Public Enemies (30 page)

As if I know.

“Can we turn it off for a while?” I buried my head in his chest, listening to his heart's steady rhythm along with the beeping from the equipment that guaranteed my dad was alive and well, currently in no danger.

“Okay. What do you want to do instead?”

“Let's pretend we're normal. What would we do for Valentine's Day?”

“Oh, good question.” Kian set his chin atop my head, still playing with my hair. He hadn't mentioned my not-awesome haircut; to be honest, I wasn't sure he'd noticed. He really didn't seem to register if I was pretty, which made me believe he'd wanted me when nobody else did. The pleasure of that was … indescribable.

“Dinner and movie's not enough,” I said. “It's our first commercial romance holiday.”

“I'm sensing scorn. Don't mock true love.”

“Boston makes it challenging. Most outdoor activities won't work unless we bundle up.”

“Hard to look sexy in a parka,” he agreed.

Though the conversation was making me smile, it was also bittersweet. I tried not to let on. “Could we do the planetarium show you promised me?”

“Absolutely.” He seemed delighted that I remembered. “How do you feel about roses?”

“My mom always said they were a waste, but … I love them. I mean, they're already cut, so it's not like people are murdering flowers just for me.”

“So you're good with
some
traditional romance trappings.” His green eyes sparkled, making me glad I'd started this stupid conversation.

“Definitely. But not chocolate. I'd rather have gummies. Or jelly beans. The good gourmet kind, not the gross sugary ones.”

“Are you serious? Okay. Making a mental note.”

We were still whispering silliness when the nurse came in to shoo us out. She was polite but firm. “Visiting hours are over. You can see your dad in the morning.”

In your world I can.
She obviously didn't know what I did—that nothing was certain—and tomorrow never came.

 

SOMETHING SO AMAZING

Kian drew me out of the room, somewhat against my will. But since I had two choices: leave or be evicted, I decided against throwing down with the nurse. My dad was zonked out anyway. I resolved to be here first thing in the morning.

I still hadn't processed everything; the reality was just too big. The credit belonged to Govannon, but still—I'd killed a god. Well,
destroyed
might be a better word. So was
immortal
. But still. While I was reeling, Kian took my hand and steered me out to the Mustang. The ride home was quiet. Without asking, he took me to his place. Somehow he knew I'd rather stay there than go back to my place, where Raoul might be waiting to pitch his order.

It was strange heading into the apartment without Aaron. Though I hadn't realized it, I'd gotten used to having the kid as Kian's shadow. Grief trickled in. He'd deserved better than to be left behind, even in death. Sometimes I didn't like how logical I could be, how capable of making awful choices for the sake of my own survival.

“It wasn't your fault,” Kian whispered, opening my door.

I didn't even realize he'd gotten out of the car. That showed how out of it I was. Hardly surprising, the last few days had been … eventful, to say the least. Somehow I managed a smile as I hopped out and followed him into the apartment. Arm around my shoulder, he nudged me down the hall toward the bathroom.

“I'll get you a shirt to sleep in.”

That sounded awesome. It felt like forever since I'd slept well. And maybe I shouldn't tonight, either. But from what I knew about the immortals, their perception of time was much different. So I doubted Fell would come at me immediately for retribution. Death would probably ponder the implications before taking action, and by human terms, I could be fifty before it decided what to do. On the other hand, it could also decide I was too great a threat to their way of life, so maybe I'd have executioners at the door in the morning.

Mortal danger, deadly enemies, and complete uncertainty. Business as usual.

I spent twenty minutes in the shower and when I stumbled out, hair still wet, Kian had cup ramen waiting. Since that was his best dish, I tried so hard not to laugh.

He made a face at me, pretending to be offended. “What? At least I'm consistent.”

“That's true.”

Once I ate, I was so ready for bed, but there was a new layer. Right now, there was no pressing crisis. Nothing to keep me from thinking about sleeping with Kian. We'd crashed out together before, but it had been a while since we did more than curl up like tired puppies. But the relief of finding my dad unharmed left me too exhausted to get into the “anything more” right now. Without waiting for Kian to finish in the bathroom, I crawled into his bed. Two minutes later, I was asleep.

