Punching and Kissing (20 page)

I pulled him close, right there in the middle of the sidewalk, and hugged him. It was the first time I’d managed to get Jacki’s face out of my head all day. “Thank you,” I said again. “It’s lovely. I’m not sure where I’ll be able to wear it, but—”

“You can wear it right now,” he said. “We’ve got a table booked for eight.”

***

The restaurant wasn’t super-posh, thank God. I would have run screaming if it had been. It was friendly, with small tables and lots of candlelight, but still upmarket enough that the dress fit right in. I felt almost glamorous. I was self-conscious about my bruises—my eye, especially, was pretty much impossible to hide with make-up. But most people’s attention seemed to be on Aedan. I wasn’t surprised. The shirt couldn’t hide his muscles. He was imposing as hell, even dressed up. “Are you sure you can afford this?” I asked as we sat down.

“It’s no problem. Go nuts.” He opened the wine list and his eyes bulged. “Maybe not
too
nuts.”

“Do you know the last time I went somewhere where there
was
a wine list?”
Probably before Dad died.
“Seriously—this is great.”

It was the best I’d eaten in a long time. After months of noodles and discount breakfast cereal, I’d been getting used to the heavy protein of the boxer’s diet. But this was different again: delicately-cooked fish and steamed vegetables, rich sauces and luxuriant desserts.

“You look amazing,” he told me.

I grinned. Walking in heels had taken some getting used to again after nothing but sneakers—my legs were going to get their revenge the next morning. But I felt a million miles away from the scared, bruised girl backed into a corner. I’d escaped, just for one night. And Aedan looked so damn gorgeous with his muscled forearms stretching out the fabric of his shirt and those big blue eyes regarding me over the top of his wine glass. I noticed a couple of people eying him up—although, weirdly, they looked almost hostile.
Jealous of me,
I presumed.

The whole dress shopping and dinner thing still had me reeling. After the roof, I’d been worried that he’d only wanted me for sex. But now he was taking me on an actual date.

Something was wrong, though. We’d been happily chatting away for weeks during training but now it felt like everything had changed, and neither of us knew how to act around the other.

“Sorry,” he said after a while. “I’m not good at this. I mean, I haven’t done it much. Recently.” He looked away and rubbed the scars on his neck.
What the hell happened to him?
I wondered. “But I never was good at this stuff. Talking.” He grinned suddenly. When he smiled, his whole persona seemed to soften. “Not like Carrick.”

I leaned forward eagerly. “You said your brothers were spread out around the country?”

He blinked, as if surprised that I’d remembered that. “Yeah. All over.”

“You don’t see them?”

He shook his head. “They’re better off without me.” And the scary thing was how much he obviously believed it.

“Why? Why would you say that?” I reached across the table and took his hand. “Aedan...you’re a good guy. What happened to make you think you’re not?”

He bent his head and then looked up at me through those heavy brows. For a second, I thought he was going to tell me. Then he shook his head. “Ah, hell. I didn’t mean to get into this. Tonight was meant to be about you.”

I felt the mood changing. Our wonderful, glamorous night being dragged down into a black, oily sea.

“It can’t be that bad,” I whispered.

He nodded that it was
.
I could see the muscles in his shoulders and arms tensing under his shirt, his frustration building. Frustration at what?

“I like you,” he said again. “I really do.” He was silent for a moment. “But maybe you shouldn’t be around me.”

I reached across and stroked his cheek. “Why would you say that?”

He sighed and hung his head. I could sense the pressure of it inside him, his past expanding to push away everything good we’d built up. The closer we got, the more he seemed to return to the closed-off man I’d met at The Pit.

I felt as if my heart was made of paper and someone was slowly, cruelly ripping it down the center. I could feel him slipping away and whatever I said didn’t seem to make any difference. “Tell me! I like you! I don’t care what happened. You’re right for me!”

“I’m not right for anyone,” he snapped. “And it’s not just
what happened.
It’s what I am.” He glanced around. “Do you know why I’ve been getting dirty looks all night?”

I looked around us. Everyone was studiously avoiding looking at me. When I caught a waiter’s eye, he glanced at Aedan...and yes, I saw his lip curl in distaste.

I’d gotten it wrong, when we walked in. They were all looking at Aedan, but not for the reason I thought. “Why?” I whispered.

The restaurant seemed to grow very quiet, or maybe I was just so focused on his next words that it seemed that way.

“They think I beat you up,” he said.

The restaurant, previously so friendly and inviting, became a sea of hostile faces, all staring at us. Judging us. Judging him for raising his fists to me and judging me for taking it and not running to a shelter.
You’re enabling him,
the women silently hissed at me.
You’re letting him hit you and then letting him buy forgiveness by taking you out to dinner. God, you’re pathetic.
A few of them seemed more sympathetic.
She’s probably trapped. Co-dependent. Maybe there are kids. Maybe she has nowhere else to go. I wonder if I should say something.

Everyone so sure they were right.

I stood on shaking legs. Aedan looked up, startled. He seemed to realize what I was going to do just as my mouth opened, but by then even he couldn’t have stopped me.

“
HE DOESN’T HIT ME!”
I yelled. The whole room turned to look at us.

“Sylvie—” started Aedan.

“This is my
boyfriend,”
I announced, acid dripping from my words, “and he
doesn’t hit me.
I was in a fight, you presumptuous, judgmental
fucks!”

