Psycho Ex Boyfriend (Standalone New Adult Romance) (The Alpha Brotherhood Book 2) (24 page)

“So, Sun has a year left in school. And I shouldn’t... I don’t want her to see me jump from one guy to another. We should just be friends.”

Adam mulls it over until we pull up to the airport. “Do friends go on vacations together?” he asks.

“Sure. Why not?”

“And if you were going on an anti-honeymoon with an old friend, where would you want to go?”

“I’d let him pick.”

“That’s too close to what a groom apparently does,” he replies, his eyes falling to the floor. This is so fucked, but I can’t help but be grateful that he’s still so torn up about me. Lord knows I’m still in pieces over him.

“Friends would probably go somewhere with a lot of sights to see.”

“Especially when those friends are accustomed to fucking each other non-stop the moment they get behind closed doors.”

“Especially then,” I agree. “And they’d probably get separate hotel rooms.” I scoot closer to him.

“Yes. They’ll definitely need that.” He inches closer to me. “So where to?”

The heat between us burns just as hot as it ever has, if not hotter. I’d do anything to kiss him right now. Anything. He breathes faster and I lick my lips. He leans in and I somehow manage to turn my face so his lips meet my cheek. If I hadn’t, we’d start kissing and fucking and fighting and I’ll lose him all over again.

“I spent two days in Rome once,” I say, my voice shaking.

“I’ve never been.”

“It wasn’t nearly enough time. And I never made it to Greece. I’d love to visit the Parthenon.”

“As would I,” he answers, pulling my hand to his lips and kissing the back of it, “old friend.”

Adam

Age 27

I’m not sure if taking Sabrina on this trip was the best decision I’ve ever made or the biggest mistake of my life. If anyone could make both of those options true, we can.

Italy is fantastic. I don’t vacation much, if at all. I should. I find myself in Asia quite a bit, but that’s always for business and I rarely do any sightseeing. That’s probably because I’m always alone or with Shane, which is as good as alone because he barely speaks.

Vacations are for lovers and old friends.

I swear, Sabrina is made out of the wine she loves so much. She gets better with age. More sophisticated and nuanced. Bolder. Complex. I’d love an opportunity to taste her and experience her stronger flavor and aroma. But so far, we’re still just friends. I must admit, I didn’t think that would last longer than a night at most, but it did.

Her beauty hasn’t faded at all, but her eyes are sadder and her smile doesn’t come as easy as it once did. It takes a lot to get her laughing, but once she starts it fades away so quickly. I crave the sound. Unfortunately, we definitely aren’t kids anymore. I’m no longer the jumping, joking dancer I once was.

But I don’t think it’s me. She sleeps a lot and drinks even more, especially during the two days we spend in Tuscany. It’s wine country, sure, and there are a lot of varieties that she doesn’t want to miss, but… I guess she hasn’t been able to indulge for the past few months. Perhaps she hasn’t been drinking much since her little sister moved in and she’s finally getting a chance to unwind. Still, it worries me.

For a moment, I’m foolish enough to believe that I’ve forgiven her. She’s standing in a vineyard, enjoying the rare experience of eating the ripe grapes used to make wine. The skins are thick and the seeds are hard, but so much sweeter and juicier than I imagined. She plucks a tiny purple gem and pops it into her mouth, closing her eyes and savoring it as a tranquil smile plays on her full lips. Her white dress hugs her body closely and catches the setting sun perfectly. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life.

The perfect coils of grape vines tangle in my hand, reminding me of her hair. It’s curly for the first time since we left Chicago. She emerged from her room this morning freshly showered and all of the sudden, Sabrina looked like herself again. And I realized how much I’ve missed her, how much I’ve shut down since I lost her. How little one tryst matters in the grand scheme of things, especially considering what I’ve been up to all this time and everything that I’ve put her through.

It takes every ounce of willpower I possess to resist knocking on her door that night. The only thing that stops me is how little I trust myself not to hurt her once I have her in my grasp.

It’s a good thing that I won that battle. We spend the next few days surrounded by relics in museums and shops. Every broken statue, every coin and piece of bronze, every single remnant of the ancient world reminds me of Trent. Sabrina’s fascination with it all makes it even worse. They have something in common.

