Punt: A British Bad Boy Football Romance (26 page)

T
here it was again
, that bitter bile in the back of his throat. The room was closing in on him, bleeding out all the air. Jasper sucked in a deep breath and pushed on, needing to complete the tale.

“I enlisted some men I knew I could trust, and we snuck her out of the Bunker as soon as she could walk. She was broken, though. Mentally and physically. I ended up sending her to some aunt she had up north, but she only lived another few weeks anyway. Her body just quit working.”

“That’s terrible,” Maddie said, rubbing her hand over his arm and shoulder now.

“The kicker is that she was pregnant when Ennis killed her. I guess some females have bleeding even when they’re with child. No one knew until right before she died. Ennis only found out because Sarah had confessed it to the aunt right before her death, begged the aunt to cut the baby out of her and run with it. Of course, the child was much too young. It never could have survived.”

Jasper took a deep breath before telling the last part. When Maddie didn’t interject, he went on.

“He came after me. Ennis, I mean. He said I killed Sarah, then he said I killed them both. Sarah and Lindy, he meant. He was drunk, raving, paranoid. I realized then that he wasn’t the male I’d known any longer. He’d lost something, some important part of himself. He’d taken a wrong turn and couldn’t come back from it.”

“It doesn’t sound like you had a choice, Jas,” she said, worry shining in her violet eyes.

“That doesn’t justify murder!” he said, his voice rising to a shout. Maddie stayed silent, just running that hand up and down his arm.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jasper growled, snatching his arm away. Standing up, he crossed his arms and began to pace.

“You’re not the villain in this scenario,” Maddie cut in, keeping her voice level. “You saw something bad happening, you stepped in and stopped it. You did what an Alpha is supposed to do.”

Jasper let out a cruel laugh, shaking his head.

“Some Alpha I am. I hate it, you know. The responsibility, the constant challenges from the pack… I feel like any minute I’m going to snap and hurt someone. Then I’ll be just like Ennis,” he said, hanging his head.

“You would never hurt someone like that.”

“You can’t know that. You saw me today, the way I was with Donovan. I have that rage inside me, just waiting. And it’s not just males that make me mad. You seem to have a remarkable way of getting under my skin, too.”

Maddie tilted her head, studying him for a long moment. Finally she shook her head, as if making a decision.

“Cede the pack to Gwen. She would probably make a good Alpha. It seems like she’s taking care of things now anyway,” Maddie said. Her words were blunt, but also true.

“If I thought the pack wouldn’t destroy her, I would drop my title right this second. But I know these men. Even the good ones wouldn’t stand for having a woman in charge. Not in this pack.”

“You’re doing everything you can, Jas. I don’t see what more can be expected of you.”

Jasper was quiet for a long beat, trying to put the words together right.

“I see myself becoming like him, like my foster father. The longer I control this pack, the more I understand his bitterness and anger. I see these echoes of him in things I say or do, and it terrifies me,” he admitted. “I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be the lone wolf that everyone is watching, waiting to see if they’ll have to put me down or if I’ll do it myself. I can’t live with that thought.”

Maddie knelt beside him, slipping her arms around his shoulders and giving him a sweet, gentle hug. Jasper was ashamed to find himself a little shocked by her behavior. This gentle, open creature was nothing like the present-day Maddie, reminding him more of the way she’d been as a child.

“You’re not like Ennis, Jas. And you’re not alone. You have me,” Maddie said. He imagined it for a moment. Him, Maddie, a big house somewhere nice. Maybe a couple of beautiful baby girls, as angelic-looking and tart-tongued as their mother…

He gritted his teeth against the image, unable to accept the tempting vision she offered. He couldn’t accept what would never happen, it would be too cruel to give himself that kind of hope. He wasn’t meant for that kind of life, that kind of happiness.

“I don’t have you, though. Not really. And I don’t know how to do anything different, Madd. I guess it’s not surprising given that my only role model was a drunk, fucked up mate beater. The only thing I can do is promise that I’ll kill myself when I get to be like him.”

“You’re standing here, talking about how you don’t want to be like him. Why can’t you see that that makes all the difference? All you have to do is want to be different,” Maddie said, frustration tinging her voice.

