Pushing Up Daisies (27 page)

“Too bad he can’t hear us.” Daisy laughed. She felt lighter on her feet, just thinking about making Jasper as uncomfortable as he had once made her.

“Maybe he’s turning in his grave as we speak.” Camille laughed, then turned serious. “I’m nice to you because I have to be. I need to be. No, actually, I have no choice but to be. Don’t get me wrong…I hated you something fierce. I hated the sound of your name and the very sight of you.” She laughed again. “Even though we do look alike. But really, I blamed you for Jasper’s infidelity, and just about everything else you can think of.”

“The feeling was mutual, believe me.”

“I do. But you know what? I realized that you didn’t do anything to me intentionally. You didn’t even know about me, and I didn’t know that you existed. Hell, most of it wasn’t our fault. We do have to take some of the blame, though. He did what he wanted to do, but we
both
let him. After I went to counseling—”

“You saw a therapist?”

“I had to. My emotional state was fragile, and there I was, counseling patients. Talk about the blind leading the blind. I think I needed to talk to them more than they needed to talk to me. But actually, most psychiatrists eventually seek therapy. After all the problems we’re faced with on a daily basis, we get so wrapped up in helping someone else, that sometimes we forget to handle our own.”

“Makes sense.”

“Yes, it makes a lot of sense. Therapy helped me tremendously, and it made me realize that instead of trying to hurt you, I should’ve been trying to help you. We women get so caught up in what another woman is doing with our men that we forget that our men are to blame too. A woman can’t make a man do anything he doesn’t want to do. It takes two to get down, and if a man says no, then it’s a no go.”

“Amen.”

“And after I saw Jay, after I had Camilla, I realized that I was wrong. Kids aren’t supposed to suffer for our mistakes.” Camilla paused, lowering her eyes. “I guess you can say that I got over being a woman scorned. I knew he was cheating, just like you did. We just both had our blinders on.”

Daisy wanted to hug Camille, but settled for a smile. While she appreciated everything the woman had done for her and Jay, Daisy still didn’t consider Camille a friend. “Thank you for helping me—helping us. You and Mrs. Tompkins have been saviors. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you two.”

“So, did you get custody yet?”

Daisy shook her head. “Not yet.”

“Don’t worry, you will. That boy is your son. Jasper gave him to you when he handed over all the responsibility to you. He did it first when Jay was a baby, then again when he died and left you to fend for yourselves. Don’t let them take him away.”

“I’m not. Whatever it takes—”

“You’ll get him.” Camille turned to walk away. “Oh, Daisy?”

“Yes?”

“Promise me something.”

“What?”

“That as soon as you get Jay back for good, you’ll call me. That you’ll allow him and Camilla to be siblings.”

Daisy smiled and nodded. “What are you doing for the holidays?”

Daisy woke up crying. She grabbed her pillow and tried to muffle her pain. The last thing she wanted was for Jay to hear her. Their weekend had been wonderful, but it was coming to an end too quickly. She sat up, slipped on her house shoes, and went to peek into his room. She just wanted to see his face and watch him breathe.

Quietly, she opened his door and peered in. A whimper escaped her. Just the sight of him stirred something inside her. The hurt within her turned to urgency. She needed Jay as much as she needed life. The sooner she got custody, the faster everything would be better. But she knew that for her and Jay to have the life that she wanted for them, she’d have to decide what to do about Lani.

Daisy quickly closed his door and went to call Adonis. She didn’t stop to consider that he was probably still in a deep slumber. He’d been able to soothe her many times before, and she needed him again; not his reassurance, just his support. Instinct told her that she was on the right path, and she’d learned to trust her feelings. She’d get to be a full-time mother again. But in the meantime, letting go was hard.

Adonis answered on the second ring.

“I need you to come over. Please.”

“I’ll be right there,” he said, and hung up.

Daisy went to her closet and turned on the light. She pushed her clothes to the side and shuffled boxes around until she saw the safe. Jay’s upcoming departure had brought back her thoughts of Lani, and at that moment, she needed them both more than ever. She carried the small safe from the closet, set it on the bed, and entered the combination. She opened it carefully, and fingered the mustard-colored envelopes that had once frightened her. She opened each of the envelopes and spread the documents face-down on the bed.
One, two, three. Eenie, meenie, minee, moe.
She turned the first one over and looked at it. Lani’s birth certificate.
Take a tiger by his toe.
A medical file with her sister’s name on it.
My mother told me to pick the best one, and you’re not it.
A picture of Calvin.

