Pulpy and Midge (7 page)

‘You know who. He comes up to me with a package at the end of the day yesterday. “Would you overnight this for me?”
he says. “Overnight this.” Like he's making up some new language. Like he can't be bothered saying, “Would you send this by overnight courier, please?” A “please” would've been nice. But that's not even the point. “Overnight this.”' She sucked on her teeth in disgust.

‘So did you?'

‘Did I what?'

‘Over – Send it by overnight courier?'

‘Of course I did. He's my boss, isn't he? I have to do what he says, but I don't have to like the way he says it.'

‘Have you met his wife yet?'

‘No.' She scowled. ‘Why?'

‘Nothing.' He waved a hand. ‘Hey, where do you get your hair cut?'

‘What?'

‘What stylist do you go to?'

She reached up and touched her hair. ‘You wouldn't know him.'

‘No, but my wife – she needs a new hairdresser. So I just thought –'

‘Hold on, I think I might have one of his cards somewhere.' She picked up her purse, pulled out a business card and gave it to him.

‘Thanks.' He looked at the card. ‘“Artistic Ladies Hair Cut. Dedicated to Your Satisfaction.” That sounds nice.'

‘Yeah, he's good.' She yanked a pencil out of her pen-and-pencil cage and then fitted it back in. ‘
I
think so, anyway. Just don't ask my boyfriend.' She squeezed the pencil's pink eraser nub. ‘He doesn't know anything.'

Pulpy put the card in his pocket and placed the sign-up sheet on her desk. ‘I'm organizing a potluck for the office. Do you want to put yourself down for something?'

She glanced at the sheet and then pushed it away. ‘I'll probably have to cover the desk.'

‘Oh. Hmm. I don't know.' He picked up the paper and looked at the fish. ‘Maybe I should change the fish's water.'

‘I guess so.' She put a finger into the fishbowl and swirled it. ‘Just not right now.'

‘Sure,' he said. ‘I'll do it later, then.'

‘Hey, there he is,' said Eduardo when Pulpy walked into the kitchen. He was eating popcorn with Carmelita from the Parts Department and Jim from Packaging.

‘You know, when you microwave popcorn,' said Pulpy, ‘the smell fills the entire workplace.'

‘Yeah, so?' Eduardo shook the paper bag so it rattled, and Jim stuck his hand in.

‘I'm just saying,' said Pulpy, and turned away to pin the sign-up sheet to the bulletin board.

‘What's that for?' said Carmelita.

Pulpy wrote his name on the first line of the sign-up sheet, then his pen hovered over the contribution space. ‘It's for the company potluck.' He left it blank and took a step back.

‘Oh yeah?' She picked a piece of kernel out of her teeth and walked a few steps forward. ‘When is it?'

‘Next Tuesday.'

The three of them advanced on him and studied the sheet.

‘Do we have to make something?' said Jim. ‘Or can it be store-bought?'

‘Sure, I guess you could buy something.'

‘You got a pen?' said Carmelita.

‘I have this one but it's from my desk. Maybe I'll put a string up, with a pen attached. In case people don't have one with them. I don't even know what I'm bringing yet. Dan just asked me to make up this list.'

‘Ooh, the new boss,' said Eduardo. ‘So this is his idea?'

‘I'm organizing it, though,' said Pulpy.

‘Lucky you.' Eduardo elbowed Carmelita. ‘Stand up and let's get a look at you.'

She curtsied, then said in a high voice, ‘What's a vision statement?'

Eduardo stuck out his tongue and panted, and the three of them snickered into their buttery fists.

Pulpy stared at them. ‘I should get going,' he said, and headed for the door.

‘See you later,' said Carmelita.

Jim waved, but Eduardo just kept eating popcorn.

‘It doesn't look bad,' said Pulpy. ‘It looks pretty.'

Midge's hand went up to poke at her new hairdo. She still had the scallops, but now there were fewer of them on the left side. ‘It's lopsided. It leans to the right.'

‘I don't think so.' He was sitting at the kitchen table and she was standing by the sink. There were two artichokes on the counter.

She tilted her head at him and the lump of her hair shifted irregularly. Then she pushed one of the scaly green vegetables so it wobbled. ‘The worst part was I had to go around on my route afterwards, Pulpy. I had to ring people's doorbells and say hello to everyone with this hair.'