Jasper was quiet for a long time, rising to pace the room. He wanted so much for himself, his greedy heart desperate for the kind of outcome that Maddie predicted. If only it were that simple.

He stopped and sat on the couch again, rubbing his bleary eyes.

“That’s the thing. He wasn’t all bad. He wasn’t a bad foster father, most of the time anyway. And he really did have a soft side. I know for a fact that he loved Lindy like crazy. But that didn’t keep him from going over the edge, did it?”

“No, it didn’t,” Maddie said, scooting over and sliding her arm around his torso. She leaned against him, a soft balm on his wounds. “I won’t let that happen to you.”

Jasper shifted and slipped his arms around Maddie, burying his face in her long hair. He took a deep breath, releasing it with a sigh.

“Promise?” he whispered. No matter the reality of it, right now he wanted the fantasy she presented. He wanted her softness, her hidden sweetness, the promises that fell from her lips for no one but him.

“I promise,” she replied, her body taut with emotion. Jasper pulled back a little bit and tipped her chin up with a hand, savoring the sincerity of her expression.

Without thought, he leaned down and brushed a kiss against her lips. Her mouth opened just a bit and Jasper could hear her breathing quicken. Encouraged, he pressed his lips against hers. A light, soft kiss. She didn’t respond right away, so he repeated the motion, harder this time. Her lips were soft and warm beneath his, her mouth parted just enough for him to taste the promise there.

She sighed into his kiss, her passion mixed with something else. Hesitation. Jasper could sense that she was holding back, uncertain of him, of his stability. That wasn’t the way he wanted to take his mate. He wanted her crazy with need, hot and begging for his touch.

Jasper let out a pent-up breath and pulled back, looking down at Maddie. He gave her a weak smile and ran a hand over her hair to smooth it where he’d nuzzled her earlier.

“We should try to get some sleep,” he said, regretful. “I don’t want to push things too far just when we’re getting along.”

Maddie laughed, reaching out and sliding her arms around him again. She hugged him tight, telling him something important without words. Jasper wished he understood exactly what she was saying, but for now he’d take any show of affection he could get from his stubborn mate.

Maddie released him and stood, brushing at her clothes.

“Are you sure you want to stay here?” she asked, concerned. Jasper gave a slow nod.

“Is there any better way to tackle things than head on?” he asked.

“Show me to my bedroom then,” she said, yawning.

“Certainly,” he said, giving her a tight smile. One thing Jasper had neglected to mention about staying at Alpha’s House was the fact that there was only one decently sized bed. They were going to share a bed tonight, whether she liked it or not. Jasper headed up the staircase to the master bedroom, knowing he would have to keep himself firmly in check to avoid shattering the fragile truce they’d created.

M
addie stopped
short when she entered the large master suite, her jaw dropping. The bedroom looked like something from the set of a soap opera: blue-black damask draped the walls, lush black carpet, beautiful gold wall sconces… and then there was the bed. The room was dominated by a massive four-poster bed, draped in red satin. The drapes were tied back at the moment, showcasing silky black sheets and piles of red and black pillows.

The bed was an invitation to sin, and Maddie took a subconscious step back from it. The second she did, her body hit the big warm granite wall of Jasper’s body, making her jump.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” he asked, his voice a deep rumble.

“This was your father’s bedroom?” Maddie asked, confused. No way would she want to sleep in her parents’ room if it were clearly meant for seduction.

“No, my father let Lindy decorate this room shortly before she… anyway, I don’t think they ever spent a single night in here. Ennis would usually pass out drunk at his desk, or sometimes he’d sleep in one of the other rooms.”

“Oh,” Maddie said, relieved. “Well, where are you going to sleep?”

The second the words were out of her mouth, she realized that they were going to be sharing a bed. For some reason, the idea of sleeping next to him made her feel shy. Sharing a bed with him when they were getting along was too… intimate.

“Right here with you. There’s plenty of room, we won’t even have to touch each other,” he said.

