Pushin' (17 page)

“Mickey, it's going to be okay,” her mom says, feeding her daughter ice chips. Mickey's mom has been through this five times, and I know she's feeling for her eldest child. “Just breathe, baby.”

“I don't want to do this anymore, Mama,” Mickey says, looking more scared than I've ever seen my girl look before. Usually Mickey's fearless, but this shit has got her shook up, for real. “Tell them to make it stop, please,” Mickey cries as another contraction hits. “Aaah!” Mickey's screaming is making me hurt, too. Nellie looks at our friend, terrified, and then up at me.

“I have to get some water,” Nellie says, getting up from her chair and heading for the door. Something about the look on her face tells me our girl ain't coming back. Oh, no she doesn't. We all agreed to be here for Mickey and that's exactly what we're going to do.

I step outside the hospital room, catching Nellie before she can make her escape. “Where the hell are you going, Nellie? Mickey needs us to be here for her.” I glance down the hall at the fathers' waiting room where our boys are chilling. It must be nice.

“We can't do anything for her,” Nellie says, almost in tears. “She's got a baby coming out of her and from where I'm standing, there's not much I can do about it.” Nellie looks nervously around the hospital hallway, rubbing her arms like she's cold. But with the long-sleeved American Eagle shirt and jeans she's wearing, I doubt she's chilly.

“What's wrong with you?” I ask. Nellie's acting like a drug addict in desperate need of a fix. “Why are you acting so strange, especially after the endless lectures on our duties as godparents? This shit is real, Nellie, and we need to be here for Mickey and the baby.”

“I can't do it, okay!” Nellie shouts, shocking me and the three nurses working at their station. I'm sure this isn't the first time they've seen someone shouting in the hall, but usually that someone is pushing out a baby, not merely witnessing it. “This is way more than I bargained for. Mickey doesn't need me here for this.”

“Oh, yes she does,” I say, grabbing Nellie by her arms and shaking her. “This is exactly what you bargained for by being Mickey's friend. We don't get to choose when we're going to stick by her and when we're not, not if she's in need. And she needs us now more than ever, so suck it up and get back in that room.” The nurses look like they want to cheer, but turn back to their work as Nellie glares their way.

“Jayd, I'm not as strong as you are. I can't take the pain.” I look into Nellie's eyes, knowing she's talking about more than the labor.

“Nellie, you're not in any pain,” I say, ready to shake the shit out of her once more. My cramps are starting to come back, so she'd better stop messing with me and get her narrow behind back in there. “Mickey's the one who's going through it.”

“I know, but still. It's just too much to bear.” I look into Nellie's eyes, ready to slap the shit out of her if need be, but I instead jump into her mind and cool her off, convincing her finally to go back into the room.

“Okay, you're right. Let's help our friend. After all, I was her back-up Lamaze partner and she kicked Nigel out, which means she'll need my help,” Nellie says, reclaiming her crown as head godmother. As long as her ego's involved, Nellie will do what's called for.

“Exactly,” I say, opening the door and escorting Nellie back inside. Mickey's still chomping on ice and panting like a thirsty dog. Her mother pats her glistening brow with a wet towel, but nothing's able to soothe our girl. “I guess it won't be too much longer,” I say, noticing her contractions are coming faster according to the monitor. We were only outside for two minutes and already another one's coming.

“Ooooh,” Mickey says, this time in a deeper pitch. “Aaah.” It almost sounds like the type of moaning that got her into this mess, but from the looks of it, she's not enjoying this part at all.

“I'm out,” Nellie says, raising her hands up and again leaving the room. Shit, now I have to focus on both of my friends' struggles. I look at Mickey and back at the closing door, ready to check Nellie's ass again.

“No, Jayd. Please don't leave,” Mickey pleads, reaching out to me with her free hand. Her mom hasn't let go of her right hand since she got here. “I need you.” I look at the door again and then at Mickey, deciding to help Mickey and leave Nellie to her own problems. Maybe it's good she's not here. I can only handle one drama queen at a time.