She arranged the papers neatly in the order that she would handle each problem.
I’ll handle Calvin. Then talk to Brea. Then, if all goes well, Lani will be in my life more.
She closed her eyes and remembered her last conversation with Calvin. She was a grown woman who knew right from wrong, and she knew she’d done the best thing for her daughter. Although she wanted her daughter back, Ms. Christine had been right; Daisy didn’t deserve Lani, just as the Stevenses didn’t deserve Jay. Brea was Lani’s mother, and she was Jay’s.
If Jay loves me like I birthed him, then Lani must love Brea the same.

The buzzer interrupted her. She got up carefully, trying to keep the papers from shifting. Adonis knew the whole story anyway, she told herself, so she didn’t have to hide them. She padded softly through the apartment. Jay had been sleeping lightly during his visit, and she didn’t want to wake him.

“You alright?” Adonis asked as she relaxed into his arms. “I got here as quick as I could.”

“I’m better, now that I know what I have to do,” she said as she headed back to the bedroom.

“What do you have to do?” he said, following her. “You’re not planning on running with Jay, are you?”

“No, of course not. They’d never give him to me if I did something that stupid.” She pointed at the papers. “I know what to do about Lani—”

“Are you sure that you want to?” Adonis interrupted. “I mean, have you really thought about it? Have you thought about how Lani would feel being ripped from your sister? Think of Jay, and how he felt being taken away from the only mother
he’s
ever known.”

Daisy smiled sadly. “You didn’t let me finish. I know how Brea and Lani would feel: just as horrible as Jay and I feel being separated. That’s why I’m
not
going to try to get custody.” Daisy shook her head in disbelief at her past selfishness. “I don’t know how I could ever have thought of being so cruel. I was only thinking of myself.”

Adonis sat down beside her and held her. “It’s understandable. It’s only natural to want to be a part of your child’s life. But you can. There are other ways, you know.”

Daisy smiled. “Yes, there are.”

Daisy stayed in her room when Adonis answered the door for Ms. Stokely. Daisy held Jay tightly and promised him that they’d be together soon. She knew that her promise wasn’t concrete, but it was something that they both needed to hear, a ray of hope they could both hang on to. She wiped his tears, swallowing her own. Someone had to be the stronger one, and she was the mother, so it had been delegated to her.

“It’s going to be okay,” she assured him. “Just call me if anything happens, or if anyone bothers you. Or for any reason at all. I don’t care what time it is, or where I’m at. You remember the numbers, don’t you?”

Jay nodded and sniffled. “I love you, Mom.”

“I know, sweetie. I love you too.” She took his hand and stood up. “Ms. Stokely is here for you.” She swallowed hard. “Be good, okay? It’s not her fault. She’s just doing her job.” Daisy kissed him on his forehead and led him to the living room.

Ms. Stokely smiled at them. Jay turned and grabbed Daisy by the waist and held on as tight as he could. Daisy just nodded at the social worker. She couldn’t force a smile when she was crushed.

“I’m sorry, Jay,” Ms. Stokely said. “But we have to go now.”

Adonis bent down and whispered in Jay’s ear.

Jay looked at him and nodded, then let go of Daisy. He stood on his tiptoes and kissed her on the cheek.

Daisy hugged him one last time. “Remember what I told you…I’ll never leave you.”

“We’ll never leave each other,” Jay said, and walked away. “I love you, Mom,” he called out from the hallway.

Daisy turned, ran to the bathroom, and locked the door. She needed time to herself, time to cry as never before.
It’s harder when you
see
them take your child away.

Daisy lay alone in her bed and tried to sleep. Jay’s departure had left her not only sad, but uneasy. She looked at the clock and was sure that he too was in bed, and she hoped that he was asleep.

She got up and walked to the window. She opened the curtains and searched for the brightest star. She recalled Ms. Christine’s conversation about the star and mouthed the words, replacing names and times as she spoke. “You see that star right there, Jay? That bright one?” She pointed. “That’s ours, mine and yours—our connection. For the past minute, I’ve watched that star, and I knew that you could see it too. I’ll never be too far away for you to reach me. Whether I’m home or up there in heaven with Ma Dear, I’m always going to be here for you.” She dabbed her eyes and went to brew herself a cup of chamomile tea.

The doorbell rang as she was on her way to the kitchen. How did people keep getting into her building without being buzzed in?
I bet Ma showed them all.

She opened the door, expecting to see Adonis, but she found Gigi instead.

“Hey,” Gigi said softly as she walked in.

“Hey, yourself. What are you doing out so late?” Daisy locked the door behind her.

“Well, I just got off the phone with my mother, and I had to see you.”

“Are you going to tell me why, or do I have to guess?”