“Oh. Okay, then,” she said, shrugging. She scolded herself, knowing that there was no reason she should feel so nervous. She was a grownup. She’d slept in a bed with Jasper just the night before, though being drunk off her ass had predicated the experience. Still, she needed to be an adult about this. She didn’t have to do anything but sleep, so nothing should be holding her back now.

She could see his surprise as she kicked off her shoes and pulled her shirt up over her head, heading for the comfort of the bed. She reminded herself that it wasn’t a big deal for him to see her body. He’d seen it before, and in much more scandalous circumstances. She repeated that fact to herself like a mantra, but it wasn’t much comfort.

“O-kay,” he said. After beat he followed, slipping his shoes and socks off. Maddie divested herself of her jeans and then climbed into the big bed, slipping under the covers.

As Jasper began to undress, she made sure that her bra and panties hit the floor near his feet. She never slept in clothes, and she wasn’t about to start doing it now. If this was some sort of challenge, she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of getting her all worked up about being naked in the same bed. Snuggling down amongst all the pillows on the far left side of the bed, she pretended to close her eyes but watched him through her lashes, trying to understand his motives.

Jasper pulled his shirt up and over his head, muscles rippling as he exposed his incredible chest. Smooth and tanned, his pecs and abs were perfectly defined. His arms made her mouth water, thick and developed but not overdone. As he unbuttoned his jeans, she couldn’t help but notice the perfect dip of his navel and the trail of blond hair that led downward. He shucked his jeans off, and Maddie admired the lean, powerful thighs encased in his form-fitting boxer briefs. His body was lust-worthy all right, a veritable feast.

Maddie had to remind herself that she wasn’t supposed to be getting caught up in watching him. She just wanted to know if he was expecting something from her. If they ever had sex again, it was sure as hell going to be Maddie’s decision, not some kind of trickery on his part. Peeking under her lashes again, she desperately wished she knew what he wanted from her.

Then Jasper slipped out of his sexy boxer briefs, and Maddie was hard pressed not to sit up and stare. His manhood lay pressed against his stomach, long and thick and erect. She’d only been intimate with him the one time, and things had been so rushed that she had barely even seen him naked. She remembered thinking that his cock had barely fit all the way into her body, but she hadn’t gotten a look at it like this. It was downright impressive.

Remembering that she wasn’t supposed to be ogling him openly, Maddie relaxed her body but continued to watch him. He ran one of his big hands over his length, then stiffened. A bachelor’s habit, Maddie thought. Touching himself was obviously not something he normally did around others. She supposed that meant he felt comfortable around her, to a point. Maddie gave a little shiver and bit her lip, pulling the blankets all the way up to her chin.

Jasper reached over and flipped back a corner of the bedding and climbed in. He slipped beneath the sheet and settled down, rolling onto his side to face her.

Maddie repressed a sigh. Closing her eyes, she feigned sleep to give herself some time to think. Or at least cool off… even in this massive bed she was enveloped in Jasper’s woodsy scent and she could almost feel the heat radiating off his body. Simply put, Jasper was one hundred percent pure, grade-A male. If Maddie stopped and thought about it, she could name of half a dozen females who might literally commit murder to be in his bed.

Still, that didn’t mean that she should just simper and let Jasper have his way with her. A male like Jasper, used to snapping out commands and being obeyed, would trample all over her like a doormat if she let him.

A sonorous sound startled her, making her turn to look at Jasper. His eyes were closed, jaw gone slack. He was asleep, dead to the world. Maddie held back a giggle. Not that it was her first time seeing him like this, far from it. Her guilty secret was that, while he’d been staying in her house and crashing on her couch, she’d occasionally sneak out to the living room and watch him sleep.

Looking at him this way was like looking at an entirely different male. His face was relaxed, making him seem more genial than he ever was when awake. He looked more touchable, less wolfish perhaps.

That didn’t change the reality, however. Jasper was a hard man, practically without vice or weakness. He was demanding, and pushy to boot. He was stubborn as hell, and Maddie’s best-laid plans never seemed to work on him.

Worst of all, he had long ago admitted to Maddie that he had absolutely no interest in or intention of taking a mate. Ever. Period. Granted, the conversation had been something like ten years ago but… that wasn’t something that changed about a man, she supposed. She thought about the conversation, playing it back in her mind.