“I'm here, Mickey. And I'm not going anywhere.” After all the drama me and this girl have been through, I still don't wish this pain on her. I look into Mickey's brown eyes, seeing the fear and uncertainty written all over her face, focusing intently on calming her mind down so she can get through the birth as peacefully as possible. I jump right in, noticing the baby is asleep. Good, because I can't handle little mama's sass right now. I have to get her mother through this before meeting her again.

Mickey's mind begins to cool at my entrance, but it's still too hot for me to have an instant effect. Still moaning, Mickey grabs my hand and squeezes tightly, now allowing me full access to her experience. My friend's mind cools as I take all the heat.

“Ahhh,” I say, feeling more than the pain Mickey's causing in my hand. I'm actually feeling her labor through my own cramps, each contraction more intense than the next. What the hell? I didn't sign up for this. I need to jump out of Mickey's mind and now. But I can't because Mickey—now completely relaxed—has closed her eyes, locking me in her mind's vision. Damn it. What the hell do I do now?

You grin and bear it,
my mom says in my mind, while I'm in Mickey's. Now I know she knows my little secret.

Mom, how did you know
? I think back, trying to focus on her thoughts and not the pain in my lower back and stomach. No wonder Mickey's so damn miserable. This shit really hurts. It feels like menstrual cramps magnified to the millionth degree. I'm surprised women still have babies if it feels like this.

I knew there was something strange going on when I entered your thoughts the other day and your mind felt unusually cool to me. I haven't felt that feeling in years, but you never forget,
she says as another contraction hits, breaking my concentration. I can't groan as loud as I want because Mickey's mom will think something else is going on, but I can't hold it in too much longer, either. Mickey, on the other hand, is laid out like her unborn child. This is wrong on so many levels.

Okay, Mom. You got me. So how do I get out of this?
I ask, wishing I'd never jumped in to begin with. This is Mickey's baby, not mine, so why I should I be the one to suffer?

You can't escape until Mickey regains consciousness and that might not be until the baby's being born. Next time be more careful when you jump in and know that you can get out
, my mom says, jumping out of my mind. Damn it. I missed this chapter in the spirit book.

“Aaaah,” I say. Mickey's mother looks at me like I'm tripping, and she's right. Mickey needs to wake up so I can get out of this mess and take a Tylenol. She can't take anything for her issues, but I sure as hell can try.

The sharp pain radiating down my back feels very much like when Esmeralda stabbed me in the dream I had a couple of weeks ago. Much like then, I'm blind to my surroundings and don't know which way is out. One major difference this time is that Mickey's baby will be born and this will be over. For my sake and Mickey's, I hope her daughter's birthday comes sooner than later, because I don't know how much more I can take. Mickey's been in labor for over thirty hours and we're still counting. I bet she's not going to rush into having a baby again after this experience.

“I have to push,” Mickey says, diverting my attention from the pain coursing through my body. I can barely hear Mickey, I'm so out of it, but I can hear Mama speaking to me like she does in my dreams sometimes, telling me to snap out of it and remember to bring her back the afterbirth for a safe burial. I look at Mickey looking at me, freeing me from her mind.

“It's time,” the nurse says, walking back into the room like she's the one having the baby. The doctor and another nurse also enter the room.

“You're doing great, Mickey,” her mom says, holding her daughter's hand tightly. “She's almost here.”

“Okay, on the next contraction push as hard as you can,” the doctor says to Mickey from his front-row seat. Nigel walks in, ready to witness the birth of their daughter. I'm glad he's here and I think Mickey is, too. I let go of my girl's hand and reach for Nigel to take my place at her side. I've shared enough in the experience. It's time for the parents to do the pushing.

I've done all I can do as godmother and will make sure I take care of Nickey Shantae's spirit. After all, she is a caul girl like myself. I don't want her to end up having the same drama from the start because my mother let the hospital destroy my caul instead of paying it the proper reverence it's due. I'll make sure I get Nickey's caul after she makes her arrival, which should be any minute now. Mickey's pushing for her first Mother's Day, and we're all anxious to meet her little girl.

