Pushin' (3 page)

“Good morning, class,” Mrs. Sinclair, says, her frizzy red hair officially entering the room before she does. “Quiet down, quiet down,” she says as we all file into the miniature rehearsal room that doubles as our main classroom. As we all settle into fifth period, Mrs. Sinclair looks overly excited to announce our final play of the school year. I didn't support the spring musical because, as usual, there were no leading roles for a sistah—let them tell it. But in order to maintain my A average, I have to participate in the last production of the year in some capacity. And to continue as an active thespian—or honors drama club member—I have to try out. Every club has its rules of engagement.

“What gives, Mrs. S?” Chance asks, making his favorite teacher's cheeks the same color as her hair.

“The spring play will be
Wait until Dark
by Frederick Knott. I am so thrilled! I love this script,” she says, passing out xeroxed copies to half of the class and playbooks to the other half. She only has enough original scripts for the cast members. I snatch up a book and Chance grabs a copy. Everyone's already visualizing who he or she'll be, including me. Hopefully I'll have a good chance at the lead.

“Shit,” I say under my breath, but it doesn't escape Chance's ears.

“What's wrong?” he asks, looking through his packet. “I'm definitely trying out as one of the bad guys in the opening scene,” he says, already absorbed in the dialogue.

“The lead is a blind woman,” I say, looking through the cast description. “And the only other female role is a little girl. What the hell am I supposed to do with this?” Being blind is a taboo for the women in my lineage—even while pretending, I assume.

“Of course you will need to prepare a dialogue and a monologue for auditions, which will begin next week. Get busy, young people.” Mrs. Sinclair leaves us to our reading and heads back to the theater.

“So, which scene are we going to perform, my blind lady?” Chance says, not realizing that his playful comment gives me the chills. I never want to be blind again—for real or fiction. My sleepwalking incident a few months ago, where I lost my sight temporarily, was enough for me.

“Chance, that's not funny. And I'm not trying out for the lead. I'm going for the little girl,” I say, skimming through the ancient playbook. I've always liked the play, and Mama loved the movie with one of her favorite actresses, Audrey Hepburn, in the lead. Truthfully, I would love to play the lead role, but I can't take the risk.

“The hell you are,” Chance says, snatching the playbook out of my hand and writing my name next to the lead role. “There. Now you have to try out. Let's get to work picking a scene.”

“I appreciate the faith, Chance, but you know I'm not going to get it anyway,” I say, reaching for my script. “And I actually like the little girl. Gloria's got balls.” Both women in the play have gumption, and I like the plot. “As long as I can be in the last production of the year, I'm good.” Chance's blue eyes look like they're trying to probe my mind, but he doesn't have it like the women in my family do.

“Jayd, I don't get you. One minute you're up in arms about there not being any parts for you and how unfair the school is. The next you're turning down the perfect part for you. What the hell?” Alia, Cameron, Matt, and Seth busy themselves with discussing the set designs and other behind-the-scenes details for the production. We have six weeks left in school and the final performance is usually the week before the last, which means our rehearsal schedule will be tight for the next four weeks. The remainder of the class files outside and into the dressing rooms to begin rehearsals. Everyone has to try out: no exceptions. And even if there aren't enough parts, Mrs. Sinclair makes it a point to have groups perform during class time for grades. That way everyone participates and she has a good pool of understudies if need be.

“Chance, it's complicated,” I say, looking down at my vibrating phone to see a text from Rah. Ever since his little fiasco with Sandy last night, I've been giving him the cold shoulder. This fool is tripping if he thinks I'm going out like a sucker. I have a man and he's a good one. It's high time I started acting like it, and that includes no more drama with Rah.

“Yeah, I see,” Chance says, looking at my phone and then back up at me. “When are you going to get a new phone?”

“Why would I do that when I just got this one for Christmas?” I ask, silencing my cell.

“Because you got it from him,” Chance says, pointing at the open door where Rah walks in with Nigel behind him. What the hell is he doing here? Doesn't he know he's on the student roster at Westingle High, not South Bay?