The memory of destroying his antiques that morning is so visceral and clear. His devastation was far greater than I anticipated and he was so confused why I did it. I had no explanation to give him, none that would allow me to keep my secret. I’ve spent years and a small fortune making it up to him. I pick up a few more things now that we’re in the Motherland and collect the contact info of dealers that would be difficult to find.

Trent didn’t know what he was doing. Sabrina certainly did. I get colder and more distant the longer we’re here and Bree can’t understand why. It makes her depression worse, which only torments me more.

It gets better when we decide to end the trip in the Greek Isles. They welcome us warmly. This is a trip in itself and we talk about coming back. Even the ruins don’t bother me here. The food is incredible, the people inviting. We spend most of our time basking in the sun on the white sandy beaches or sailing the turquoise Aegean Sea.

The only problem I can find is Sabrina’s bikini clad body, which is a wonderful problem to have. It’s hard to keep my lips from seeking hers and my hands from roaming her silky skin. We aren’t just friends and we never can be. I want her. I need her. And she feels the same, it’s so obvious with every glance she steals at me and every breath she takes.

We reluctantly bid each other farewell long after dinner. I watch her as she walks toward her whitewashed private viIla overlooking the sea. She turns back around and our eyes meet, tempting me. I spared no expense to give her the most incredible accommodations. Infinity pool. Classic blue domed roof. There’s a bed on the porch and another in front of a window that begs to be left open to let in the cool ocean breeze. A sunrise view that I’d love to see with her in my arms.

We only have two more nights. I can’t believe I made it this long.

I run after her in bare feet, catching her before she opens the door. I don’t know if her lips part to protest or to let my tongue in her mouth and I don’t care. I groan, shuddering as her fingers graze my skin. I’ve never needed her more, never savored a kiss as much as this one.

We tumble inside. My hands cover her back almost entirely as I guide her down to the bed. Moonlight floods the room, sparkling off the waves outside, mirroring the twinkling stars in the inky blue sky. That view is almost as incredible as the one below me. Sabrina’s curls are spread out on the white sheets, her wide eyes catching the fading light.

I collapse on top of her and pull the strap of her dress down her shoulder. But she bristles at my touch, her breath catching in her throat until it sounds like she’s choking. Her head turns to the side. Her jaw clenches. Every muscle in her body is tense.

If she’d just gotten swept away like I was, I might have been able to forget the reason she has to be afraid of me and what I might do to her. The betrayal comes flooding back to me and I somehow get even harder. I need to be inside of her, but I don’t know exactly what I’ll do once I’m there.

I cup her breast and she shivers as I roll her nipple in my fingers. I can’t wait to bite it. Her fear is intoxicating, I can practically smell it in the air. My mouth waters and I wind my hand into her hair, jerking it back.

She’s mine. All mine. And I need to remind her. I want to hear her scream, feel her thrash beneath me.

“Adam…” her voice quivers. I wish I could say that it’s snapping me out of it, but it’s just making it better.

“Don’t tell me to stop,” I breathe, dragging my lips along her collarbone. I won’t be able to stop and I can’t bear to carry the definition I’ll earn once I’m through. “Just hold still and let me fuck you. I need this.”

“Please don’t hurt me.”

“You should have thought about that years ago.” It’s too late now.

She whimpers as my fingers circle her tiny wrists. I don’t want to tie them, I’d rather hold them down myself and feel the struggle instead. “I have to tell you something,” Sabrina whispers.

“It can wait.”

She chokes out a sob and a growl rumbles through my chest as I grind against her. “No, it can’t.”

“What?” I snarl, my hands spreading her legs as they reach under her skirt.

“I never…” she stammers. “I didn’t actually… I just wanted to hurt you, but I never actually…”

“What are you blathering on about?” I grip the soft cotton of her panties and pull them down her thighs. My eyes roll back into my head as her body tenses against mine.

“I didn’t actually have sex with your brother,” she says.

I’m about to slip a finger inside her, but my heart stops beating and I can’t move a muscle. “Excuse me?”

“I couldn’t go through with it. It made me sick. Trent passed out and I slept in the bed, but he never even saw me naked.”

I swallow a gulp of air and rise to my knees. “Just kick me out of here if you don’t want this. Don’t fucking lie to me.”

“It never happened. I texted you that morning. I staged it just like you had that guy do when I was in college.”