A
t five-fifteen this morning, Mickey became the proud mother of Nickey Shantae Esop. Both mother and child are doing fine and resting well last time I checked. I've been home for a couple of hours, unable to sleep because of this morning's excitement. The birth was one thing, but convincing Mickey to ask for Nickey's caul from the nurses was another thing entirely. I had to tap into Mickey and the nurse's minds at the same time. I didn't even know I could do that, but with my mom's help we got it done—completely wiping me out in the process. That coupled with me sharing Mickey's labor has rocked me physically and mentally, yet I still can't fall asleep.

My cell vibrates on the coffee table and I pick it up and answer without checking the caller ID. I'm too tired to care.

“Hello,” I answer.

“Jayd, are you okay?” Mama asks, sounding concerned. It must be after seven if Mama's already calling me.

“Yes, just tired. Mickey's baby was born early this morning,” I say into the phone, realizing that won't excuse me from today's festivities. Mama and Netta are very serious about Mother's Day and it's an all-day affair for them. My mom and Mama's other children all know the deal. I hope Mama likes the stove we bought her. It should be delivered early this afternoon, and I want to make sure I'm there to receive it.

“Did you get the caul?” Mama asks. And people think I'm direct.

“Yes, ma'am,” I say, yawning in the process. I really need to catch up on my sleep. “And I won't forget to bring it with me.” I turn over on the couch, deeper into the pillows, trying to avoid the sun shining through the windows. We really need to get some darker shades.

“Good girl. I'll see you later, Jayd—but not too late. Catch a nap and come on. We need your help to feed the Mothers,” Mama says, referring to our annual celebration of the eldest ancestors of them all. Most people fear the Mothers, calling them witches and all sorts of unholy names. But the truth is that if it weren't for them, nothing would exist. Our mother, Oshune, is over the Mothers and, as her daughters, we have a special relationship with them that is not to be ignored.

“I know, Mama. I'll see you in a little while.” I hang up my cell, ready to pass out on the couch fully clothed, but not before Jeremy calls.

“Hello,” I say groggily, but I'm glad to hear from my man.

“Hey, Jayd,” Jeremy says. “How are Mickey and the baby doing?”

“They're fine. Tired, but fine,” I say, smiling at the thought of Nickey and Mickey resting peacefully after a hard day's work on all of our parts—Nellie not included. That girl's a piece of work and then some. But I'll give her a piece of my mind later. Right now all I want to do is sleep.

“And how are you?” I love that I'm a priority in Jeremy's life, even if it is too early to call me this morning. Usually I'd be up for work and he'd be at the beach, unless he chose to sleep in.

“I'm good, Jeremy. But I do need to get some sleep before going over to my grandmother's house today. We have a long afternoon planned and I haven't slept at all.” I rub my lower back, remembering the labor pains I absorbed for Mickey. I hope she knows what a good friend she has in me. If not, I'll spend the rest of my life reminding her and so will Nickey. She remembers it, just like I remember bits and pieces of my birth. Having a vivid memory comes with being a caul child, as well as all the other gifts that can seem like a curse at times. Speaking of which, I'd better take some medicine before my cramps return and interrupt my eventual sleep.

“Okay, I won't hold you. I know you've had a long night and morning. Will you have some time to chill later?” I miss Jeremy, too, but it's going to be a full day and I need to visit Mickey at the hospital before visiting hours are over tonight.

“I honestly can't say, baby. It depends on how long we're at my grandmother's house and then after that I need to study,” I say, remembering all the work I have ahead of me this last month of school. With cheer and the school play on my plate, I've got a lot going on. Not to mention the cotillion rehearsals, which begin as soon as school's out. At least my official presidential duties don't start until school starts again fall semester, allowing me somewhat of a break. I know summer's going to fly by, as usual, but I still welcome the warm break.

“I'll call you later to check on you. My mom's planned a brunch for the family and after that I'll be at the beach.” Jeremy's so predictable. If he and Chance aren't working on their cars, they're at the beach surfing—not that Chance surfs much. But he does smoke and drink, also a favorite pastime of theirs.