The room was completely silent. I could hear individual people breathing.

Aedan took out his wallet and counted some bills out onto the table, then stood up and took my hand to lead me towards the door. He was looking at me in total amazement...and respect.

I refused to move for a moment. I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a deep, long kiss, pressing myself up against his chest. He got over his shock quickly and kissed me back just as hard, his hands going down to my ass.

Only then did I let him lead me outside.

“Thank you,” he said, still sounding stunned. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I’m not having people think that about you,” I told him.

He stared at me sadly. “They’re
right.
I don’t hit you but I’m just a”—he stared down at his hands—“just a...
thug.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“It’s still true. I’ve done stuff that...” He shook his head. “You deserve better. You deserve a good guy.”

I could see him fighting with himself. God, what was this thing that was tearing him apart on the inside? He’d brought me out on this date, he obviously wanted to be with me...and now he was pushing me away to protect me.

Well, the hell with that.

I pressed myself close to him again, feeling his warmth. “Maybe a bad guy is what I want. Because I want you.”

He took a deep breath and stared off down the street for a long time, not meeting my eyes. When he finally looked back at me, things had changed. He’d come to a decision. He gave me that same hot lick of a look he’d given me when I’d first seen him at The Pit. Then he pushed me back against the nearest wall and kissed me with a raw, breathless intensity. It was as if a dam had broken inside him. He leaned in close. “Okay, then,” he muttered. “If that’s what you want, Sylvie...that’s what you’ll get.”

Aedan

Her apartment was closer. It was the first time I’d been there—a whole part of her life that I hadn’t seen yet. I was on her territory now, bringing all the bad shit that came with me into her world.

But that’s what she wanted. And maybe it was finally time to start listening.

We were tearing at each other’s clothes even as we came in the door. Sylvie had her hands under my shirt, sliding over my stomach and then around back to trace the muscles there. She pressed herself against my chest, kissing me, barely coming up for air, and I groaned at the way her breasts pillowed against me. I already had my hands on her ass, squeezing the firm cheeks through the silky fabric of her dress, loving the way it slid over her skin. She wriggled against me and her breasts did wonderful things against my chest.
Hell yeah!

After the summer heat outside, the apartment was blissfully cool from having been unoccupied for a couple of days. The semi-darkness made it seem cooler, so we didn’t bother switching on the lights. The blinds were still open and there was enough light coming in from outside for us to see by. I stepped back from her for a moment, drinking in the sight of her. She looked even more like an angel, in the white dress. An angel...maybe that was exactly what a monster like me needed.

I pushed her up against the wall of the hallway, knocking a picture off the wall. I slid my fingers through her hair, tangling them in it. My tongue traced the line of her upper lip and I kissed her, finding her open-mouthed and panting. I put a hand on her forehead, gently pinning her head for a second while I devoured her lower lip, nibbling and sucking. I thrust my other hand up the side of her dress, pushing the hem higher as it slid up her leg. God, her skin was so smooth, so perfect. I could feel her ass grinding against the wall in anticipation. I dodged past her bruised hip and started to rub her inner thigh in slow circles, toying with the edge of her panties. She gave a low moan in her throat, her breathing hitching faster and faster.

I was pushed between her thighs, grinding the hard bulge of my cock against her, but it wasn’t enough. I had to feel every part of her. I pulled her away from the wall and spun her around so that her ass was against my crotch, my length nestled right between those firm, rounded cheeks. I kept one hand on her hip, rubbing and rubbing, never quite moving onto her panties, teasing her. I slid the other hand under her dress, under her bra, cupping her naked breast.
God,
but that felt good. The smooth roll of the flesh against my palm, the scrape of the hardening nipple against my fingers as I squeezed and rubbed. Then the urgent stiffening of the little bud as she groaned and writhed harder against me.

I half-walked, half-dragged her through to the living room. We collided with a coffee table and a stack of books and papers crashed to the floor. Both of us were panting, now, gasping our excitement. It was different to what happened on the gym roof, different even to the night before, when I’d gone down on her at my place. I’d been unleashed. My demons had let go of me, or maybe I’d let go of them. I knew it wasn’t final. I knew that, eventually, I was going to have to tell her. But for now, I was free.

Both hands still under her dress, I guided her to the table and then lifted her so that she was sitting on the edge, pushing aside the stuff that was there. A vase tipped over and there was a glug of spilling water. She was breathless and wide-eyed in the semi-darkness, wondering what I was going to do next. I slid both hands down and hiked the dress the rest of the way up to her waist, baring those long, elegant legs.

I opened her thighs, going slow to make sure I didn’t hurt her hip. Then I stepped between her knees and cupped her through her panties.

Second best feeling in the world? The soft warmth of a pussy against your palm. I didn’t even have to move. Just the slight movement of her own breathing was enough to rub her lips against my hand through the thin fabric. And as soon as that started, that slow rasp wasn’t enough. She needed more, and she started subtly grinding against me to get it.

Best
feeling in the world? A woman grinding herself against your palm, to show how much she wants you. I kissed her again, this time just using my lips to part hers and letting
her
kiss
me.
Her tongue slipped into my mouth immediately, eagerly seeking mine out. I began to rub her gently through her panties, the heel of my hand grinding against her clit with each stroke, and she moaned, the sound vibrating against my lips.