Pushing the Limits (15 page)

She whipped around, the same anger spewing from her that I’d seen that first day in Mrs. Collins’s office. “What should I
do, Noah? Give up like you? Get stoned, skip school? Say fuck it to everything?”

“It’s a hell of a lot better than pretending to be someone I’m not. Why’s it so important to be with some guy who’d dump you to see a damn movie?”

Echo rubbed her face with both of her hands, her anger dying out. “Are you going to take me to the Valentine’s Dance? Am I going to be more than another girl in the backseat of your car or will I be a joke between you and your friends?”

I don’t know
. The truth stuck in my throat. I wanted to tell her that she’d be more, but I couldn’t. I didn’t do attachments and here was this amazing creature, asking me for one.

She ran a hand through her hair. “It’s fine. Don’t blow a blood vessel over it. I’m your tutor and you … you need help. We’ll work together to get into our files and you’ll live your life and I’ll live mine. I’ve gotta go. Thanks for the meal and the game.”

Echo brushed past me, bringing me to life. “Wait.”

She glanced over her shoulder. Dark circles hung under her eyes and her shoulders slumped forward. How come I’d never seen the exhaustion before? She talked about nightmares. When was the last time she’d slept? Not my concern—my silence confirmed that. When I said nothing, the best thing that happened to me in three years left. Damn, I was an idiot.

Echo

Two thousand dollars. That’s how much the mechanic wanted to get Aires’ car running. So, I made ten dollars an hour and, if I was lucky, I tutored Noah two hours a week. If I took out federal, state and local taxes and social security I’d get Aires’ car fixed in … never.

Sunlight streamed in through the cracks of the venetian blinds. The light perfectly hit the picture on my dresser of me, Aires and my mother.

“Hey, beautiful.” Luke entered my room, shutting the door behind him.

In rabbit-swift movements, I bolted upright in bed, grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it over my head, more importantly over my arms. “What are you doing here?”

“I told you I might stop by.” He strolled across the room and plopped himself, belly-first, on my purple comforter.

“No. What are you doing here, in my room?” On my bed?

“Your dad and Ashley said I could come up.”

I raised an eyebrow. “My dad? Said you … could come … up?”

“Yeah. I think you’re misjudging him. He’s cool now. Nothing like he was when we were going out before.”

“Before. We were a steady thing before. Now—we’re dating.”
Going out
implied serious feelings and the only thing I felt seriously about right now was I didn’t want him in my room, specifically on my bed. With me. “What happened to Sunday morning basketball with Stephen and the guys?” Luke had had the same Sunday morning ritual since he was eight.

“I’m meeting them in a half hour. I know you’re going dress shopping today and I wanted to talk to you before you went.” He placed his hand over mine and rubbed his thumb over my skin. “Look, I’m going to say it again since when I said it last night you didn’t say anything back. I’m sorry. Really, Echo, I am. I didn’t make the Aires connection until after the movie, I swear.”

“It’s fine.”
Really
—
we’re even. You took me to a crappy movie. I left and almost kissed a really hot guy. A guy who made my toes curl and shared his food. A guy I should really stop obsessing over because God knows he’s not thinking about me
.

Luke diverted his eyes to the mural of the sea on my wall. “I can’t believe you keep that shit. After what your mom did to you.”

I placed a hand over my stomach as it twisted. “She’s still my mom.”

My heart sank when his eyes widened to the are-you-nuts look. People had given my mother that look plenty of times. Being the recipient of it for the first time stunk. “Is that all?”

“No. You know I think you’re smokin’-hot.” Luke looked hungry and I didn’t think he wanted the rest of the bagel sitting on my bedside table. “And those dresses you used to wear to
dances were rebellious.” He closed his eyes and licked his lips. I’d lay odds he was remembering football homecoming sophomore year. Blue satin dress, short skirt and the backseat of his father’s Lincoln. Even I had fond memories of that night.

He opened his eyes and the hunger faded. “But I was wondering what type of dress you were going to get. You know, so you won’t be embarrassed.”

Wow. Maybe he should go to the dance with Ashley. “Are you asking if I’m going to expose my scars?”

“Yes. No. Yes.” Shifting closer to me, Luke massaged my outer thigh. I fought the urge to pull away. “I want you, Echo. You know that. You’re the one putting the brakes on the physical— not me. And to be honest, I’m getting pretty damn tired of it. I’ve got plenty of girls who’d sleep with me.”