“Have fun and tell your mother I said Happy Mother's Day.” I don't really mean it, but I should be nice, even to my unofficial enemies.

“Same to your mom and grandmother, Jayd. I'll check you later.” I hang up the phone and settle under the covers, ready to fall into a deep sleep. Hopefully, I can get in a few good hours before getting up. I need to at least buy flowers and cards for all the mothers in my life. I tried to sneak in flowers with no greeting card last year, and Mama almost had a fit. She couldn't care less about me saving a few dollars. Mama wants the card, too, and I have to oblige. After all, it's her day, not mine.

 

After eating a quick breakfast, I quickly dress and head out the door. I got a good four hours of sleep and feel slightly rejuvenated. I can't wait to get a full night's rest tonight when I get back home, but that'll be hours from now. It's already after twelve and the day's just beginning. My mom sent me a text saying she'll meet me in Compton instead of here like we originally planned. I'm sure Karl did something special for her, even if I'm the one she should be spending Mother's Day with.

Last year, I made my mom breakfast and served her in bed, just like they do on the commercials. She loved it. This year we'll have to settle for a joint celebration, which is customary anyway. I just miss the one-on-one time my mom and I had before she met Karl. But it's all good. Maybe when they get married they can buy a house big enough for all of us to fit in, and then I can see my mom more often.

Before I leave, I need to call my stepmother, Faye, and make sure she got the card I sent her earlier this week. My brother and sister usually spend the day with their mom—my dad's first wife—so I know Faye feels alone because she has no children of her own. My dad didn't want any more kids and forbade Faye from getting pregnant, even though she is twenty years younger than him. That's messed up, to me, but it's their marriage and grown folks' business, as Daddy would say, which means I have no say in the matter.

“Happy Mother's Day,” I say after Faye answers the phone. I'm glad she picked up and not my dad. He'll get his call next month on Father's Day, as always. Today is all about the women.

“Jayd, sweetie. How are you?” Faye asks. I can hear her smile through the phone. She's a sweet woman when she wants to be, but she has her moments.

“I'm good. Did you get the card I sent?” I ask while I check my outfit in the mirror one more time. I opted for some simple purple yoga pants and a gray top. We have a lot of spirit work to do, and I know I'll be required to change into my whites at some point, so there's no point in getting all dressed up.

“Yes, I did. Thank you very much. Your father told me you went to the eye doctor. How'd that go?” she asks, checking on her investment. Technically we're all on her insurance, and because she works for a state school, she gets the best benefits.

“I haven't gone yet,” I say. I refuse to drive nearly thirty miles to see the eye doctor or the dentist.

“Jayd, you really should take advantage of having good insurance available to you. Everyone doesn't.”

“You're right, and I've been meaning to ask if it's all right to change my dentist and optometrist to a closer location. I called customer service and they said I only need your social security number and they'll approve the transfer.” Faye pauses slightly and I already know the answer's no, but it was worth a shot. For some reason, she doesn't trust me unconditionally like my mother does. I know all my mom's and Mama's information, just in case I ever need it one day.

“Oh, Jayd. I'm not comfortable with that,” Faye says as if I asked her for a loan. “Besides, the whole family goes to Long Beach. That's the way it's always been. You're driving your mother's car, right?” she asks, sounding just like her husband. Why did I even bother? Talking to one is just like talking to the other.

“Yeah. I have to go,” I say, ready to end this conversation. One minute more is too long for me. “Happy Mother's Day, Faye. I hope you have a great one.”

“To your mom, too, Jayd.” Ending the call, I rush out of the house, lock the door, and jog down the stairs. I don't want to miss Mama's gift being delivered or the look on her face when she sees it. I'll stop at Ralphs and grab the flowers and cards before hopping on the freeway. I should also pick up something for Mickey since it's her first Mother's Day, too. How cute is it that Nickey showed up today, out of all the days she could've been born? That girl knows she's special.

