Pushing Up Daisies

 

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This book is dedicated to all the Tapping family: Dave, Zoe, Rachael, Hannah, and last, but not least, Harry.

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Chapter One

Agatha Raisin, private detective, resident in the Cotswold village of Carsely, should have been a contented and happy woman. Business at her agency was brisk. It was a rare fine English autumn. But the serpent of jealousy was hissing in her ear. Agatha had been jealous of women before, but never in one hundred years had she expected to be jealous of her best friend, Mrs. Bloxby, the vicar's wife.

There was a newcomer in the village, Gerald Devere, a retired New Scotland Yard detective and, of all people, Mrs. Bloxby appeared smitten. She had dyed her hair a rich brown and had taken to wearing attractive clothes instead of her usual old droopy ones.

Gerald was in his early fifties. He had a slim athletic body, a clever mobile face, fine grey eyes and odd slanting black eyebrows. Agatha was determined to ensnare him. After all, she was unmarried, and Mrs. Bloxby was married to the vicar. I will only be doing her a favour, thought Agatha. She surely does not want to break up her marriage.

But Gerald had caught Agatha snooping around his house and had been furious with her. Hard work ahead, getting him to even like me, thought Agatha.

Agatha phoned her friend, Detective Sergeant Bill Wong, and said, “There's a newcomer in Carsely. Says he's a retired New Scotland Yard detective. Know anything about him?”

“Yes. He was a detective inspector with an impeccable record. He could have risen higher, but he decided to retire. Afraid of the competition?”

“Don't need to be,” said Agatha. “All my work is in Mircester now. Big town stuff. No village mayhem.”

It was a sunny Sunday morning. Agatha felt restless. She had thought about going to church but held back, knowing the sight of Mrs. Bloxby, all dressed up and glowing, might drive her to saying something that could end their valuable friendship.

Then she remembered that Mrs. Bloxby had asked her aid in helping the people who had allotments outside the village. Their half acres of land were under threat. The land had belonged to a trust but was now owned by Lord Bellington, who wanted to sell it to a developer for a housing estate. Allotments had started in the nineteenth century when the Victorians considered them a good way for the poor to grow their own vegetables. Gradually over the years, their popularity declined, until they suddenly became popular again but with a surprising number of members of the middle class.

Agatha switched on her computer and looked up Lord Bellington. He was a baron. And there's a name to conjure with, thought Agatha. Barons in fairy stories are always wicked. His home and estates lay outside Mircester. She decided to go and talk to him and see if she could persuade him to leave the allotments alone. Agatha fought down a little frisson of fear, remembering during her last case when she had been nearly buried alive in an allotment. But the fact that Mrs. Bloxby might have asked Gerald for help stiffened her spine. She would show him what a private detective could do.

“You are amazing, Agatha,” he said over a candlelit supper. He reached forward to take her hand.

The ringing of the doorbell jerked her out of her dream. She found her friend, Sir Charles Fraith, standing on the doorstep. “I was just about to go out,” said Agatha.

He followed her in. Although Charles was wearing casual clothes—open-necked blue shirt and dark blue chinos—from his barbered fair hair to his polished shoes, he looked as impeccable as ever.

“You're all made-up and dressed up,” said Charles surveying her. “That's your man-hunting appearance. If it's to do with Gerald Devere, forget it. I've already told you not to stamp on Mrs. Bloxby's dreams because she is a good woman and dreams are all they are going to be.”

“Well, you're wrong,” said Agatha. “I am doing Mrs. Bloxby a favour. The village allotments are under threat.”

“Oh, wicked Lord Bellington.”

“Do you know him, Charles?”

“Met him here and there.”

“I'm off to see if I can melt his heart.”

“I'll come with you,” said Charles. “He doesn't have a heart. He has a swinging brick.”

Lord Bellington's home, Harby Hall, lay a few miles outside Mircester. It seemed to be well guarded. First, they were challenged at the entrance lodge before they were let into the drive. Further up the drive, they were flagged down by a gamekeeper who also demanded their business. “Just visiting,” said Charles, the explanation he had given the lodge keeper.

They drove on until they came to the mansion. “It's actually uglier than mine,” said Charles.

It was a turreted monstrosity, built by some Victorian during the craze for mediaeval architecture. The windows were small and diamond paned. The front was dominated by a large portico. They approached a massive oak door studded with brass.

Charles rang the bell. The door was opened by a young woman wearing a bikini. She had a round white face and very small black eyes. Her black hair was wet. Her brief bikini displayed rolls of white fat, and her legs were covered in black hairs.

