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Authors: Debi Gliori

Pure Dead Magic

BOOK: Pure Dead Magic
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Published by Yearling, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books a division of Random House, Inc., New York

Text and illustrations copyright © 2001 by Debi Gliori

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law. For information address Alfred A. Knopf Books for Young Readers.

Yearling and the jumping horse design are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

Visit us on the Web!
www.randomhouse.com/kids

Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools
,
visit us at
www.randomhouse.com/teachers

eISBN: 978-0-375-89025-3

Reprinted by arrangement with Alfred A. Knopf Books for Young Readers

v3.1

For My Family and Other Beasts

With grateful thanks to the Scottish Arts Council
for keeping the wolf from the door
and to the beautiful west coast of Scotland
for providing the inspiration

Dramatis Personae

THE FAMILY
T
ITUS
S
TREGA
-B
ORGIA
—twelve-year-old hero
P
ANDORA
S
TREGA
-B
ORGIA
—ten-year-old heroine
D
AMP
S
TREGA
-B
ORGIA
—their fourteen-month-old sister
S
IGNOR
L
UCIANO AND
S
IGNORA
B
ACI
S
TREGA
-B
ORGIA
—parents of the above
S
TREGA
-N
ONNA
—great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother (cryogenically preserved) of Titus, Pandora, and Damp

THE GOOD HELP THAT WAS HARD TO FIND
M
RS
. F
LORA
M
C
L
ACHLAN
—nanny to Titus, Pandora, and Damp
L
ATCH
—butler
M
ARIE
B
AIN
—cook

THE BEASTS
M
ULTITUDINA
—rat, mother to multitudes, and Pandora’s pet
T
ARANTELLA
—spider with attitude
S
AB
, F
FUP, AND
K
NOT
—mythical Schloss dungeon beasts
T
OCK
—crocodile inhabitant of Schloss moat

THE GANGSTERS
D
ON
L
UCIFER DI S
…E
MBOWELLI
B
ORGIA
—half brother of Luciano Strega-Borgia
D
ON
C
HIMERA DI
C
ARNE
B
ORGIA
—grandfather (deceased) of Titus, Pandora, and Damp
P
RONTO
—Don Lucifer’s
consigliere
(adviser)

All resemblance to persons living or dead is unintentional, but the author wishes to acknowledge a definite similarity between herself and Tarantella.

from
      
GREAT SCOTTISH HOUSES YOU CAN’T AFFORD

(
June 1987
)

StregaSchloss, Argyll and Bute

This property, three miles from the little Highland town of Auchenlochtermuchty (pop. 786), commands one of the finest views of the Kyles of Mhoire Ochone. Set in 500 acres of ancient forest and flanked by the wild beauty of the Bengormless mountain range, the house itself is an architectural gem.

Built c. 1400 on the Austrian model, it boasts several turrets, a moat (the drawbridge was used as firewood during the oil crisis of 1732), and a particularly fine example of a dungeon, seldom seen in properties of this kind.

It has been owned by the clan Strega-Borgia since 1645, when it was acquired in lieu of rent by Malvolio di S’Enchantedino Borgia from Campbell Caravanserus of Lochnagargoyle. Its charming and unusual name refers to the family’s Italian heritage and the house’s Germanic style of architecture.

(Rumor has it that the ghost of Malvolio’s grandmother can still be seen in the wine cellar.)

The Ideal Candidate

F
rom an upstairs window peered three pairs of eyes. The six eyes watched as a plump woman negotiated the moat, apparently unaware of the murderous Tock who dozed in its depths.

“That’s the third one this week,” observed a voice.

“Fourth, if you count the one that Tock ate for breakfast,” said a second voice.

The third pair of eyes blinked. Too young to speak, their owner wondered if
this
one could change diapers and sing the right kind of lullaby to hush a witch baby to sleep.

Having spotted the sleeping crocodile as she crossed the moat, Mrs. McLachlan climbed the steps, sat heavily on a stone griffin guarding the front door, and gazed around. She rooted in a battered handbag and produced a crumpled newspaper advertisement and a pair of reading glasses. Wedging the glasses on the end of her nose, she re-read:

Energetic nanny/mother’s helper urgently required for Titus (12), Pandora (10), and Damp (14 months). The ideal candidate will enjoy a spot of light housework, be well versed in plumbing and veterinary science, have some understanding of cryogenics, and know instinctively how to make french fries that are crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle. Hours and salary negotiable.

“Take deep breaths, Flora,” Mrs. McLachlan commanded herself. “Relax. This is a perfectly ordinary job requiring no magical skills whatsoever. Think nanny. Think diapers. Think nursery teas, fluffy bunnies, and lullabies …” She refolded the advertisement and tucked it back into her bag. “You want to forget the past?” she continued. “Here is your chance to put it behind you. From the moment you step through this door, you will forget that you were ever a witch.”

Above her head, the lintel was decorated with several cherubs peering through an infestation of stone bats. The ugliest of these cherubs had one eye that was not carved in stone but rendered in black plastic, and this slid open, rotated slowly, and finally fixed its lens on the woman below.

Upstairs in the observatory, Titus and Pandora examined the new nanny on the closed-circuit television screen. Damp crawled across the dusty floor, occasionally finding dead daddy longlegs and popping them into her mouth.

“Let me see,” said Titus.

“I’m looking in her handbag just now, hang on, I’ll move the field a bit.”

“Let me
see,
” said Titus.

“You’re supposed to be watching Damp. I did for ages in the attic, it’s your turn.… Oh gross!”

“What?”

“She’s got hairy legs.…”

“Could you stop giving me the picture in snack-sized bites? LET ME SEE.”

“She’s nervous, Titus, see for yourself. Well, that’s understandable.”

Pandora stood up and surrendered her seat to her brother. Titus pressed keys and rolled the mouse with the ease of an expert. The screen in front of him filled with a close-up of the wannabe nanny’s face.

“She’s so
old
,” he moaned.

“Not as old as that wrinkly on Monday. Remember? The one that called me Panettone and left lipstick kisses all over Damp?”

“Well, she was better than that scary one who went on about the importance of diet for raising children and said that if
she
got the job she’d make sure we ate Brussels sprouts and cabbage every other day.”

BOOK: Pure Dead Magic
7.65Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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