‘It does bounce a little differently.'

‘What?'

‘But that's all. That's nothing. What's bouncing got to do with anything? Here, look at this –' He reached into his pocket and handed her the receptionist's hairdresser's card.

‘“Artistic Ladies”?' She looked between him and the card. ‘What is this?'

‘The receptionist goes to them. She has nice hair.'

Midge handed the card back to him and turned on the tap, hard. ‘Thank you.'

‘You're welcome.'

‘I'm making us artichokes.' She held one under the water. ‘I thought we could have a quiet, relaxing night in tonight, just us and our artichokes.'

‘Hmm,' said Pulpy. ‘Well, Dan and Beatrice are coming over in a bit so I guess it won't be just us.'

‘What do you mean? For dinner?'

‘No, only for a few drinks,' he said quickly. ‘Just to talk.'

Midge sliced the stems off the artichokes. ‘I don't really feel like talking, with my hair like this. At least, not to anybody but you. I thought it was going to be you and me alone tonight. I thought we were going to be romantic.'

‘I didn't really know this was all going to happen. He sort of invited himself over.'

‘So why didn't you say no?'

‘Midge, he's my boss.'

‘But this is our home,' she said. ‘And I'm making artichokes.'

‘That's okay. You make your artichokes. I want you to make them.'

‘They're for
us.
Not just me.'

The doorbell rang.

‘I'll get it,' he said. ‘You keep doing what you're doing.'

‘Hello, hello, hello,' said Dan when Pulpy let him and Beatrice in. He stepped forward and set a large plastic bag down by the coat tree.

‘Hi, Dan. Hi, Beatrice,' said Pulpy.

‘Hello there, Midge!' said Dan in a loud voice. ‘What are you doing so far away?'

‘Hi, Dan. Hi, Beatrice.' Midge nodded from over by the stove. ‘I'm making artichokes.'

‘Mmm, artichokes!' said Beatrice.

‘I only have two,' she said.

‘I'm sorry,' Pulpy said to his boss and his boss's wife. ‘We haven't eaten dinner yet.'

‘That's okay,' said Dan. ‘Beatrice and I had some dip. What kind was it again, honey?'

‘Greek,' she said.

‘That's right, Greek. Delicious.'

‘I think Pulpy got dip all over his
pants
!' said Beatrice.

Pulpy looked over at Midge. ‘It's a stain from lunch,' he said. ‘Please won't you come in?'

‘I think we will.' Dan stepped onto the carpet runner. ‘Ho-ho! Rolling out the plastic carpet for the
VIP
s, eh?'

‘It's a runner,' said Pulpy. ‘Because of the winter.'

‘Take off your boots, Dan,' said Beatrice.

‘All right, all right.' Dan took off his boots. ‘Aren't you going to take off your shoes?'

‘My shoes are part of my outfit.' She flexed one of her feet in their sharp-looking high heels. ‘Pulpy doesn't mind, do you, Pulpy?'

‘No, that's fine. Please make yourselves comfortable.'

‘This couch of yours looks very nice indeed,' said Dan, and sat down.

‘It does.' Beatrice sat down beside him. ‘This whole place is just so cute!'

‘Cute indeed,' said Dan, in Midge's direction.

‘Won't you join us, Midge?' said Beatrice.

‘I have to cook.'

‘Oh, that's right. Well, you go right ahead. We'll just sit here and pick your handsome husband's handsome brains.'

Midge rattled the lid on the pot.

‘Smells good!' said Dan.

‘It's only boiling water,' she said.

Pulpy put his hands on his knees.

‘Well,' said Dan, ‘Beatrice's boiling water never smells that good!'

Beatrice slapped his arm and smiled at Midge. ‘There's something different about you, Midge. Did you get your hair cut?'

‘So!' Pulpy clapped his hands. ‘I put the sign-up sheet for the potluck on the staff bulletin board today, with a pen on a string. Did you see it?'

‘Are we talking shop here?' said Dan. ‘Because let's consider the ladies, now.'

‘I can talk shop,' said Beatrice. ‘I work there too, remember? Starting tomorrow.'

‘Then let's consider Midge.' Dan smiled over at her.

‘Don't worry about me,' said Midge. ‘I'm just here with my artichokes.'

‘That you are,' said Dan. ‘They look like nice ones too.'

Midge dropped them in the pot.