Luke loved a good monologue, but I didn’t. I cut him off. “Then by all means, go sleep with them. You’re not going to guilt me into sex.”

Thank God, he withdrew his hand from my leg. “This isn’t going like I planned.”

“Then tell me exactly how you thought this would go. Did you think you could tell me that you’re mortified I’d expose my scars and then I’d fall into your arms and we’d make out?”

He tilted his head. Oh, crap. He really had thought that. “Get out.”

“Come on, Echo.” I’d forgotten how fast he could move. He slid up the bed and placed a heavy arm over my waist to keep me from escaping. “I still love you.”

Funny how the word
love
directed at me could melt my fury. The muscles in my stomach relaxed, as did the rest of my body. Sensing my give, he slipped both his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.

I used to love lying with Luke, especially when he told me that he loved me. Once upon a time, my world had revolved around him. I missed those days. I missed knowing that someone loved me and lying here, I realized I missed loving someone in return.

“I never stopped loving you. It hurt when you broke up with me.” He rubbed his hand up and down my back. The touch felt familiar and right now, familiar felt right.

“Then why did you push so hard for sex? Why couldn’t you wait until I was ready?” My heart had also broken when I left him, but I’d been sick of the constant fighting. He’d pushed at me every second—asking, wanting more.

“I don’t know. I wanted to know what it was like to have sex. I thought if I gave you time we’d get back together after a couple of weeks, but then …” Thanks to my friends, he knew what happened next. “Can I ask you a question?”

Not really sure I was up for any more of Luke’s “questions,” my body rose and fell with an exaggerated sigh. “Sure.” Why not?

“Do you still love me?”

I leaned up on my elbow and forced myself to look at Luke. Really look at him: his blue eyes, black hair and that face I used to love to kiss and caress. “I’ll always love you, but I’m not ‘in’— not yet. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine you’d want me back after I became the freak.”

His finger skimmed my cheek. “You were never the freak, Echo. Not to me. I spent the past year and a half waiting for you to work out whatever you needed to work out. My entire world fell into place the day you came back to the cafeteria.”

My eyes widened. Wow. Simply wow.

“I want you ‘in’ again and I think the best way for you to fall
is to jump. I think we should pick up where we left off. I think we should have sex.”

My intake of air made a loud gasping sound. “What?”

“Not now, but soon. I bet if we do, you’ll be ‘in’ again.”

I knew I must resemble a goldfish in a small bowl, with my mouth opening and closing over and over again. Odd, I’d gotten my wish—I could have sex with someone who loved me— but I’d forgotten to add that I wanted to love him back. “I don’t know.”

He simply smiled. “Sleep on it.”

Sleep. Oh, how funny.

“HOLY CROW, ECHO. You hibernate for a year and a half and wake up with a bang.” Lila finished changing out of her church clothes and into a tight pink sweater and blue jeans. “Luke tells you he still loves you—and by the way, told you so. And Noah stinking Hutchins tries to kiss you. And you complained you were going to die a virgin.”

I continued to sketch while lying on the bed Luke had abandoned moments before Lila walked in. “Don’t count that out yet.”

“Ha.” She pulled her golden hair up into a slicked-back ponytail. “Luke’s begging for it, and Noah, well, from what I hear, sex is what Noah does best.”

“Hear from who?” I asked, way too quickly and with too much enthusiasm. I kept my eyes on the sketch pad and forced my hand to keep working. Maybe Lila had missed my sudden and very loud outburst.

Lila bounced over to the bed. “Ooh, my little Echo is crushin’ on a boy toy. I’d love to see him with his shirt off. I bet his abs are to die for. Emma from the dance team had Noah as a snack
between guys last summer. Rather, he had her for a snack. She said he blew her mind.”

The tip of my pencil broke.
Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk. Incredibly hot, extremely sweet jerk
.

“Soooo, which will it be? The boy that loves you or the boy you’re lusting after?”

How could such a question come out of the mouth of someone who looked so ethereal? Glinda the Good Witch had a dirty mind. No use hiding behind my sketch pad anymore. I tossed it and my broken pencil onto my nightstand. “Luke may love me, but he’s not exactly thoughtful.”