I stare her down and she bites her lip, pulling the dress that I half tore off upwards to cover her breasts. My dick softens as my mind spins around the possibility that she’s telling the truth. Her eyes are apologetic and she breathes a sigh of relief, like a weight has been lifted.

“Are you serious?” I ask. She nods. “Why the fuck would you…”

It makes sense. The scandal had just broken and those fucking reporters were shoving my dirty laundry in her face. I did something similar to her, ruining her reputation and taking all her friends away. She loved me, I loved her, but I wouldn’t give her what she needed and kept sabotaging her, forcing her to wait on the sidelines until I was ready. It’s not like I didn’t deserve it.

We were made to torture each other. Will it never stop?

I can’t look at her, crawling out of bed and seeking the open space of the night air. But it’s hardly comforting. My skull is throbbing, my face so hot it feels like it’s on fire. I can’t manage to unclench my fists and for the first time, I truly understand the meaning of the phrase crawling out of my skin.

Eventually, I flop down on the fluffy white lounge chair beside me and manage to breathe as I rewrite history in my head. I wasted so much time agonizing over something that didn’t even happen. I have to hand it to her. She really got back at me this time.

“Sabrina?” Her name rolls off my lips with a hint of a laugh.

“What?”

“Where the hell is that wine?”

Sabrina

Age 27

The glasses clink together as I pull them from the cupboard. I glance over my shoulder, half expecting Adam to sneak up behind me, but he’s just sitting in that chair. His shirt is off and his arms are crossed behind his head, one leg bent at the knee and resting on the floor.

I uncork a bottle of a delicious Muscadine because that’s what we have the most of and it was his favorite. Approaching him carefully, I sit a glass on the table beside him and sit down on the seat farthest away from him.

The breeze picks up and I inhale the wonderful scent. Sea salt, Greek food, and relief.

But I can’t ignore the guilt. Maybe I should have kept it to myself. That became impossible once Adam was on top of me and I could see the wrath in his eyes and feel it coursing through his veins. I just got done sleeping with an asshole. I’m not going backwards.

Unfortunately, Adam isn’t
just
an asshole. He’s my… he’s… goddamn it. I can hardly bring myself to look at his face and I want to touch him so badly my fingers sting. He’s staring out at the ocean with a blank expression. I don’t think he even notices the single tear running down his cheek.

“Why does this hurt more?” he finally asks in a whisper.

I have no idea how to answer that, so I get up to pour him another glass of wine. He gulps it down, licking his lips. I don’t pour another.

“I could have gotten past some horny, drunken mistake, Sabrina.”

“Really?” I reply, my skepticism obvious. “I don’t think you would have.”

“Eventually… Maybe after we—”

“I would have been paying for that one every time you fucked me for years. And then I’d be a liar keeping a secret from you.”

“You’re still a liar,” he spits back.

“We are both guilty of lying by omission and you know it.”

Adam rubs the back of his neck and exhales in a groan. “You must have hated me so much…” His eyes water and he wipes his nose. “So fucking much.”

I did. Should I tell him? If I say that I didn’t, I’ll just be lying again, so I stay silent for a while until I say, “I’m sorry.”

“Do you still hate me?”

“I don’t
hate
you, but...”

“But you don’t love me anymore,” he murmurs.

“I didn’t say that.” I wish I could say that, it would make my life so much easier. “I guess I just feel like I don’t actually know you.”

“You’re the only person who knows me.”

That seems like wishful thinking. Or manipulation. “Did you ever… It’s been a while since I read the books and all those articles, but—”

“Why would you do that to yourself?”

“How can you ask me that? You spy on my every move,” I remind him. He huffs and crosses his arms. “I didn’t like what I saw.”

“I would imagine.”

“You weren’t mentioned by name, but I have to wonder. Is that what you’re like?”

Adam shrugs, looking away. “Yes and no.”

“Did you… I mean, obviously it would be called love, but some of your brothers apparently got really possessive and fought over their favorite girls.”

“Yes, they do.”

“Did you ever…”

He starts shaking his head before I can finish asking the question. “I never got attached. Not once. The only times I even fucked someone more than once was to antagonize my brothers or as a matter of convenience.”

“Convenience?”

“If I couldn’t find a new girl.”

God, there must be hundreds of girls out there. I won’t bother asking how many. “And what did you want from them?”

