me
run with you, for making me laugh, and for looking out for the people I love.
Thank you for giving me a chance. I never told you how much that meant to me.”
When the tribute came to an end, Matthew filled the grave.
The sounds of crickets serenaded John as the one who made him Wolf interred him
into the earth.
Each person held a stone. In times past, those stones marked
a Wolf’s grave, one for every packmate left behind. They could no longer bury
their dead under a tombstone. A body discovered in the mountains could lead to
an autopsy and investigation, risking exposure to Humans. The world had
changed, and they changed with it. They would set his shrine towards the
setting sun. The pack began walking due west, only a glimmer of light left in
the sky.
Nathan lingered behind, unable to remove himself from the
newly filled grave. His eyes flashed in anger, his shoulders tight with trapped
anguish. The stone marker weighed heavy in his hand, and for a moment his mate
thought he would hurl it into the forest. She held him close, offering him the
comfort he needed.
Sadie walked near the front, hand in hand with Billie. She
noticed the silent outburst and turned around. Self-loathing radiated off of
Nathan, and she started back, telling her mate to keep going.
She walked quietly to stand by her friend. With a hand on
his shoulder, she reminded him, “You didn’t kill John.”
“I remember doin’ it,” Nathan replied, anguish leaking out
of him with each word. “It was her, not me. But I remember killin’ John.”
Sadie lifted the stone in her hand, chosen for the raw
quartz embedded in it. She showed it to Nathan, who finally drew his gaze away
from the mound of fresh earth. “Kathryn says the stones represent us. Each
marker is a packmate, and together they represent Pack. We pile them into a
monument that stays here with John, a statement that he will always be Pack.
The markers stay with his body and we take a piece of him with us. If he’s with
us like they say he is, he understands what happened and doesn’t blame you.
He’s happy that you’re free now. The rest of us are too.”
Amy tugged at her mate gently. “You’re the only one who
blames you, Nate. Let’s go place the markers. Then we’ll run.” He bobbed his
head and pulled her closer as they turned to follow the others.
The nearly full moon hung low behind them, beginning its
ascent into the sky as the sun disappeared ahead. They followed their packmates
and found Kathryn waiting for them in the shadows, listening. “The marker
represents more than memories of those who passed before us.”
The Elder didn’t elaborate, and eventually Sadie asked.
“What more does it represent?”
“You see Pack in the same way you see family. Your first
family abandoned you. Your second family cast you out. This is not the way it
is in Pack. Each packmate becomes part of the whole and cannot be removed by
oneself or by another. Pack is a promise. It is forever. Even death cannot take
that away.”
Sadie pondered this while they caught up to the others.
Billie stood beside Jason, waiting for her mate to join her. Sadie had spent
most of life alone. Kathryn’s statement and the deep reverence of her packmates
seeped into her. It touched something inside of her she didn’t know existed. An
old wound, buried and undisturbed for years, opened and she felt what she’d
lacked for so long. It ached, and for a few minutes tears fell for her
loneliness as much as for John.
Sadie watched her packmates. She’d earned her place in the
pack, promising her loyalty and proving she’d protect them no matter what. A
Rottweiler could do that. She could earn respect, but she couldn’t earn Pack.
It could only be given. The newly open wound widened, and with this new
understanding she looked at everyone present. She watched Matthew for a few
minutes, remembering his promise to her.
You are Pack, and I will not break
that promise either.
Her packmates gathered around a rock face. One by one, each
person placed their stone before it, the pile rising into the night. Each Wolf
transformed after placing their marker, returning to wait with their loved
ones. The simple shrine grew, a symbol of strength in unity, of endurance
through Pack.
When Nathan’s turn came, he hesitated then placed his marker
resolutely. He studied the shrine for a moment before shimmering into a red
wolf. Sadie followed, placing hers last. She wasn’t Wolf, so she did not
transform. Instead she rejoined her mate and friends, sitting on the ground so
she could lean against Billie in her shorter wolf form.
Complete, the tombstone looked like a simple pile of rocks,
not a natural occurrence but nothing that would draw attention. Only someone
who knew Pack customs would recognize it as a Wolf funeral shrine. With every
stone and every packmate accounted for, Wolves sat on their haunches and raised
their heads in a low mournful song. They sang for their lost packmate and for
the bond between them that could not be broken even in death. Crying children
clung to parents in both forms. LeeAnn kneeled on the ground crying into her
mother’s furred neck while Dean stood somberly with his father.
The Humans and Sadie let the song fill their hearts. When it
died into silence, the Wolves signaled their intent to run. Many brushed
against a loved one before bounding into the trees. With their four-legged packmates
out of sight, everyone else headed back to camp. They didn’t have to walk far,
and the bright moon guided their way.
# # #
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