Though I didn't know when he came to bed, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling really warm. A few seconds later I understood why. Kian was spooned up against me from behind, as if he couldn't stand being away from me even in his sleep. The sweetness of it tightened my throat. Deep down I still didn't understand what was so special about me or how he could've fallen in love with me from watching me go about my sad daily life. But maybe that was the key. He saw me as somebody who would understand what he went through because we were basically on the same path, just a few years apart.

Slowly, so as not to wake him, I turned in his arms and realized I was touching skin. I'd known his arms were bare, but not chest and back too.
Hello, hot shirtless boy.
Which was admittedly shallow but there was no denying his beauty. He'd suffered for that choice.

My arm rested across his waist and I was absurdly conscious of how good he smelled. I'd used the same body wash but the coconut-lime mix mingled with his pH and … left him, well, the scientific term would be
lickable
. I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but when his fingers sifted into my hair, that definitely wasn't happening. It felt so good that I shivered.

“You're awake?” he whispered.

“Yeah. What time is it?”

“Late or early, depending on your definition.”

“Did I wake you?”

“Kinda. You've been stroking my back for five minutes.” I heard the smile in his voice.

Oh God. How embarrassing.

After he pointed it out, my hand stilled. But I could still feel the firm, smooth muscles beneath my fingers. “Sorry.”

“You think I mind being woken up that way? The only way it could be better is if you were kissing me instead.”

“Uh, that's above my pay grade. I'm not sure about the etiquette of doing stuff to sleeping people. I mean, am I even
allowed
to—”

“If it's me, you are.” Kian cut into my nervous babbling with an amusement that I regretted providing.

Be cool.

“Maybe I should get up.” I shifted, hot from having all of him wrapped around me.

My cheek rested against his bare chest now, and it was all I could do not to start pressing kisses into his skin. But I had no idea what I was doing or if he wanted to. Kian knew I'd never had a boyfriend, and so he was letting me set the pace. I appreciated it, but I had no idea how to tell him I was ready to level up, sex-wise.
Why am I so awkward?
I'd never wanted anything so much, but I might screw everything up, do it wrong or—

“We have four hours before we're allowed to visit your dad,” he said gently. “And I feel like I should warn you, the way you're squirming is turning me on.”

Whoa, that's honest.

“Me too,” I whispered.

He took that as an invitation, thank God, and kissed me. His mouth on mine was pure fireworks. I had a few confused seconds to enjoy the heat and then he deepened it. His tongue … shorted out my brain. These blissful moments, there was only longing. He tasted faintly of cinnamon toothpaste, and I couldn't get enough. When we broke apart, I was panting and he immediately set his lips on my neck. Tingles shot through me when he tugged the loose fabric off my shoulder, nuzzling. He slid his palm up over my ribs, smooth and hot. Silently I answered his unspoken question when I pulled my shirt off to let him touch me more.

“Is this okay?” His voice came out hoarse.

There were no words for how good it was. He touched my breasts until I pulled him down on top of me. Last time we had all our clothes on, and it still felt amazing. But now I was ready for everything. Kian went for my collarbone and kissed downward until I was really squirming. His hands were everywhere, and sometimes I felt like stopping him because it was weird and brand-new but it was too good to keep him from touching. And I was exploring too. When I moved my hands, he let out a low groan.

Yeah, now. Right now.

I kissed his shoulder, touching him for the first time. “Tell me this has a happy ending.”

He moaned softly, then pulled my hand away. “Do you want to…?”

“If you do.” That might be a dumb thing to say when I could tell the answer. Of course, that was just his body talking. Maybe he wasn't ready emotionally.

“God, yes. Be right back.” He set land speed records for getting to the bathroom and back. In his boxers, he was insanely hot in the half-light and I tried not to act both excited and freaked out, because I was totally both. In theory, the idea of sex was gross, messy, and hugely impractical. In reality, I couldn't wait to find out for myself.