“Sex,” he replies, a little confused.

“That’s it?”

“Of course.”

“I’m guessing your version of sex involved…
involves
,” I correct myself, “a certain degree of violence.” I drop my chin and cringe. I don’t really want to hear him say it.

Adam spins to face me, both of his feet on the floor. “Not particularly.”

“But—”

“All that punishment and discipline shit, the sadism…” he says. “Not my thing. Bondage, sure. I don’t like being touched. I don’t even like being looked at. But I don’t get off on fear and pain.”

“You’ve roughed me up a few times.”

His lips rise into a twisted smile. “Yeah,
you
. The woman who drives me fucking crazy. The girl I can’t manage to fall out of love with, no matter how hard I try.”

“Adam…”

“You have to care about someone to some degree if you need to control them. To devour them. Well, I do, apparently. The rest of the Goodson clan just seem to be sick fucks, but we all say that about each other. I keep my power trips in the office, where it’s profitable. Those girls…” He rolls his lips together and blinks a few times. “It all reminded me too much of my sister. I just wanted a warm body for a half hour or so. Get in, get off, get out, move on with your day.”

“A half an hour?” I scoff. Adam and I can stay in bed for days at a time.

He laughs, his eyes flicking to mine. “I’m a busy man. And… You ruined me. What can I say?”

“Did you like to…” Do I really want to know if he enjoyed pleasuring other women? He has to, every guy does, that’s why women always fake it. If he doesn’t like pain, that only leaves a fetish for pleasure. All those warm bodies he cared so little about were probably very happy to see him. “This has been extremely difficult for me, Adam. Even before the scandal.”

“I know. I should have stayed away and spared you the anguish. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll never be enough for you. Especially 2,000 miles away.”

“I could stop, Sabrina.”

“Yeah, right.” I roll my eyes.

“In a fucking heartbeat,” he says firmly. “If you didn’t date and you actually trusted me, I would never touch another woman again. Just say the word.”

“I can’t.” I’m not sure if it’s my pride or cynicism or maybe it just seems too good to be true and probably is.

My reluctance wounds him all over again and he nods, trying to conceal his frustration. He’s never been one to grovel. “I’m not exactly surprised,” he whispers. “I’ve always wanted you more than you wanted me.”

“What?” How can he say that? He doesn’t answer me, exhaling slowly and lying back in the lounge chair.

In a moment, Adam will get up and go back the room he rented for himself which wasn’t half as wonderful as mine. If I know him, and do I ever, he’ll leave in the morning without saying goodbye. This is my chance, my only chance. I need to take the plunge. Hearts are made for breaking anyway.

I stand up, noticing his jaw tensing as his eyes go blank. He’s expecting me to leave. Instead, I surprise him by throwing my legs over his and wedging myself into the tiny gap between his body and the white stucco wall.

He inhales sharply as I maneuver my way under his arm and nuzzle into his neck. “You have no idea how much I love you, do you?” I confess, kissing the square of his jaw. “No one compares.”

His head turns slightly, his lips parting in surprise. “Sabrina, I—”

“If you break my heart one more damn time…”

“I won’t,” he breathes, gasping as I drag my mouth across the hot skin of his neck. It’s a sensitive place for him, too, but I seldom return the favor.

I drag a fingernail down the center channel between his pecs and the rippled muscles of his stomach as he shudders and pulls me closer. He kisses me for a moment, but breaks away in a moan when I wrap my hand around him and squeeze. He’s so hard. I catch the bead of moisture from his tip with my thumb and use it to tease him as his mouth returns to our kiss, but mine really should be somewhere else.

I slide lower, but his arm across the small of my back tightens. “Don’t go,” he says, kissing me again. “Stay up here.”

My heart flutters as I tighten my grip and stroke him faster. Adam pushes his tongue further into my mouth with a groan that’s filled with desperation. His other hand reaches for my breast and fondles, but it soon drifts up to cup my face and his kiss deepens.

We haven’t done this for years, but it’s still so familiar. I may as well be fifteen on the couch with him in one of those vacant apartments we were so fortunate to have. I was nervous then and his kiss was greedier, but the choppy breathes he takes as he approaches his release are exactly the same.

“I love you,” I whisper into his ear as he comes, shaking in my arms.