“What do you want?” she demanded.

“We wish to speak to Lord Bellington,” said Charles.

“Dad's in the pool. Does he know you?”

“Yes,” said Charles.

“Okay. Follow me.”

The entrance hall was very dark and lined with suits of armour. Tattered battle flags hung from the ceiling. The girl trotted in front of them, dripping water. She led the way through a door at the back of the hall, down stone steps, along a corridor and so into a large humid room with a large swimming pool.

A large hairy man, absolutely naked, was sitting in a chair by the pool, drying his feet with a towel.

“Friends of yours, Dad,” said his daughter and plunged into the pool.

He had a pugnacious face and suspicious little eyes peering out below thick shaggy eyebrows. “Don't know you,” he said.

“I'm Charles Fraith. Met you last year at the hunt ball.”

“Oh, that's who you are. This your wife?”

“No. May I introduce Agatha Raisin?”

Now he's drying his crotch, thought Agatha. If only he would put some clothes on.

“Come upstairs and we'll have a drink.” Lord Bellington heaved himself to his feet and, to Agatha's relief, shrugged himself into a large dressing gown.

They followed him back upstairs and through to a room on the ground floor. “This is my study,” he said, opening a drinks cupboard. “What's your poison?”

Agatha asked for a gin and tonic and Charles, whisky and soda. The room was cluttered with hunting boots, game bags and fishing rods. A large salmon in a glass case eyed them mournfully. A stuffed fox on a side table snarled as if it wanted to leap forward and take a bite out of them. Thick ivy outside the window sent flutters of sunlight into the room.

Charles and Agatha sat side by side on a battered sofa that creaked alarmingly. Lord Bellington sat behind an ornately carved desk, took a large swig of some purplish drink and asked, “Why have you come?”

“It's about the allotments in Carsely,” said Agatha. “If you build those houses, it means Carsely could lose village status and become a town. There are already two people in the village who have been trying for years to build housing estates, and now they will feel they can do it.”

“Do you think I give a damn about what a lot of pesky villagers want?” he demanded.

“Do you need the money?” asked Charles.

“You should know that estates bleed money. You can tell those creeps in Carsely they haven't a hope in hell of making me change my mind.”

“Who inherits if you die?” asked Agatha.

“Thinking of bumping me off? My son, Damian, inherits. Although he's such a weakling, I'm thinking of changing my will. Now, bugger off. I want my lunch.”

“And that's that,” said Charles. “We'll tell Mrs. Bloxby we at least tried.”

“I haven't had breakfast,” said Agatha. “What about stopping at some greasy spoon and getting the full English?”

“Good idea.”

But when they arrived at the vicarage, it was to find the drawing room full of people. “It is a meeting to discuss the allotments,” said Mrs. Bloxby. She was wearing a pink sheath dress and black patent court shoes. Her face was made-up, and her hair had been cut in a fashionable crop, making her look younger. Gerald Devere seemed to be in charge of the meeting.

Agatha smiled at him and then said in a loud voice, “I am afraid we have bad news. We have been to see Lord Bellington, and he is not going to budge an inch.”

To her fury, Gerald said, “You should have consulted us first. Someone more diplomatic might have fared better.”

“I know Bellington,” said Charles. “And nothing short of bumping him off is going to solve the problem.”

“Well, I'm going to see him,” said a tall, rangy woman. Agatha recognised her as being a Miss Bunty Daventry. “I'll talk to him man-to-man. Straight from the shoulder.”

“I'll come with you,” said her friend. What was her name again? Agatha suddenly remembered. Josephine Merriweather, a small restless woman with a face like an outraged ferret.

“Do your best,” said Agatha, “but I assure you, it's hopeless.”

“Why don't we let Mr. Devere be our emissary?” suggested Mrs. Bloxby. “I mean, as an ex-Scotland Yard detective, he must be good at dealing with difficult people. Let's have a vote.”

The majority voted that Gerald should go. The allotment holders were a mixture of middle-class ladies and crusty old men. One of the old men, Harry Perry, said, “I won first prize two years running with me marrow. He can't take fame like that away from me.”

Agatha hated not being in control. “Listen!” she said. “I'll get in touch with the local newspapers and drum up support.”

“Now that is a good idea,” said Gerald and smiled at Agatha for the first time. The glow on Mrs. Bloxby's face dimmed like the shadow of a cloud passing over a field.