Dan sat back. ‘How long do those things take, anyway?'

‘About forty-five minutes,' said Beatrice, ‘or until the bottoms get soft enough to slip a fork in. So now Midge has time to sit with us!'

‘I have to make a salad,' said Midge.

‘Lettuce!' said Dan. ‘Don't get me started on lettuce!'

‘So,' said Pulpy. ‘What are you two up to this evening?'

‘This is it,' said Dan. ‘This is our night.'

Midge set a head of romaine on the cutting board and chopped it in half.

‘Do you need any help?' said Beatrice. ‘I'm a whiz with croutons.'

‘She is,' said Dan. ‘What brand do you use again, honey?'

‘I don't use a
brand.
I make them from scratch.'

‘I'm fine, thanks anyway,' said Midge.

‘Whoa, watch out, Midge – she'll dry out all your bread-crumbs with her powers of dehydration!'

‘Why don't you just talk to Pulpy about something unimportant?' said Beatrice. ‘Midge and I will get the real work done around here.' She stood up and stomped over to the kitchen. ‘Give me a tomato to slice, Midge. Throw me something green.'

Pulpy looked at Midge, but she was bending over to get something from the fridge. Then he saw Dan looking at her too.

‘Don't pay attention to my wife,' said his boss. ‘She gets like this.'

‘Like what, Dan? Why don't you tell them what I'm like?'

‘Maybe I will.'

‘Here, Beatrice.' Midge thrust a spoon and a white jar at her. ‘You can put some of this mayonnaise in a bowl if you like.'

‘You know what? Never mind,' said Dan. ‘I was going to say something serious but now is not the time for serious. Now is the time for fun, and I think we all know what kind of fun I'm talking about.'

Midge and Pulpy looked at each other.

‘Snakes and Ladders!' said Beatrice, and she pointed her spoonful of mayonnaise at Midge hard enough that a dollop landed on the side of her head.

Midge reached up, slowly, and gave the creamy glob a tentative prod.

‘Oops,' said Beatrice, and the spoon clattered into the sink.

‘Are you all right, Midge?' said Pulpy.

‘No, no, it's fine. Excuse me for a minute.' And she rushed down the hall to the bathroom with her hand over her hair.

‘So, like I was saying,' said Dan, ‘what's more fun than Snakes and Ladders?'

‘I believe that's what
I
was saying,' said Beatrice, returning to the living room.

‘That sounds great,' said Pulpy, ‘but we don't have Snakes and Ladders.'

‘Then it's your lucky day,' said Dan, ‘because we brought it with us!' He jumped up and reached for the plastic bag.

‘Make some room for me, Pulpy,' said Beatrice. ‘I don't want to sit beside my
husband.
'

Pulpy moved over and Dan pulled out the board game just as Midge came back from the washroom, one of her asymmetrical half-scallops now gone bristly with the dried grease.

‘All clean?' Beatrice asked her from the loveseat. ‘Sorry, Midge, that was me getting overexcited.'

‘I got it out,' she said.

‘Now, tell me,' said Beatrice. ‘There's definitely something different about you. Your hair is leaning more to one side, isn't it? What an interesting look.'

Dan opened up the board on the coffee table and started shaking the dice in his big, square fist. ‘Sit next to me, Midge,' he said. ‘Let's mix it up a little!'

Pulpy woke up the next morning in an empty bed. He looked around, stretched and checked the time. ‘Midge?'

No answer.

He yawned and got up, and found Midge in the kitchen. ‘Good morning,' he said.

‘Good morning,' she said. ‘Would you like some toast?'

‘Yes, please.' He sat down at the table.

Midge put two slices of bread in the toaster and stood there, waiting.

‘Did you have fun last night?' he said.

‘Would you like jam on your toast?'

He looked over at her. ‘Jam sounds tasty.'

The toast popped up and Midge took the slices out one at a time. She buttered the toast first, then spread on the jam.

‘Thank you.' He nodded at it. ‘It looks good.'

‘It's toast.'

‘All the same.' He took a bite. ‘Yum!'

‘You didn't say that about the artichokes,' she said. ‘You didn't say
anything
about the artichokes.'

Pulpy swallowed. The toast was dry. He looked around for something to drink. ‘Could I please have some juice?'

‘It's in the fridge.'

He stood up and got a glass, and opened the fridge.