“When did you get those?” I asked as he opened the box.

His smile flashed as he ducked his head. “After Wedderburn didn't execute me. I figured I should be ready when you were.”

“I like that about you. No, scratch that. I
love
it.”

“And I love you.” Kian said it with such matter-of-fact tenderness that my heart felt like it would explode.

“Me too.”

The foil packet crackled.
Oh my God, this is actually happening.
I tried to help out with the condom but he wouldn't let me.

“What's wrong?”

“Seriously, you can't do
that
for me. Or we won't get any further.”

“What—
oh
.” Hopefully it was too dark for him to see me blushing. Since this was my first time, not his, it made me feel good to know he was so worked up. “So … how do we…”

Yeah, I can't ask that. Dammit, pausing for protection has me thinking again.

“Don't worry so much,” he whispered.

He seemed to understand I wasn't quite there due to the intermission so we went back to kissing. Stroking and caressing him felt almost as good as his hands on me, and eventually, I was moving with him, mindless. He surprised me by rolling us.

“It's all up to you.”

I didn't think, I just did what felt right. There was some resistance but not enough to make me stop. Once I had him, we both went a little crazy.

Afterward, he disposed of the condom and came back to cuddle me. I was still light-headed, baffled. I never dreamed I could make sounds like that. But the best part, I wasn't alone. He was just as mindless, as lost in me. Phantom pleasure shivered through me.

We snuggled for quite a while before I spoke. “On a scale of one to ten, I'm going with damn.”

“Damn's not a number,” he pointed out.

“Huh. But I've heard it's always awkward and bad. Does that mean we're outliers?”

“‘Always' is an empirical impossibility. Even among control groups, there are always statistical exceptions.”

“You know you're hot when you science at me, right?”

“Please. I'm always hot.” Kian kissed my temple.

“True. Can I have another poem now?”

“You want me to be a romantic cliché, don't you?”

“Hey, I let you off with the rose petals on the bed, didn't I?”

Grinning, he admitted, “Original or someone famous?”

“Psht to famous poets. Weren't they all on opium or dying of a depressing disease?”

“Most of them, probably. That or clinically depressed. So you want me to get out of bed, rummage for my notebook, and read you something. Is that right?”

“Please?”

“For the record, I'm not doing this just because you sexed me into submission,” he grumbled as he went into the living room.

Nice butt.

I felt a little weird ogling him but since he was my boyfriend, consent was probably implicit. He'd said I could feel him up in bed and looking was definitely less invasive. I propped myself up and turned on the bedside lamp, then pulled the sheet up to my chest. That might be goofy, but I wasn't as confident as Kian. Half the time I still didn't look at myself naked, even now that I looked good. Years of avoiding mirrors and dodging photos had a choke hold on my psyche and I wouldn't change inside that fast. So I'd go on faking it until the shift became real.

When he got back in bed, I was a little alarmed at how natural it felt, how
fast
I could get used to something so amazing. He opened his arms, journal in one hand, and I went into them. His heartbeat thumping beneath my ear sounded like home. The rhythm had a tiny skip or hesitation, a difference I cherished. Around me, Kian flipped the pages, sounded like a lot of them. I closed my eyes to focus on his voice.

“You know how you told me to start writing again?”

“Mmhm.”

“Well, this is a new poem, the first one I've written in years. It's called ‘For Edie.'”

Then I did kiss his chest. “I already adore it.”

He cleared his throat a few times, his heart beating faster. It seemed incredible to me that I could make him nervous. “Write down my soul again / Inky dark, paper heart / Alone I only knew to burn / Yearn / Outside, looking in / Dying spark, where to start / Wondering where you end and I begin / To make sense of love / You are love / I am yours / We are infinite.” He paused, waiting for my reaction. “Sorry, it's a little beat-poetish. I haven't written in form in a long time, used to be pretty good at the sonnet. God, I should have written you something else. Something less—Edie, would you rather have a sonnet? I can—”