His semen squirts across my hand and decorates his abdomen, but I don’t get much of a chance to enjoy the scene. His frantic lips meet mine forcefully, his fingers tangling in my hair.

“Please,” he murmurs. “I need you. I want you. I’ve never stopped loving you. We belong together.”

My eyes water and I nod, biting my lip. The smile it puts on his face is so perfect. Not smug or twisted. Just happy like a smile is supposed to be.

Adam hastily wipes his stomach clean with a towel and flips on his side. His arms squeeze my waist so tightly and he buries his face into my breasts. I’m half expecting him to pull at my dress and wouldn’t mind, but his eyes close and he snuggles against my chest as every muscle in his beautiful body relaxes. I drag my fingers through his hair and kiss the top of his head.

Eventually I squirm in his arms, reminding him that only one of us has been satisfied. With a laugh, Adam scoops me up quickly, making me yelp in surprise. He doesn’t carry me inside, that bed must be too far away and there’s a perfect one right here under the stars.

I’ve never fucked him while he comes undone at the same time. His lips quiver as they kiss mine, his shaking hands running up my thighs.

“I love you,” he chokes, pushing the white fabric of my skirt up to my waist as his face disappears into my heat.

My spine arches and I pull the dress over my head, the crisp night air washing over my bare body. Adam scrambles up to my face to kiss me and confess his love again, his fingers teasing me until he can find his way back between my thighs. He crawls back up to kiss me a few times before his flicking tongue finally stays long enough to finish the job, his hand groping my breasts as he watches me come. I don’t care who hears us.

“Are you on the pill?” he breathes, gripping himself.

“No, but if you don’t want to—”

He interrupts me with a kiss. “You want me to and I don’t care.”

We tumble back inside. I tug down his unzipped jeans and take him into my mouth as he tears open a condom with his teeth. I take it from him roll it down his length before he tosses me onto the bed.

His fingers wind into mine as he slowly pushes inside me. The first few thrusts are deep and frenzied, but then his body slows down as he rests his forehead on mine. My eyes stay locked together with his as he fucks me, our moans combining musically until he starts kissing me and doesn’t stop.

Adam cries out when I wrap arms around his shoulders and pull him closer. His hands slide down to my hips and he grits his teeth as he shudders through his climax.

He doesn’t allow himself a moment’s recovery until his mouth is clamped back on my clit to pleasure me again. And again. I’m almost ready for a third when he hardens and wants more for himself. I hope we have enough condoms.

Adam wakes me up a few hours later to watch the sun rise magnificently out of the ocean with swirls of pinks and purples. And to fuck me. We don’t leave the room until dinner and then he drags me back for more.

Why didn’t we get over our insecurities earlier in the trip? One day just isn’t enough.

********

Everyone is still whispering about my failed engagement when I get back to work on Monday and I don’t fucking care. There’s a smile on my face that rumors can’t dim.

One of the senior partners at the firm calls me into her office. The topic of conversation is a trademark case that became more complicated while I was gone, but I can tell that she’s trying to gauge whether or not I’m mentally stable and ready to be back at work. By the end of the meeting, I can tell that I’ve impressed her because I don’t skip a beat, quickly citing an obscure precedent that fixes everything. One that no one else of the three lawyers they had working on it all week noticed. Because that’s how fucking awesome I am.

I saunter out of my boss’s office and into mine. I’m greeted by a huge stack of file boxes and a new plant for my desk. It’s from Adam. I call him immediately to see if he got back to California safely and to chide him for fueling the rumors by delivering presents at work. He laughs, reminding me that people only notice flowers, which wilt and die. As long as I water it, I’ll have this forever. How symbolic.

He flies out to see me every third Saturday night. Sun is used to me working weekends and I still put in hours every Saturday morning, but I make sure to be done by the time Adam gets here. The official story is that I pull an all-nighter at work. I’m really in a luxury hotel room with him, fucking and cuddling and talking. I guess we were destined to sneak around.

Every third Saturday night soon turns into both nights of every other weekend. We call each other constantly. And I’m really happy. It’s not long until my sister asks me if I started seeing the man that crashed my wedding and nearly killed my fiancé. I don’t want to lie. So I give her a long speech about how complicated things can be, making sure she understands that I think work and school are far more important than chasing boys. Sun just grins and me and asks when she gets to meet him.