“Oh shit,” I say under my breath. The last thing I want is an argument. I have too much work to do and I need to keep my head clear for work this afternoon. Mama and Netta have a long list of things for me to do at Netta's shop because they're busy with religious duties these days, and I'm grateful for the extra cash. I still haven't got completely back on point financially because of all the time I took off studying for the Advanced Placement exams, but I'm getting back on my game.

“What's he doing here?” I ask aloud like I don't already know the answer to the question. As usual, Rah wants to apologize for his rude-ass behavior.

“Jayd,” Nigel says, waving for me to come over. And why isn't he in class, too? It must be nice being an athlete and enjoying all the perks thereof.

“I'm busy, in case you didn't notice the classroom you just walked into.” I do my best to ignore them both and return my attention to Chance, who is busy texting. Fine. In the meantime I'll pick out my own scene to perform by myself.

“Jayd, it'll only take a minute,” Rah says, pleading with those brown, puppy dog eyes that always get him his way—but not this time. I'm too pissed at the disrespect he showed me yesterday and at the fact that he didn't heed my warning. Between Sandy and me, I am obviously the more trustworthy, but Rah still brushed me off because I'm not Rahima's mom and never will be, no matter how much I care about her.

“You really to need to handle him, Jayd, before Mrs. Sinclair comes back in here and has a fit,” Chance says, putting his BlackBerry back in its holder on his pants buckle. “Come on, you know I've got your back.” Chance rises from his seat and reaches his hand out for me to take. His Rolex watch dangles loosely on his thin wrist, reminding me of his mother's matching watch. I wonder if she's told him the truth about his adoption yet? I love my boy and I hope he finds out about his black blood sooner than later. Thanks to my dreams, I know more about my friend than I want to. I don't know how much longer I can keep a secret this big.

“I guess you're right,” I say, reluctantly rising from my spot and heading toward the front door. Students are outside, loudly rehearsing their scenes and talking in general. I love drama class. It's the most expressive elective offered at this school, and I fit right in here, most of the time.

“Thank you,” Rah says, hugging me tightly, knowing I've already forgiven him when he is so wrong.

“For what?” I ask, pushing him away. “I came out here to warn you before our teacher comes back in the room. Everyone ain't as cool as Mr. Adewale,” I say, reminding him and Nigel that the only black male teacher up here, who just happened to referee an off-campus game for them months ago, is about as good as it gets. All the other teachers couldn't give a shit about a hall pass when it comes to black male students roaming around campus.

“I know you're pissed about what happened last night and I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?” Rah asks, throwing his hands in the air like this bull isn't his own making. “Sandy should've never seen us kissing, Jayd. I knew that would set her off, but she wasn't supposed to be there, I promise.” I look from Rah to Chance, who looks shocked by Rah's confession. Jeremy is Chance's best friend, and I know he's wondering if Jeremy knows about Rah kissing me—which he doesn't, and I need to keep it that way.

“First of all, you snuck in a kiss on the neck; I did not kiss you back,” I say, vindicating myself from his implication of joint responsibility. I want to make it very clear I had nothing to do with his affection. “And second of all, I'm more pissed at the fact you didn't listen to me when I gave you a warning about your crazy-ass baby-mama.” I look around, noticing we're causing a scene of our own.

“Okay, I know you were worried about Rahima and I respect that, Jayd, really I do. But I have to be able to trust her own mother with her well-being—otherwise I'd go crazy worrying about baby girl all the time.” Rah looks around like he's expecting the school security to come and grab him at any moment, as well he should. Hall pass or not, if we get too loud they'll gladly snatch us all up.

“And that's fine with me because I couldn't care less. I'm out of it,” I say, turning around to head back inside. We have a good twenty minutes left in fifth period and I want to use it productively, not out here arguing with Rah.

“Jayd, you don't mean that. You know you're Rahima's godmother as far as I'm concerned, and she loves you, too.”

“Good try, but I'm not falling for your bull anymore, Rah. I'm out.” Before I can get away, Rah takes my hand, forcing me to turn around. Chance looks up and sees what I see: Jeremy turning red at the sight of Rah and me holding hands. Oh shit.