Lila lay down beside me and took my hand. “True. He’s self-absorbed and has a one-track mind—anything that pleases him. But you have feelings for him.”

“But I’m not ‘in’ with him.” Not like I was “in” with Noah either. I internally sighed. God forbid I go three seconds without brooding over Noah.

“Noah’s hot,” said Lila, “but you know that’s not going anywhere. You just got your life back. Dating him would be a social nightmare. Besides, you don’t have feelings for him.”

He’d shared his hamburger with me and made me laugh. Not polite laugh. Not fake laugh. Like laugh so loud people stare at you. Spit-out-your-milk-through-your-nose laugh. And I’d told him about my mom and he’d found a way to make me feel better.

“Echo,” said Lila sternly. “Please tell me you don’t have feelings for this guy.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled. “He isn’t going to the Valentine’s Dance.”

“Yeah. That was a totally weird answer, but I’ll take it. So, topic switch. You need to be on birth control.”

Twice in one day I found myself sympathizing with a goldfish. “No. I don’t.”

“Yes. You do. I’ll bet my Big Buddha bag that you’ll join the rest of the lunch table and have done the deed by graduation. With who, I don’t know.” She immediately whispered, “Luke,” before returning to her normal tone. “But you definitely need to be on birth control.”

Birth control? Birth control meant talking about sex, and I counted myself lucky as I’d avoided the sex talk with any parental figure. “My dad is gonna freak.”

Lila rolled off the bed, grabbed my hand and dragged me up. “Oh, no, sista, we’re not hitting up Daddy. Let’s go dress shopping!”

FIVE TORTUROUS HOURS LATER, Ashley and Lila finally agreed on my homecoming dress. Unless I planned on appearing like the mother of the bride, I couldn’t find a dress with long sleeves. We settled on a black satin strapless dress, midthigh skirt, with matching black satin gloves that reached to my biceps.

Lila and I sipped our lattes at a table in the food court while Ashley finished paying the barista.

“Now,” whispered Lila.

“Now what?” My feet and head hurt.

“Stepmom is all giddy from girl day. Keep to the script and you’ll be fine.”

My eyes widened.
Oh, crap
. Now as in this was the moment we were going to con stepmom into putting me on birth control.

Ashley sat at our table. “I’ve had so much fun with you girls. Remember when we used to go shopping every weekend?”

Yeah. Before you stabbed my mom in the back by sleeping with my father
. Lila kicked me under the chair. “I have painful periods.”

My leg throbbed as Lila took another whack. Ashley blinked, obviously startled. “Excuse me?”

Lila cleared her throat. “What I think Echo meant to say was that we’re thrilled to be spending time with you because there’s an issue she needs to discuss. A girlie thing. You know, like a men-don’t-understand type of thing. See, over the past year her periods have become very heavy and the cramping has gotten worse. Right, Echo?”

“Ow,” I said plainly while trying hard not to blink my eyeballs out. I really stunk at this. She kicked me again. “I mean, yes. Lots of blood and cramps. Wow. Really bad cramps. Like cramps from Hades. Yeah, I really hate cramps. Cramps, cramps, cramps.”

This time, Lila stomped on my foot. “As Echo’s best friend, I told her that she should talk to you. My mom put me on the pill when my periods became heavy.”

Ashley’s face fell for a moment while she glanced back and forth between me and Lila. Which one would win out? The wife who knew my father would crush his BlackBerry in his hand if he found out his only daughter was on birth control, or the woman desperate to make herself feel better for ruining my life?

“Yes. Yes, Lila. You were right to tell Echo to talk to me.” A small smile touched her lips, but her eyes still darted in worry. “How long has this been going on?”

Never. “Over a year.”

“Why didn’t you come to me sooner, sweetheart?”

I shrugged.

Ashley took a long drink from her latte. “How are things going between you and Luke?”

Crap. “Ashley, can we focus on my period issues?”

Ashley’s eyes brightened. Guilt had won. “I have an appointment with my OB Monday. Why don’t you tag along and we’ll have her take a look at you and give you a prescription. I have an ultrasound scheduled. Your dad can’t make it and I was so bummed when we didn’t find out the sex last time. How exciting will it be for you to see your younger brother or sister?”

For a moment, I thought Ashley was going to break out into song. This time, instead of a kick, Lila reached under the table and took my hand. I squeezed her hand as I answered, “Yeah. That’ll be great.”