 

When I arrive on Gunlock Avenue, practically the entire block is hanging out on this beautiful Sunday afternoon. I love May weather. I can smell Mama and Netta's cooking all the way down the block, or perhaps my nose is extra sensitive to the way they get down. I take the flowers and cards out of the passenger's seat and exit the car, ready for our celebration.

“Where's Lynn Marie, Jayd? I thought she was coming with you.” Mama asks, eyeing her candy, cards, and other gifts. There's so much stuff we can hardly see the dining room table. Her godchildren spoil her on this day especially, and her sons look like they chipped in, too. There are even more gifts on the coffee table. After what I witnessed this morning, mothers deserve all this and more for what they go through bringing life into the world. The job is no joke.

“She's on her way,” I say, placing the gifts I brought and the bag containing Nickey's caul on one of the four dining room chairs with my purse. Netta's singing in the back, hard at work.

“Your mama being on time for once would be a good gift,” Mama says, spotting a box of See's candy, our favorite. Maybe she'll share some of that with me later. Aside from Netta's melodic voice, I can hear something large coming down the narrow street. I peek out the window to see a huge appliance truck and the drivers are looking for what I assume is Mama's address. It's here and just in time, too. I'm sorry my mom's not here yet, but we can't wait on her forever.

“Your real gift's outside,” I say, pointing to the deliveryman exiting the large vehicle. His partner hops out on the passenger's side, all set to help with the delivery.

“What did you do?” Mama says, opening the screen door and stepping onto the front porch with Lexi and me right behind her.

“We bought you what you needed and wanted this year—a new stove.” I step off the porch, sign the delivery papers and watch as they unload the appliance off the truck.

“You want this to go through the front or back, miss?” one of the drivers asks. Netta walks up the driveway from the back yard, smiling.

“Yes, the back is fine,” I yell. My uncles come out of the garage where they're all hanging out, smoking and watching television, to see what's going on. Even Daddy, home early from church for a change, looks on, curious, at the oversized box being wheeled into the backyard. Jay, already in the kitchen, looks out the window, watching them maneuver the gift indoors.

“We'll have the old one moved out and this one hooked up in no time, Ms. Jackson,” the deliveryman says, mistaking me for my mother, who shares my last name even if she's been divorced for almost as long as I've been alive—but not for much longer. After she and Karl tie the knot, I'll be the only Jackson around here.

“Jayd, where did you get the money for this?” Mama exclaims, completely surprised by the delivery. She watches the men unplug the old stove. If I didn't know better, I'd say this old thing actually appears relieved to finally be laid to rest.

“I've been saving my money, just like you taught me to,” I say, smiling at Mama's joy. It's about time she had something she wanted.

“I've been praying for a new stove for so long, baby. Thank you,” Mama says, hugging me tightly with tears in her eyes. Daddy and the boys look completely foolish as we embrace. How could Daddy not know Mama wanted this, when she's been hinting about it forever? I wish it would fit in the backhouse and we could move that stove in here, since this is where everyone else also cooks. I really don't want the men touching the stove.

“Hey, Jayd, if you ballin' like that you should let a nigga hold something,” my uncle Kurtis says, almost ruining the mood. But I choose to ignore his ignorant ass and focus on Mama's smile. My other three uncles eye the stove carefully, touching the clean, white knobs as the deliverymen finish hooking it up before taking the old one away.

“Don't touch it,” Mama says, stepping in front of her gift like she'll be able to protect it from getting used. Good luck with that. With the exception of Daddy, Bryan, and Jay, these fools around here have no respect for people or their things. If they did, they wouldn't be living with their parents well into their thirties.

“Yeah, I'm with Mama,” I say, stepping to the side of the new acquisition and protecting it fully. “Y'all can use the microwave from now on. This is for Mama's use only.”

“Whatever, Jayd,” Jay says, laughing at our vehemence, but Mama and I are serious. We know they'll eventually mess it up and that's not okay with me. One of these punks always ruins a good thing, and I'm determined not to let that happen this time around, especially not to Mama. She's been through enough and her tired eyes say she's still going through it.