“What's up, man?” Jeremy asks, stepping up to Rah and claiming my hand in his own. I've never seen Jeremy look so pissed before. How did he know what was going on all the way down here? Jeremy's chemistry class is on the other side of campus in the science hall. Because the theater department is at the bottom of the massive campus, no one ever comes down here without intending to. Maybe that's who Chance was texting a moment ago.

“We were just talking,” Rah says, reluctantly letting me go. He knows he has no right to claim me, especially not with my new man standing eye to eye with him, obviously ready to do whatever's necessary to make his point clear.

“Please don't let me stop you. What are we talking about?” Jeremy asks, holding my right hand in his while he wraps his left arm around my shoulder, completely engulfing me in his protective embrace. Nigel looks at us in disbelief. I bet he never thought he'd see the day Rah had to let me go to a white boy. Oh well. I've got ninety-nine problems and a fool ain't one—anymore.

“Never mind,” Rah says, backing down for the moment. He looks at the gold necklace and charm he planted on me last night and I instinctively begin to play with the heavy ankh. “I just wanted to reiterate how sorry I was that I missed your birthday and I hope you like your gift. Peace.” Rah nods his head in Chance's direction and gives Jeremy a hard look, which Jeremy returns. They were never very fond of each other, but I was hoping they would at least be able to grow to tolerate one another. I think that ship has permanently sailed.

“I'll holla at y'all later,” Nigel says, following Rah back toward the parking lot. Nigel's supposed to be at basketball practice right now. But because football is his first love, he slacks off in B-ball a lot, unlike KJ and his crew, who live for this season. They made it to the finals and will be ready to take it to the state championships before it's all said and done. Their only real challenge is Westingle, and that game is coming up soon. Nigel knows all of those cats, too, and I'm sure his loyalty is split, just like it is between his newfound friends here and his old friends there, like Rah.

“What the hell was that all about?” Jeremy asks, relaxing his stance a little bit now that Rah's disappeared off campus.

“Do you want the short version or the long one?” I ask, looking at Chance's watch for the time. Neither Jeremy nor I wear watches, and I left my phone in the room with the rest of my belongings.

“Whichever one includes Rah giving you this,” Jeremy says, flicking the gold charm with his middle finger. “Why didn't you tell me he gave this to you?” I look into Jeremy's magnetic blue eyes and wish I had the opportunity to chill his mind out and tell him what all went down last night, but there's no time. The bell's about to ring and we all have to get back inside.

“I was going to, but I didn't know what to say.” Chance makes a sound indicating I'm not being completely honest and he's right. But damn, did he have to sell me out like that?

“You don't know what to say? Since when? I'll let it slide for now, Lady J, but we need to talk about this.” Jeremy kisses me on the nose before jogging back up the hill.

“What the hell, Chance?” I ask, socking my homeboy in his arm. “I didn't tell Nellie about your little date at the beach last weekend. What the hell are you trying to do, break us up?”

“No. The exact opposite. If there's nothing to hide then spill it. Otherwise it's just lying, and I know Jeremy. If there's one thing he can't tolerate, it's being lied to for whatever reason.” I know he's right and I didn't really do anything, but I still feel guilty. “Tania lied to him about being pregnant, and then when he finally did find out, the bitch was already engaged and making baby plans without him. He's never gotten over it and won't. I know this isn't as serious, but it's still a lie, Jayd, and you need to clear it up—fast.” We walk back into the room and take our seats with the rest of the class. Mrs. Sinclair has reentered the room, talking with the groups individually about their casting and scene choices, which Chance and I are still mulling over.

This isn't like me, and I'm the last person I want to remind Jeremy of his ex-baby-mama, Tania. The only thing that makes his situation more dignified than Rah's is money. Otherwise, I'm sure they'd have similar issues. Maybe I can explain it to him tonight after work. But right now, I have to get back on my grind and let the energy pass because, as of now, Jayd Jackson is officially back on her shit. And that starts with choosing the best audition monologue and scene.